I sat in the hospital waiting room with Adam by my side. Tears fell from my eyes. He was visibly upset too. Bullfrog and Cece were talking to a doctor in his office. And Eli, well Eli was the reason we were all here. He was the one in the hospital, due to a car crash.
So far, Adam and I knew nothing about his condition. In fact, Adam didn't know anything at all, but I knew how he ended up here.
It started a few days ago. Fitz coming around had put a temporary strain on our relationship, but after the incident where Fitz came to my house, he'd left Eli and me alone. Since then, Eli and I had been as strong as before. We had no worries. There were no problems.
Until, he suddenly became overly clingy. It was all of a sudden, somewhat like Fitz all over again. But this time, there was no reason for him to act like he was. The clinginess grew stronger each day, and soon, I began to feel suffocated. By the time the Spring Formal had approached, I couldn't take it anymore. Eli and I were supposed to go together, but that didn't go as planned. The day before, I had confessed my feelings to him, and since then, we hadn't spoken a word to each other. Whether or not we were broken up I wasn't sure of. However, I still came, not sure whether he would be there or not, with Alli.
"I really do care a lot about Eli, Alli," I confessed, "but lately he's just been so… suffocating. It's like to him, we have to spend every single moment together. And I just, I really do need some space."
"Does Eli know that?" she asked.
"I tried to tell him yesterday, but all I got to was that he was suffocating me. We haven't talked since," I explained.
"Well I guess the question is, do you want to be with him?" she asked.
"I want to be with the Eli I know, not this overprotective, clingy one," I answered.
"Then maybe you should try to talk thing over with him," she suggested.
"Yeah," I agreed, "I think you're right."
"He's not with you?" Adam asked as he walked up to Alli and me.
"Who?" I asked.
"Eli," he clarified.
"No," I replied. "I haven't talked to him since yesterday."
Normally, I would have expected Adam to make some kind of joking comment about "trouble in paradise" or whatever under normal circumstances, but he was still depressed over Fiona. For the past couple of weeks, he hadn't truly been himself.
"Was he supposed to be here?" I asked Adam.
"Yeah, he said he'd meet me," he remarked.
"Maybe he's just running late," I suggested.
"I don't know, Clare. I tried to call him. He didn't answer. Maybe if you call, he will."
"Alright," I agreed. Turning towards Alli, I told her, "I'll be right back," and then headed outside of the school.
As I dialed the familiar number, I couldn't help but think something was wrong. Despite all that had happened recently with him, I cared about him immensely. My feelings for Eli were something I'd never experienced before. They were something I didn't desire to loose.
"Pick up," I muttered to myself as the phone rang. The rings stopped, and I knew he had answered. He didn't say anything though. "Eli," I sighed.
"Clare," he replied in a low voice.
"Where are you? Adam and I have been worried."
"Why do you care, Clare. I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. All I do is 'suffocate' you."
That hurt, I hadn't known he would react like this when I'd told him yesterday. I should have brought it up in a better way. Even considering that, he didn't have to act like this. "That's not true, Eli," I said, trying to maintain calm.
"Really? Because you sure made it sound like that yesterday," he affirmed.
"Eli, you are overreacting. All I said is-"
Before I could finish, he cut me off. "You don't have to say anymore, Clare I know where you're going with this."
"Do you mind explaining to me?" He was pushing me.
"You want to break up," he said.
"I never said that, but with the way you're acting maybe it's for the best. Maybe, we're not meant to be together!"
"We are," he insisted. The tone of his voice, it scared me. He sounded so serious. Then, for the first time, I noticed the sounds of the road in the background. He shouldn't be driving like this. It wasn't safe.
"Where are you?" I asked, concerned.
"You ripped my heart out!" he screamed. I was taken aback. His tone of voice was so intense.
"Eli, where are you?" I repeated. There was no answer. "Eli, answer me!" Still nothing. All I that heard was silence. Suddenly another noise took over that silence. A loud, booming noise. It took me a moment to realize what it was. That noise was a crash.
I ended the call, staring at my phone in disbelief. Did he just- I didn't want to think it- get into a crash? The silence, the boom, it all added up to that. I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, the tears began pouring out of my eyes. I sunk down and sat on the steps of the school, letting them continue. For all I knew, Eli could have been gone. The thought only made my tears grow stronger. What was I going to do? How could I ever live with myself, knowing the last thing I said to him was completely untrue?
From where I sat, I could see others entering the school. They were all so happy. Boyfriends and girlfriends, large groups of friends, all walking happily together. I saw K.C. and Jenna. They looked so happy, as they got closer to me. No one took notice to me sitting there as they walked through the doors. When they passed me however, that changed.
"Clare," Jenna gasped, "what's wrong?" She sat down next to me.
My only answer was letting out even more tears. She put her arm on my back soothingly. Under normal circumstances, Jenna Middleton would have been the person I would least like comforting me, but right now, that didn't matter. Jenna turned to K.C. "Go get Alli," she ordered. He nodded his head and went into the school.
"Whatever it is, I'm sure it will all be okay," she said. But that wasn't true. Eli could be gone, and that would never be okay.
"He… he…" I paused letting even more tears pour out, "crash," was all I could manage.
"He?" she asked. "Do you mean Eli?"
I nodded my head. "Oh, Clare! I'm so sorry," she said.
Then K.C. reappeared, with Alli and Adam in tow. "Clare!" Alli called. "What's wrong?"
Adam looked at me, and then his eyes met the phone still in my hands. "Clare, is he okay?" Adam didn't need to specify who he was for anyone to know who he was talking about.
I shook my head and managed to weakly get out, "There was a car crash."
Alli rushed over to my other side and mirrored Jenna's actions of comfort. Everyone looked shocked. "Is," Adam paused before finishing, "he okay?"
"I don't know," I wept.
"I'll go call his parents," Adam said softly, walking off to the side.
K.C. and Jenna made their way out, leaving Alli and I alone soon after. As they walked together, hand in hand, I wished that things with Eli and me hadn't gotten so out of hand. I wished that we could have been like that instead of fighting. I wished that I could have held his hand going to the school dance instead of being separated, not knowing his state.
"It'll be okay, Clare," Alli cooed.
"No it won't, Alli," I cried. "How do I know that he couldn't be dead? Or even just seriously hurt?"
"I don't know," she said quietly.
There was nothing that really could be said. Alli couldn't deny, nor confirm it. There was nothing that anybody could do then. We just sat there in silence for the next few minutes while Adam finished on the phone.
"They were just notified before I called," Adam said, walking back towards us. "From what the police know, the wreck wasn't too bad, but they hadn't been able to examine what exactly went on or anyone involved in it."
"So they don't know how it happened?" I asked.
Adam shook his head no in response. "Do you want to go to the hospital?" he asked quietly.
I nodded, looking down. "I can ask Sav if you need a ride," Alli offered.
"Thanks," Adam acknowledged.
"No problem," Alli replied, taking out her phone to presumably send Sav a text. After putting away her phone, she turned to me again. "If you need me, I'll come," she offered.
"It's okay, Alli, you'll miss your curfew." Now that she was back at home, her whole family had started off on a new slate. They had enforced a curfew along with a few, but Alli was perfectly fine with that. Their rules and expectations were so much more realistic. Things for them recently had been much better.
"Clare, it doesn't matter. I can still come. Curfew isn't as important as friends," she stated.
"Alli, no. Everything is going so well for you right now. Don't jeopardize it," I reminded her.
"You're sure you'll be okay?" she asked, somewhat guiltily.
I nodded in response. As we continued sitting on the steps of Degrassi, Adam came to my other side. Alli put her arm around me comfortingly, and I buried my head into Adam's shoulder. I let my tears flow out, this time for both Eli and Adam. He'd been through so much lately. His heart was broken. He and Fiona just weren't going to work out.
"Call me," Alli ordered when Sav pulled up.
"I will," I managed to spit out.
Sav turned to Alli. "I'll be back to pick you up after I drop them off so you can make it home in time for curfew," he reminded. Alli nodded and then started off towards the doors of the school. Before opening them, she turned her head back in our direction, and then proceeded back to the dance.
Adam and I sat in the car just as we had outside. No one spoke a word until we'd come to the hospital entrance. "If you need anything," Sav spoke, "call me. And if it's not an inconvenience, give me an update at some point."
"Sure, dude," Adam promised.
As soon as we entered I took off at full speed to the area Bullfrog and Cece had specified. "Clare, slow down," Adam yelled from behind.
I turned back to where he stood in the distance, shaking my head. Continuing at my previous pace, I ran until I saw them. Bullfrog stood to the left of Cece. As I came closer to them, I could see the distraught look in Bullfrog's eyes. Cece was lightly crying to herself. They both noted my being there by looking up, but none of said a word. Cece, whom I had grown close to, pulled me to her other side silently. Soon, I found myself crying again. Seeing others cry always impacted me to do the same. I was already extremely vulnerable in this case, so it just was so easy to let the tears flow.
"Have you heard anymore?" Breaking the silence, Adam walked up towards us.
"Not yet," Bullfrog answered. "He didn't get here until recently, so the doctors are still examining."
Adam nodded, and then made his way to my other side. Once again, I found my head buried into his shoulder. It was a comfort mechanism for the both of us. Although he was doing better than me in keeping his emotions together, I could tell Adam was worried too. He and Eli were best friends. Eli was one of the first people to really accept his being transgender. So, we stood like this until a nurse approached.
"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy?" she asked.
"Yes," both Cece and Bullfrog answered. There was such a mix of emotions in that one single word. Hope, fear, relief, and so many more.
"Dr. Miller would like to speak to you in his office," she told them. Turning to Adam and I she began pointing towards a waiting room, "You two can wait just out there if you'd like to sit down." Adam and I both nodded, walking in the direction of where she had pointed while the nurse led Eli's parents to the doctor's office.
And so, that's how I found myself in the hospital waiting room with Adam by my side.
"What happened?" Adam asked softly.
I looked up and replied by asking, "What do you mean?" even though I clearly knew what he was talking about.
"I mean something had to happen between the two of you before all of this," he clarified.
I sighed. "Yeah."
"Okay," he breathed. "What was it?"
"I don't really know for sure. I mean everything was going just fine, and then all of a sudden, he just started getting really… clingy. I don't know why or anything, it was like the Fitz thing all over again, but there was no apparent reason this-"
Before I could finish, Adam cut me off. "Clare do you know what today is?" he asked.
"Friday?" I responded.
"I mean the date," he delineated.
"April 22," I said. He looked at me expectantly, until I could get the message. "Oh my goodness."
Suddenly it all made sense. April 22, the day Julia died.
"Yeah," he answered simply. "The two year… anniversary."
"So, he was acting clingy because he didn't want me to… have the same fate as Julia," I stated, confused.
"I guess so," he agreed.
"But, how does that add up? How would spending all of this time with me keep me from getting," I lowered my voice, "hit by a car." A tinge of sympathy hit me at the mention of her terrible fate. Even if it was Eli's ex-girlfriend, whom I'd never met, it was just a horrendous thing.
"He never told you," Adam said vaguely.
"He never told me what?"
He sighed. "Normally, I wouldn't betray his trust like this, but in this case…"
"Adam, what are you talking about?"
"You know that they were fighting that night," I nodded, "and that because of that fact, Eli blames himself for her death. There's something you don't know though, why they were fighting in the first place."
Instead of saying anything else, I continued being silent. "Apparently, Julia was upset because she thought that Eli wasn't spending any time with her. I know the rest, but I'll just let him tell you that when he's ready to."
Whether he was referring to Eli being mentally ready to tell me or physically due to anything that happened from the crash by his last sentence, I couldn't tell. I didn't ask though. In fact, neither of us said a thing for a few minutes. Breaking the silence, I asked him, "Do you think he'll be okay?"
Adam sighed and then answered truthfully, "I really, really hope so."
Before either of us could say another thing, Cece and Bullfrog returned after what seemed like forever. Neither looked as distraught as before, so I could only hope this meant he would be okay. I knew Adam had the same thought as me when he looked at me. We shared a quick look of hope together before they approached us.
"He's going to be okay," Cece announced happily.
Adam and I turned to each other again, sharing a smile.
"He's a little beat up, but it's nothing worse than a few cuts and bruises," Bullfrog added.
Suddenly, relief flooded through. All of this time, I'd been thinking of all of the possibilities that could have happened. There had been so many things that could have went wrong. He was lucky, I was lucky.
"Can we see him?" I asked.
Cece nodded. "He just woke up," she told us.
"Room number 729," Bullfrog added.
I stood up and began to walk, presuming Adam was behind me. When I looked behind, however, he wasn't there. "Adam," I called.
He shook his head. "You should go by yourself."
Confused, I looked at him. "Just go," he ordered.
I obliged and continued down the hallway until I reached room 729. I stood outside for what seemed like hours, not even sure what I was going to do. What would I say? I couldn't even imagine a plausible conversation at the moment, but I decided to put that away for the moment and face it.
When I entered the room, his eyes were closed. I assumed he wasn't sleeping. When he opened his eyes, he continued staring at the ceiling for a while. It took him a moment to even notice I was there.
"Clare," he said softly as our eyes met.
"Hey," I greeted quietly. I walked over to the chair next to the bed and sat down. "How are you?"
"I've been better," he answered, "but it could have been worse."
I nodded, knowing it was true. There were so many things that could have happened. I didn't know what I would have done had any of those come true.
"Clare, why are you crying?"
I hadn't even realized that I was, but the light tears that fell from my eyes verified that. "I'm just really happy that you're okay." I moved from the chair to sit on the edge of his bed. Leaning in, I held on to him tightly, but gently still.
"I didn't think you'd come," he spoke softly.
I sat back up and looked at him. "Why would you think that?"
"I figured that you didn't want anything to do with me. I mean, you'd already said that you wanted space, and then after the phone call…"
"Eli," I started as he trailed of, "I never said that I didn't want to see you. I just wanted a little space. Nothing huge, just a little time alone. I was just feeling a little suffocated."
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
"It's okay," I replied, "I understand."
"What do you mean?"
"Adam told me," I hesitated before finishing, "what you and Julia were arguing about beforehand."
"Oh," he stated.
"And I get why you were that way, but Eli, I just… When I called you, it scared me."
"I'm sorry, Clare. I really can't explain why I did all of that, truthfully, I'm not even so sure myself. I hate the way I talked to you, and I understand that you don't want anything to do with me."
He continued speaking after that, but I wasn't listening. He thought that I was going to break up with him?
"I was an-"
"Eli," I interrupted. He stopped then. "I'm not going to break up with you." He stared at me, incredulous. "There was something you said on the phone that was true. I didn't respond to it truthfully then, but I will. You said that I made a promise, to never leave you. Then, I might have denied that promise, but that wasn't true. I made that promise to you, and I fully intend to keep it."
He smiled, and I returned the action. "But, Eli," I said, "when you get like this, you scare me."
"I know, Clare. And I can't promise that Julia won't affect me again," I nodded, "but I can promise you that I will never, get this way again. I'll do whatever it takes because I don't want to loose you, Clare."
I moved in to sit next to him, leaning my head into his shoulder. "You're not going to."
I hope you enjoyed that. I'm not sure how it really turned out, but I'm glad that it's the longest single chapter I've written (counting oneshots and chapters of my other stories).
So, this is named after the song "A Little Bit" by Alexz Johnson, which Stephen Stohn (Degrassi's producer) tweeted about mixing into the episode a while ago. I had forgotten about that until I saw some predictions for Drop the World mentioning it. It talked about how the lyrics didn't match up to Eclare breaking up, so I looked up the song. Soon, I got the feeling that if it was indeed going to be used for Eclare it would be used at a scene somewhat like the end of this fic, and then was inspired to write it.
Sorry, for the long AN, I just wanted to explain that. I hope you liked the story, and reviews are always cool in my book.
I don't own Degrassi, if I did, Dolly J. would still be, and there would be some explanation as to why Chantay has been in high school for five years.
Thanks for reading!