Title: Unbreakable Mask
Author: Firnuial
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or plots, they belong to George Lucas. I am also not making any money off of this, it is purely for fun. The italicized words are parts of the song "Save Me" by Alter Bridge.
Summary: Anakin Skywalker rises from his inner exile to witness Obi-Wan's death. Drabble.
I've found at last my cruel past
It's found the end in me
I rose from my self-given exile to find you standing there, waiting for me. You are the only thing left of my past, of who I used to be. Of what I used to stand for. Of what I wish I still stood for. But that was a long time ago, my friend, too long to be of any relevance any longer. I am forsaken by all that I ever loved; by all who ever loved me. I have been abandoned by the Light for too long.
And I've been
On this isle alone
But why are you just standing there, Obi-Wan? Why do you not run? Surely you can feel it, the impending but inevitable doom of your death? Yes, you can feel it; I see it in your eyes. Pain, grief, and ultimately heartbreak are shown clearly in your unwavering gaze. But can you see the grief in my eyes, Obi-Wan? The pain that mirrors yours? The same heartbreak? Of course you cannot, my brother.
I feel inside where nothing lies
And nothing left to show
This cursed mask of Darth Vader protects you from seeing the eyes so similar to your own, my eyes, not his. That would shatter you, wouldn't it? To know that I'm still in here, still struggling, even as we begin to fight to the death. Your death. We both know it will be you that dies this time. I'm talking to you, saying the same horrible things as I did twenty years ago, but perhaps more sophisticatedly. I'm not listening to myself. I'm not listening to you. I haven't in a while; I'm hiding from this truth.
I live to hide my wicked truth
I don't suppose you know
I don't want him to kill you. I never wanted to kill you. I love you, how could I bring myself to do it, even after all these years? Why can't I stop him, Master? I couldn't stop my Mother from dying on Tatooine so long ago, I indirectly killed my wife, and still, after twenty years that seemed to last for an eternity, I am still not powerful enough to save you. Why can't I save the ones I love, why do I only end up killing them? Why can't you help me, brother? If only you could see my eyes, see the good still lurking within me. I'm still here, Obi-Wan! Why can't I break through this suffocating mask to tell you that I still love you; that I always have and always will?
I've hidden behind these frigid eyes
They filter what I know
After Mustafar, my eyes have always been my own, not Vader's. They are always hidden behind this horrid mask, so no one, not even the mighty Emperor knows that I still exist here, hiding. I was never good at hiding my feelings, Master. And I still can't. But you can't see them, Obi-Wan. Why? You are hopeless, but not lost. I want you to see me, brother, as Anakin, not Vader.
I live inside this blackened mind
And sun is what I see
I am still here, watching, waiting. For what, though? I do not know, Master. You always said I was impatient. But isn't twenty years long enough? Burning cloth, a familiar smell. And then you disappear, your cloak the only thing to remind me you were even here. Where have you gone, Obi-Wan, my brother? Has he killed you, too? Will you now be the latest victim of this demon I had created, so long ago?
So crawl inside
I reach for the sign, I will need it
But you are not a victim, you never were. I feel you still, here so close. But where, I cannot see. It seems you still have your tricks, my friend, to save yourself for once, in spirit if not in body. But I still wish I could have saved you for a tenth time. To tell you that I was sorry, that I hadn't meant to hurt you so.
So save me
I don't know myself
I wanted to cry in front of you, Obi-Wan, to show you I was still Human, a part of me. But Vader won't let me. He wants to make sure you're dead. Can't he feel you're not? But he is easily tricked, my brother. He believes you are dead, and I will not tell him the truth. I trusted him once, but he betrayed me, trapped me in myself so that I was believed dead and entirely consumed by him, the Sith Lord Darth Vader.
It goes down below the man I know
That lives inside of me
But I wasn't, and I'm not. I'm still here, still watching, waiting. I didn't want you to die. I never did. Not even when you walked away on Mustafar, when I needed you the most. I didn't want you dead, Obi-Wan, I never did. Even now, it is unbearable. I'm sorry, my friend. If I could kill myself and know that you would come back I would. But I can't, I can't. Palpatine never taught me what he promised he would. He lied, just like Vader did. But even Vader was tricked by the Sith Master. He thought he would be all-powerful, just as I did. We were all lied to, my Master. Even you.
It burdens me I'm never free
And peace I'll never know
Even after twenty years, it is not over. The lies are still here, the truth, if there ever even was one, has long since been forgotten. And I am still a slave, perhaps even more so than when I was a boy on Tatooine. Some peoples hold the belief that he who is once a slave is always a slave. From a certain point of view, they are right. For I am truly a slave to the Dark Side now. I served it willingly at first, but now I am chained and bound to it, with no savior to come free me as Qui-Gon did once, so long ago. When will it be finished, Master? When will it be over?
When will it end?
Patience, I tell myself, even as I feel your spectral presence begin to fade from this sterile place. I remember the thousands of times you told me to be patient and the equal amount of times I didn't heed your words, resulting in dire, nearly fatal, consequences many times. But I can't take this risk anymore. It is no longer my choice to make. You had made it for me, the second you let my blood red blade slice through you and into emptiness. I will listen to you this time, Obi-Wan.
I'll reach inside just one more time
For the man I'll never be
I will continue this impossible wait in order to free myself; in order to free you, my brother, from what I know is your own suffocating guilt. I must go now, I must save my energy and spirit for the one moment I will need it the most; the moment I will break through these walls encasing me and gain my freedom. But before I retreat entirely within myself and once again give Vader absolute control of my torn soul, I shall make an oath to myself, to you, to everyone I ever hurt, to everyone I will hurt. To the Light. I will save you again, Obi-Wan, and I will not fail you this time, I promise; no matter how much longer I have to wait within this hell I have made for myself. I promise you, my Master. My friend. My brother.
