Disclaimer: I do not own these two old sages, Rupert Giles and Ethan Rayne, they belong to Joss Whedon and the team of fantastic writers. So they deserves all the credit. I will not get anything from this, except the pleasure of knowing that people enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it.

A/N: This is just a one shot that came to me in the early hours of this morning. I take this as happening mid season 5, about the time Buffy loses Riley and then her Mum, and Giles is trying to help pick up the slack. But what does Giles have in his life other than the Scoobies, what other constants? And what is his past with Ethan Rayne.

This does have some man on man - not explicit, but if you are at all squeamish about it - the end it where contact happens. You have been warned. Also my beta hasn't had a chance to look at it as I wanted it out ASAP.

So here it is! Please read and review, but mostly - Please ENJOY!

Midnight Truths

Giles sat by his phone, waiting. He was always the one waiting. A glass of whisky in hand staring at the phone was something new for him though. Over all his years as an active watcher, always being the father of the group, he never felt so alone as he did now the whisky was just a bonus of sorts. And now he was waiting to not feel so alone.

He'd had some very bad things happen to him over the years. He loved and lost, like everyone. He'd created dark things in his misspent youth, raising hell and demons with magicks he thought he could control. But some were forces he had no control over. Some were forces working for the greater chaos in the world.

Ethan Rayne. The bastard that used to be his best mate, used to be his shadow. Used to be his everything. He was up to something, and he wanted Rupert to know. Well, more importantly he wanted Rupert to give way to Ripper so they could rain supreme, bringing chaos for Janus and be the gods right hand men. Ethan must have wanted the old times back again.

Giles poured another two fingers of whisky and consider dropping ice in the honey liquid, but didn't want to destroy the strong flavor that assaulted his throat. He threw it all back in one and welcomed the burn that travelled down his throat and the clock chimed midnight.

"Bloody Ethan." Giles swore to no-one but himself.

"Steady on Ripper. No need to swear at me. Well, there might be. There usually is." Ethan emerged from the shadows of Giles apartment, grinning emphatically.

"How did you get out, Ethan?"

Ethan shrugged and made his way to the kitchenette, pulling a glass from the side of the sink. "I have my ways, and it's not like you were going to come and mount a rescue for me is it? Even with our history, makes me sad. No, they let me out and put me into a form a rehab. I'm out on good behavior."

Ethan sat opposite Giles and poured his own whiskey three fingers high, and filled Giles up to the same. The raised their glasses high and took a sip, and Giles could almost make believe that they were two civilized men meeting up after a long time apart. But he had to wonder.

"So Ethan, why are you back? You know that if Buffy knows your about, she'll probably try to kill you. She's been through so much, lost so much. Can't you just go somewhere else?"

Ethan leaned back in his chair, "Of course, your Slayer. She means so much to you, I am sorry for all the stuff before y'know. I know you might not think so, but I honestly thought that she would avoid everything... and the stabbing you part... Well Ripper, that hurt me too. I honestly thought you were gone there mate. BUt who know she wasn't carrying real silver?" Ethan smiled but the light never reached his dark eyes. He catalogued Giles appearance, he looked more stressed, so something had to be going on, or was it just in anticipation of speaking to him after all this time. Suddenly Ethan didn't know if he could go through it, Rupert looked like he was in such a bad place. There was a tinge of loneliness in his blue eyes.

"You know I did think about going somewhere else Ripper. I thought, who is the last person who will want to see me... and then I came back to him. Although suddenly it seems like a bad idea. I don't suppose we can just call a truce? I've some things that I need to tell you, and, it has to be you first."

"Well, it sounds serious, please permit me to not care for a few moments before you begin. Although I don't see why you should be talking to me!"

Ethan licked his lips nervously and reached into his coat pocket slowly and pulled out paper that had to be unfolded several times. Giles noticed the script as being Ethan's cursive writing, and the A4 page was filled.

"I've been clean, of magick now for more than six months. And with the help of MAA, I am on my way to being able to control my magicks, and stay away from Chaos. And I have a list here of things that I need to apologise to you for. And they go bak to when we were boys."

"We could be here all night." Giles said dryly.

"However long it takes for you to hear me out. This is one of the steps it will take me to get to where I need to be, and I've thought about this a lot. These are the most important things I've done. I'm sorry that when we were ten, I referred to you as anal retentive. I think this is the point you started to rebel against things that you were born to be, thats my fault. I'm sorry that at fifteen I told your parents that the cigarettes they found in your room were yours and not mine - I was afraid they wouldn't let me stay anymore. And I did love spending time with your family."

"I always knew that was why, even though you never said..."

"...Can I go on?" Ethan asked, taking a deep breath. He looked at Rupert who nodded before taking another mouthful, and Ethan slowly exhaled while saying the words he'd been afraid to say, "I'm sorry that after Aygon the first time I broke your heart within six months and left you with the ring you gave me without even a note. I didn't just go because of Aygon, I left because I wasn't ready to accept my feelings for you at the time. I didn't want to be labelled. You know how I hate labels, even now. But I was wrong to have left like that. I should have spoken to you, we could have sorted something out." Ethan pleaded with Giles while he cleaned his glasses.

"I'm sorry for coming to your town and setting up my fancy dress store and trying to make a bunch of kids into whatever their costumes were. It was reckless of me, and although Janus was extremely pleased, I know many people got hurt during that night and had to suffer many consequences after. I picked the place because I knew you lived in Sunnydale, and I had hoped you would come to me then, and we could do something together. Try to be together.

"I'm sorry that I never called to tell you Aygon had come for us finally, I owed it to you. And I am sorry for tattooing your Slayer with the mark to allow myself to escape. It was wrong to do, to put a young life in danger to save my own skin."

"So that had nothing to do with me?" Giles asked incredulously.

"Maybe I wanted you to know loss if she failed. Maybe in my sick mind at the time, I thought it was right. I don't know."

"And Jenny? Did you mean for her to get involved?"

Ethan had to search his memory for a moment before answering. A wrong answer to Rupert at this stage would counteract everything. "I didn't mean for her to get knocked unconscious by our old friend, if that's what you mean. You'll also note I didn't try to tattoo her. I honestly thought that Buffy would be able to handle it, she's a Slayer after all."

"But that doesn't excuse what you did."

"No. I am apologising because I know I was in the wrong. It seemed right then, but I was being powered by something that I could never handle on my own with no-one to tether me down."

"Go on, there's more on that list, I gather?"

"Yes. For you. There's more. After Aygon, you chased me out of town. And I wandered doing odd jobs, contracting for various humans and demons. And by subcontracting once more, I found myself in Sunnydale again. A place that witnessed a few spectacular kickings of my arse by your Slayer. And I knew you were still around. I could feel you. But my candy was distributed, and I really thought that I would not have to see you. The factory was running by itself, and I stuck around..."

"Yes, I remember. You stayed to gloat you said."

"Well, to gloat and to see you at seventeen again. The force to be reckoned with the first time, I wanted to see you with a teens energy."

"And what did you see Ethan? When you saw me acting like I was still seventeen? Acting like a fool."

Ethan's eyes glazed over as he remembered, "Passion. Conviction. A man not afraid to take action. A man who liked the danger... someone who took what he wanted if it was offered. The man I knew."

"I did feel those things. But being seventeen again caused some damage."

"No Rupert, it made you remember that you could still live. That you were still alive. I felt that when you hit me."

"That was something of revenge. I always did like to hit you though, even back then."

"I know, but circumstances were different then. And when I got away, I swore to myself that I would leave you alone. You clearly didn't want or need me in your life, and you were surrounded by so many. Loved. I didn't want to stir things up."

"Go on Ethan. You've not finished your list, have you?"

Ethan shook his head, and folded the page down, showing that he was on his last thing. He swallowed more honey liquid as he read the last thing that he had written, and cleared his throat.

"I know that I joked about this earlier, but I am sorry that I turned you into that demon. It was a last minute decision. But I really was trying to find out what you knew about three-fourteen. Turning you into a demon was more like a last minute perk. I considered reversing it as soon as I woke up the next day, but I wanted to see what would happen."

"I got stabbed." Giles said through clenched teeth.

"Yes, but that kind of a thing can build character. I really am sorry about that. But it wasn't my original plan. We really were like two old scorers trying to right the world that night we were in the pub having a drink. It felt like something that should be. Those soldier boys taking me was the best thing that could have been done though. Because here I am, over a year later, and I am six months clean."

Giles looked at Ethan thoughtfully. He wanted to believe it, but Ethan was known to be a pathological liar. But something was different. His energy wasn't as wild. The eternal chaotic flame he had always had was so dim that it barely existed. Giles could feel that much.

"How can I trust you now? After everything. It's bad enough you hurt me then, but you've put me and those I care about in danger over the recent years to spite me for you running away from yourself. From me. And to be honest, I don't quite know what you expected in saying your apologies."

Ethan stood up and dragged his hands over his face, as he paced for a few minutes. Giles filled up their glasses in silence, watching as Ethan tried to find the words he really wanted.

"Rupert," Ethan stopped suddenly behind his chair, "While I was in that cell, that whitewash cell, all I could think about was you. About what would have happened if... If I wasn't a coward all those years ago. I'm lonely now, but I know that you are always on my mind, and you guide every step that I take now.

"I love you, Rupert. I do. And I know it in every fiber of my being. I want and need you in my life, because you are the one person who knows me, even after all this time. You know me in a way that no-one else has ever had a chance to. And I need you. And on some level if you admit it to yourself, you need me too. You still love me."

Giles couldn't quite believe his ears. He'd loved since Ethan, but none of these had quite touched him in the same way. Ethan was the first person he'd allowed himself to love. and now, after all these years, Ethan wanted to give it another go.

"What makes you think that I love you? I mean, we barely know each other anymore. Years have past. I'm not the same man I was."

"You are on the inside. and now we're older. Mellow. Two sage old men, advice we have that could help your youngsters is invaluable. And I want to help. To try to put right my wrongs. Please Rupert, say you'll give us a chance."

Ethan stood by Giles' chair and took his hands in his own and raised them to his lips for a moment. Ethan felt the strength that Giles had always been able to wield. and he felt something cold on each pinkie of Giles's hands.

"Are they...?"

"Our rings from then. Our two platinum bands that I got made for us. Yes. These were our commitment rings. I couldn't quite bare the thought of throwing yours away, even after you threw our relationship away. I've worn them ever since, yours in some way or another."

Giles removed the one from his right pinkie, and placed it in Ethan's palm. "It's yours. You should never have left it behind."

Giles placed a hand gently on Ethan's face drawing him down to his level until their lips were but a hairs breadth away from each other. Ethan's eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and Giles closed the minuscule distance allowing Ethan to work his way back into Giles' heart once again.

Ethan applied the tiniest of pressure and Giles opened up for him enough to thrust his tongue into his mouth for just a moment, so much so that Ethan turned Giles chair and sat astride his lap to be closer. Their chests separated by two shirts, and they could feel the others heart beat. And they remained like that for a few moments until Giles pulled away.

"We can't pick up exactly where we left off you know. We have to go slowly."

"Sure Rupert, but kiss me again, I want to get lost in you...", Ethan said capturing Giles lips once more in a deep passionate kiss, and Giles' hands suck fast t Ethan's hair so he wouldn't be to move without force. Ethan's hands drifted down Giles's chest and lingered on his waist, and quickly un-tucked his shirt to touch skin.

Giles pulled away slowly, seeing the lust he felt reflected in Ethan's eyes. Passion unbridled, he almost felt like he did the first time he kissed Ethan all those years ago.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you, Ethan. Not yet." Giles murmured against his lips.

Ethan smiled against Giles lips and teased his tongue along his lips.

"Forgive me in the morning."

Giles smiled and captured his tongue for a moment before releasing it slowly.

"That's hours away." Giles snaked forward to take Ethan's lips and unbuttoned Ethan's shirt. "Let's get a little more comfortable."

When the sun rose the next morning, Giles expected to see no trace of Ethan in his bedroom. But as the sheet twisted and turned, he saw Ethan had stayed, sleeping on his stomach, so Giles could admire the expanse of his back.

Giles smiled to himself while he stroked the length of Ethan's back. So it was midnight truths that brought them together again after all this time, when they both needed someone the most.