Disclaimer: Square stuff belongs to Square the rest to me.
Well it's been forever and a day since I have bothered writing, though I think I now have it in my heart to make another attempt. Hope you like my new work, in later chapters my fiancé will be helping me write.
This fic takes place after the game and after Advent Children, but makes few references to the movie.
Chapter I: One breath at a time
I run my hands through my hair as I look down the gravel road. The air is sweet with the scent of flowers opening to the warm spring sun. This is the first time I have stopped since I left Midgar; I guess I was afraid that if I stopped I might go back. After all my fighting, and patience Cloud finally came around. He would be with me and we could be a true family, but a few hours after his promise I realized what a mistake I had made. We where not a real family, far from it actually. Barret really brought it to my attention, while we where in my bar celebrating a second great victory.
"Tifa yer 22! Too damn young to be settling down with the world on yer damn shoulders! I should be takin' care of Marlene, she's my kid damn it. I love you like a daughter, but hell I aught to knock some sense into ya. I want you ta live yer life for yerself; I'll be takin' Marlene and Denzel with me, I want ya to be able to live free of responsibilities."
Barret wrapped a big meaty arm around me to assure me that everything was alright.
"I know you a right Barret; I'm just so used to having to look after some one. I really don't know what I would do with myself with no responsibilities." I sighed and slouched with my elbows on the wooden bar.
"Ya know ya can chase whatever ya what." Barret smiled and nodded towards Cloud who was across the room speaking with Cid.
"…Yeah I guess." I looked at the ring on my finger. It was at that moment when I realized I had been fighting for something I could never have.
"C'mon girl tell me what yer thinkin'." Barret pulled his arm away and turned to look me in the eye. I looked away.
"How can I have a heart that someone has already given away?" I sighed again and looked at Barret. "It's not fair to him, can't help who he loves."
"I guess I can't argue with that, whatcha gonna do then? Ya gotta tell him seeing as he gave ya a ring an all." He smiled at me.
"I'll tell him, and I think I'm going to leave. If I leave within a couple of hours I'll be at Kalm by nightfall. I packed a few hours ago. I have gil from selling some of my own materia, maybe I'll get a place in Costa del Sol. I'll start a new life; I'll be free of my past. If I don't leave now, I don't think I'll ever have the strength to again." I smiled weakly hoping for his approval.
"Keep yer PHS on so I can ring ya." He smiled and hugged me.
So here I am walking down the road towards Kalm, I have to free my heart and put as much distance between Cloud and myself as possible. I listen as the gravel crunches softly beneath my feet. A mild breeze rushes through the tall grass at the side of the road. I hope I have made the right decision, there is no going back, and Cloud won't take me back. I have the whole world in front of me but I don't know what to do.
"Cloud I need to talk to you." I pulled Cloud aside when he had finally broken from a conversation. "Could we go upstairs?" He looked at me with confusion filling his glowing eyes.
"Uh… of course are you ok?" He followed me up the stairs and into our room. I closed the door behind us so we could have our privacy.
"I guess." I took off my ring and placed it in his hands. "I can't be with you Cloud. I'm sorry"
"Tifa… I thought you wanted this." He was shocked this was the last thing he had expected from me.
"That's just it Cloud, you think that I want this. Don't get me wrong I do, but you are doing these things because I want them." I cursed myself as I started to weep; I really had hoped that I could have held my tears at bay. "I want you to do what you want, because it is in your heart. I know your heart is still hers."
"Tifa that's." I cut him off I couldn't risk hearing him say other wise.
"Cloud stop it! I know where your heart lies, I can tell when you look at me and when you touch me." I nodded towards his hands which where holding my arms. "We have been using each other because it feels safe. You don't love me the way that I want you to and I'm not the girl you really love."
"Tifa don't…" He whispered in my ear holding me against his chest. I knew where this was going he would appeal to the one thing we truly had in common. Lust for each other. He kissed my lips; I could feel the hunger behind his as I kissed him back. He buried a hand in my hair and his other held the small of my back. I felt my blood burn for him. I wanted to give in, I wanted to fall into the escape of sex, but this time I couldn't. I pushed him away from me, and when I saw his eyes I could see his desperation. "Tifa? Please give me a chance."
"Cloud you don't need a chance. You've done nothing wrong; we can't help who we fall in love with. Maybe one day you can find someone who you can love as much as you loved her. I know its not me, and I need to find some one who can love me as much as I love him. We are bad for each other Cloud; we'll never be satisfied or whole if we stay together." He stepped back and sat on the bed I knew the truth had hit him. I picked up my bag and opened the door.
"I still like you Cloud I just can't bear to love you any more." I looked back at him as he sat on the soft covers. I wanted to feel his hands on my bare skin; I wanted him to kiss me all over. I shook my head to try to dispel my thoughts. He didn't say anything he knew he couldn't follow me. I left through the back entrance I wanted to avoid anymore temptations to stay.
It's almost evening; the sun is getting close to setting. I can see the small houses of Kalm in the distance. Not much longer and I can get a room at the inn. Funny how it's emotions not battles that really drain me of my strength and energy. My stomach growls, as I realize that I have not eaten since this morning. I'll have to remember to grab a bite before I settle down for the night. I shift my bag on my shoulders trying to get it to rest more comfortably. This is a lot more difficult than I thought, I thought I would be moving on one day at a time, but it feels like I am going one breath at a time. I want to turn back and run towards the familiar, the safe. It is at that moment when I realize that I am not alone on the road, I should have known better than to get lost in thought while walking alone down a road. I'm sure it's no threat but better to be safe than sorry. I adjust my gloves just in case. As I turn around a familiar husky voice greets me.
"I see that we are traveling in the same direction. Perhaps I could accompany you once again?" I smile as I meet his familiar blood red eyes.
Well here it is I'm writing again. Finally. I love reviews they encourage me to update faster. I think this is going to be a very serious fic, but hey that all depends on what happens when Falkon joins me and starts writing. Any way catch you later.
I love you Falkon.