Here's my first ever songfic!
It focuses mainly on Lincoln, but has a few small M/S moments included, just for good measure ;)
Major Lincy-angst :/
Rated for some language. I do not own prison break or the song "Fight for Life" by Soil. Great band btw, I highly recommend em to you rock-fans!! -Love!
I look over to the side and see my brother sleeping, the former doctor that helped him save my life tossing beside him, restless, possibly trapped in a nightmare.
Sometimes it seems, especially now, that perhaps we all would have been better off is I hadn't escaped.
So many people dead, so many traumatized, so many damaged beyond repair.
Because I had to live.
Dragging me down
I try to keep myself from sinking
Without a sound I scream in silence
I stop all breathing
If I had known then what I know now, I wonder what I would done in that moment…
When Michael faced me in the chapel of Fox River, and told me he was going to get me out.
I wonder…would I have still let him?
You fight for it and live for it, then it lets you down
Fight for life and it's all i see
Fight for life until it's through with me
She's mumbling something now, and I can make out the word "No" among the incomprehensible noises.
I can only guess that it has something to do with Kellerman.
That asshole of an agent, doing everything for his President first, and then turning around and doing it all for himself.
Trying to kill Sara, and then pretending it was nothing.
"Duty", he says. Bullshit.
It was another life that could have fallen to him….another life that could have ended…because of me…
Chewing me up, engulfed in madness
Searching again
Meaning in life
I keep on searching further to no end
You fight for it and live for it, then it lets you down
Fight for life and it's all i see
Fight for life until it's through with me
Michael shifts for moment, as if he's heard her, but his eyes don't open.
Maybe he thinks he's dreaming too.
My brother… besides L.J, he is all that I have now.
I've lost everything else. Everyone that meant something, anything, to me.
Everything.
Veronica…
If only I had given her the love she deserved.
Now, my heart clenches at the memory of her death.
I listened to it.
It echoes in my head and never fades away.
You fight for life then it's through with you
It is her death that has hurt me the most.
But my father…. L.J's mother, even Tancredi, they only seem to help drive the knife into my gut and send regret pooling into my stomach.
All of it has been for me.
All of the death has been for my life.
I almost want to wake Michael right now, and ask him if it was worth it to him.
Was it worth it to me? The escape, the pain, the endless fight just to survive?
Holding me back
I keep on fighting, for what reason?
Torturing me, what is the purpose?
My time has ended
I sit in the darkness of the hotel room and ask myself these questions.
I sit, unable to rest, and wonder if the end of my life could have saved so many others.
Michael's eyes have opened. I can see them in the dim light of the running laptop computer in front of me.
I wait for the question that I know he is about to ask.
"Linc…you okay?"
My knowledge of my brother is so accurate…maybe I could have passed myself off as a psychic if I had done anything worth shit in my life.
I try and give him a reassuring smile.
I want to ask him the question.
Was it worth it?
But I swallow it down.
And give him the answer he needs.
"Yeah, I'm good. Just got thirsty. Go back to sleep."
I motion to the untouched cup of water next to me.
Satisfied, he nods and turns over towards Sara.
She mumbles again, and I can hear him trying to soothe her with soft words and gentle touches on the shoulder.
My heart aches for her.
It is very possibly Sara that has suffered the most from all of this.
Another question to add to my list…
Would she have helped us if she had known the pain it would cause?
My life…
It means so much to Michael.
And Michael, in turn, means so much to her.
I suppose that's why she did it.
God…my life.
My 'oh so important' life,
A life so many have died for.
Michael has fought so hard to preserve it, and I know he feels the same weight of shame and regrets as I do right now.
But I wonder if he has ever asked himself the question.
I wonder if he has ever considered what his, and Sara's, lives would be like now if I had been executed.
But I suppose it doesn't make any difference now.
It is a question that has no answer.
The only answer to any of it is that I DID escape, and people have paid for it with their lives, literally…and emotionally.
Sara moans lightly in her slumber.
I can hear the pain in it.
She's fought so hard for Mike's happiness.
Fought to keep me alive.
I rise and walk over to the side of the bed.
My hand seems to take on it's own life as it rests on her head and her hair falls through my fingers.
Her breathing calms and she nuzzles into my brother's chest.
Vee died fighting for me.
And Sara came so close.
I wish we all could stop fighting…
Stop running…
Stop hurting…
And just live.
You fight for it and live for it, then it lets you down
Fight for life and it's all i see
Fight for life until it's through with me…