Killed Me Already

by cat-trash

An old drabble that I found on my hard drive and polished up. Peeta's POV, set mid Hunger Games. I felt that Peeta has his emotions toyed with a lot by Katniss, and I always thought he deserved a book from his point of view. Little bit of hurt internal dialogue, and angry Katniss/Peeta dialogue.

Staring into the lake.

Watching mist swim over it, sighing and brooding.

What am I going to do? What would she do? I love her, but I-

I should hate her but she-

I love her. Do I love her? More importantly, can I trust her… what are her motives? Is this all an act or does she actually love me? Why can't I stop this damning vulnerability called feeling...?

Rustling. I snap out of my pitiful confusion. This is no way for a warrior to act. Damn her. Damn them all. I pick up my spear, shove my canteen into my threadbare rucksack and sling it over my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I drop to a defensive position and wait. A face appears out of the bushes. I tense but then I see her and relax. It's Katniss. Beautiful, strong - Shut up, Loverboy. I walk over and put my arms around her. She doesn't react at first but when I slide my hands up her back she melts into me slightly. I gently pull her head off my shoulder so I can kiss her. She looks so tired. I gently press my lips to hers and she hesitates, her lips holding their own shape. I put a little pressure on them and move back, turning what I wanted to be a tender smooch into a friendly peck. She looks sadly into my eyes. I half smile. We stand in our awkward embrace for a while until I know I can handle letting her go.

She still holds her hunting knife with a tight grip.

"Gonna kill me Katnip?" I say, my sarcasm marred by the shakiness of my voice.

"No," she whispers after a while.

"What would killing me accomplish?" I ask, a steely edge slipping into my tone.

"24 of us enter, only 1 comes out," she says slowly, leaving my question unanswered.

"You didn't though…why?" I angrily continue. Anger helps hide my fear. She says nothing.

"Are you scared of the feelings you have for me?"

"I have NO feelings for you!" she shouts.

"Come on, you know you don't believe that bullshit," I retort furiously. "I love you, Katniss, and I always have and you just stand there and let me kiss you while wondering whether to tell me you love me or leave out that crap and just kill me!"

"I didn't ask to be put into a contest where I have to KILL YOU!" she screams at me.

"I could kill you now! But I won't because I LOVE YOU! And you can stop thinking about killing me now, Katnip. It's done. You've killed me already."