I do not own any of these characters. If I did, Will and Djaq would have been around for S3.
This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction so please enjoy and let me know what you think.
A Dress the Color of Honey
Will carefully guided the blade of his small axe down the length of the arrow shaft he was shaping. He had been working on a new batch of arrows for over an hour now. He ran his hands along the one he was working on and nodded to himself, quite pleased with his work. He placed it with the large batch of already finished arrow shafts and gave another small nod, satisfied that he'd prepared enough arrows for them to be getting on with for the time being. After all, he'd be out here tomorrow making even more and they had no plans to go on an ambush before then.
"And," the thought came seemingly of its own accord, "if I go back to camp now, I should have some time alone with Djaq before the others finish their tasks."
He shook his head slightly but couldn't suppress the smile that came to his lips at the thought. Will knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved her and had from the start. He'd been struck dumb when he found her topless and discovered that she was not the boy she'd been posing as. It was the first time he'd seen a woman's bare chest and though he tried not to think about it, because he was sure Djaq would be furious with him if she knew, it was not something he could banish from his memory entirely. And if he was being perfectly honest with himself he didn't want to. Later, when she had played her part in the scheme to take the money for the Black Knights off the sheriff hands, he'd barely been able to speak when he saw her in a dress for the first time, but that dress had definitely made an impression on him as well. But that was not why he loved her. He loved that she was smart, fierce, independent, and called things as she saw them. The fact that she was beautiful was a bonus.
He, of course, hadn't told her any of this. He wasn't sure if she was interested in love at all, let alone with him. So he contented himself with spending as much time with her as possible and studying her every chance he got, filing away different facial expressions, sounds, and gestures into the encyclopedia he kept in his head of all things Djaq, which he would reference during his daydreams and at night in his actual dreams.
Will gathered up the batch of arrows in his arms and hurried toward the camp, hoping this unexpected opportunity to be alone with her would yield another entry for his mental encyclopedia.
Meanwhile, Djaq ran her hands down the length of the pale golden gown. A smile graced her lips as she reveled in the smoothness of the fabric and this one small secret she had managed to keep in the midst of the forest, life as an outlaw, and even the four men she fought and lived beside every day.
At the time, she hadn't understood what compelled her to hold onto the dress, to not discard it as she had done with countless other disguises. She only knew she could not bear to part with it. It was a few weeks before she put it on again, but as soon as she was in it again, it all clicked into place for her: Yes, she was one of the lads and very grateful for and proud of it. It meant more to her than she would ever be able to say that they treated her as an equal with the same love, respect, and loyalty they showed each other. But now that she had found a safe haven as Djaq, she realized that part of her missed being able to be Saffiya.
She hadn't been able to get rid of the dress because with it on she felt like a perfect combination of Djaq and Saffiya. Someone who could go on a dangerous and exciting mission to help the poor of England and execute their part perfectly and was still undeniably a woman. Someone who was a heady mixture of powerful, smart, beautiful, and desirable.
But she was afraid if the gang found her in the dress they would think she was being silly so she could only sneak a chance to be in it once in a great while when she knew she would be alone at the camp for a while. Today, Robin was off visiting Marian, Much and John were running food drop-offs to a couple villages, and Will was making new arrows to replenish their dangerously low supplies. So after she had finished whipping up a batch of medicine to treat general pains, she had slipped into the dress knowing she should have at least another hour before any of the men would be back.
Djaq gathered some of the skirt in her hands and swished it around her experimentally. It felt good though she couldn't articulate why, so she decided to try twirling in it. Her smile grew; she did it a few more times, and the third time a very un-Djaq-like giggle escaped her. This felt lovely, almost like flying, she thought as she twirled yet again.
She was so caught up in the feeling of the fabric and air fluttering around her she missed the telltale creak of the camp entrance opening. Will walked in with his armload of newly crafted arrow shafts, which blocked his view. He did not miss her laugh, however, and it made his heart pound a little harder in his chest.
"What's so funny, Djaq," he asked as he moved into the camp toward the table.
She froze upon hearing his voice and stared in his direction. Her mind raced back to the first time Will saw her in this dress. She had been so confused by his reaction. At first she thought his looking her up and down meant that he had liked the view, a thought that, though she had tried to deny it, excited her. But when she had asked him about it, he just said it was nothing and moved on to take the point on watch, leaving her feeling ridiculous and itching to get back into her normal clothes. It had taken her some time to accept the undeniable truth those feelings spoke to: She loved Will Scarlett. She wasn't sure when or how it had happened but after that night she was painfully aware that at some point in all of their gallivanting around to help the poor and take down the sheriff she had fallen for the strong, silent, passionate carpenter.
"Why," she asked herself silently, "did it have to be Will?" The one man she most wanted to see her as a woman and not as a silly, twirling, giggling girl.
Will set the arrows down on the table and looked up at her expectantly. When he realized she was in that dress, the one that often haunted his dreams at night with visions of honey mixed with mocha, Will's heart skipped a beat, his mouth fell open slightly, and he ceased all movement as though she was a deer he might scare off if he so much as let out a single breath.
Djaq, not sure what to make of his reaction yet again, asked pointedly, "What? Do I really look that ridiculous?"
"N-, no," Will stammered. His head felt foggy so he shook it hoping to clear it. "I just… I just didn't know you still had that…," he gestured vaguely at the dress, "or that you'd even want to wear it again."
Now that his brain was going again it was whirling. She still had the dress? Why? Maybe those dreams could actually come true. But no, she'd have to feel the same way about him that he felt about her. And he was fairly certain that was not possible. Maybe the dress was still around but it was going to take a lot more than the dress being available to make those dreams become a reality.
"Well, I am a woman," she stated baldly. "Even if I do live with a bunch of men, as an outlaw, in a forest, with short hair, and only ever wear pants." Djaq felt herself deflating as she ticked off each unfeminine trait she possessed.
Will had a hard time understanding what he was seeing. His fierce, strong, independent Djaq had just visibly lost her bravado and now there were even a few stray tears streaking down her face. He bounded over to her as she sunk down to sit on her bunk. He felt out of his depth. What were you supposed to do with a crying woman? Especially when you loved that crying woman and had no idea why she was crying? He was never a words man. He didn't know what to say to make things better, not like her. But he knew he had to do something. It broke his heart to see her hurting this way when she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known.
Gathering all his courage, he sat down next to her on her bunk and reached out for her. He gently cupped her face in his hands and turned her until she was looking in his eyes.
"Of course you're still a woman, Djaq. We know that. We treat you like one of the lads because we thought that's what you wanted."
"It is. At least most of the time."
"But not all of the time?" Will asked her looking puzzled.
"No," she confirmed, "I do cherish that you all see me as your equal, as another lad, but I want to be an equal as me, as a woman. Does that make sense to you?"
Will nodded. "I think so, but I'm still a little confused because you're already our equal as you."
"You do not think then if I wore this instead of pants everyday that the others would look down on me or become… distracted?"
Will tried to swallow the lump that had sprung up in his throat quietly, hoping she wouldn't notice, and then tried to play the question off. "Well, I don't think they'd respect you any less, but I do think they'd find it to be a bit impractical for everyday outlaw wear."
Djaq gave him a small smile. "That is true. This thing would be ruined after only one ambush."
They laughed lightly then lapsed into silence for a while. Djaq fiddled with some of the fabric, running it through her fingers, as she played their conversation back in her hear and realized Will had dodged the bit about her being a distraction. And had he gulped before answering her? What did that mean? He had quickly claimed they were fully aware that she was a woman. Was that because he had feelings for her as she hoped? Now might be the best time to find out she decided.
She jumped off her bunk and turned to face him. "So," she asked as she grabbed a bunch of her skirt in each hand and swished her hips playfully, "you do not think I would distract anyone in this?"
Will could feel his ears and cheeks starting to burn and his heart beating faster as Djaq stared at him meaningfully. What was she playing at? Did she know? Should he tell her? Or did she think they were just joking around now, like she used to do with Allan?
He stood. "Djaq, I don't-"
"You don't what, Will?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"I want you, Will Scarlett, to tell me honestly if you think I am distracting in this dress." She reiterated.
There was no way for him to dance around that question, and he refused to lie to her. Will took a breath and tried to summon the courage he drew on when it was time to storm into the castle and fight off a pack of guards that outnumbered them 5 to 1. This kind of situation, he quickly realized, obviously required a whole different kind of courage because he felt hopelessly lost and terrified that he was about to scare her away from him forever.
"Yes," he whispered as he locked his eyes on hers, determined that if he was going to tell her that she was going to know he was not just saying this to humor her.
She stopped her playful motions. "You do," she questioned cautiously, hardly daring to hope that she had heard him right the first time.
"I've always found you distracting," he admitted still watching her carefully to gauge her reaction.
"Always?"
"Always," he breathed and instinctively leaned toward her, "but particularly in that dress."
Djaq's heart raced. She shifted toward him and spoke in such a low voice that it was practically a whisper, "What were you really thinking the first time you saw me in this?"
"Djaq-"
She felt a shiver run up her spine from the reverent way he had said her name.
"I- I thought I must be dreaming because how could you possibly look more beautiful than you normally do. But you did. And then I knew I was in serious trouble."
"Trouble?"
"Yes, because now there would be no way that every other man wouldn't be able to see it too. And how could I possibly compete with any of them?"
He looked down sheepishly, but Djaq placed her hands on his cheeks and gently guided his eyes to hers.
"There would be no competition." She felt him tense up and try to look away under her palms. She held him in place. She could not allow him to not miss her next words. "Because you are the most wonderful man I have ever known, Will Scarlett." With each word she had closed the distance between them a little more until they were so close that she breathed his last name against his lips. Every part of her felt alive with anticipation at her daring actions.
Will felt warmth spread from his heart throughout his whole body at her words and proximity. He couldn't think of anything to say but didn't think that mattered now anyway. Only one thing felt like the right reaction to everything that had just passed between them and it did not require any words. So he did what he had been longing to do for months on end. He closed what little space was left between them and brought his lips to hers for a soft, sweet kiss.
He broke the kiss after a few moments to look at her. "Djaq-," he began.
"Saffiya," she interrupted, "You, Will Scarlett, I want to call me Saffiya. That is my real name. I became Djaq because I had to hide my femininity to practice medicine and fight and then to survive. I will always be Djaq to the lads, but to you I want to be Saffiya."
Will laughed lightly and his smile grew wider. "Saffiya-"
Djaq's shivers returned threefold at hearing him say her actual name. She put her finger against his lips and smiled broadly at him. "I'm sorry to interrupt you again," she apologized, "but please say it again."
"Saffiya," Will repeated as commanded and she was struck by how he made her name sound like it was a prayer.
"Saffiya, I want you to know something."
"What?"
"I love you."
"And I love you, Will Scarlett," Djaq stated before she brought their lips back together for a kiss that quickly became heated as they let out all of the feelings they had been bottling up. Hands were running through hair and up and down arms when there was another creaking noise from the entrance.
They sprang apart quickly and tried to mask their heavy breathing as Much strolled into the camp. When his eyes came upon Will and Djaq sitting on her bed looking slightly rumpled and catching their breath, he gave them a suspicious look. John came in behind him but took little notice of the couple.
"What's going on here?" Much demanded.
Will wracking his brain for a plausible explanation but couldn't come up with anything. Djaq looked down at her lap as if a reasonable answer was nestled somewhere in the gold folds of her dress. Suddenly, her eyes snapped up to meet Much's.
"Honey," she exclaimed triumphantly.
"Honey?" Much asked disbelievingly as Will looked at her questioningly.
"Yes, we were just saying that we should go out looking for some honey later," Djaq stated matter-of-factly as she gave Will a small wink.
"Yea, a honey run if you will," Will acknowledged after a slight pause, realizing that even if it didn't really explain their current situation it would at least give them an excuse to sneak out later.
Much didn't look convinced but before he could say anything else John spoke up, breaking the tension.
"Honey, I like."