December 8, 2009 Washington, DC (UrLgd) – In a surprise move, the President declared today that the Executive Branch would not celebrate the Christmas holiday.
"We'll set an important example to the American people that, during these tough economic times, their government will ensure maximum separation of church and state, demonstrate fiscal responsibility and traditional American productivity. Executive Branch employees will not observe time off for the holiday season, allowing citizens better access to their government when it's needed most."
Reponses were immediate and critical. Flash headlines from major media: "New Grinch logo – US Presidential Seal"; "Santa Sidelined by Decree"; "Christmas Cancelled – Back to Work"; "Christmas Spirit Exorcised"; "Peace on Earth, not in the USA"
Minority party reaction: "This president has lost touch with mainstream America, again. The implications of a decision like this are detrimental to the core values of our society. I cannot imagine any member of the Congress of the United States that supports this move at any level."
Majority party leadership: "Tough decisions are made by decisive leadership. The President placed service to the country above personal desires, wishes and comfort. We will support this initiative by having staff available to continue the Government's work through December 25th."
Labor unions petitioned the federal court system within hours of the President's newscast. Many of the 1.8 million federal employees may be made to work, even over a holiday, with sufficient notice. The legal challenges failed in many areas not covered by numerous labor contracts.
Wall Street fell after the announcement; putting pressure on the market to perform damage control on the recovering economy after a sucker punch to its most profitable season.
World leaders were stunned. "The Americans should recall George Bush, and quickly"; "If the United States can flip the switch on Christianity like this, what does it say about their national convictions and support for their allies?"; "Denial of the Holocaust pales in comparison to the subversion of the Christmas season."; "Separation of church and state, in any other civilized nation, does not include deporting the celebration of any of its religions by its leadership."
Stories came in from across society: School districts already in the news for prohibitions on religious symbols in December announced that classes would be open on December 25th. Smaller retail stores that traditionally closed for the holiday changed their schedules, cancelling holiday and premium pay. National chains, the manufacturing sector and hospitality industry enforced their planned schedule changes, citing the costs to change and upholding national traditions of faith and family.
Religious leaders echoed concerns of their followers: "The Judeo-Christian roots the United States of America grew from are facing a threat to their very survival. What's next?"; "Our moral compass isn't broken, it's been given away."; "Islam considers Jesus one of the mightiest messengers of all time. Peace be upon him – believe and celebrate his birth."
The White House followed up with a recent tradition of eliminating "Christmas" from their official holiday cards. On the outside of the card: "Season's Greetings." For the inside: "May your family have a joyous holiday season and a new year blessed with hope and happiness."
Late night comedians took their shots: "Top 10 new sightings of the Season: #10 - Santa in line at Social Security; #9 – Standing in line Christmas Eve, for returns." "Count Dracula asked police for protective custody today – he doesn't want to be falsely accused of sucking the life out of Christmas."
"As the purpose of comedy is to correct the vices of men, I see no reason why anyone should be exempt." Moliere
Enjoy the spirit of the holiday – whatever you believe in.