How can they not obey the rules?
Another hitting.. another beating..
What am I so helplessly trying to do?
Will this help me go any further..?
..I hate crowds..
Inside them, the most paranoid suicidal idiot can act like someone else.
But they could never understand that..
..They won't..
Another person who disobeyed those people in command..
What are they trying to do anyway?
It's not like I am doing it cus I like it..
It's actually the only choice left for me..
Inside its emptiness and solitude, I can rule over its sorrow.. I can rule over its shadows...
I am not the 'Discipline freak' as some like calling me.
It's just that they can not understand the meaning of my actions..
But.. Let them be.
I am satisfied with the way things are..
Even if I can't have any normal relationships, I will always rule over its Kingdom..
Even if I can't have any true companionship, I will always dominate its hollowness...
Days will pass by and this building will be the most treasured thing in my life..
Days will pass by...
Days will be gone...
Years will pass...
I can feel the loneliness already..
But I can't change.. This is not for me.
..None of it...
I am where I belong..
On top of the Namimori High School..
On top of the building that gives education to students..
..Education, huh..
How come I never thought of it...
I was so fond of its structure that I forgot it's real meaning..
..But this is not true..
I didn't forget it..
..I just never saw it...
Such an empty place..
Such a dark position...
Can you feel it?
Inside it.. You can hear howls of despair...
You can hear screams of anguish...
All of it..
Shallow and gloomy..
..Miserable..
..Dejected...
I still wonder.. what is it that persuades me to stay?
What is it that forces me to obey?
..I wonder...
Am I the one ruling over it?
..Or is that the one that overshadows my logic?
Is it joyfully drawing me down with it?
...It's just a building..
A fucking building...
It changes through time, its borders tarnish and collapse bit by bit..
It changes...
Why can I not change?
The building will eventually fall..
Tear away every tiny bit of hope that was ever left..
...And I can see me...
I can see me standing there..
I can see me screaming and crying...
For all it will ever leave to me.. dust with broken piles and dreams underground...
For all I have ever lost.. For all I'm missing.. For all I deny...
I can see me...
How come I'm still here...?