Notes: This is a sort of Eclipse-AU. No spoilers, really.
Disclaimer: Twilight © Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
She always watches him from underneath black lashes. There is no other choice: her eyes will get blinded if she looks at him directly.
It's a secret. A deep, dark secret of Angela Weber that no one knows, buried deep within her. She doesn't even know of the secret until she meets Jacob Black.
It is naturally assumed that she likes boys like Ben Cheney. She does and yet she doesn't. The boys like Ben Cheney are the kinds that she is supposed to go out with, marry, and have children with. The natural progression of life for nice, honest girls like her. The boys like Jacob Black are the ones who make her follow them blindly, without any care as to her feelings. The ones who'd make her throw out all logic out the window and do everything and anything for them.
Would that be so horrible then?
Yes. Yes it would. Because she doesn't want that. She doesn't know what she wants, but it's not that.
She walks on the beach, the water gently lapping at her bare feet. The air is muggy and everything a rainy color. She sees a black silhouette coming toward her in the opposite direction, but doesn't pay any mind. It is only when the silhouette comes into clear view that she sucks in a breath. This is it. She rehearses the conversation in her mind, knows what she's going to say and retort back to him.
She has resolve, that's the most important thing.
They come closer and closer to each other. They're in talking distance in a few minutes. She stops first and he second.
"Jake-" She begins, but she suddenly stops because he comes to stand beside her and gently slips his large hand into hers.
His hand is surprising soft and she can feel shivers climb her arms. Not good, not good. She can feel her resolve melting into a slippery, gooey puddle in her belly. He's standing too close. She needs room, air. Where has all the air gone?
They continue walking hand in hand down the wet sand. She's looking straight ahead and seeing nothing. The sun is blocked by dark clouds, but her eyes hurt for some reason, as though the sun is shining directly onto them.
"Jake?" She starts again. She needs to say this. But her throat feels heavy and she thinks she's going to faint from the humidity.
"Yes?" He answers solemnly. Is he a mind reader? Does he know what's on her mind? How could he?
"I- I love Ben." She forces from her tight throat and strains her eyes at the murky water. She can't look at him, she can't. She'll crumble.
"I know." He says with the same somber tone.
They don't say anything for awhile. Usually, Angela likes the silence. It's comforting and warm, not having to talk every second of a minute. But this, this one is repressible and clenches at her heart like a vise. Now, more than anything, she wishes the silence could be filled. Maybe it might make her feel better. Maybe it would make her hate herself less, knowing what he's thinking and listening to the sound of his voice. They've become precious things to her over the last couple of months.
His hand squeezing her own a bit more firmly brings her out of her thoughts. She looks down at her feet and realizes that she needs to paint her toenails, pretty them up more.
Jacob suddenly stops and she gets wrenched back from going forward. She still does not look at him.
He takes her chin and angles her face toward him. She blinks and feels something get caught in her throat. He's too bright and he hurts her eyes, yet she can't look away.
She's trapped and feels her resolve dissolve into her stomach to become a part of her, to disappear as if it was never there in the first place. How funny.
He stares into her eyes and she can feel herself getting hypnotized.
"Maybe you can find it in your heart to love me a little too. I'll wait." He says, then leans in and kisses her fiercely. The brightness of Jacob Black still swirls around her eyes, her closed eyes. She feels as though there's no gravity, no space…no Ben Cheney.
Maybe…maybe if this is a declaration of his feelings, she can find it in her heart to love him a little too…