Before you read this story, this is Sherlock's POV. From Grief and Sadness I recommend you read that story before this and then read this.

I'm sorry john, I'm sorry that I left you for three years but I had to, Mortarty told me that he would kill you, Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade so I did it, I fake me own death.

I have been staying with Molly for three years and I told her to not tell you, or Mrs. Hudson, or lestrade, or my brother, they know that I'm alive.

But not you, I didn't what to see those tears again, those tears that came over my fake body.

I have been watching you John, you are miserable, when I walk right past you while I'm wearing a jacket and jeans I can see you, you have bags under your eyes, you are skinny, and you always look sad. It's my fault.

When I walk past Baker Street and look at the apartment, sometimes I can hear you playing my violin, and when I hear it I cry a bit and say "just wait John, wait for another year"

But on my birthday I see you putting a candle on the window and quietly sing happy birthday to me but you never finish because you drop to the floor crying screaming "come back, come back to me Sherlock, I miss you, I love you with all my heart" I'm sorry John, I love you too but wait for me.

Sometime my stupid brother text me saying like

He is getting worst Sherlock, its best you stop with this, who knows what he will do- MH

He will be fine Mycroft, remember he is a strong man- SH

So say that I warned you Sherlock-MH

But it's true I think what will happen to you, some night I dream that your over the hospital on the spot where I jumped and you take your own life, or I find you one day hanging yourself while your legs swing lifeless, or I find out your are taking bad drugs like the pill's I kept from the cabbie so I can study them, or even worst shooting yourself

I don't want to think about it because you won't hear me saying I love you.

Sometimes I watch you go to the grave with flowers with my scarf, the scarf is a fake I had my mother make another one and add my smell to it. As I watch you talk to my grave I can hear you say that you can't go on anymore but you have to keep strong, for me. Sometime when you bring flowers you ether leave them here or hold tightly and start to cry in them. I'm sorry John.

I can see that now you can't take it anymore after these three years John, you don't have to wait anymore John, I couldn't wait ether John, I will come to the flat and as you sulk in my chair I will go through the pain you screaming at me and punching my stomach while you say "three years Sherlock, three years" I'm ready for it.

Now like in the first story (if you have read the first story like I told you), I will take it out of his perspective.

As Sherlock was about to leave Molly's flat, he grabbed him phone to text her saying that he's going back his phone was buzzing showing his brother.

"What is it brother, I'm about to see John?" Sherlock can heard him panting on the phone "this is about John"

The room felt quiet "what about him, is he ok?"

Mycroft's voice got higher "no brother, he just text me saying he's going to take his own life, I already called for help, get there NOW!" Mycroft hanged up. Sherlock's heart sunken, John was going to take his own life.

"Shit no time for a cabbie, I have to run" he burst out the door and booked it down the side walked.

He ran through traffic, he didn't care about the horns honking at him; he had to get to John before it's too late.

10 seconds later

Sherlock burst through the door of Baker Street and headed to his room.

"JOHN, JOHN WAIT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOI-" it's too late, john has shot himself through the head, blood was pouring out of his head, and the gun was still in his hand with the finger was still on the trigger slightly and he could see that John was smiling.

Sherlock grabbed the lifeless body slowly while tears where running from his eyes "no, no, no John you can't be dead, no" he started to shake him "please I need you, I'm not dead, JOHN WAKE UP DAMMIT!" He let go of John and got on to his knees and started to ball out crying.

"JOOOOOOHHHNNNNN!" Sherlock never know his true feeling for John till he has found him lying on the bloody soaking up bed.

Sherlock grabbed his phone and called up Mycroft

"Brother it's too late, I couldn't save him, I couldn't" he could hear him sigh "I'm sorry Sherlock, I'm soooo sorry"

"What did he say, what did he say in his last text?"

"Alright when he texted me he said put me next to Sherlock, so I can be with him forever" Sherlock eyes widen, more tears came out "thank you brother" he hanged up and walked to the body.

He caressed Johns cheek "me too john, I wish we can be together too" he bended over to John and kissed his soft lips, he got into the bed next to him and started to cry while holding John and the gun "I love you too, wait for me" his last tear came down and he felt himself pull the trigger. End

OH GOD I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW, WHY DID I HAVE TO DO THIS?!