I Hate You but I Love You

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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People say I'm crazy because I don't leave you.

They hear you screaming at me. As I walk through the halls of the arenas, I feel their eyes boring into me. They are sympathetic. They try to ask me why I stay with you.

I can't give them an answer.

When I first met you, Dave Bautista, you were sweet and kind. You surprised me with roses. You made me feel loved. I was always your first priority.

Then, I gave you my heart.

Once you held my heart, you began to take advantage of me. Those nights when you were out, you lied to me. I know about Suzanne, Marie and Belinda.

Knowing you were cheating on me, it really hurt. I thought you loved me. Yet, I shook my head and ignored it. After all, you couldn't do it again, right?

I was wrong. After Suzanne, Marie, and Belinda, you went out with Kaylyn. You had sunken to an all time low. I hated you for it. Yet, I couldn't leave.

I just couldn't.

I always said you would change your ways. You would settle down. Somehow, you'd give back the love I give you. It would all change.

It did for a while. You went back to being your sweet attentive self. I had foolishly thought you would be like this forever.

Then, I got pregnant. You seemed pleased. You wanted a boy.

'A son to pass on the family name', you told me. I nodded, hoping you would be pleased if it was a girl.

Then, I found out I was having a girl. You left, angry with something I had no control over. You thought I didn't know, but I did.

Every time you left the house, I knew you were meeting Suzanne.

I went into labor at twenty weeks. You couldn't be bothered to be with me. You weren't there to see our daughter draw her first breath. You weren't there to see our daughter draw her last breath. I hated you.

This innocent child had done nothing to you. All she had done wrong was be a girl. I couldn't believe you could not have been bothered to see your dying child.

People ask me why I stayed. Your cold heart, they said, would have made me leave.

They aren't me. They haven't seen you during the good times. They haven't seen you raise me to a high. They have only seen you bring me to a low. They haven't seen you treat me right. They've only seen you treat me wrong,

My best friend, Chris, pulled me aside yesterday. You had been out with Susan. I was crying. He set his hand on my shoulder and said,

'Trish, you deserve so much better than what you get,'

He's right. I deserve to be treated better. I deserve to be loved. Yet, I have never loved anyone more.

There are days that you make me laugh. There are days you make me cry. I cry for what I have lost, what I deserve and what I get.

Some days, we coexist peacefully in our home. Other days, every thing I do annoys you and we fight. I have never fought with someone so much over the pettiest of things.

You set me free in the world. You tell me 'Live up to your greatest potential. Don't let anyone bring you down'. Yet, you bind me to you. I don't know why, but I can't leave you, no matter how right it is.

Some day, maybe, I'll be able to break away from the chains that bind me to you. Some day, I'll find somebody to give my love to. I will find no reason to hate. Some day.

For now, I have reached a conclusion.

I hate you.

Yet, I love you.

THE END