Disclaimer: FFVII characters, Cloud and Tifa - not mine okay:P The song lyrics from Skillet (the ones in bold) are also not mine. However, sappy normally typed words are mine... hehe
The Older I Get
The walls between…you and I
I stared at you. For so long, my eyes were glued to your retreating back. I thought that if I blinked just once, you would disappear. I wanted to stop you. I wanted to grab onto your arm and pull you back into my arms. Crush you to my chest and breathe in your sweet vanilla scent. But…I think it's too late for that. You were gone the next second. I shouldn't have blinked.
Always pushing us apart
Nothing left but scars
Fight after fight
I remember the anger and disappointment in your eyes. Had you really been waiting for me for so long? I had tried to phone you… but…your cell was off. I couldn't let the team down, Tifa. They depended on me and I've shouldered that responsibility already. Couldn't you be more patient? I said so. But you would shout at me and ball your delicate fingers into fists to pound on my chest. Cutting words would follow. Those would always hurt more.
'Am I not important enough for you?'
'Who's more important; me or your goddamn motorbike?!'
'Why am I the one who always has to wait?'
'Cloud! Would you even care if I said that I'm leav-……urgh…never mind.'
You walked away with such a sad look on your face. My heart pounded painfully at the sight. And yet, I said nothing.
The space between
Our calm and rage
Sometimes, I would just leave you there, standing on the street. But this time, you were the one who had left first and I was the one standing there by myself as people whispered. It was cruel and unkind. But I couldn't bear being criticized just because I was responsible. It wasn't my fault that I had taken my bike to the repair shop. Or that I had to go and practice with the team for the upcoming motocross races. It was my duty. Can't you understand that, Teef? As I look back on that time though, I realized that I acted like a kid. One who is always making up excuses for hurting someone else. I avoided you at school still, after those fights. Those stupid, ridiculous fights that I always regretted afterwards. I remember thinking what an idiot I was to let something so little get in the way of the feelings that I held for you. I know better now. I'm not a kid anymore…
Started growing shorter, disappearing slowly day after day
As the days passed, I felt the hole in my heart grow larger and larger. I would suddenly miss walking next to you on the way to school. I would start missing the small everyday things that we shared with each other. Helping you clean the chalkboard, you laughing at me as I accidentally spilled Coke on my shirt, the lazy days when we would inadvertently skip class as we watched the cherry blossoms fall in the spring. Are you remembering those times too? Are you thinking of me too? Because…. Right now…I'm thinking of you.
I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder
I had called you yesterday. Surprisingly, no one had picked up the phone. I left a message on your answering machine. A short, curt one that I had spent the whole night before thinking of.
"Teef…I'm sorry."
I was waiting in my room, staring at the cordless phone that sat on my bedside dresser. I wondered anxiously if you were going to call. I thought that maybe you had been waiting for me too. Hopes had arisen in my chest that night. But the clock ticked away the time. It was 1 o'clock in the morning when I finally laid my eyes to rest. One thought ran through my mind before I fell asleep,
'Why didn't you call?'
The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
The next day at school, I didn't see you sitting in your desk in class. I asked your friends but they wouldn't answer me, telling me that they didn't know where you were. Is this your revenge Tifa? Making me worry about you? I could handle this but please, let the joke stop soon. I need to see you again… I don't want to wait too long though I'm guessing this was how you felt when I never came on time.
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think…
I think I'm going crazy. You haven't been here at school for over a week! I keep asking your friends and now they won't even speak to me. All they do is just send dirty looks and angry glances my way. I went over to your house the other day but no one answered. Your house looked so quiet, standing there in the middle of the neighborhood. What's happening, Tifa?
Where are you?
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this
It's been almost a year now. I don't know where you've gone, Teef. I only realized that you weren't coming back to me the moment I saw the "for sale" sign in front of your house. That was nearly 11 months ago, that realization. I thought we were better than this. Why did you leave without telling me? Did you think that I wouldn't care? Do you think that I would've…?
Sometimes I wonder, what had you been thinking the moment we said goodbye?
The time between
Those cutting words
In my mind, I ran through everything little thing that you said or had even suggested to me, looking for a clue as to why you disappeared. And then there it was. The distressing memory, the last time I heard your voice. The day when you left first.
'Cloud! Would you even care if I said that I'm leav-……urgh…never mind.'
Were you trying to tell me at that time? Were you going to say that you were leaving?
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
When girls approached me throughout the years, I rejected them. I didn't want anything else to do with women. Because you….they all remind me of you.
Do you believe?
That time heals all wounds?
Time has made things worse. The older I get, the more the tear in my heart grows. I searched for you. Those days when I…no…no, I don't believe I'll ever see you again.
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you
Those fights have taken their toll on me now. Why couldn't I have paid more attention to you? I still can't accept the fact that you had never trusted me with the fact of your moving.
I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder
The older I get
Some nights, I stare at my phone, the "what if" questions filling my head.
What if I had phoned you a second time?
What if I had went over to your house instead?
What if I had cancelled the practice to meet with you on time?
What if I had never met you, knew you, loved you…?
I wondered what would've happened to the me now. Would I be happy? Or still alone and lost?
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think…
I find no relief as the years pass. The memories are too vivid in my mind's eye to forget.
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this
What was I waiting for?
I don't know…. But right now, I'm still waiting for you.
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad…
How much I love you…. Did you know, Teef? Do you know that I still haven't forgotten you?
What were you waiting for?
I know you were waiting for me. Keep waiting, Teef. Please wait for me to find you.
This could have been the best we ever had
The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think…
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this
Hurts like this.
Hurts like this.
I didn't know that missing you would hurt like this…
A/N: "The Older I Get" by Skillet really made me feel like writing this one-shot. So, here it is! It's not that great and all but I just felt like sharing it to let off some steam. It turned out pretty sappy though... " Anyways, enjoy!