This story is an overdue gift to everyone for their support in my story. Thank you so much for the 100+ favorites and 100+ follows on Great Expectations~
Warnings: This fic is rated T for language…and not just from Chuuya's filthy teenaged mouth.
Chapter 1: Pride and Prejudice
"Dazai~. Chuuya~. I want a sundae. Buy me one." The little blonde-haired girl demanded to the two teenage boys as she tugged at their hands to get them to enter the ice cream shop they almost passed by.
About half an hour ago, Elise had lost her temper over some trivial matter with Mori, so she stormed out of the Port Mafia headquarters, leaving behind the sobbing mafia boss tucked in a fetal position underneath his desk. Not stopping there, she grabbed the seventeen-year-old Soukoku pair just as they were about to leave on a mission and proceeded to dragged them all over Yokohama, knowing full well that with the missions they were supposed to complete postponed, Mori's paperwork will increase. Maybe this time Mori will actually drown in his own tears if this was the extent Elise will go to get back at her caretaker.
As Dazai examined the menu, he turned to his partner and asked, "So you feel like splitting a double?"
Chuuya scoffed in reply. "As if I'll eat something that's already been touched by you."
"Yeah, you're right. It's not healthy to ingest something's that's already been infected with germs. I wouldn't want to get a life-threatening illness like Dragon Pox from you." The bandaged-covered brunet commented to the redhead with a teasing tone.
The shorter teen let out long-suffering groan. "What even the hell is Dragon Pox?!"
His partner has a habit of dropping odd terms that make no sense from time to time. Stuff like how "he's way better than Veritaserum during interrogations" and that "Akutagawa is as threatening as a flobberworm with the pathetic way he's utilizing his ability". But no matter how much Chuuya asked, he would always refuse to clarify what those weird words mean. Oddly enough, his partner would only do it whenever no one else was around or it's just him and Mori in the room. The redhead couldn't tell if Dazai wanted to convey something to him or is just doing it to mess with him. Either way, he's decided to ignore them until the bandaged idiot finally works up the nerve to tell him.
"Chuuya, I want a triple scoop banana split with a waffle bowl, a brownie bottom, sprinkles, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Also, don't forget the cherry on top, okay~." Elise ordered while adding a cutsy tone to her voice for good measure.
"You hear that? Now get the little lady her sundae, and make it snappy." The teen demanded to the nervous employee behind the counter.
After paying for Elise's sundae, the trio left the ice cream shop and went to Sankei-en so the little girl can properly enjoy her dessert. They chose a spot underneath some sakura trees and went to one of the benches overlooking Oike Pond.
As they sat down, the taller of the two teens turned to his shorter partner. "Tell me, Chuuya, are you feeling adventurous?" Dazai said mischievously as he took out a box of jelly beans from the pocket of his coat.
(*´艸`*)
"Holy shit… did I just eat a salmon flavored one?" The red-haired teen questioned, staring at the opened box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans between them in astonishment.
"Chuuya, check this out! I got soap!" The bandaged brunet burped and a large bubble came out of his mouth followed by smaller ones.
His partner scrunched his face up in distaste while the blonde little girl next to him giggled as she ate her cold treat. "That's disgusting. But I'll admit it was cool." He then grabbed the box, rifled through it, took out an auburn colored candy bean, and ate it. "Nice, it's sherry."
"Ooh, you naughty boy. Ane-san's not going to like that. Have you sneaking into the wine cabinets when she's not looking?" Dazai singsonged as he leaned forward and took back the box. He poured out a handful and popped another bean into his mouth. Hmm, grapefruit.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, we're already 17. I bet there are plenty of guys in Port Mafia who've started drinking waaaay younger than we are now." Chuuya pointed out as he snatched back the jelly beans and examined what's left.
"True." The brunet said.
Suddenly he paused and his entire frame stiffened. Immediately getting up to his feet, he stared past the group of trees from across the pond.
"Oi Dazai, what's wrong?" The shorter of the two demanded softly. The redhead hackles were also raised. He couldn't see what it was but he can tell there was something there that is making his partner act the way he is.
The bandaged teen didn't reply as he slowly turned to his companions with his eyes still locked onto whatever it is he can see. "…Chuuya, Elise, whatever you do... don't- SHIT!" The brunet turned back and bodily tackled both of them out of the way of some lights aimed where they were. The three immediately took action by taking cover behind some of the trees as colorful streams of lights flew around them only to bounce off of their makeshift shelter.
"Oi, Dazai?! What are we going to do?!" Chuuya hollered at his partner from where he was.
Whoever their attackers were, they are bold. Attacking them in broad daylight and a public place filled with people is sure to get someone's attention. By now, the police will be on the way and the whole area will be swarming with cops in mere minutes. So unless they have some sort of means or an ability user that can get them out, there's no chance they can get aware.
That is…unless it's a suicidal move to take care of the Soukoku of Port Mafia. Or maybe it's Dazai they're after, the youngest executive in the Port Mafia's history, and Chuuya and Elise happened to be collateral damage.
"…For now just keep dodging. And no matter what, avoid the green ones. Even a graze is more than enough to kill you." The brunet replied as his mind was whirling on how they can get out of the situation alive. "Shame and Toad" is out as that will leave them both open to be killed. How about "The Fake Flowers Deceit" or "Rain Falls Outside The Window Frame"?
"LOOK OUT!" Elise screamed as she jumped out of her hiding place and tackled Dazai to the ground, taking the sickly green light aimed at him directly to her small torso.
"E-Elise-cha-?" He breathed out in shock. Even though he knew that the little girl Mori tends to dote upon is merely a figment of the man's ability. The being that manifests his very desires. Who's not even considered truly alive in the first place. Yet despite knowing full well, why does the sight of her lifeless body after taking the Killing Curse meant for him made his heart twist?
The last thing he heard was Chuuya calling out his name before red sparks engulfed him. Then darkness.
(*´艸`*)
As Chuuya finally came to, he heard Dazai's obnoxious voice directed at him, asking if he's awake. Cracking open his eyes, he saw that they were in the first floor of the abandoned Kanagawa Toyo bowling alley in Yokohama. The next thing he noticed was that the two were chained together back to back with their hands tied up using ropes.
"Great. The torture has already started." The redhead drawled dryly. "So what's going on now?"
"We got kidnapped by some dark wizards." The bandaged brunet replied. "Don't worry. By now, the Boss is already sending someone to get us. So all we have to just stay put until we can act."
Chuuya turned towards his partner as best as he could and growled out, "Now's not the time to be joking, you bandage-wasting machine!" He then added sarcastically, "I mean, really? Wizards? Why not a kitsune or how about a yuki-onna out for world domination? That's more believable than wizards."
"I'm being serious about this." The other teen said, the tone in his voice grim. He turned his head to look at the redhead straight in the eyes. "Look, you know how ability users operate on a different level than civilians, right? Like we all belong to a separate world that no one else can comprehend even though we are still a part of the same society as them? Now add in a third world. This is what wizards are." Dazai explained patiently.
This set off alarms in the shorter teen's head. Normally, his partner was cool and confident in his ability to gain the upper hand on their enemies. After all, he didn't become an executive at the tender age of sixteen for nothing. His manipulations and tactical mind are something to be feared. In all the years the redhead has known him, not once has one of Dazai's plans ever let him down.
"How do you all this then?" Chuuya asked, suspicion lacing his tone. If wizards operate similarly like ability users, then they would try to keep the knowledge of them on the down low.
"Because my mother is one of them. In other words, she's a witch." The bandage-wearing teen said cheerfully as if that were something to be proud of.
"Exactly. And a filthy Mudblood at that. After all, what more can you expect from someone with her dirty blood? You should know, you, a lowly squib, are proof of her tainted pedigree." A slimy voice spat out.
Entering the room was a group of less than a dozen men and women of varying ages. Some looked relatively human, others looked like they had underwent assorted extents of body modification. However, all of them wore the same white robes, even if some looked worse for wear. From the looks of it, the ringleader was a short middle-aged man with long unkempt black hair and dark black lightless eyes. His stained white robe was open revealing what was once an expensive yukata but time and wear reduced it to mere rags.
Needless to say when it comes to first impressions, neither teen were very impressed with him. Dazai even went as far as to comment, "Now, now. Didn't your mother teach you not to say such horrible language? I would flat out call you an oxygen-deprived blueblood whose father took it up in the ass by a Blast-Ended Shrewt, but saying that is inappropriate and frowned upon, so I'll just use sarcasm. After all, my mother raised me better than that."
The man growled lowly. "Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Yuta Riku. While you may not know who I am, I know full well about your mother." He raised his arm and pushed up the sleeve of his robe to expose his inner left forearm. There in full view was the unmistakable tattoo of a skull with a long winding snake coming out of its mouth.
Chuuya heard a hitch in Dazai's breath. "You're a member of the Death Eaters?! I thought most of you are dead or in prison after the war." The brunet said in confusion.
"Yes. It's true. The mighty wizard who once struck terror through the hearts of all is no more. ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR WHORE OF A MOTHER, POTTER JASMINE!" The man shrieked at him.
"Actually, she goes by Rowling Jasmine Katherine these days. JK-san for short." The brunet teen corrected casually. Then Chuuya felt his partner let loose a choking blast of bloodlust towards the man and whispered menacingly, "And don't call my Okaa-chan a whore."
"O-Oh? And w-what can you and your little boyfriend do to me?" Yuta stuttered before summoning up his bravado. "I have you at my absolute mercy! You and that half-breed are squibs. You don't even have magic to fight back against me, a pureblood descended from an illustrious line!" He boasted as he spat out the word "half-breed" as though it were poison.
Dazai shrugged. "True, but bloodline alone doesn't dictate how powerful you are. After all, Okaa-chan did take out some trash back when she was around my age." He shot back and ended with a mocking laughter.
Apparently this triggered the man as a vein pulsed visibly on his temple. "THAT DAMN MUDBLOOD BITCH RUINED EVERYTHING! Voldemort-sama and his Death Eaters were doing just fine before that your whore of a mother came along and destroyed them!" The man shouted hysterically before quietly adding bitterly, "If only I could have met them in their prime."
The bandaged brunet blinked in confusion. "Wait, you've never met them? I thought you- Oh. My. Kami. Sama. You're not a member. You're not even a supporter in the war! YOU'RE A FANBOY! That's amazing!" Dazai crowed gleefully. What the hell?! Is his partner high on adrenaline or something?!
"If only that Potter whore just stayed out of the way. Voldemort-sama would've taken over the entire world by now and lead all of us into a new age of Dark Magic!" Yuto cried out vehemently.
"This is the greatest day of my life~!" The teen exclaimed happily, making Chuuya wonder which one of partner's suicidal attempts caused him to have a screw loose somewhere.
The insane man whirled towards the teens and began shouting hysterically. "DO YOU MIND?! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU FOR A RITUAL TO BRING BACK MY LORD!"
Dazai chuckled darkly. "Hey, if I'm going to die anyways, the least I can do is make it so that you don't get to enjoy killing a suicidal advocate."
The man let out an inhumane shriek and raised his wand to the pair as the tip glowed ominously with a sickly green hue. "DIE, YOU LITTLE BAS-" A large rumble suddenly cut him off as he toppled slightly from a small earthquake that shook the abandoned building. "…What was that?"
"…Question, do any of you happen to have life insurance?" Dazai asked pleasantly.
"…I know I am, but…" One of Yuto's minions trailed off as he looked at his comrades with an unsure look.
"What about your wills? Are they up to date?" He continued with a widening grin on his face.
"…Why?" Another said suspiciously.
"Just curious." The teen shrugged and looked at them with a knowing look in his eyes. "Let me put it this way. In exactly 3.53 seconds, a nesting mother dragon will burst through that wall with all the ferocity of a Hungarian Horntail. You might want to start praying to whatever gods you believe in…now."
True to his word, the moment he finished his last sentence, something did came through the wall. The force of the impact sent rubble flying everywhere and scattering the decades old debris. Through the amount of dust covering the room they were in, they can make out a small figure of a petite woman slowly making her way towards the group with a dark menacing aura.
Chuuya can feel his spine turn ice-cold as she approached the men with a merciless smile on her face. His eyes widened, immediately recognizing smile. That smile is the same one Dazai would have on before he completely and utterly destroyed his enemies. What's even worst is that the woman is like Kouyou in her Ane-san mode, only ten- maybe a hundred times worst! These guys are f%#$ed, and they all knew it, judging by the growing stains on their lower regions.
She may be small and cute, but this little lady can gut you alive with a butter knife before turning around and serve her husband and child her homemade apple pie… While she's none other than the Woman-Who-Conquered herself, most importantly, above all else…
She's Dazai Osamu's beloved mother. Jasmine Katherine Rowling.
"So boyas~…" Jasmine purred after taking in the injuries on Chuuya and the bloody bandages on Dazai. "Are you the ones who've caused all those injuries on my baby boy and future son-in-law~?"
(*´艸`*)
(An hour ago)
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE LOST THEM?! I DID NOT COME ALL THE WAY TO YOKOHAMA JUST TO HEAR THAT MY SON WAS KIDNAPPED BY SOME MAHOUTOKORO DROP-OUTS!" The petite green-eyed woman in front of Mori screamed as the bulletproof windows in his office vibrated in her fury.
"A-Actually, Jasmine-chan, they're Dark Wizard sympathizers," he tentatively corrected the livid mother as he backed away from her with his hands held up in a non-threatening gesture in the hopes of not being the target of the woman's wrath.
"I DON'T EVEN CARE IF THEY WORSHIP IZANAMI'S MOLDY, MAGGOT-INFESTED LEFT BREAST! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM, I'M GOING TO TURN THEM INTO DUCKS AND MAKE FOIE GRAS OUT OF THEM!" The smaller woman roared as several cracks appeared on the sturdy glass as she paced back and forth like an angry lioness.
"…Wouldn't that be considered cannibalism, my dear?" The leader of Port Mafia pointed out.
"THEY WON'T EVEN RESEMBLE HUMANS BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH THEM ANYWAYS! THEY SHOULD BE THANKFUL I'M NOT CONSIDERING BRAWN SINCE THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T NEED THE DECORATION BETWEEN THEIR SHOULDERS!" Jasmine shouted back.
"That is a cruel and unusual punishment…" Mori gasped out in horror with a hand to his chest before bouncing up to her with hearts in his eyes. "Can I please take you out to dinner after you're done~? There's a new restaurant that just opened up, and they even have your favorite dessert, treacle tarts~.
"Later," she growled out before Apparating to go find Dazai.
Now alone in his office, the leader of Port Mafia let out a sign of relief. He then sauntered to his desk and picked up his phone to call his subordinates. "…Hello, Hirotsu-san, I'm going to need the Black Lizard for this assignment. Tell me, how good are your men at cleaning up a murder scene?"
AN: Just to be clear, before Jasmine went to visit Dazai when she heard from Mori that he's been partnered up with Chuuya. She mistakenly thought that he meant that Dazai got himself a boyfriend so she came all the way to Yokohama planning on congratulating him and demand that he introduce her to her "future son-in-law". Buuuuut you can see how that went…
BTW Elise is perfectly fine. She is Mori's ability and not a real living being after all… That still doesn't stop Jasmine to spoil her rotten after hearing that Elise was hit by the Killing Curse. "Trauma"=Jasmine's homemade treats
Sankei-en, Oike Pond, and Kanagawa Toyo bowling alley: Real places in Yokohama. Sankeien garden is absolutely beautiful BTW. Seriously, Google image the place. And when you come across pictures of cherry blossoms surrounding the waters of the Oike Pond or the Main Pond, that's it.
Dazai v. Yuto Riku dialogue: I couldn't resist adding in Sword Art Online Abridged. I may have changed the dialogue a little to suit the situation, but I still want to give credit to Episode 9. As for Yuto, he's just an OC I came up with as a scapegoat to Jasmine's wrath.
Foie gras: Take a goose or duck and force-feed it until its liver is nice and fat. While researching, I couldn't find out if this practice is banned in Japan or not. But I do know it's banned in the UK, though I highly doubt that will stop MamaBear!Jasmine from exacting her maternal rage onto her poor victims.
Brawn: It's the British term for "head cheese". You take all the meat and tissue on an animal's skull and you cook, chill, and set it in gelatin.
Mahoutokoro: Japan's wizarding school located on the volcanic island of Minami Iwa Jima. According to Pottermore, students are given enchanted robes which not only grow in size but also changes color as they learn. They start off with light pink can turn gold (if top marks are achieved in every subject). However, turning white is considered a big disgrace because it means that the student (or soon-to-be formerly) have delved into forbidden magics or broken the International Statute of Secrecy.
Thanks for all the love and appreciation you've given to this story. Please don't forget to review and favorite. See you next time~ (人´З`)