Hey everybody, I'm back! I don't know where I'm going with this story but I'll try to figure it out writing it, you are more than welcome to leave comments with suggestions!

The story is set during season premiere, after the talk about "alternatives" and dinner… I don't have a beta-reader and I didn't have time to re-read so be patient with me. Enjoy & review

"I'm so happy, so insanely happy, you decided to move in with me right away…"

Andy kissed Sharon's forehead grinning like an idiot. Sharon Raydor relented, he knew she was reticent but at last she accepted, she did accept to make another step forward in their relationship and it was like a huge victory to him. The same naked Sharon sighed with her head on his chest. They just made love but her head was elsewhere, she tried to hide it and succeeded, it was the first time she had to fake an orgasm with him and that made her feel so guilty and sad: she had a wonderful man who only wanted to make her happy, to share and build a new life with her, so what was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just let herself go? She knew why, because all she could think about it – when he was on top of her pounding inside her, trying to make her feel good – was leaving the condo, real estate agents, boxes and furniture and wall colors.

"I think we should buy a house with at least two guest bedrooms," he said tracing patterns on her back "you know one for Rusty and one for when the kids come to visit or my grandchildren stay with us. Yes, we should definitely do that and it needs to have a big yard and a big kitchen, you know how much I love cooking for you…"

He kept talking and talking but his words were just an echo in the background, she wasn't listening anymore. Tears swelled in her eyes and panic constricted her throat making impossible for her to breathe, she just wanted him to stop talking and pressuring her, she…

"Oh and we could also have a pool I know you like swimm…"

"STOP!" she yelled breaking their embrace and leaving the bed covering herself with the sheets "You need to stop talking!"

Andy's face fell and immediately shut up. Sharon was frantically pacing back and forth trying to breathe, she looked so little with the sheets wrapped around her slim body.

"Sharon…" he tried to say

"Shut up!" she hissed "I can't do it, I can't do this! I can't, I'm sorry I can't, I… I…"

"Sharon calm down"

"I can't calm down! I'm having a panic attack and I just can't calm down!" she yelled looking him in the eyes for the first time since she left the bed "You're pressuring me, you just can't stop talking about this damn house for a second! And I…"

"You've never wanted to move in with me!" his tone hard and firm "I want to hear you say it, that's why you're panicking, you didn't want it since the beginning! What were you doing? Trying to keep me sweet?"

"You accused me to move to slow with our relationship!" she pointed a finger at him

"Because it's what you're doing! It took us almost one year of dating to start making love!"

"It's always about sex with you men!"

"You men? Who do you think you're talking to? Your ex-husband? Because I'm not Jack and I've showed it to you every single day! I've waited for you when any other man would have walked away"

"Right! And what do you want? A medal? No one asked you to wait if it was too much for you!"

"I did it because I love you and it wasn't a big deal!"

"Oh it wasn't, was it? Because it looks like it was if you're holding it against me now!"

"I'm not holding against you for fuck's sake Sharon!"

"It seems you are"

"I'm just trying to make you realize that I did everything I could to show that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, that I chose you but it's never enough with you!"

"So what? I should move in with you and just not think about the consequences?"

"Consequences? What consequences? Being happy with me?"

"There's so many things that could go wrong…"

"Or maybe not! You can't be scared forever, Sharon"

"You don't get to tell me how I've to feel!"

"You know what?" he left the bed and hastily grabbed his clothes to redress "You don't want to be happy, you don't want a man who loves you and takes care of you. You want to feel sorry for yourself, for what happened to you, for what Jack did to you forever, you don't want to move on and I can do everything to show you happiness but it won't work if you don't open your eyes and I'm tired of it"

"How dare you?! You've no idea of what I've been through alone with two children!"

"You're not the only one who suffered Sharon!" he yelled in her face "You did all by yourself, it's awful and he should have been there for you but…"

"You're gonna leave me like him!" her voice cracked "It's what you're doing now, you're leaving me"

Andy froze, because it was exactly what he was doing.

"You faked before and don't try to deny it"

"I'm voicing my dark thoughts and you talk about sex?"

"No, I'm telling you that you treated me like you treated him. Did you think I didn't notice? I let it go because I thought you were tired and had long day, because I was happy about our decision to move in together, because I didn't want to listen that voice in my head that was screaming problem! What a fool I was to think you really wanted the same thing I did for once…"

"This is not about sex!"

"It's exactly about that! You weren't there with me, you were freaking out in your head and instead of stopping me and talking to me, explaining me your fears, you used sex to appease me! I didn't think you could be so manipulative"

Sharon opened her mouth to answer but simply closed it, she couldn't deny his words because he knew her well, so she didn't say anything.

"I've to go, I need space"

"Don't, please…" her eyes were full of tears now

"I'm not leaving you, Sharon but I need time to be alone and I think you need it too. You need to think about what you want and if that will ever be the same I do, because I'm not getting any younger and yes, I love you more than anything in the world, but I can't keep going on like this"

"I want you…"

"It's not what you're showing and what you did before, how you handled the situation hurt me deeply and it's not about my male ego, it's about communicating, sharing and fixing problems together. You're not alone anymore but you keep acting as if you were"

"It's not true"

"It is and if you can't even admit, this conversation is over"

Tears were lining her cheeks now so she turned around covering her face because she didn't want him to see them, only the hard slam of the door announced his departure. Sharon started sobbing falling on her knees in the pile of sheets, the pain was so raw to be almost unbearable… he told he wasn't leaving her but the brain didn't register the information completely, it brought back only excruciating memories of a story that kept repeating itself.

She thought she begged him, she asked him to stay and she threw her dignity away for him and for what? He left anyway. She sobbed harder, her cries were like whimpers of a wounded animal and she was thankful Rusty wasn't home because she wouldn't have known how to explain to him or just simply make him stop questioning.

After she didn't know how much time on the floor, Sharon crawled in bed hugging his pillow, fresh tears dampened it until she fell asleep like that, thinking there was Andy there with her, that the simple smell of him could bring him back to her.

TBC