Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with Lucha Libre, Nacho Libre, Christian Bale, MAD TV, or Batman. All events and characters portrayed in these works, even those based on actual events are parodies. I only request that these works "NOT" be regarded as the works of Shakespeare or the bible.

--Gabriel R. Lopez.

Naruto of the Vizard

Chapter 1

I think I've lost my mind

By Gabriel R. Lopez

Hiyori Sarugaki was dead… and not just dead dead, she was really dead as in spiritually dead. She died shortly after being cleaved in half by Gin during the final showdown between the Vizard and the Espada. With her body cleaved in half she would turn into sand within seconds. As the cold darkness embraced her…wait…no, it wasn't darkness, it was Shinji "bastard." she choked out before flashing out of existence.

So, it should come as no surprise to learn that she was angry, with neither a spiritual or physical body what was she? Was there something beyond, something anything… was she just going to wind up reincarnated like a gerbil in a kindergarten classroom?

Fortunately she wouldn't have to find out, because at that moment, in a parallel reality, Naruto Uzumaki was doing something very stupid. Having failed the exam to become a Genin initiate for the third time, Nartuo was convinced, rather manipulated into believing, that if he were to steal the master scroll and learn one of the techniques sealed within he would receive extra credit points that would allow him to pass the exam. In actuality, Naruto had fallen victim to an elaborate ruse. More than one actually, since the first technique listed on the scroll was not the shadow clone jutsu, but a summoning jutsu. A jutsu that would summon a soul devouring shinigami. A shinigami that was supposed to leave a lifeless corpse behind for the authorities to identify later. Had Naruto gone with his gut instinct and learned the shadow clone jutsu, which was clearly marked "Shadow Clone Jutsu" instead of the misleading "Super easy Jutsu of awesomeness" Naruto's story might have followed a different path. Unfortunately, Naruto's lack of Chackra control and inability to form the final hand seal caused the jutsu to misfire. Naruto was glowing with an aura of light blue chakra and then lightning started to arch across his body. Forming the final hand seal for the jutsu caused a bolt of lightning to arch across the scroll. There was a flash of light and earsplitting kaboom within the forest clearing. Naruto, at the center of the explosion collapsed to his knees before being engulfed in darkness.

Hiyori awoke startled to find herself strapped into a hospital bed pulling at the rails, discovering she was both handcuffed and incapacitated…There was something cold, wet, and metallic pressing against her "what the fark is that thing in between my legs?" Hiori was of course referring to the thing that she could feel that should not bee there.

"That would be a bed pan, you've been unconscious for five days. " A grey haired ninja with spiky hair muttered from a hospital bed next to Hiyori's. Of course Hiyori didn't know that it was a Ninja. From her perspective the man looked as if he was reclining on the hospital bed. He didn't appear to be recovering from anything. The man was wearing nothing but black from head to toe, including a facemask and headband with a leaf on it. He appeared to be reading a book labeled itchy itchy paradise… Nautually, this was assuming Hiyori was pronouncing the kanji right. Hiyori really needed to lean how to read languages other than her own.

"where the frig am I?" Hiyori asked

"you're in a hospital." Kakashi replied dimly as he flipped the page of his novel.

"and?" Hiyori was hoping the man would clarify something

"and what?" Kakashi reponded

"Who the Flip are you, my doctor?" Hiyori asked yelling at the lazy ninja.

"nope." Kakashi then continued to ignore Hiyori.

"hey, at least let me go!" Hiyori sniped

"go where?" Kakaashi asked with a sigh.

"no, I meant untie me Vaca." Hiyori pulled on one of the handcuffs.

"why?" Kakashi asked as he turned another page in his book

"so I can escape, duh!"

"oh, that's what you meant." Kakashi was a horrible actor Hiyori seethed knowing that he had been tormenting her the entire time.

"you think this is funny dipstick!" Hiyori growled.

"okay, I guess I can let you go. But first you'll have to answer a few questions…"

to be continued...