Dream of a Lifetime: A KOTOR Parody
A/N We don't want you readers to be horribly confused. So, there are a few things that you guys need to know before reading this...
First off, this story is based off a dream that I had. It was quite a hilarious dream. When I told Cary she laughed, and as she was laughing she managed to convey that we should make my dream into a fan fiction.
Secondly, this fic is filled to the brim with all sorts of inside jokes, and references to other fandoms, 'cuz Leslie's mind is just that fantastical. We'll try to explain them best we can along the way, but if you don't completely understand, it's not your fault. Just nod and laugh along. And if you really don't get it, PM us and we'll try to explain it better than we did in the A/N.
Thirdly, myself, Cary and our friend (who also plays KOTOR) Amanda are pretty much the main characters in the parody/walkthrough. So, instead of one PC, there are three. Yeah, kinda confusing, but it all works out... in the end.
Lastly, the ages of the characters are all messed up. Carth is 30, Canderous is 38, Leslie is 27, Cary is 32, and Amanda is 16.
Basically, we just want you to enjoy this (hopefully) high-larious read as best you can.
So without further ado, here is the first chapter.
...
Chapter 1 : Wakie, Wakie. Rise and Shakie!
Running frantically, Trask barged into his dorm to find all three of his roommates sleeping through all the chaos.
Deciding that if the chaos hadn't woken them up, he'd have to go to extreme measures to do so. Waving his arms like a fool, he shouted, "GET UP! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
No one moved.
Rolling his eyes he walked over to the nearest bunk (which happened to be Amanda's) and started to shake her shoulders quite violently.
Amanda rolled over and opened her eyes groggily. Looking up at Trask she asked quite stupidly, "Wuzzgoinon?"
Trask looked at her with exasperation and attempted (and failed) to speak in a calm voice, "I need you to get up and help me wake up the two lazy-bums over there or WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIE IN A FIERY EXPLOSION OKAY?!"
Amanda looked at Trask as if he was being a boob, and muttered, "Explode? I don't wanna explode! But fine. Be all control freaky on me... Make me get out of bed..."
Trask sighed, then proceeded to the next bunk. All that was visible above the blankets was a mass of dark, curly hair. Bending over the unconscious woman, Trask began to shake her. When that proved unsuccessful, he began singing loudly and off key, the most feared and hated song in all the galaxy, the Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves.
This proved to be very effective.
"NOOOOOO! MY EARS! My poor, poor ears! PLEASE, SOMEONE CUT THEM OFF! Are they BLEEDING?"
A soft mumble could be heard from the last bed, "The human body can be completely drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems..."
Trask turned to look at the blonde figure that had spoken. "Well, that was both morbid and creepifying." Trask resumed the seemingly impossible task of getting his bunkmates out of bed.
After 10 minutes of fighting to steal the brunette's covers, he was finally successful. Ignoring the groans of protest, Trask moved to the last bunk.
Trask tried shaking, taking her covers, shouting, and singing loudly. None of it worked. Grumbling he turned and came face-to-face with his curly-haired roommate. She shook her head at him, muttering, "Amateur," and several curse words. She was not happy about being out of bed, despite the crisis, but decided that this was the perfect opportunity to take revenge on her sleeping roommate.
Moving to sit on the edge of the last bed, she leaned over, poked her friend gently and whispered, "I have chocolate."
Waking up at the mention of chocolate, the blonde sat up excitedly and asked, "Really?"
"No."
The younger woman looked like a kid who's puppy had just died.
"I hate you."
"I know."
They glared at each other for several moments, and then shouted, "GROUP HUG!"
Amanda rushed over and joined her friends in the embrace.
"I'm so glad you guys are finally up! That creepy guy over there woke me up! I thought I was going to DIE!"
Trask burst in saying heatedly, "Well we are all going to die unless you three get a move on! And I resent that creepy comment!"
The young women all threw death glares at Trask, but prepared themselves anyways for whatever Trask was obsessing about. It was then, after they had nothing to distract themselves with, they noticed the flashing lights and the loud beeping noises.
All geared up, the girls and Trask, made their way out of the dorm, Trask explaining what was going on along the way. Miraculously, they were interrupted by the one, the only... Carth Onasi!
As Carth began to talk the tall blonde's eyes glazed over and she had a dreamy look on her face.
"This is Captain Carth Onasi on your personal communicator. The Sith have overrun our position, all hands to the bridge!"
Trask looked at the blonde as Carth finished speaking, "Is there something wrong with her?"
The two brunettes looked at Trask and told him, "No, she always does that. Whenever she sees Carth no matter what, she looks like a love-struck schoolgirl."
Waving her hand in front of the dazed woman's face, the taller, curly brunette coughed and spoke in a deep, 'manly' voice, "Leslie, this is your Captain speaking. We may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."
"Waa? OH MY GOD! Cary! Is Carth here? I don't see him!" as Leslie spoke she looked around frantically for her favorite orange-jacket-wearing person.
"No, Leslie Carth isn't here."
Upon hearing this Leslie, again had the someone-killed-my-puppy face on. "But! We are on our way to see him!" Cary told the dejected woman.
When she heard this, Leslie perked up and asked, "Well then. What are we waiting for? Christmas?"
With that, the quartet made their way through the ship towards the bridge. They encountered numerous Sith, and found them ridiculously easy to kill. Once they reached the bridge, where Carth Onasi was supposed to be, Leslie was extremely disappointed to find it devoid of their hunky pilot.
"It will all be okay," Cary comforted.
Leslie stared up at her, wide-eye. "No!" she cried, dramatically clutching Cary's arm. "It won't be alright! What if he's GONE! What if he's-"
Cary rolled her eyes. "Leslie, he can't be dead. You're forgetting that he's a necessary part of this plotline."
Trask looked confused. "Plotline? What plotline? What are you talking about?"
The three comrades looked at each other and said with innocent expressions, "Nothing..."
Leaving the carnage-filled room, they decided that the best course of action would be to get the hell out of the exploding ship, via the escape pods.
Unfortunately, their plans were temporarily foiled by a... DARK JEDI! le gasp!
"Oh no! A Dark Jedi!" Trask screamed, "You guys keep on going to the escape pods. I'll hold him off!"
"Uhhh... if the Dark Jedi are anything like the other Sith we've faced, shouldn't he be relatively easy to fight if we all took him at once?" Leslie said with a thoughtful expression on her face.
"NO! That's to logical!" interjected Cary.
"And besides, I want to go out in a blaze of glory! And... by the way, stop stealing my THUNDER!"
And with that, Trask oh-so-foolishly jumped into the room, the door closing behind him, to face his ultimate demise.
Shrugging, Amanda opened the elevator door. The three remaining companions proceeded to the next level of the ship. While in the elevator, they were surprised to find that, despite the chaos, the annoying elevator music still worked.
After exiting the elevator of doom, they were again interrupted by the smooth-voiced captain.
"This is Carth Onasi on your personal communicator-"
Leslie swooned.
"-I'm tracking your position through the Endar Spire's life support systems. Bastila's escape pod is away; you're the last surviving crew members on the Endar Spire. Now, I can't wait for you much longer, you have to get to the escape pods."
Before Carth could end the connection, Leslie stood up to her full height and spoke, "Aye, aye Captain Tight-Pants!"
Cary just turned her head and looked the other way. Amanda began to giggle as Leslie realized what she'd said. Carth gave all three of them a funny look and signed off.
As they walked through the dead Sith filled corridor, Leslie groaned, "I can not believe I said that to him! He'll think I'm a pervert or something! Always staring at his pants to know if his they're tight or not!"
Cary shook her head at her friend. "Come on, let's just keep moving. Unless, you know, you want to go with the whole, 'Well, since we've all been blown to smithereens now, he can't really think much, let alone accuse me of being a pervert.' route. If you wanna, that's great, but I kinda wouldn't mind getting out of here."
Leslie glared at her comrade-in-arms. "Shut up."
"Only if you say it in Chinese!"
"Bi zui."
Cary grinned, then moved to open the next door. They were interrupted once more by their oh-so sexy cause of distress, Carth.
"Be careful! There's a whole squad of Sith troopers in the next room. You need to find some way to thin their numbers. You could slice into the computer terminal, or repair the damaged assault droid if you have enough repair parts."
While Carth was talking, Leslie hid her face behind her hair. Cary, seeing this burst out in a fit of hysterical laughter, and was soon joined by Amanda. Carth, seeing the failed attempt to not be noticed, smiled and signed off.
Not feeling like bothering with the assault droid, as mechanics and Cary did not mix, the brunette moved to the computer terminal. Examining it, she searched for a means to turn it on. Amanda, seeing her frustration, joined the quest to turn on the computer. After several minutes of frantic searching, Leslie became fed up. Walking over to the terminal, she read the bright flashing message on the screen. It read: "Press any key to start."
Confused, Leslie turned to Cary and spoke, "Uhh... it says press any key to start Cary..."
Cary turned to face Leslie, anger and frustration in her voice, "But there is no 'Any' key! If I press the wrong thing, it might explode!"
Leslie sighed and pushed the two out of the way. She pushed the 'c' button. The computer immediately whirred to life. Leslie faced Cary and Amanda with a smug expression.
Cary threw her hands in the air, exasperated. "Don't blame me. It's not my fault that we didn't stop for caffa on the way..."
Amanda nodded her head in agreement.
Leslie, not paying attention to the excuse, burst out laughing. "Haha! Guys look at this!" Leslie pointed to the screen. The first option was in capital letters, 'COMPUTER HACKING TUTORIAL'. Amanda and Cary saw this and burst into giggles.
Amanda, between laughs managed to get out, "Haha! And the Republic wonders why its losing? Bwahaha!"
This only caused more laughter, and they made a mental note to ask Carth about it later.
After successfully using the explosive power conduit, they opened the door and Leslie immediately rushed over to what seemed a random Sith corpse.
"Ohhh! Lookie! Remains! WOOT!"
As Leslie said this she quickly striped the Sith of all their worldly possessions.
Shaking her head, Cary muttered, "Go ahead and take what you want, but try not to steal too much of their shit. I'm not carrying it for you."
Leslie stuck her tongue out at her friend and explained, "Well I picked up a pouch off a Sith corpse that can fit anything and as much as you want without weighing anything, for your information!"
"Shiny. You're still carrying it, though."
"I know. But maybe I won't let you use any of the awesome things I pick up!"
"I know where you sleep."
"And I you."
"Darn."
Leslie smiled triumphantly and did a victory dance. While in the middle of said dance, Carth decided to check up on them.
"Hey, what's taking so long? I'm going to leave without you guys if you don't hurry up! And... is something wrong with her?" Carth asked looking warily in Leslie's direction.
"Oh she's fine. She just does that sometimes."
"Ah, I see."
"Yeah. We'll be there soon."
"Got it."
Palming the door controls, they entered the last room to find Carth pacing back and forth, muttering something under his breath. Steathily moving forward, Leslie could hear Carth's mumbles, "...but I can't leave them... But then we're going to explode, I don't want to explode! And her, I need her. She reminds me so much of- Oh hello..."
Leslie flushed and took a few steps back. "Sorry."
"It's no problem, now let's get out of here!"
Carth walked into the escape pod and sat in one of the two seats. Cary rushed in to grab the other, leaving Amanda and Leslie without seats. Giving Leslie a pointed look, the blonde realized that Cary had just had a genius moment. Dashing over to Carth, she plopped herself down on his lap.
"Umm... what are you doing Leslie?"
"There's not enough seats, so now you have to hold me!"
Carth's face reddened slightly, but he gripped her tightly in his arms.
Sharing a grin with Amanda, Cary barely managed to not burst out giggling. Once Amanda was seated on her lap, she reached out a hand and punched the Big Red Button.
And as their crammed escape pod took off, the Endar Spire exploded.
Cary noticing this laughed and voiced her thoughts, "Isn't it just amazing that the minute we get off the Endar Spire, it explodes? I love our timing."
...
A/N Well, there's our first chapter. Do we still have everyone?
Anywho, for those of you who are here, but confused, in this chapter, we included several quotes from the TV show, Firefly. We also included a few insiders, such as:
-Carth Onasi: Leslie while playing the game had a MASSIVE crush on him
-'I have Chocolate': the line was used in a skit that we were both in. And yes I was the one that was sleeping.
-le gasp: Something Leslie says often
-Caffa: Cary likes her caffa. A lot.
-Remains: We had an obsession with getting the remains of everything possible.
-'That's to logical!': Whenever Leslie points out the obvious and simplest way to do something to Cary this is her standard reply
-The Victory Dance: Leslie has a tendency to burst out in dance at random times, with or without an explanation.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask. We, ah, live to serve. Help us to serve you by reviewing. First 5 reviewers get gizka plushies!