Greetings

========

Just take it , one day ... one step at a time to say goodbye and walk from the world you once knew , from the past that haunts you. Its a difficult trek uphill but it does get better , or so I'm told.

For a few seconds each day it gets easier. That's how it is she says. She knows my darkness and pain. She shares the weight of my journey as I walk my way. And at least with her around , I don't feel too lonely which is a great plus.

We don't talk that much but that's okay. Having her presence is comforting enough. Sometimes when I tell her that , she laughs at me. She knows that she's not a real person. She knows that she doesn't exist in this world , or at least in the way that we exist.

" You do know that I'm not real right ?"

I'd smile and nod my head a little sadly. She's absolutely right but sometimes I wish she were indeed real. My usual reply would be " You're as real as I make you out to be." But really how could she be ?

The image before me is one of the leather-clad goddess of a slayer , her long dark brown hair falling exquisitely to her shoulders. Her form is deceivingly casual , those strong hands of hers packed to explode into action at any moment if she deemed it neccessary. The white tank top she wears fits that upper body of her just fine and she stands confident and poised , shining green brown eyes greeting mine with remarkable affection and patience.

" Faith…"

She understands what I'm trying to achieve here but even she knows the limitations of that way of thought. She doesn't say anything in reply though but I know that's what she thinks.

Such a weird dichotomy it is that we have , a unique creation of my own inner struggle. Faith , a figment of my imagination , a projection of thoughts in formless origin , is more attuned to reality than I , someone who supposedly exists in this realm , ever will be.

" I shouldn't even be here y'know ?"

She lays her hand atop mine in comfort. She says its better for her to not exist at all in the scheme of things , that I gotta deal with it the way everyone else deals in the human world. She'll leave me one day. She told me straight about that once. She'll stay for as long as she feels that I need her but when she feels I'm ready , she'll be gone.

The song of the day is ' Maybe ' by Alison Krauss and at the first listen , Faith couldn't help but chuckle. I ask her why and her reply was to wrap her arms around me in a hug.

" Ya feel that lover ?"

Realistically speaking it's a definite no but then I get what she's getting at when she smiles at me.

" Its not that bad. You'll survive. You're strong. I know you are."

" Thanks." I say. Then I stop and wonder out loud. " Am I really that obvious ?"

" Oh pleaseee !!! Listening to country ? The music of pain , I know. Xander once told me the deal honey."

" You're good."

" I'm da best baby and doncha forget it !!! " She winks. " Oh and yeah , whatever happened to your 'no more sulking and whining' resolve ?"

" Ummm ...sorry. Bad habits die hard. I think its possible that I'm even worse than Dead boy."

" C'mon , think of the good things. The silver lining y'know ?"

" Such as ..."

" You're young , free , single !!!. Unrestrained by the ball and chain of relationship crap !!! You can ogle and chase after all the good looking girls you like !!! The freedom to to watch all the T&A you want !!! To be able to view porn without guil-"

" AHEM ... I get the point Faith."

" No you don't !!! You can do anything you want !!! You can go out there, use your charm and snatch up a phonenumber outta a nice girl !!! Even shack it up with me if you wanted to !!! You can make me do a crazy naked lap dance for you if it would cheer you out of your brooding misery !!!"

Faith is almost strangling me now. This was getting weirder than I thought.

I'm almost afraid of filling the compulsory " er... but ?" a painful wince growing upon face in preparation of the response I receive from the dark-haired slayer in front of me.

" BUT !!! You're too caught up in thinking you've got nothing to actually do something. You're NOT pathetic !!! You're NOT a loser !!! You're NOT going insane - you're making me go insane actually and I don't even exist !!! "

" And your point is..."

" Baby I love you. Really , I do. You're like my best pal around here but here's the thing - I'll be honest with ya. You will get over it. You're not alone. How many times do I have to tell you that ??? You've got me rite ? See ? I love ya !!! You've got friends Z , you got friends. Friends who care about you. You got people who love you. I didn't have anyone."

" Faith , I love ya. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. "

" Now you're getting it."

Finally ... I do understand.

" You just gotta know what you wanna do that's all. So what do you want ?"

" I dunno."

" You thinking bout her again ?"

" No."

" Liar."

" Am not."

" You miss her."

" So ?"

" Just tell her you miss her then."

" I can't call her. I'm forbidden from doing so remember ? Her parents seem to think I'm her beau even though I see her for like only two times outta two months. I'm even screwed when I do nothing. I-it …it's …complicated..."

" Write her a letter then."

" She doesn't seem to respond to my emails."

" Maybe its cos you called her a bitch in the last letter."

" I did NOT call her that. I was calling you a bitch."

" Maybe you're writing your letters wrong."

" Write a letter wrong ? Huh …wha- ?"

" Just write your usual email stuff , with all that pseudo- psycho/philosophical babble you always put in and then stick in and write about what we talked about."

" I dunno..."

" Its worth a shot doncha think ?"

" Okay..."

" Oh and dun forget to tell her you miss her."

With the way her beautiful brown eyes expressed her sincere concern , how could I not listen ?

" Alright... "

" That's a good boy."

*sigh*

" Selena... I miss you."

~**~

Think of me fondly

Dream of me ...

Find a place to sleep

In your warmth I will be

Hold me tightly

Your thoughts close to mine

Think of me fondly

Dream of me ...

~**~

Till next time I remain ......