Cry´s PoV:
"Hey Cry!"
I didn´t respond.
"Cry! Little cry baby…I´m talking to you!"
Something hit the back of my head. I ignored it and kept my eyes on the whiteboard, jotting down the formulas for chemistry into my notebook.
Again I felt my head being pelted with something soft, probably a balled sheet of paper. The whispering and giggling continued and I clutched my pen tightly.
´Just ignore them…just ignore them´ I told myself. Immediately, another voice shot back.
´That´s what you´ve been doing for the last few months! And has it done you any good? No. So I suggest going back there and bashing their-´
I blinked and straightened up, startled. Not by the unusual violence appearing my thoughts, but because Ms Chelsey was glaring at me, her hand in mid write.
"Cryaotic. I don´t mind if you don´t care for this lesson or your future. You can stay dumb and uneducated for all I care. But if you distract other students from their work, you´re welcomed to pay the director a little visit. Are we clear?"
"Y-yes ma´am." I said quickly, my face flushing pure red. I lowered my head and continued writing, feeling my sight get blurry.
´Shit. Not right now, keep it together.´ A wet drop formed on my page and I felt betrayed. The laughing behind me continued, but thankfully the teacher didn´t comment on it.
The bell rang finally and while other kids stormed outside, I took my time with packing up my things, hoping that the classroom would shield me just a bit longer.
"Hey!" Someone bumped into me from behind and almost sent me sprawling over the desk. There´s no way that was an accident.
"Hey watch where you´re going bitch!"
"I-I wasn´t going anywhere." Despite knowing talking back won´t get me anywhere, I was sick. Sick and tired.
"Oh really?" The brunette in front of me raised his eyebrows. "Because it looked like you were about to fly out of the classroom." The two girls behind him smirked.
"You should take it easy, Cry. You might hurt yourself if you rush." One of them said. A ginger. She was pretty, my friend Russ had a crush on her once. But she was just a stuck up bitch. She wasn´t the wealthiest, but always pretended to have more money then she actually owns.
Her friend giggled. Black hair with blue streaks, she was a pure sadist. Pushing around little kids, insulting girls and playing boys. Not even the teachers liked her.
I decided to keep quiet now and slung the backpack over my shoulder, wondering if I could make it out alive.
I walked towards the door, my steps automatically slowing as I heard footsteps behind me, following me.
Kevin, my brown-haired tormenter, knocked me into the wall forcefully as they passed, insulting me loudly while the girls snickered.
It wouldn´t have hurt, if the door knob hadn´t been there. Fuck, I just wanted to cry so badly right now but I bit my lip and stormed out of school, face hard and teeth digging into my lower lip to keep it from quivering.
"Hey, Cry!" Someone said from behind me and I instinctively flinched as they put their hand on my shoulder.
"Relax, dude, it´s just me."
´Jund´.
"H-hey, Scott." I turned and smiled.
"What´s wrong, you look like you´re going to cry."
My face fell a bit, but I faked a chuckle.
"Oh it´s nothing." I lied. "Last period was cooking class and I had to cut some onions…" My voice trailed off and he scoffed.
"Really now. Cry, you´re such a bad liar. I can tell you´re hiding something."
"…"
"Seriously, I´m worried about you." Jund pulled on my sleeve and we walked to the bus stop.
"You don´t have to. I´m just having a bad day." I didn´t want him getting involved. If Jund found out about me getting bullied, he´ll probably storm right up to them and make a scene. Then I´ll just be in deeper shit.
He still wasn´t convinced, but thankfully, he dropped the subject. We rode home, talking about what went down in our separate classes. He told me Felix Kjellberg, a crazy Swede, had jumped on his lunch table in front of everyone and sung a love song for his girlfriend Marzia.
I laughed, Felix is always doing weird things. Either it´s dancing in the middle of class or bringing his pugs to school. I wished I could transfer to Scott´s class, but to do that I have to be able to skip my class. And with my current grades, it was just wishful thinking.
He asked me what happened today and I was ashamed to admit the only mildly exciting thing I had to share was Ms Chelsey yelling at me.
Jund immediately told me not to worry about it, teachers can be unfair sometimes and she probably didn´t mean it.
I wasn´t really persuaded.
We got off the bus and parted ways. I walked up to my front porch feeling my happy mood disappearing.
My sister and my parents weren´t home yet. They usually worked or had school until around 6 pm, leaving me alone for two full hours.
Normally I would kick off my shoes, toss my bag into one corner and play games with full volume. Instead, I dragged myself up to my room and turned on some Savant music. Locking the door, I took off my shirt.
I knew there wasn´t anyone to walk in on me, but a locked door made me feel safer. I walked over to the mirror and stood in front of it, scrutinizing every detail.
´You´re beautiful.´ was the first thought that popped up and I instantly destroyed it.
´No I´m not. I´m too skinny, too pale, my body´s bruised and my arms are scarred.´ I gingerly touched the blue spot on my hip from today. I had many like them.
But of course, they were all from "accidents". I was accidently pushed down the stairs, accidently slammed into lockers, the ball accidently found its way into my stomach, face and I was "too clumsy" to really play along in soccer, because somehow I keep falling.
My fingers trailed up to my arms. The scars were small, white but there. The deeper ones were on my thighs, where I could always hide them. If we have PE and were forced to wear the sleeveless shirts, I was never bothered since my cuts were too small and faint to make out. Unless you get really close.
I slowly traced the main veins on my wrists, goose bumps rippling up my skin. I didn´t want to die. I didn´t want to leave my family and friends behind. But I never wanted to return to the hell hole of a school.
I just wanted to curl up and cry my eyes out. Getting on my knees, I reached behind me, under my bed and pulled out a small box. The clang of razors greeted me and this time the tears spilled, refusing to stop.
I opened the box and took out a blade, sobbing softly. I hate the sound of my crying. I was grateful for the music to overdo it.
The razor bit into my skin, drawing forth droplets of crimson blood that gathered and slowly ran to the underside of my arm.
A sigh left my lips, feeling all the tension and pain drain out of me, leaving only a hollow shell. Tears were still flowing but they felt less hurting.
The blade reached back to my skin and it dug in deep, deeper than it ever had. It shocked me and I felt excited, dragging it around to form a letter. C. Before I knew it, I had scratched my name into my arm. It stung like hell.
A smile appeared on my lips and I placed the razor back into the box, standing up and looking around for a tissue to wipe the blood away. I didn´t want to explain to my mother why there were red stains on the carpet.
As I scanned the room, my eyes fell on the mirror and my smile disappeared. So did my problems. And the biting pain.
There…there in the mirror…was a boy. At first I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me, maybe I was very tired or the tears were blurring my vision, making me think I was seeing something that…was impossible.
But as I blinked and hastily wiped my eyes, I was still seeing him. He looked like me – but he wasn´t.
His hair was darker, his eyes too. He was looked to be sixteen, my age and even wore the same clothes. But he had a mask. A white round mask, shoved to the side of his head so it wasn´t obscuring his face. It was an ugly thing too; two eye holes and a red-blackish, jagged mouth. It looked like a Halloween mask, especially with the fake blood on the edges…or at least I hoped they were fake.
The boy was glaring right at me.
I staggered backwards, falling on top of my bed in the process.
"Wh-what!"
He didn´t respond at first, just regarded me with that disapproving, angry stare. Then he did the unthinkable and I almost passed out right there. The boy reached out and gripped the edges of my mirror.
Like, his hands actually went right fucking through the glass and he pulled himself out, still locking eyes with me.
I was nearly hyperventilating at this point, my mind searched for a logical explanation but found none. And the blasted stinging in my arm demolished all chance of this being a dream.
"Cry." The boy said. His voice was lower and sounded way more threatening than mine.
I shook my head, whether refusing to answer him or to accept him at all, I wasn´t sure.
"Cry," He said again and this time walked up to the side of the bed, where I lay. He reached out and I winced, scrambling to get back.
This seemed to amuse him a bit and he smirked, sitting down the bed next to me. "Scardey-cat. What are you afraid of, your own self?" Then he turned his gaze towards my still bleeding arm. I saw the blood had gotten all over my floor and blankets and I cursed inwardly.
The boy grabbed my wrists before I could protest and took out a handkerchief from his pocket. "Yes you are an idiot." He said and it took me a while to realize he had responded to my thoughts.
"Wh-who…"
"Am I? Seriously Cry that´s such a cliché. But fine. Since you don´t seem to be in the state to figure it out yourself, I´m you." His voice mocked me and I felt a bit angry. As if I needed my reflection coming to life and treating me the same way Kevin and his clique had treated me.
I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off again. "Whoa, I´m sorry! Geez I thought you could take a joke. Fine, fine I´ll stop, don´t give me that look. I´m Mad or Mad!Cry as they would write it on the internet. Basically, I´m a different side of you, I´m sure you noticed me before. Remember this morning? I did talk to you, but you always shove me off."
I remembered. The little voice telling me to stand up and bash their skulls in. The one that kinda surprised me.
"Yeah, I´m your violent side as you can say. And if you would let me take over, I would crack their skulls open."
"Wh-what?! What do you mean, if I would let you take over? You mean possess me?"
He shook his head and removed the dirtied cloth away from my arm. "I´m not a demon, I´m you! Ugh, how do I explain this…okay, you might´ve noticed how there are different voices in your head. Different perspectives. I´m the violent, crazy, psycho side deep, deep inside of you. Though I don´t know if there´s any more of you in there." He tapped his finger on my forehead.
"It did seem pretty empty." He laughed and I cracked a smile, though I was still very confused. I felt a small sting in my arms again and I glanced down to see Mad´s fingers tracing the cuts.
He was so gentle, it was a weird feeling to my marred skin. I looked up and caught him smiling at me, his eyes holding an emotion. Deep and strong, but I couldn´t decipher it.
That is, until he leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. My whole body tensed and my face grew warm. I wanted to pull away, I was sure this was illegal, I couldn´t be kissing my…myself?…my doppelganger?, especially not if he was a boy.
Mad pulled away and his smirk was back. "You over think things Cry. You should just let me take over."
Then he stood up. "Cold water helps washing away blood stains." He motioned towards the droplets before disappearing back into the mirror.
I sat there for the longest time, trying to decide if I was actually going crazy or not.
The sound of the front door opening snapped me out of my thoughts again and I realized I still had to clean away the blood. I pushed the razor filled box under my bead and bunched up my sheets in such a way that the red wasn´t visible. For the floor I placed couple of books over the stains.
My mother called me to see if I have arrived safely and I headed downstairs, putting on a jacket to cover up. I helped my dad carry some boxes inside and soon forgot about the whole incident.
It was only later that evening, when I got into bed, I sat up to look at the mirror.
Mad was there, startling me again. He was watching me.
Unsure of what to say, I just stared back.
"Go to sleep, Cry." Mad said. "Tomorrow´s Friday. Only one day of school left and then weekend." His grin grew wider and he lowered his voice a little. "It´ll be just you and me."
I blushed again and he laughed. He must´ve read my thoughts. I rolled my eyes at his amusement.
"Goodnight Mad."
"Goodnight, Cry."
I laid back down and closed my eyes. Just as I was drifting off, I heard him say,
"I´ll take care of everything. You don´t have to worry anymore."
The next morning I awoke feeling happier than I´ve had in a long, long time. At first I wasn´t sure why, but one look at the mirror reminded me.
I got dressed, in a different room although Mad assured me he didn´t mind, packed some food and hurried down to the bus stop.
Scott was already waiting for me.
"Hey Cry!"
"Good morning, Jund."
"Wow, you´re in a better mood than I left you in yesterday." He said as we boarded the bus. "Did something happen?"
´You could say that.´ I thought. A small chuckle resounded in my mind, but I couldn´t sure if it was really there.
"Maybe." Was all I answered.
"Or you´re just on drugs." Scott teased and I laughed. We found Russ and his girlfriend Red at the back and the four of us chatted away happily.
They all commented on my change of mood, especially Russ who had started to call me a ´emo´ or a ´drama queen´. He was always a bit mean but I liked him anyway.
When we arrived at school, I noticed Kevin and the girls standing by the entrance. My smile disappeared and I panicked. I knew if I´d approach them, they would make fun of me in front of everyone and I didn´t want to the others to find out.
I stopped cold and tried to stammer an excuse why they had to go in without me. I heard another voice in my mind telling me to go ahead. But I was too scared.
My friends stopped and turned to look at me.
"Cry, what´s wrong? You look sick." Red said, concern in her voice.
"I-I…I forgot m-my…" I couldn´t think of a proper lie.
Unfortunately for me, my tormenters had noticed me. I heard their terrible laughter coming closer and closer.
At this point, I think Jund or Russ had caught on. I heard someone say, "leave him alone!" but that didn´t stop them.
"Aww look at the little baby…are you going to cry, Cry?" The ginger said.
I took a step back. My face flushed red with shame. I hated to have my friends here.
"Are you scared, Cry?" Kevin joined in. Russ grabbed his shoulder as he walked towards me, but the brunette only punched him, sending him flying back into the dirt. Red yelled at Kevin, but the bully didn´t care.
He only walked closer, stopping in front of me. On his face was an ugly leer.
Jund tried to help but the girls shoved him back forcefully. Scott usually wasn´t one to hurt anyone from the female world, but seeing his expression, I wasn´t so sure.
A hand was put on my head, the fingers clutching my hair. Kevin yanked my head back, making me whimper in pain.
"What are you even doing here? Shouldn´t you be in nursery school?" He taunted. It might be lame, but I couldn´t deny how scared I was of getting beaten up.
Kevin narrowed his eyes at my silence and he smacked me right in the face. "Answer me, you idiot fag. You heard Ms Chelsey, school is for people who want to learn stuff. Or can learn that is. Sometimes I think you´re having trouble grasping the simplest of questions."
I still refused to talk. The bully raised his arm again to slap me and that´s when I suddenly felt light weighted, like the gravity amount had dropped down a notch.
My hand shot out and moments later Kevin was doubling over, clutching his neck, gasping. The sting in my hand told me I had just attacked. My body moved forward and I heard my voice talking, only it was lower and it carried more authority.
"Don´t you touch me you little prick." I kicked Kevin down, my foot resting on his chest as I leaned forward. I knew I was glaring.
"Pl-please!" He gasped. "Do-don´t hurt me!"
I scoffed and I felt my foot on his throat.
My eyes widen as I realized what I was about to do.
´Mad, no!´ I yelled inwardly.
´Aw, you´re no fun.´ He responded, but obeyed. I left Kevin on the ground and turned to the girls.
They were both staring at me with fearful expression and I felt my lips twist up into a familiar smirk.
"Usually I´m not for hitting weak, defenseless little girls," I taunted and saw the blue streaked one glare. "But you haven´t been acting very ladylike lately, so I think I´ll make an exception." I charged at them and they scattered.
Managing to grab the ginger by the hair, I pulled her back against me, watching the other girl run.
"Please, let me go don´t hurt me let me go!" The normally tough bitch wailed, squirming around.
´Your call.´ Mad said.
I felt my control returning, but I kept her in a tight grip. "Listen to me very carefully." Maybe I couldn´t sounds as threatening as Mad. Right then, however, I felt like I was a good match. I was furious.
"From now on, you and your friends," I spat out the word. "are going to leave me and the rest of the school alone. If I see any of you do so much as look at another student the wrong way, it won´t end pretty. Understand?"
She nodded frantically. I let her go and shoved her away from me.
"C´mon, guys." I picked up my backpack and walked towards school, my friends following me with confused looks of awe.
We weren´t late, thankfully and for the rest of the day I stayed out of trouble, student and teacher wise.
The other kids regarded me. I suppose word spread quickly.
When we sat on the bus, Jund had Felix come over and told him everything that happened. The older blonde laughed when he heard the story and slapped me on the back.
"Good job, bro. You sure showed those barrels!"
A little confused, I looked at Scott, who shrugged back.
My stop finally came and I said goodbye to my friends, promising to chat with them online during the weekend before racing home.
I headed upstairs and locked my door to my room before going to stand in front of the mirror. Mad had been with me the entire time, I knew that. But I wanted to see him again.
"Thank you!" I said as his dark blue eyes met my lighter ones.
"Heh, no problem Cry." He reached out and ruffled my hair before stepping out of the mirror.
I just stood there and smiled, not knowing what to say anymore. Mad grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit on the bed beside him.
"Were you really going to kill Kevin?" I asked suddenly, remembering the little incident.
"Hm, maybe. If you would´ve let me."
He laughed at my shocked face and put both of his hands on my cheeks, leaning in.
"I´m kidding." He said softly, before kissing me once again. I relaxed and, shyly, kissed him back.