The Most Dangerous Mission of All
Written by Col. Karl L Schubaltz
*Col. Schubaltz and Lt. Thomas Schubaltz are called into Rudolph's throne room* Schubaltz: *bow* Thomas: *bow* Rudolph: Colonel, lieutenant, I got an assignment for you. It is very important. Thomas: ANything, sire. Schubaltz: Your wish is my command, sire. Rudolph: I need to attend some business south of here, I need for you two to watch Samara. Thomas: Babysitting? Schubaltz: Yes, sire. Thomas: Babysitting!? Schubaltz: Belay your shouting, Lieutenant. Thomas: I am NOT a babysitter!! Samara: *starts crying* Marianna: Shhhhh shhhhhhh!!! *cradling the baby* Schubaltz: *hands Thomas the formula and storms off to find the aspirin* Thomas: *pitiful whimper* *first day into the babysitting* Schubaltz: Child-proofed the weapons closet? Thomas: Check Schubaltz: Child-proof the computer lab? Thomas: Check Schubaltz: Child-proof my... *AHEM* collection? Thomas: Check Schubaltz: Thomas... Thomas: Yes, Karl? *suddenly a loud FOOSHING is heard right behind Schubaltz* Schubaltz: *still standing there calm and collected* You forgot to child-proof the Iron Kong Mk-II. Thomas: AUGH!!!!!! *rushes to the DiBison* Samara: *laughing and hitting buttons left and right, clapping at the destruction* Thomas: Baby!! No!!! *headbutts the Iron Kong* *he manages to pry Samara away from the Iron Kong's controls* Thomas: Here, take your binky... *trying to give Samara her pacifir* Samara: *crying her eyes out* Thomas: *trying really REALLY hard to calm her down* Beek!!! Help me!!!! Schubaltz: *hands Thomas the diaper bag* Thomas: What?? I got diaper duty as well!!??? KARL!!!! Schubaltz: Lower your voice. Thomas: I am a mechanical genius, a master of machines!! I am not changing a dirty diaper!!! Schubaltz: *sticks his pinky in his ear and twists it around in there a few times* Lower your voice. *walks off* Thomas: *grumbling as he's changing Samara's diper* Jesus!! When they say 6 pounds on the Pampers bag, they're NOT LYING! *a black cat lands next to Samara* Thomas: Hello, boy *pets the cat* Cat: *purr* Samara: *grabs the cat's tail* Cat: MEOWWWWW!!!! *bats Samara in the face with his paw and runs off* Samara: *starts crying* Thomas: KARL!!!!!! Schubaltz: *walks in* How hard is it for you to change a diaper, Thomas?? Thomas: If it's simple, why ain't YOU doing it!!! Schubaltz: I'm fixing dinner, Thomas... I ain't got time for this... *leaves again* Thomas: KKKKKAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLL!!!!! YOU POMPOUS DDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! *he suddenly finds a bar of soap in his mouth* Schubaltz: *groans and changes Samara's diaper with no trouble at all* Thomas: *spits it out* Show-off.... *grumble*
*second day of babysitting*
Schubaltz: *feeding Samara baby food* Thomas: *stumbles in, still groggy as all hell, opens the orange juice and drinks from the carton* Samara: *reaches for the rim of Schubaltz's hat, gooing* Schubaltz: *takes off his hat and puts it on Samara's head, smiling* Samara: *grips it with her chubby hands, giggling* Schubaltz: *feeds Samara another spoonful of strained peas* Thomas: You got Samara for the day, I'm going to see Miss Fiona... *his shirt is knabbed* Schubaltz: *hands Thomas a rubber ducky* Thomas: Karl!!! *growl* Schubaltz: *hands a baby food caked Samara to Thomas* Thomas: Grrrrrrr!!!!! Samara: *reaching for Schubaltz* Schubaltz: *gets ready for duty* Samara: *starts crying* Thomas: Karl!!!!!! I am not bathing this kid!!! I only had 2 hours of sleep!!! Schubaltz: So? I only have 20 minutes of sleep and I gotta go to work... someone has to pay the bills... *leaves* Thomas: KARL!!!!! *growls at Samara* How about I take your little butt through the car-wash?? Samara: *reaching for Schubaltz, still crying* Thomas: *dials Fiona's number* Fiona: *answers* Hello? Thomas: Hello, Miss Fiona... I-i got a slight problem Fiona: Is that a baby crying in the background, Thomas? Thomas: *his usual nerdy self* Why yes, Miss Fiona, as observant as always. Fiona: Need help with the baby? Thomas: That would be such a lovely idea Fiona: *giggle* Me and Zeke will be there right away. *third day into babysitting*
Schubaltz: *curled on the floor with Samara, asleep* Samara: *asleep on Schubaltz's stomach, sucking her thumb* Thomas: *asleep in the chair, sucking his own thumb* *the phone rings* Schubaltz: *wakes up and gently puts Samara in Thomas's lap, then answers* Schubaltz residence. Yes, sire, everything is going A-OK. I see... okay, I'll get her ready to go. She was no problem at all. Oh, anytime, sire... good-bye... *hangs up* Thomas: *wakes up* Who was that, Karl? Schubaltz: That was Emperor Rudolph, he's coming home today. Thomas: Good, he can take his hellspawn kid. Schubaltz: Belay your name-calling, Lieutenant. Thomas: *sigh*
Rudolph: *takes a sleeping Samara in his arms* I hope she was no trouble at all Schubaltz: She was a perfect little angel, sire. Rudolph: *nods and smiles* Thank-you, Colonel. I know I can count on you. *leaves with Samara* Thomas: *all teary-eyed and such* Schubaltz: *BIG yawn* I think I'll take a nap before I go back to active duty. Huh? What's wrong, Thomas? Thomas: *Mihoshi tears* I miss Samara already Schubaltz: *pats THomas on the head* Awwwwwww... *smile*
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