Note: I do not own any of the stuff in this story, except for the story part. I'm not sure if you can really call it a story though, since it really has no plot or anything...oh well, enjoy anyway. I know that I said that I wouldn't write anymore Harry Potter stories, but I had to.
THE WEIRD STORY WITH TIME TRAVEL AND STUFF
Harry remembered it like it was yesterday, actually, it was yesterday, but that isn't the point, the point is, is that he remembered it, and that is what the problem was. (Great beginning huh?)
One minute, Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech with no real importance to the rest of the school year, the next, he's dead, and he's got a huge gaping hole in his ass.
The wizard-doctor-people said that ass-monkeys had got him, and that there was nothing they could do. That gave Harry an idea.
"I have an idea," Harry said, repeating the line that I just said a second ago in the previous paragraph, "we can go back in time and stop those damn ass-monkeys from crawling in Dumbledore's ass and assing him up." Don't ask me how the doctor's not being able to do anything gave Harry this idea, I really don't know.
So Harry, Ron, and Hermyon ("It's Hermione!" oh, sorry) HERMIONE, snuck out at midnight and stole a time-travel-hourglass-thingy from a miscellaneous office, since everyone in the school had one. They had become quite the commodity, and, like Tamogochis, became very popular.
Soon everyone was traveling through time screwing up stuff, like now, the Germans have control of the world, because one of those damn wizard kids went back in time and gave Hitler a toaster oven. He easily
Reverse-engineered it, and gained the ability to make the perfect bagel. Using his advanced bagel technology, he subjugated the USSR and the USA (bagels were in high demand in both countries, just ask any war veteran, and they'll say, "We all wished we had a crispy golden bagel, smothered in smooth, creamy...um...cream cheese.")
Anyway, the three friends then ran into Filch, but due to the fact that they had the invisibility cloak, that was only made to fit one teenager which somehow was able to cover all three of the kids AND Hermione's breasts (admit it, she's a busty girl), they weren't seen.
Actually, that never made any sense to me, how do they all fit under that one scrap of cloth? HOW DO THEY DO IT?
The wizards-to-be hurried back to the room and shoved the portrait of the fat lady aside, since everyone had come to realize that she was just a framed picture of some overweight woman (maybe Opera...o wait, she's thin...no, she's fat again...no, thin...no...).
"Okay, let's do this," Harry said heroically, as if nothing he ever said wasn't heroic, that damn goody-good.
"No, let's wait 'till tomorrow," Hermyon ("IT'S HERMIONE!" sorry) Hermione said, "I'm tired, and I want to go to bed." She quickly turned on her heel before Harry could get a word in and walked up the staircase to the girl's dorm.
"Goodnight, Harry," Ron said, as he followed Hermione up the staircase. Everyone had found out that Ron was gay, so he was let into the girl's dorm.
Harry, feeling lonely, walked up the secret staircase and took his position at the peephole to the 5th year girl's bedroom.
"Oh yeah, take it all off," he whispered as he watched Herm-whatever undress.
Yes folks, Harry is a pervy. Don't deny it, you all know he is. You all know he has fantasies about Cho doin' a little dance with his broomstick. Yeah, you all know it, but you won't admit it, you pansies.
***Next Morning***
"Okay guys, LET'S DO THIS!" Harry yelled as he pulled out the small hourglass.
"You go, baby!" squealed Ron as he grabbed Harry's ass. Harry whirled around and punched Ron in the face. The red haired fag flew into the air and was impaled on Neville Longbottom's pin-like head.
"HARRY!" yelled Herm-i-o-n-e, "you killed Ron, and now Neville's cute little face is covered in blood and intestines!" (Yup, Hermione's got a thing for that fat, clumsy kid. Lucky bastard.)
Well, due to the fact that one of the main characters is dead, the story ends, and Voldemort wins.
***Voldemort's Lair***
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! I WIN!!!" laughed the dark lord maliciously.
***Back at Hogwarts***
"Well," started Hermione, "what are we supposed to do now?"
"I don't know, but this story was pointless, and bad," answered Harry, with the dazed look he had on his face for the entire 'Harry Potter: and the Sorcerer's Stone' movie, "if only Hagrid was here."
All of a sudden, as if it was planned that he showed up when his name was called, Hagrid showed up. RIGHT AFTER HIS NAME WAS CALLED! WOW!
"Well, 'arry, oi'm 'ere to annoy ya' wit' me annoying accent!"
This story has instantly become great, since Hagrid was in it, and since Ron died, and Hermione's sexuality was revealed. What? You're saying that her sexuality wasn't revealed? Well, I'd better go and reveal it.
***Later That Night in Hermione's Bed***
Hermione lay naked in between Neville, and Cho Chang.
"I'm a bisexual," she said, answering all of your questions of her sexuality.
Satisfied? What? You wanna' know what happened to Harry too? Since I am sick of writing in third person, I'll just tell you. He is so shocked that Hermione and Cho went to bed with Neville instead of a famous little psychologically disturbed, scarred kid like him, that he ran away and joined the circus as a human cannonball. In a freak accident involving a cannon and an elephant, his hands were destroyed, and replaced with lobster claws. So he ran away and joined a band of pirates. He became known as 'Scar-Face the Wanna-be-Wizard with Lobster Claws for Hands' and terrorizes the seas to this day.
The End
Note: No, this isn't my best piece of writing, if you even read it this far. If you think that I can't write anything better than this piece of shit, then click on my name and read some of my other, better fics. And, yes, I know that there wasn't any time travel in this fic.
THE WEIRD STORY WITH TIME TRAVEL AND STUFF
Harry remembered it like it was yesterday, actually, it was yesterday, but that isn't the point, the point is, is that he remembered it, and that is what the problem was. (Great beginning huh?)
One minute, Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech with no real importance to the rest of the school year, the next, he's dead, and he's got a huge gaping hole in his ass.
The wizard-doctor-people said that ass-monkeys had got him, and that there was nothing they could do. That gave Harry an idea.
"I have an idea," Harry said, repeating the line that I just said a second ago in the previous paragraph, "we can go back in time and stop those damn ass-monkeys from crawling in Dumbledore's ass and assing him up." Don't ask me how the doctor's not being able to do anything gave Harry this idea, I really don't know.
So Harry, Ron, and Hermyon ("It's Hermione!" oh, sorry) HERMIONE, snuck out at midnight and stole a time-travel-hourglass-thingy from a miscellaneous office, since everyone in the school had one. They had become quite the commodity, and, like Tamogochis, became very popular.
Soon everyone was traveling through time screwing up stuff, like now, the Germans have control of the world, because one of those damn wizard kids went back in time and gave Hitler a toaster oven. He easily
Reverse-engineered it, and gained the ability to make the perfect bagel. Using his advanced bagel technology, he subjugated the USSR and the USA (bagels were in high demand in both countries, just ask any war veteran, and they'll say, "We all wished we had a crispy golden bagel, smothered in smooth, creamy...um...cream cheese.")
Anyway, the three friends then ran into Filch, but due to the fact that they had the invisibility cloak, that was only made to fit one teenager which somehow was able to cover all three of the kids AND Hermione's breasts (admit it, she's a busty girl), they weren't seen.
Actually, that never made any sense to me, how do they all fit under that one scrap of cloth? HOW DO THEY DO IT?
The wizards-to-be hurried back to the room and shoved the portrait of the fat lady aside, since everyone had come to realize that she was just a framed picture of some overweight woman (maybe Opera...o wait, she's thin...no, she's fat again...no, thin...no...).
"Okay, let's do this," Harry said heroically, as if nothing he ever said wasn't heroic, that damn goody-good.
"No, let's wait 'till tomorrow," Hermyon ("IT'S HERMIONE!" sorry) Hermione said, "I'm tired, and I want to go to bed." She quickly turned on her heel before Harry could get a word in and walked up the staircase to the girl's dorm.
"Goodnight, Harry," Ron said, as he followed Hermione up the staircase. Everyone had found out that Ron was gay, so he was let into the girl's dorm.
Harry, feeling lonely, walked up the secret staircase and took his position at the peephole to the 5th year girl's bedroom.
"Oh yeah, take it all off," he whispered as he watched Herm-whatever undress.
Yes folks, Harry is a pervy. Don't deny it, you all know he is. You all know he has fantasies about Cho doin' a little dance with his broomstick. Yeah, you all know it, but you won't admit it, you pansies.
***Next Morning***
"Okay guys, LET'S DO THIS!" Harry yelled as he pulled out the small hourglass.
"You go, baby!" squealed Ron as he grabbed Harry's ass. Harry whirled around and punched Ron in the face. The red haired fag flew into the air and was impaled on Neville Longbottom's pin-like head.
"HARRY!" yelled Herm-i-o-n-e, "you killed Ron, and now Neville's cute little face is covered in blood and intestines!" (Yup, Hermione's got a thing for that fat, clumsy kid. Lucky bastard.)
Well, due to the fact that one of the main characters is dead, the story ends, and Voldemort wins.
***Voldemort's Lair***
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! I WIN!!!" laughed the dark lord maliciously.
***Back at Hogwarts***
"Well," started Hermione, "what are we supposed to do now?"
"I don't know, but this story was pointless, and bad," answered Harry, with the dazed look he had on his face for the entire 'Harry Potter: and the Sorcerer's Stone' movie, "if only Hagrid was here."
All of a sudden, as if it was planned that he showed up when his name was called, Hagrid showed up. RIGHT AFTER HIS NAME WAS CALLED! WOW!
"Well, 'arry, oi'm 'ere to annoy ya' wit' me annoying accent!"
This story has instantly become great, since Hagrid was in it, and since Ron died, and Hermione's sexuality was revealed. What? You're saying that her sexuality wasn't revealed? Well, I'd better go and reveal it.
***Later That Night in Hermione's Bed***
Hermione lay naked in between Neville, and Cho Chang.
"I'm a bisexual," she said, answering all of your questions of her sexuality.
Satisfied? What? You wanna' know what happened to Harry too? Since I am sick of writing in third person, I'll just tell you. He is so shocked that Hermione and Cho went to bed with Neville instead of a famous little psychologically disturbed, scarred kid like him, that he ran away and joined the circus as a human cannonball. In a freak accident involving a cannon and an elephant, his hands were destroyed, and replaced with lobster claws. So he ran away and joined a band of pirates. He became known as 'Scar-Face the Wanna-be-Wizard with Lobster Claws for Hands' and terrorizes the seas to this day.
The End
Note: No, this isn't my best piece of writing, if you even read it this far. If you think that I can't write anything better than this piece of shit, then click on my name and read some of my other, better fics. And, yes, I know that there wasn't any time travel in this fic.