Doctor Lecter had not escaped. Although he had seriously injured two guards in Memphis, he had been caught and returned to Baltimore. His books and drawings had once again been removed from his cell, and I could only imagine the punishments Dr. Chilton would subject him to.
I endured my graduation ceremony, thrilled to have finally made it all the way to the FBI, but exhausted from the attention I continued to receive regarding the Jame Gumb case. As the weeks had worn on since my rescue of Catherine Martin, I had begun to miss the company of the cannibal I now thought of as a friend.
"Hello, Barney," I said sheepishly.
"Hello, Clarice," he replied cheerfully. "I'm assuming you want to speak to Doctor Lecter?"
"Yes, please," I answered, distracted. "Is Doctor Lecter allowed to have visitors?"
Barney chuckled grimly. "Between you and me, Clarice, no. But Doctor Chilton is gone for the evening. You're welcome to speak to Doctor Lecter as long as you like. I'm afraid he hasn't had much enjoyment the past few weeks. He'll be glad to have your company."
"Thank you, Barney," I said, smiling at him.
Doctor Lecter was seated casually against the back wall of his cell. He watched me carefully as I ignored the metal chair and sat down in front of the glass, glancing at my surroundings as I did so. My brows furrowed as I took in the emptiness of his cell.
"Punishment, Agent Starling, for Memphis. Do not be troubled by Dr. Chilton's attempts to distress me; I certainly am not."
"It seems a bit excessive, Doctor," I answered, eyebrows raised as I took in the empty space that had once contained his toilet.
"Not at all, Clarice. There are far worse fates than my own."
I nodded and lowered my face to gaze at my intertwined fingers. I could feel his piercing blue eyes moving over me as he attempted to interpret the nature of my visit.
"What brings you back so soon, Agent Starling? Does ol' Jackie Boy already need my help in solving another case?" The corners of my lips turned upward as the familiar taunting tone reached my ears.
"No, Doctor, I came because I wanted to."
He said nothing.
"It's just that I've missed our chats," I blurted out, glancing quickly up at him. His face remained impassive, and I lowered my head once more. "You were always a great conversationalist."
His voice was soft as he replied, "Thank you, Clarice. As were you."
I exhaled deeply through my teeth and, mustering up my remaining courage, looked up defiantly to meet his gaze. I said nothing, waiting for his derisive mind games to begin.
They did not. He shook his head sympathetically at me, sighing as he looked down at his knees. "It is not healthy for a newly sworn agent of the FBI to spend her days in a prison for the criminally insane with a cannibalistic serial killer," he said quietly.
I laughed. "Thanks for the tip, Doc. Am I to interpret that as your polite way of declining my visits?"
His brow furrowed, and I feared for a moment that I may have truly distressed him. "Not at all, Clarice. I much enjoy your company. I simply wonder what more I have to offer you."
"Your friendship will suffice, Doctor," I replied. "Unless you're worried about bad publicity… people will say we're in love," I teased, winking playfully at him.
"I do not doubt that they will, Clarice," he replied quietly, and I stopped, my eyes wide as his words sank in. He said nothing further, and my eyes narrowed.
"And are you okay with that?" I challenged.
"I am more than okay with it, Agent Starling. It is you for whom I am concerned. You, after all, are the one with a blossoming career in law enforcement. How will old Jackie Boy feel about your visits?"
I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "I don't much care, Doctor. He's not really my taste."
He appraised me for a moment. "And I am, Clarice? I am your taste, so to speak?"
"More so than Mr. Crawford, let's put it that way," I muttered.
"Hmm," he mused, lost in thought. I sighed. I had given too much away, let him know too much of my feelings. As if he didn't know already… how I had yearned for his touch since our fingers had met in Memphis, how he plagued my dreams each night, how I had secretly prayed for Jack Crawford to send me back to Baltimore, back to him.
My reverie was broken as he stood and walked up to the glass, then sat down before me. We were mere inches apart. My heart pounded uncontrollably. He leaned his forehead against the glass, eyes closed, before speaking.
"There is nothing for you here, Clarice," he murmured.
I inhaled sharply. "You're here, Doctor," I replied, scooting forward and mirroring his position against the glass.
"And I always will be, Clarice. Here, in this room, unable to leave. What kind of life can I provide you? I cannot protect you. I cannot comfort you. I can't even touch you!" He slammed his fists against the glass, and his hands slid weakly to the floor. I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me, his eyes bright with agonizing pain. "Do you realize the depth of my affection for you, Agent Starling?" he asked quietly.
I swallowed. "No." I paused. "But I doubt it compares to the way I feel about you," I said carefully.
His eyes flashed dangerously. "You think so?"
I nodded. My sincerity seemed to further aggravate him.
"Agent Starling, tell me what your life consists of. What do you do each and every monotonous day of your dreadfully boring life?"
I glared at him. This was not the direction I'd thought the conversation had been headed. "I work. I exercise. Sometimes I socialize with friends."
He pursed his lips, amused. "Hmm… so you have interests outside of myself, correct?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes."
"Then, Agent Starling, you cannot possibly comprehend the feelings I have for you. You have your career, your colleagues, your friends and family to occupy your beautiful mind when your thoughts inevitably stray from me. For me, there is only you."
I gazed at him, eyes wide, as I struggled to comprehend the meaning of his words. He chuckled softly. "You seem surprised, Agent Starling."
I shook my head robotically. Realizing that I had been holding my breath since his declaration, I quickly exhaled. "That's ridiculous," I mumbled. His brows furrowed.
"Clarice," he murmured, "you are… exquisite. I care for you"- he struggled for a moment- "more than I can put into words," he said finally, sighing. "You are the only thing it would hurt me to lose. Until today, I thought I had." He inhaled deeply. "You, with your sense of loyalty and dedication, with your naive perception of justice and morality, with your pure mind and sincere heart- you are all that I want. You are all that I need."
I swallowed hard. My voice shook as, gazing into his deep, penetrating blue eyes, I turned my back on everything I had ever known. "I need you, too."