Title: The Truth 1 - The Beginning

Rating: PG-13


Spoilers:

X-Files: Anything and everything before 'Requiem.'

Stargate SG-1: Anything and everything before 'Meridian.'


Summary: SG-1, Mulder and Scully go in search of THE TRUTH!!

Details: Humour, Crossover, NTBTS (not to be taken seriously!)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Copyright © 2003, Ruth

~ The Truth 1 - The Beginning ~

By Ruth

**********

~ X Files Theme Plays ~

"The following story documents the twisted search for THE TRUTH of a stupidly large group of people. The following story contains foul language, murder, bitching and a wedgie. This may not be suitable for young children, or men in touch with their feminine sides. You have been warned! What follows is sadly a true story. THE TRUTH is definitely out there."

~ X Files theme stops playing, Stargate theme starts ~

"The following story documents the twisted search for THE TRUTH of a stupidly large - wait a minute, I've already said this. I mean, what do they think I am, a parrot? I DON'T EVEN GET PAID FOR J-"

~ Crackling sound, Stargate theme stops playing ~

"And now, the main feature. Prepare yourselves to face - THE TRUTH!"

**********

It was a dark and rainy Thursday morning. It was on days like these that Mulder was glad his office had no windows. Unfortunately, he wasn't in his office; he was in a car with his partner, driving to a motel.

He didn't know why they always stayed in motels - something always went wrong in them! First, Scully had run into his room in her underwear on the first day they'd met, thinking that she had strange alien marks on her back when they were in fact mosquito bites. On another occasion she'd been brainwashed and started firing her gun at anyone who happened to speak or move. Then there was the constantly late nights, staying up to analyse photographs and to generally disagree with each other for round about seven years.

Now he looked back on it, he wondered if it had all been worth it. He hadn't found THE TRUTH yet - he was still searching. It was out there, though, waiting for him to find - he was sure of it.

**********

Jack groaned as he pulled up in the SGC car park. Graham Simmons had parked in what he affectionately liked to call 'his space' again! Sometimes Jack thought that the man did it just to wind him up, but it never occurred to him that Graham didn't know it was 'his space' and probably wouldn't have parked there if he had.

This meant that Jack now had further to walk to the 'front door', so he was going to get wet. Why were Thursdays always so bad to him? THE TRUTH had to be out there somewhere…

**********

"Scully, where are you going? The turning for the motel was back there!"

"We're not going to the motel."

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere to meet some people who will help us find THE TRUTH."

"I knew this would happen if I let you drive."

"Shut up, Mulder."

"Sure, fine, whatever."

***********

Jack sat down grouchily in the briefing room, shaking water droplets from his hair with a grunt of annoyance.

"Good trip, sir?" Sam asked, with a slight grin. She was perfectly dry.

"Oh, ha ha Carter. Very funny. How come you didn't get wet?"

Sam's face fell. "Well, I…"

"Pulled an all-nighter?" Jack asked, "Again?"

"Sorry, sir."

"Nah - I was afraid you were going to say with an umbrella. Boy, that would have made me look stupid!"

"Jack, you have an umbrella on your dashboard."

"Ah, crap!"

**********

"Where's this place we're going, then?"

"It's called Cheyenne Mountain. A friend of mine works there."

"Cheyenne mountain? Isn't that…"

"A top secret air force base? Yep."

"How are we going to get in? We don't have clearance, and I'm not wearing my fence-jumping coat today…"

"Sam's fixed it for us - we'll be met at the gate."

"Sam, eh? Woooo!"

"Sam as in Samantha. She's a woman - sorry to disappoint you."

"No, you're right, why would I think you had any kind of a social life?"

(Long pause, followed by a slapping sound)
"Ow! But, you've gotta admit, I have a point."

(Slapping sound)

"Ow! How come you can do that while you're driving?"

"Practice," Scully smiled, pulling into a space marked 'General Hammond Only.'

**********

"Who's this friend of yours?"

"Her name is Dana Scully - she and her partner need our help."

"With what?"

"She didn't say exactly, but she said that it was urgent."

"And we're supposed to believe that?"

"Yes, you are."

"Who put you in charge? As far as I'm aware, Colonel is a higher rank than Major, Major!"

"Where these people are concerned, there is no such thing as rank. There isn't even such a thing as reality."

"Okay, Sam, now you're making it sound like the X-Files."

(Long Pause)

"Of course, I knew that Mulder and Scully ARE on the X-Files, I was just…"

"Sometimes you can be such an ass, Jack."

**********

Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c greeted Mulder and Scully at the gate and they all began the journey down to the briefing room. Jack took an almost instant dislike to Mulder.

"So…"

"So…"

"I'm Fox Mulder. You are?"

"FOX? FOX?" Jack spluttered, "What the hell kind of a name is that?"

Sam leant over and whispered something in Mulder's ear. He smiled.

"You must be Jonathan. O'Neil, with one L?"

Jack glared at Sam.

"You looking for a court-martial, Major?"

"Sir, you can't court-martial me for spelling your name wrong. You do it often enough."

"I do not!"

"Your last report - you spelt Stargate Command wrong."

"It was a typo!"

"Twice."

**********

Sam, Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, Mulder and Scully sat down at the briefing room table, waiting for General Hammond. Daniel and Mulder were talking about ancient Egyptian gods, Sam and Scully were discussing something so highly technical that he thought his head would explode just listening to it and Teal'c was flicking a piece of paper around the table.

Now that was something on his level of intelligence.

"Teal'c!"

Teal'c flicked the piece of paper at Jack, and Jack flicked it back. They spent many minutes doing this, before the arrival of a very wet and very cross General Hammond.

"CAN PEOPLE NOT READ? IT VERY CLEARLY SAID 'GENERAL HAMMOND ONLY!' I HAD TO WALK ALL THE WAY

FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LOT TO GET HERE, I'M SOAKING WET, AND IF I CATCH THE MOTHERF…"

Hammond's voice trailed off as he saw his two guests.

"You must be Agents Mulder and Scully?"

"Yes. You must be General Hammond. I apologise for the…er…mix-up over the parking place."

"Oh, it's no problem at all - it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers Jack when Graham parks in his space."

Jack heard his name and flicked the paper off-trajectory, hitting Sam in the eye.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Major."

"Yeah, my ass."

"If you insist," he grinned, and quickly received a kick under the table.

**********

"What is it that you need our help with?" Hammond asked.

"As you know, for many years, we've been searching for THE TRUTH."

"THE TRUTH is out there - why are you in here?"

"Shut up, Jack."

"We'd be happy to help you," said Hammond, "I will extend to you as large a group of staff as possible - starting with SG-1."

"But I don't want to work with Sculder and Mully!" Jack groaned.

"Mulder and Scully," said Mulder, with growing irritation.

"Oh, sorry, did I say something else?"

"Why are you being such an ass?"

"Me? Moi? An ass? You have the wrong man, foxy."

"You're just intimidated by my boyish good looks," Mulder smirked.

"Yeah, right, quiff boy!"

"At least I have brown hair - yours is grey, old man!"

"It's not gray - it's a very light blonde."

Sam snorted with laughter and nearly fell off of her chair.

"That is an incredibly lame excuse, O'Neill," said Teal'c, with a wide grin.

"Daniel - you don't think my hair is grey, do you?"

"I don't know what colour you think it is," Daniel laughed, "But it sure isn't blonde!"

**********

"When shall we leave?"

"Whenever you want - I'll round up my staff to join you."

"Our assistant director would like to meet you, sir. His name is Skinner."

"It'd be an honor to meet him, Agents."

"Of we go then," said Jack, his voice laced with sarcasm, "To find THE TRUTH with Sculder and Mully."

"If you're good, we could get you some blonde hair dye."

"Shut up!"

**********

NEXT TIME…

"Oh look," Jack smiled, "A bee!"

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Mulder and Scully screamed and ran away from the tiny insect.

"It's just a bee," said Jack, looking at Sam in confusion.

She shrugged. "Maybe they're allergic."

**********

TO BE CONTINUED…