Disclaimer: Nope, don't own.
Warning: boy x boy, no likey, no read.
-o-
Love is one of the many mysteries of human nature unexplainable by science. Though years of scientific research has deduced why love makes people feel good, the origin of love is still questioned. The hormones oxytocin and vasopressin contribute to the light-hearted mood of being love but psychology is credited to what activates the hormonal release. What makes a person choose another, even if there's someone else to fit "your type", remains a mystery.
-o-
Chapter 1:
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"That guy must have some nerves! Seriously, who does he think he is, sauntering in here like he owns the place -and then hitting up a conversation with Lenalee like that?? Who does he think he is! He must think he's so great, being the son of Corporate Industries' CEO, but you know what? -I don't care! -For him to actually approach her is unforgivable! The next time he shows up, I'll pummel him, cut his body into pieces, feed the pieces to sharks, run the sharks over with a tractors, dismantle the tractor" so on and so on. He always says the same things.
Kanda growled in annoyance as he glanced impatiently at his watch. The machines that he didn't want to program were far from ready and here he was, stuck listening to this idiot babble.
"Are you done yet?" Kanda's voice resonated echoes through the room, knocking the papers out of Komui's hands and scattering them onto the floor. "If you're so bothered by all this then let me finish and get out!"
Koumi pulled a forceful smile onto his lips and patted Kanda nervously, "And what good work you've been doing, I might add. Did anyone ever tell you that you're a valuable team player?" he paused to break into a real smile, "Here, to show my affection, I'll give you biiiiig kiss on the cheeks-"
"GET OUT!"
Koumi's face paled and gathered the documents before placing them into a pile next to Kanda. He then scrambled for the door but was in such a hurry that he missed the exit the first couple of tries and ran straight into the wall. When he finally left, Kanda dropped his angry glare and sighed.
Though he did it a lot, Kanda didn't like acting out in rage. The feeling of losing controlled always felt unsettling to him… and recently, it's been happened more often than usual.
After months of debate with his oversized pride, Koumi has finally allowed his sister to fulfill her long-timed wish: to marry. She had forced her brother to issue a nationally televised statement that she was single and was looking for men (rich men, of course); however, Koumi wasn't about to change his overly protective ways just because his sister threatened to elope with a transgendered pimp if he didn't let her have her way.
Koumi, being the genius that he was, pretended he loved the idea of her sister having free will but behind his facades, planned on ruining Lenalee's crusade for love. Since Lenalee has never been allowed anywhere near men without "supervision", she has never gotten the chance to experience love. –And because she has never experienced such a thing, Koumi wanted to make sure that her first experience would be a memorably horrible one. Normally, any brother would find this task a bit challenging but being the head of the Board of Directors of the Black Order's Technology, he was sure he could accomplish this goal fairly well: if he couldn't do it himself, he could always pay a professional. That's where Kanda comes in.
Yu Kanda is a renounced name in the business of love (anything can be profitable in a capitalist society) for his abilities to break hearts and ruin young affections; and Koumi has hired him to break Lenalee's. In a typical situation, all Kanda would have to do is turn himself into the perfect man and win over the woman but because Koumi isn't "typical" (if Kanda had known ahead of time, he wouldn't have accepted the job offer), Kanda was stuck doing an odd task. Koumi had provided the anti-matchmaker with technicians –because Black Order Tech is famous for its humanoids, Kanda was asked to help create an army of robots to charm Lenalee (think of it this way: Koumi can control the robots meaning that Koumi can control Lenalee).
Of course, Yu Kanda was smart enough to do anything, such as program humanoids, but this was really trying his patience. After dedicating his life to showing humanity that love was but a figment of their imagination, the last thing he wanted to do was work with robots; robots lacked the complication that emotional people had and without that complication, the fundamentals of his job was reduced to something as lacklustering(1) as, maybe, a job in accounting.
Kanda pinched the bridge of his nose as he glanced at his unfinished work. But before he could slam his tool down in irritation and mutter angrily to himself, he was interrupted.
"Yu-chan!" Kanda's work abruptly cut off when he looked down on his lap and found what looks to be a man there.
"What's this?!" With a harsh shove, he pushed itoff and furiously wiped the bottom of his suit, as if it was contaminated from the touch.
"Yuuuu, don't be so rough with it! I just finished it!" Kanda opened his mouth to let out a nasty retort when he saw a flash of orange(2) latch around his neck.
"Let go!" he shouted, pushing Lavi down onto the ground as he gasped a slight "ouch". "What are you, gay? Is this your way of acting out secret fantasies??"
"Yu-chan, why are you so hurtful? You don't have to be so mean to me. First you punch down my robot and now, me. I mean, I thought we were friends!" Lavi grumbled through a pout, "…And friends are suppose to hug each other…"
If Kanda was less sophisticated and had a more vulgar upbringing, he would have snorted and flipped his hair into the other man's face. "What a homosexual comment. Males don't touch each other unless they're gay, and you better not be gay."
Lavi started a reply but Kanda was too disgusted to listen keenly. Shuddering elegantly from the thought of working with a (possibly) gay man, he gathered his working tools and proceeded towards the exit.
"Whenever you feel like getting your act together," Kanda said, pausing at the doorway without turning to face Lavi, "you should fix that robot. It's too ugly to attract and its actions are repulsively uncivilized (aka, reminds Kanda of Lavi)."
Lavi watched Kanda's retreating figure with his tongue sticking out and, with an indignant "hmph", he went back to fixing the robot with his usual nonchalant smile. He looked his humanoid over and realized that Kanda was right; it could stand a new grin, bigger eyes, and a new hairstyle.
He labored furiously for the next three minutes, feeling his work ethnics fueling the energy in his hands as they seemed to move on their own will. But when those three minutes was up, Lavi's short attention span gave way and he fell to his back, sighing at his newfound boredom.
"Uhhh, so boring..."
...
"What was Yu doing?" Lavi perked up at the thought of his irritable superior. One of the most entertaining things to do is to annoy a friend but it's always better to annoy a friend who becomes disgruntled at every other gesture. And with that thought in mind, Lavi skipped out the door and followed after the man.
-
Kanda paced down the hallway, lost in thought. He had abandoned his tools four corridors ago (he had no intension to continue holding something that brought him so much distaste) and was currently thinking about his situation. He was hired to charm Koumi's sister yet, he has never met her. And how can anyone hope to charm a person without knowing her personality?
Well, there was always looks. From personal experiences, Kanda has always assumed 95 percent of women liked good-looking men, or, in other words, a good-looking man with a generic sort of personality and manly/cute/sophisticated traits (ex. protects the girl, smiles at all the children, and is a Harvard graduate as wise Confucius, not that Kanda was anything like that). In fact, because women are so easily worn down by handsome charms that there was never a need to rack his brain for a true individual, with slight defective idiosyncrasies, eccentric habits, etc. Because a woman's heart can be so easily won over (though men are even worse than women when it comes to being superficial), there was no need for Kanda to seriously sit down and study each women from his different jobs –in fact, people in general were so alike that he never felt much of a need to study anyone. There was always one type of man liked by a good majority of women (80 percent) and all Kanda needed to complete each love-breaking job was to figure out a few of those lovable personalities, ones he can reuse to continuously charm women. He never really needed to sit down and figure out a unique personality for a man, to figure out a personality that was so special that if he died, the world would notice something missing.
…That's was why he doesn't believe in love. Maybe it was because he's never met a person, who may or may not be good looking, with a personality that stood to be so unique that it was impossible to compare it to another.
Any person who could love against logic was admirable! -But Kanda doubted he would ever get to see such a sight; he was too much a pessismist to resist analysizing such a relationship and he would analysize until it manages convincing himself that each in that relationship has an unconscious ulterior motive for being with the other.
Kanda let out a long, involuntary sigh. His mind had wandered off the topic of charming Lenalee towards his own issues and now, he felt it beginning to diverge into an analytical explanation as to why he was so homophobic. The sigh had broken his train of thought and he made a mental note not to trail off from the task hand. If he could not prevent Lenalee from falling in love with anyone outside his supervision, he would be failing his job (he has never failed before) and Yu Kanda is by no means a failure.
He stuck his head into a nearby room, saw a pen and notepad lying on a work table, and grabbed it before proceeding down the hall. He had to find Lenalee soon but there was no harm in working while he searched for her. Clicking open the ballpoint pen, he jotted down a few personalities, ones he uses for each love-breaking job, as he continued walking aimlessly.
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Personalities for Humanoids:
Type 1: Handsome, conversationalist, brave, strong-spirited, kind yet cool
Type 2: Cutely handsome, sweet, brave, conversationalist
Type 3: Handsome, uncaring asshole, prideful, hated by most, loves loved ones unconditionally
Type 4: Handsome, the complete opposite of her
All Must: Talk like he's willing to give his life for her, looks like he can protect her (muscles in correspondence with his other physical traits), be humanly flawed, exciting to be around (woman's point of view), doesn't give up easily
Optional: Humorous, witty, believes in true love, etc.
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Though the list did not consist of all the definitions of a perfect guy, it's comprehensive enough to charm a good number of women (if 95 percent of women fall for looks and a generic personality, 98.5 perfect of women would fall for looks and a semi-generically perfect personality).
Kanda gave his list another glance over, looking at it whimsically before crossing out the third type, thinking that it sounded a bit too much like himself (if Lenalee really did men like type three, Kanda can always use himself as a last resort). And after another reread, he started thinking about further corrections but was interrupted (again) by a voice.
"Yu-chaaaan."
Kanda turned, with anger flashing through his eyes, to see what kind of dead-beat retard would call him by his first name. And, no surprise to Kanda, that idiot was Lavi.
Kanda opened his mouth to retort but something caught his attention before he opened his mouth. He saw a boy walking in front of Lavi, towards Kanda. And when the two made eye-contact, the boy stopped in his tracks. (3)
Kanda frown deepened as he looked over the kid. He was medium height, had white-hair, some kind of odd tattoo on the left side of his face, …and chicken legs. What is this??
"What is this??" Kanda exclaimed in a fury, his words mirroring his thoughts.
Pointing a finger accusing at the boy, he continued his wrath. "Look at this kid. He has no muscles, he's too short to be handsome and too tall to be cute, and on top of all that, you give him white hair. A supposidly attractive humanoid with WHITE HAIR?? You know what that makes him look like? That makes him look like a bamboo stick with a bulb of onion on top! Is this your definition of attractive because if it is, you must be gay! How else-"
"Excuse me??" Allen replied indignantly, repulsed by this man's lack of manners. Kanda, however, continued on.
"How else could you have such a twisted definition of attractive? And another thing," he said, finally turning his attention to the fact that the boy had responded, "he just talked back to me! Though the talking back itself isn't bad because it signifies a personality in development, what it said to me was just disgusting. 'Excuse me.' How homosexual does that sound??"
Allen wanted to argue back but because the only resort that came to mind was "Excuse me", he opted to simply continue seething in anger silently.
"Erm, Yu-chan?" Lavi said hesitantly when he finally arrived at the scene, "that's not-"
"How many times have I told you not to call me by my first name? And what is this, huh? You bring me this thing and expect that it can charm any girl? Don't you know that having a nice physical appearance is key to winning someone over? And yet you bring me this? This bean sprout-looking, appeal-less, lanky -"
And because Allen still could not think up a good retort, he settled for punching Kanda in the face instead.
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(1) Is lacklustering a real word? Or is it just lackluster
(2) His hair is orange… right?
(3) Hm... sounds corny. Anyone have an suggestion as to what I should use instead (for the future)? :D?
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Whoa, would you look at the time! It looks like it's time for…..
….. you guy to send me A REVIEW!
….yes, I know I'm lame….
….ok, ok, fine! Don't send me a review! See if I care!
….runs off crying ;-;