Originally written for Caroline-in-my-mind on Tumblr for Romionesecretsanta 2016 exchange!
"So I was watching George's telly the other day - he figured out how to set up inverted anti-Muggle charms so it works and the signal gets through, how brilliant is that? Since he's in the middle of London, albeit on Diagon Alley, the reception is great - have you heard of the programme 'Seinfeld?' It's an American show and doesn't seem to have a central story line like novels do. It's just sort of about people wanking about."
Hermione nodded noncommittally as she screwed up her face trying to get the needle through an underripe cranberry. A long string of popcorn and cranberries pooled on the floor beside her as Ron rubbed her feet in his lap.
"There's mostly blokes and one main bird. She's got kind of mad hair like yours. It's in reruns, so there were a couple of episodes on in a row. One of them was about a holiday they'd made up, Festivus. It was kind of mad, they complained about each other and wrestled and there was a pole erected -"
Hermione looked over her popcorn string, catching Ron's waggling eyebrows and not-so-subtle wink. A year and a half of dating and they were still quite charmed with the novelty of each other.
"And anyway, it got me thinking -"
"About erecting your own pole?" Hermione asked primly, but with a smile that belied the decorum in her voice. She rubbed her feet around his lap in a general, but clearly interested sort of way.
"I won't pass up an opportunity, if you're offering, but about making new holidays. I reckon Christmas is going to be kind of heavy now, what with empty seats and memories of years past. Mum setting a place for Fred kind of took out the whole day, and when Andromeda dropped by with Teddy, well, you recall how awkward people got. I mean, last year, we knew it would be rough with everything being fresh and all, but now you're out of school and we're all kind of starting a new chapter and it seems like this is a good time to start new traditions. New Year's was always a big deal for Fred and George to blow things up. If we had something new, with no memories or things that should be a certain way, it'd be more uplifting than the somber deal that other holidays will be. It wouldn't replace Christmas or anything, just be another fun thing to do, kind of how I imagine May 2 is going to be observed for a while at least."
Hermione set down her quaint decorating and turned towards Ron. "That's brilliant, love. Do you think we ought to try this Festivus thing? Or maybe tap into old Yule traditions so there's some structure to it? We could find out some of the old ways but include some fresh attitudes and activities! Oh, this is brilliant, it gives people a project to keep busy but doesn't take away from the traditions of holidays or get in the way of mourning or healing, and it sounds excellent fun!"
"Yule, now I hadn't thought of that, that's good. It's a few days before Christmas and that can keep the time for fretting about Christmas short and give us all a bit of a boost of cheer. I don't suppose you have a book about it on hand?"
"Let me think… Pagan Traditions of England and Northern Europe ought to have something." She summoned the volume and flipped through the index until she found what she wanted. "Celebrated on the solstice… bonfires… feasting… oh… here's where it's a bit different: in Germany, perchten accompany Mother Perchta. They're nasty animal-like demons who punish naughty children, and Mother Perchta brings gifts to good children. This is pretty similar to Christmas, really. And the demony bits, well, we've all had enough of that sort of thing for some time. Unless we could really change a lot of it, Yule maybe is too close to Christmas type celebrations. Maybe we ought to go with this Festivus thing for the more fun and free spiritedness of it all?"
"I think you're right. Let's see, I recall there's the Festivus pole they put up, and there's an 'airing of grievances' where they tell each other how they were annoyed by each other, and there's feats of strength… oh! and feasting doesn't start until the head of the household has been defeated. Dad's getting on but can hold his own. Or maybe we should host it here at our little flat, you're small and anyone could lick you quickly and we can get to eating."
Hermione threw the remainder of the bowl of popcorn at the other end of the couch; Ron arrested its momentum easily midair. He levitated it onto the coffee table and vanished the scattered popcorn before resuming his ruminations.
"Best if I'm the only one licking you, perhaps. Maybe we should skip the grievances? Have a spitting contest instead or something."
"That's disgusting, and Charlie would win. He's the best spitter."
"That's weird you know that? OK, what else then? Feats of strength, no magic, will give Charlie and Bill the advantage. Maybe something artsy? A dance off? We're a gangly and squat bunch, it'd be a riot."
"You know what would be fun!? Conjure some general materials - paper, tape, dowels, cardboard boxes, crayons, the like - and give a topic, and everyone has to craft something on that topic! Like, how could you give a troll a haircut? And people craft enchanted scissors or imaginary machines or some such. My elementary school used to do this, an invention hour, and then we'd present them. It was meant to encourage creativity and public speaking skills, things we're all pretty good at."
Ron smiled broadly. "This sounds like great fun in the making. You know who would be great at getting it really rolling, is George. D'you mind?"
"Not at all, I think this is an observance that will benefit from his expertise. That's decided, then, we shall begin celebrating Festivus this year. Now, what about that pole?"
Ron wrinkled his brows. "It was plain metal, with no decorations. Kind of boring, maybe we could do more of a Maypole type thing and make decorating it part of the fun? Or we could make a big darts board, and enchant the darts to explode with baubles when they hit. Oh! Or we could erect a small set of Quidditch goals, and toss pumpkins through them! That'd be quite the riot."
"Ron…"
"George would probably erupt with ideas. He's really quick to come up with things these days. I was really worried, but I think ultimately he's going to be ok."
"Ron, I thought maybe we could practice erecting your pole."
"Hermione Granger! My word! Well, if you insist."
And with that, Festivus and its mighty pole came to be part of the Granger-Weasley tradition.