I didn't think this one would fit with my series of oneshots. o3o
He tried not to notice how often the beast came over to learn how to read. The special way she spoke to the animal, like he was her child to coddle. He tried not to linger on the fact she defended the little wolf, and only the little wolf, when it came to teasing or arguments. He always just tried when it came to Fenris, whether it is to force that feeling of disgust and jealousy back down into the pit of his stomach or to hold back the rage that wanted to seep through his skin the moment the elf speaks. He tries only for her.
There is blood everywhere. Covering the tattooed mongrel; dripping from his hands, pouring from that bitch's chest. There is that brief moment where he sees the fear and regret flash through the Tevinter mage's eyes. And he feels sympathy, so he tears his gaze away to save his own soul from the same fate. His brown eyes search for Hawke. When he spots her, she is covering her mouth, shocked by the event that had just occurred. He can't stand to see her so worried. He can feel his heart ready to burst so he grabs his shoulder, fingers digging into his feathered pauldrons, so he doesn't reach for his chest. So he doesn't show his weakness for her sad expression. He clenches tighter as he sees her delicate hand reach out for Fenris.
"Maybe we should leave…" she suggests, in a tone sweeter than any honey he has ever tasted. He cringes. There is a part that wishes that Daria will notice his discomfort with her tenderness, but the only one to spot his troubles is Varric. The dwarf pulls Anders to the side, hoping to ease the pain the mage is feeling. But they can both hear the others' conversation.
The blonde's blood boils at the sound of the brute's scolding, "Don't comfort me! You saw what was done here! There's always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this!" He looks over his shoulder and sees the grief tainting the elf's face, and it soothes him. Until he sees the same sadness wash over Daria. Fenris speaks again, with a bitterness that only comes with true defeat, "Even… If I found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her. What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil?"
Daria opens her mouth to speak, but no words are uttered. Fenris turns, his back is to them all, and his head is buried deep into his hands. "I… need to go." His footsteps are heavy as he makes his way out of the holding cave.
"Fen-" she is stopped as she calls out for the elf. Her sapphire eyes make out the cause. Anders has pulled her back. His hand is tight around her arm. "Don't go after him, he wants to be alone, so let him be," in truth all he wants is to be certain she loves him, and only him. Not that monster that stormed off.
She nods and they wait a moment before exiting the cave. Varric is watching as Anders pulls ahead and Daria falls behind. It is one of the few times someone else has led the way. Varric looks to Daria for any sort of guidance but there was none to be had. The dwarf with no other choice followed the revolutionary's lead back to Kirkwall. Varric could see her eyes focus on Anders's back. How thin it has become compared to the year before. She has never noticed his declining health. For a healer he hasn't taken care of himself at all. Even with all the food Bodahn serves at the estate it doesn't seem to be enough to keep the mage in good wellbeing. Maybe this whole Blondie taking the lead will make a good story. Shit, I don't have a pen.
The walk is quiet and as they entered the city the group had split into two: Varric returning to the Hanged Man in Lowtown and the two residents of the Hawke estate returning home. They were greeted by Bodahn, Sandal, Daria's charming mabari Rayner, and now a young elf girl that they had rescued from Hadriana.
Anders continues through the mansion as Daria introduces Orana to the other occupants of the home. He stops at the stairs; leaning against the railing he watches his love. He wonders if those days where she would see only him are already over. Maybe living together had caused the magic to cease, and there was no longer the excitement of two apostates loving each other. She catches his stare and he is taken back by the gentle smile. She turns her attention back to Orana and places a bag of sovereigns into her hands. Before the girl can protest, Daria motions Bodahn over. "Bodahn, bring little Orana here to my tailor. What girl doesn't enjoy new dresses?"
"Of course, Messere! Should I bring Sandal and Rayner out?" At once everyone in the room turns to the two by the fireplace. Daria lets out a laugh and nods, "Yes, bring my little baby to Aveline, he hasn't been out in too long! And Sandal will be bored if you don't take him out with you." Bodahn bowed his head to his mistress and led the small group out of the house.
Anders made his way up the stairs and into the bedroom. Boots, socks, and feather adorned coat found their way onto the floor. "You know what's amazing, Anders?" he looked up to see the black haired mage leaning against the doorframe. "What?" he asked. He laid back, the mattress sinking under his weight. "How we allow that beast to accompany us? Or how you're not finding me incredibly attractive in this position right now?" They both let out a small laugh.
"Oh? I thought you lost your sense of humor years ago." before the blond could reply she cut him off, "You really shouldn't refer to Fenris like that though. He has had just as hard of a time as any of us."
He scoffed at the notion. Propping himself up, he furrows his brow into a tight knit. He could never understand how she could defend the monster. "I do not understand how you are so unforgiving when it comes to anyone else. And how you make far ruder comments than I about half of the slime in Lowtown. But when it comes to that animal you are as gentle as a mother to her newborn. That, Daria, is amazing."
Her full lips purse. "Oh, I don't know if I'd say I'm rude. But there's something about Fenris that I want to protect." She paused and began to pick up the mess Anders had carelessly started. Her long eyelashes fluttered as she spoke kind words, which were a dying breed coming from her. Where was the sarcasm and allure that the great stories told of? "He's like… A puppy that's been left out in the rain."
The male mage's lips formed a disapproving pout themselves. His brows arched in disapproval and skepticism. "At least you are right to compare him to an animal. But by puppy I hope you mean rabid dog that is ready to attack anything. Did you not see him turn on that Hadriana woman back in the caves? No matter bloody how many times you see him rip a person's heart from their chest, you can never get used to it. He is dangerous, Daria."
"Dangerous is a good thing sometimes, Anders." His eyes widen as she draws nearer. There is a light shove and his back is against the fine silk sheets. He can feel her warm breath on his neck. He can smell the blood on her skin and in her hair. Magic resonates from delicate hands. He instantly recognizes the blue glow. "You have a small cut there; it's closed but I don't want such a handsome face to be scarred." She presses her hands over his eyes. He is certain that there is no cut to be found, but the light magic is soothing. "Mm, this won't always work on me, sweetheart." he mumbles. "You know, you never told me what was so amazing." He feels warmth in the pit of his stomach. Not the jealousy or rage that has far too often threatened to consume him.
"Oh, just simply how a grown man like you cannot pick up after himself."
"What are you implying?"
"You're no better than a spoiled child." She jokes.
He grabs her wrists and forces her hands away from his face. "Children can't do this, love."
He wakes to barking and Bodahn calling for Daria. He sees her on the opposite side of the room, tying the sash around her red finery. Her skin is gleaming, free of dried blood and sweat. Her raven colored silken strands are still damp. The blond mage quickly closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep still. His brown eyes are sewn shut and he forces his breath to slow. He could hear the creaking of the door as it opened. He could hear her charming voice fill the room, "You called?"
"Yes, Messere, the elf boy with the tattoos is here to see you." He's referring to Fenris. He thinks to himself. That feeling returns. And he cannot bear to wake. He is begging her in his mind, not to go, to stay with him, but makes no move. Not until he hears her make her way downstairs. He crept along, entering the study to watch over from above.
"…I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't," there is remorse dripping off every word Fenris speaks. But he feels no compassion for the past slave. He had brought this upon himself.
But Daria is different. Her concern for the fiend is sickening. She asks, "What do you mean?" And Anders wants nothing more than to say it shouldn't matter. Fenris hesitates, trying to form the correct words to describe the emotions that are overwhelming him, "This hate… I thought I'd gotten away from it. But it dogs me no matter where I go. To feel it again, to know it was they who planted this seed inside me… it was too much to bear." The elf turns to leave. "But I didn't come to burden you any further."
Her sapphire eyes focus on the ground between them. Her long lashes flutter and she reaches a hand out again. "You… Don't need to leave, Fenris." Anders is nowhere near her chest, but he can tell her heart is beating wildly. He is nowhere in her mind at that moment, and his own heart is stopping because of it.
"I think it would be best for both of us… If I did." He is surprised to watch Fenris leave. Had the elf not, what have become of the situation? Anders grips his chest; there is a pain, a sharp, constant pain. He slumps towards the floor; the only thing holding up is the rail that protects him from falling onto the first floor. As hard as he tries he cannot tear his gaze away from her. She is still standing in the main entrance to the estate. She is not surprised that the beast left. She too grips her chest; but the pain is low and dull. She kneels down, trying to catch her breath and make sense of everything that had just happened. She is not suffering through some unrequited love, she knows nothing of pain. As she stands there is a smile on her face and she mouths the words "thank you" toward the open door. As she turns she notices the head of familiar blond hair watching her.
He is unsure why but he feels comfort in knowing she is looking at only him. He turns clumsily and extends his hand through the bar "I love you," he utters. There are warm tears running down his face, and his head is hung low. There is no reply only the sound of footsteps.
She appears behind him and apologizes. He accepts because he is weak for her. He accepts for all that trying would go to waste if he didn't. He accepts because it finally feels right. There is a closure that everyone has been longing for, and it feels safe to him. There is no longer the threat of a beast. And now all he could do was try to make her love him whole-heartedly.
Hope you enjoyed. o3o~