Hello everybody! This ficlet was been running through my mind for the pats couple of months, and I've finally been able to sit myself down and write it! Don't worry, though; it won't take away from Au Pair. This is a short one, only five chapters long, and each one describing a different Marauder's death. Yeah, I know, real cheery. Believe me, I get no satisfaction from writing out the demises of my favorite characters, but this is a story that I really wanted to tell. That's all, so, enjoy!
Disclaimer: No way! You crazies!
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April 9th, 1976
Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry
The glorious sound of boys' laughter filled the untidy Gryffindor dorm room.
The room was built in the same way that all the other dormitories in Hogwarts were; it was a pentagonal room with a four-poster bed against each wall, a circular open space in the middle, and a bathroom near the entrance. A small curtained window opposite the door seemed to be the only bit of wall that wasn't covered with Quidditch posters, letters, and pictures of curvaceous models from Wizards Quarterly. Upon the wooden floor, there were heaps of dirty laundry, open books, and candy wrappers left or tossed there unceremoniously by their owners. One could also find an occasional magical object lying around, like the shiny golden Secrecy Sensor buried half under an old magazine, or that upside-down cauldron forgotten under one of the beds.
In short, it was obviously a room belonging to five teenage wizards.
Now, four boys sauntered casually into the room, three of whom were laughing. The other was looking extremely grumpy, and seemed to be covered in some sort of brown paste.
One of the snickers was loud and boisterous, sounding eerily like a dog's bark. Another of the laughs consisted of a series of quiet chuckles, as if the owner was laughing at someone, but ever politely so. The last chortle was a sort of desperate howl, almost begging for attention. Together, the boys' laughter made up a choir of amusement, a breathless ringing that almost made a passerby want to start laughing, themselves.
The dog-laugher, shaking with hilarity, collapsed on his back one of the four-posters, his arms spread wide. The polite one sat gingerly on the edge of another bed, next to the dog's, and proceeded to wipe the tears of mirth from his eyes. The desperate howler sat on the floor, leaning against a different bed, and was rolling while laughing his head off. The fourth, unamused boy, dripping in that dark, watery substance, sat on the floor across from him, rolling his eyes and grabbing a pillow to hid his red face.
"I…can't believe it…that's the worst one yet, James!" The dog boy choked out in-between bursts of laughter.
"Sirius, shut up!" James, a messy-haired boy of sixteen, removed the pillow from his face long enough to snap at his best friend.
"Oh, I don't blame him. It was hilarious, Prongs!" The small 'desperate' boy called Peter shook his head, grinning. It seemed he had finally finished with rolling around on the floor.
James glared at Peter, and he instantly backed down. The other, polite boy took his defense. "Come now, James. Be reasonable. You're forgetting it is the sixty-eighth time Evans has turned you down." He bit his bottom lip to hold back an erupting snigger.
"Sixty-ninth, Moony!" Sirius corrected from the other side of the room. James threw the pillow at Sirius' head in response. This pushed Peter into a fresh stream of laughter, and he commenced his rolling on the floor, wrapping his arms around his chest, hugging himself.
Sirius tossed the pillow back at James, who dropped it on the bed behind him. "Seriously, though. Why won't Lily Evans just go out with me? She acts like she's repulsed by me! And she didn't have to throw her dessert at me, either!" James added angrily.
"And such a waste of chocolate pudding." Sirius said mournfully, shaking his head dramatically.
James grabbed a handful of the brown stuff off of his robes and threw it at his friend's face. It caught him square in the nose, and splattered across his cheeks and forehead. Drops even slid down the front of his shirt. "There." James spat with an evil smile on his face. "It matches your sense of humor."
"What, dark? Me? As if." Sirius smirked, and wiped the pudding off of his face and into his fist. He made a motion as if to throw it back at James, but turned at the last moment towards Peter, who was still rolling. The pudding blob flew through the air and landed in the boy's ear.
"Eeeeww, Sirius! That's disgusting! My mum's gonna kill me if I get anything on these new robes!" Peter moaned, ending his rolling at once. He made to toss the pudding back at Sirius, but his aim was so poor, it hit Remus instead.
That was the beginning of a noble and splendid food fight, which ended only after each boy was covered in chocolate pudding and his ammo had run out. Exhausted and laughing again, the dubbed 'Marauders' fell back onto the floor, panting and flicking remaining bits of pudding at each other's faces.
"Merlin…I could die laughing!" Sirius stated after a while with a content sigh.
"Why don't you, then?" Remus joked.
"No, really, why don't we?" James exclaimed, sitting up, eyes wide and glistening. The Marauders looked at each other. James only ever got that look in his eye when he had a really good prank idea, or a new plan on how to get Lily Evans to go out with him.
"Prongs?" Peter asked cautiously. "Did you swallow too much pudding or something?"
James smacked him on the arm. "No, I mean, why don't we all die laughing? Not right now, I mean. Obviously. But when we do…I'm just saying, it seems like the best way to go."
Remus looked at James sideways. It was quite a conversation turn, their deaths, yet there was something about the way his friend was talking that made him want to listen. "Go on."
Sirius was looking at Remus as if he thought he belonged in St. Mungo's. James continued on, apparently not noticing.
"Well, I think we should make a pact. I think we should all die laughing. We've done it most of our lives, so it seems like a pretty good way to…to seal the deal, don't you think?" James still had a crazy glint in his eyes as he turned to face his friends. "Well?"
Sirius shrugged. "You're right, I guess. Yeah, why not? I can see it now: There I'll be, lying on my enormous deathbed with my supermodel wife by my side, holding my hand." He began spectacularly. "Sirius Junior and Supermodel Junior will be on the other side, crying quietly as they take their last look of their aging, yet still dashingly handsome father. And then, the time will come, when death will knock on my door. I'll close my eyes, take my last breath, and utter those final words…" He paused suspensefully.
"What will they be?" Peter whispered, wide-eyed. He'd been hanging on Sirius' every word.
"Damn Prong and his bloody pacts!" Sirius shouted and grinned, causing Peter to scream.
Remus tried to speak over Sirius' stream of laughter. "I think it's a good idea. Let's make a pact. To laugh."
Peter, who had recovered from Sirius' story, agreed. Sirius grinned and nodded.
"Okay, but we have to do this right. Where's the map?" He looked around the room.
"Here, Padfoot. I have it." Remus grabbed a rolled up parchment from his bedside table and handed it to Sirius. He unrolled it and nodded to James, who seemed to know what to do.
"Alright, how about we all put our hands on the map, and swear that we will die laughing?" James suggested, sticking his hand out.
"Shall we light candles, or something?" Sirius asked in mock-seriousness.
James rolled his eyes. "No thank you, Padfoot. But afterwards, if you'd like, we could try and see if all that oil on Snivillus will burn up." He suggested nonchalantly. Peter cheered.
"James." Remus said warningly, always with him unless someone was going to be really hurt.
"Only joking, Moony! Besides, we wouldn't want to scorch that beautifully furnished Slytherin common room, now would be?" He pondered sarcastically.
All four boys reached out their wands and tapped the smooth surface of the Marauders Map. At once, a sort of warmth spread throughout their fingers.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" Their voices cried in unison. The map glowed, and inky lines spread out across its surface, and an exact and detailed sketch of Hogwarts grew before them. The boys smiled proudly at their creation. Their genius amazed even them sometimes.
"What should we say?" Peter asked James after a while.
The black-haired boy thought. It would have to be something simple, yet something meaningful, as it had to do with all of their fates. "How about, 'I solemnly swear that I will die laughing'?" He put up this idea to his friends.
After a few moments' consideration, Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot nodded. Each touching a corner of the map with their wand hand, the Marauders smiled at each other and stated loudly and clearly:
"I solemnly swear that I will die laughing!"
They waited, mouths open, as if they thought something big was going to happen. Finally, Sirius spoke.
"Well, it doesn't look as if my supermodel is going to pop out of there. Why don't we close it up, then?" He grinned and rolled up the map, not before speaking, "Mischief managed!"
"So that's what we were waiting for!" Remus pretended to be shocked.
"Interesting." James pondered. "I thought Evans was going to come out and apologize to me. Of course, she would suddenly realize how wrong she'd been, and would discover her passionate love for me. Then we would-"
"Please, James, not in front of the children!" Sirius gestured to Peter.
Peter narrowed his eyes at Sirius, and spoke haughtily, "Well, I thought that my mum would appear with some new robes for me!" This was greeted with silence, and a retching noise from James.
"Ew, Peter." Remus shook his head. Sirius had joined James in making his vomiting sounds.
"What?" Asked a thoroughly bewildered Peter. The superior manner was gone immediately. "It was our greatest wishes, right?"
Sighing, Remus closed his eyes, blocking out the sounds of Sirius and James's comments.
"Ugh…Peter and Mrs. Pettigrew…so gross…"
"The images! The images!"
Eventually, they stopped, and Peter was left confused and upset on the dormitory floor. "I still don't get it…"
"Hey, who wants to see if Evans wants some of her desert back?" James asked excitedly, not wanting to discuss Peter and his mother anymore.
"I'm in!" Sirius stood up, and Remus followed. Of course, Peter tagged along after the boys, and together, they left their room, leaving behind a messy room, a map, and a pact. A pact that they would keep forever, in the back of their minds, buried beneath Quidditch stats and notes about Milton the Magnificent. A pact that would join them as brothers, even as they died. A pact to laugh.
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So, what do you all think? Do you absolutely hate it? Please review and let me know! Remember, I love you!
LaRohaZeta