Muse For Sale

Written By: Kit

Rating: PG ( For hostile thoughts against my muse )

Disclaimer: I own myself, other then that my muse Mr. Perfect AKA Sirius is owned by J.K. Rowling.

Summery: My Harry Potter muse is driving me crazy and I want to trade him in. Anyone want my muse?

Authors Note: Seriously, I think this story speaks for itself. I need a new muse and pronto…please oh please who-ever has Remus for a muse trade me.

Ever wake up with one of your muses just attacking you? I did…today, and let me tell you my muse is now up for sale. I think I'm going to look into getting a Remus muse or hell, maybe even a Dumbledore muse…because let me tell you there is nothing good about having Sirius Black as a muse.

"Get up! Get up!" I was being shaken awake, peeking open one eye it was easy to see it was dawn. The dark night was slowly starting to brighten. I rolled over and pulled my blanket over my head. "Aw…come on."

"Go 'way…dead." I mumbled, groaning…why me? Why did I have to get a overly active muse?

"You are not dead. Come on---" He whined, and let me tell you it's not pretty when a grown man whines. "I have a really good idea for a new story."

"I haven't even finished my Highlander fan fiction yet…I don't wanna start a new story. Now go 'way…I'm dead." I peeked out under my covers only for a second, long enough to see him frown…followed with a grin spreading on his face. Let me tell you, it's never good when he grins. Never.

Soon enough, after I thought it was over when my room became silent something crashed onto my body. "Owww" He was in dog form now, playing on the bed…chasing his tail and doing other things to annoy me. Finally when he started to bark 'jingle bells' I got up. "Fine you win."

He licked my face, hopped off my bed, and told me that I had better be ready for a full day of writing.

God that wasn't the way I wanted to wake up.

Stumbling to the computer room, and rubbing the sleep from my eyes I could hear Sirius humming to himself. "Christ, what has you in such a good mood?" I wasn't a morning person…not my fault if I'm mean and evil after I get woken at six in the morning.

He smiled, "First, I'm Sirius not Christ…secondly I found a fan fiction online dedicated to me and my wife."

"You have a wife?" I was confused, last I knew he was dead in the Harry Potter world…now he's married?

"Well, in the story I did…it was Hermione too…kind of young for me, but anyway she lost her memory and couldn't remember being married to me. It was a great story, and it has inspired me…or rather it has inspired you to write a fan fiction staring me…in love. I wanna be in love!" He explained to me and I groaned, taking a seat next to him at the computer.

"So you woke me up before noon, just so I can write a stupid story about you falling in love?" He nodded and pushed a can of Mountain Dew my way. Well at least he knows the way to my heart…caffeine.

"It's boring being dead."

"I can only imagine." I was struggling with the tab on the can, it was to early and my vision was fuzzy. "Anyone in particular you want to fall in love with? Dumbledore? Remus? Harry?"

"What?" He was taken aback and I grinned. Good it served him right for waking me up so early. "First off, Old, My Best friend, and my Godson…and…I like women…" He pointed out to me as I was busy downing my can of soda.

"Yes well, you my friend carry on a big slash following."

"I thought you didn't read slash."

"Well, I don't…but that doesn't mean it's not out there."

It had been three hours, I managed to down at least five cans of Mountain Dew and pig out on at least half of a cold pizza, which caused Sirius to call me a pig. Damn it, does anyone else have muses that love to insult them? In those three hours the only thing we had came to an agreement on was the fact that Sirius was going to fall in love with an original character, we had come to that decision after he yelled at me for suggesting he shack up with Hermione…who apparently for him is too young. Then we had to filter out the fact that Minerva was to old, and Tonks the only other decent chick was his cousin.

Now, we were arguing over what the original character was going to look like.

"Blonde…blue eyes…tall…thin…and big…"

"No." I stated with no hesitation, interrupting Sirius on his 'dream date'.

"Why not?" He was pouting…God I needed to trade him in for a better model.

"Well, that's easy…you are my damn muse after all…you should know why we can't have her be…beautiful like that. It would make her be a Mary-Sue [booming music in the background]."

We both looked around for a moment, and shrugged. "But…I want an attractive woman. I mean, I'm not going to shag with a mountain troll or something."

"Well, she can still be…good looking…just tone it down a bit."

"Fine…I guess we can forgo tall and big--"

"You are such a dog."

And what did he do? What did he do? He turned into a dog. Figures.

"You are my muse…come up with a better idea then that." My eye was starting to twitch, we were onto hour five. For the past two hours we had come up with who his 'dream girl' was and why she was there…to get him out of the veil for Harry's sake. Then we reached a speed-bump, when I had asked him how she was supposed to get him out of the veil he simply told me that we'd figure it out later.

I can accept that no muse is perfect. I have a few muses, each for different types of fan fiction so I know that they all can't be perfect. Sirius was my Harry Potter muse, mostly because he had nothing better to do and he liked the fact that I didn't really like him. Yes, I'll admit it…I'm not a Sirius fan. I'd much rather have Remus, and I have told him that on several occasions. At least my other muses try though…I mean they actually work with me…but oh no, not Sirius he just wakes me up at ungodly hours because he wants to fall in love.

It also hasn't helped my mood that my mom has come into the room countless times to tell me that if I don't stop talking to myself she'd hall me off to the nut house. Figures she'd think I was arguing with myself…it's not my fault she can't see Mr. Perfect…

Seriously, if you want to trade muses mine is up for adoption. He's on my last nerve. He even stole my last slice of pizza.

( I hope no one minds the evil formatting of doom. For some reason I just can't figure out how to get this damn stuff to work out right. -sigh- )