Title- Harry Potter and the PoA (Pissed off Animagus)
Author- KitsuneSkye203
Disclaimer- My name is not Jamie Kellen Redwing, so obviously I do not own Harry Potter or the idea for Harry Potter. But hey, J.K. Rowling's name isn't Jamie Kellen Redwing either…. or is it? No? Ok, but J.K. Rowling does own Harry Potter.
A/N- This will be a humorous one chapter drabble. At least I hope it is funny. And major pwp. At least I hope yet again. And just to let you know ahead of time, you might not understand some parts unless you have read all the books.
Summary- Takes place during HP and the PoA (surprise surprise). And this is major AU. Not the usual Voldy is Harry's pop, but instead, Harry is Voldy's pop!
Harry Potter and the PoA
Our hero starts in the infamous Shrieking Shack; or should we say unfamous? Anyways, the heroes have just met Sirius.
"Harry, I am your father-" the werewolf was cut off.
"Really? My pop?" Harry asked as tears of joy entered his eyes.
"No, and if you listened to me, you would of course realized I was saying that I am your fathers best mate, or was until he was murdered painfully in cold blood right before your eyes." Remus Lupin said in an annoyed voice. Sirius smiled and started to speak.
"I am your father Harry!" Sirius said, standing up and opening his arms.
"Really?" Harry questioned questionably.
"Nope, I'm your godfather!" Sirius cracked into a hoarse bark-like laugh. All of a sudden, there was a POP! Harry, Moony, and Padfoot jumped while Ron and Wormtail grabbed each other and screamed like little girls.
It was none other than He-Who's-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated! In other words, Voldy had come out to play.
"Luke," he took a raspy breath, "I am," another raspy breath, "your father!" Lord Voldemort finished dramatically.
Harry sighed. "First off, my name is not Luke, its Harry."
Everyone looked at Harry in confusion. Either that or they where looking at him like he was crazy. Hermione was the first to speak, that is after she pulled out the tie-die bandanna with a peace sign on it and tied it around her head. "Hey dude, I come in peace, but are you sure your name ain't Luke? I was pretty sure that your name was Luke."
"No, it's not Luke; you are just high from smelling all that ink from those books. Second, Voldy, you watch WAY to much Star Wars, and third, are you really my father?"
Voldemort looked downcast at this. He looked reluctant, but after a bit of prodding from Wormtail, Padfoot, and Moony, he again started speaking. "First off, I was pretty sure your name was Luke. Oh well. Second off, Star Wars rocks! I mean come on! Luke is so sexy… err… I mean Leah is so sexy… yeah, that works… and third off, no, I am not your father," Harry looked downcast at this statement, "You, Harry Potter, are my father!!!"
Everyone looked very even more confused at this, except for Hermione, who looked a bit like Loony Lovegood at this exact moment.
"Umm, how is that possible?" Harry asked.
"Don't ask, don't tell policy." Voldemort replied.
"But I asked, so you gotta tell."
"How about you come with me and I can kill you in the graveyard that you will be transported to next year?"
"Hey, I am Lu- Harry's legal guardian, so you have to talk to me about any dates you want to take him on!" Sirius said, jumping up after hearing about as much of the conversation as Hermione, and that was saying something, cause Hermy wasn't listening.
"Um, mister Black sir, I wanna take Harry to the graveyard." Lord Voldemort said timidly.
"On two conditions!" Sirius said. "Condition one, no partaking in any sexual activities. Condition two, you have to make sure that you have fun. Oh yeah, for the low price of 21 galleons, 9 sickles, and 3 knuts a month, you can have 1000 unlimited minutes of UKOL internet access free!"
"Do you have any clue what you just said?" Moony asked his friend.
"Nope" Padfoot answered.
"Well, I am planning on killing him, Mr. Godfather." Voldemort said, just to clear matters up. "Is that ok?"
"You tell me. Is that partaking in any sexual activities?"
"No."
"Will you be having fun?"
"Yes."
"Well, there is your answer." Sirius concluded.
"Yes?"
"That is what I said, is it not?"
"Yes"
"Well, then yes!"
"Padfoot, you do realize he is going to kill Harry, right?" Lupin asked after listening to this confrontation.
"WHAT?! He's going to kill Harry? How do you know?"
"Because he said he was going to" said a Snape who just pulled off an invisibility cloak.
"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP, YOU GREASY GIT!!!" everyone yelled at Snape. Snape coward in the corner, shaking and crying.
"You're all so hurtful! Do you realize what all this fighting does to me?!" He cried.
"WE SAID SHUT UP!" they all chorused.
Snape fled the room back to Hogwarts.
Sirius turned back to the former Tom Riddle. "No you may not take him to the graveyard to kill him!"
"I am tired of you people running my life!!" Harry cried out as Sirius said this. "I now have to tell you, I can't keep it from you any more, but me and my recently-found-but-have-no-clue-how-son are eloping! I am sorry you had to find out this way, but as these birth certificates show, I, Harry Potter, am Lord Voldemort's father, and we got together and had Wormtail! I am sorry I deceived you for so long!"
"How could you do this to me? I treated you like a son!" Sirius screamed as he sank into an anger/depression mood.
"Do you realize that you could be one of two things right now?" Hermione pointed out. "You are the Prisoner of Azkaban, and a Pissed off Animagus."
"ABRA KADABRA!! Come one work you blasted wand!" Voldemort had started trying to use the killing curse.
"I think you mean Avada Kedavra, Mr. Dark Lord, sir." Ron pointed out as he watched He-Who-Is-A-Royal-Pain-In-The-Arse struggle with the curse.
All of a sudden, an old wizard in lime green robes with purple starbursts ran into the room. He raised his wand and yelled, "EXPLOSIOUS!" and everything and everyone exploded into a million pieces. "Damn, and people thought I was mad. I am the normal one! Maybe the next Dark Lord will be a bit more difficult to handle. After this I diffidently have to fire that damn hag Trelawney. Off to find a new Divination and DADA teacher I guess."
Dumbledore walked out of the shrieking shack. But what the old bat didn't know way that they weren't dead, and he doesn't need new teachers yet! The horror of the wasted money!
END
A/N- Ok people, there you have it. My pathetic attempt at being funny. Flames will be used to burn flamers, or just plain laughed at. Have a good day. Oh yeah, you can decide witch PoA means. Either or. And I am now off to bed, because it is now 4:30 am, and I have not slept in 2 days. It's not my fault if it sucks; it's the lack of sleeps fault!
Kitsune Skye 203
aka
Syd
PS-
We shall take a vote!
A) 1 shot.
B) Another chapter.
As it stands, there will not be another chapter unless you ask.
-Syd-