I'm not sure what I'm doing, I'd been writing this alongside my other story, and realised I'd actually written a lot of it though in bits and pieces. I came back to it and started getting carried away editing it... I don't know may take it down as I'm not sure posting another story that I may take an age to complete is such good idea.
Glee and characters aren't mine.
Not Without You
December 2014
She had to leave. Continuing to watch him was creating a stabbing sensation in that piece of flesh that had for so long felt empty and numb, and now it was telling her it was alive through every aching beat. She wished it would return to numbness. Still she was happy for him, because he was happy, as he radiated a warm smile at the woman in his arms, it still hurt deep down, when she cared to admit it and thought about how she was not that woman.
The rational part of her brain soon reignited back into action, reminding her why she should not be that woman. Being with him was tainted with her mistakes and her selfishness.
She should never be that woman.
Mercedes silently made her way out into the frosty night.
This was all her fault, she thought, but at least now, she could do the right thing. And if that meant lying to her self or pretending to herself that whatever she felt or he might have felt, meant nothing, than that was how it had to be. After all to even admit the alternative could even marginally be possible was unbearable. So, that was the choice she was making, because that was what it was about, doing the right thing.
And she was right, she concluded, as she looked one last time at his sparkling eyes, trained on the woman he had loved long before she ever showed up, everything was as it should be.
Mercedes stepped away and slipped out of the celebrations.
"Goodbye, Sam" She whispered.
She looked down at her protruding abdomen feeling a dull pang and rubbed at it, with a sigh.
She grabbed her bag and made her way outside to her taxi.
She settled in the cab and opened her purse.
"Oh shucks" she realised.
X
Everyone applauded, as the couple finished their dance. Sam hugged Quinn and let go of her. He looked around the room at the faces smiling, noticing one in particular was missing.
He whispered in Quinn's ear "I just have something I need to check upstairs"
"Ok sure" she nodded, patting down his lapel and giving him a smile, "Don't be too long"
Sam took Quinn's hand and rubbed it. He turned away and walked to the lobby, hoping that maybe Mercedes had not gone just yet, not without saying good bye.
He was stupid to run after her, stupid to think she would want to see him after everything and he was stupid to look for her, but he had to.
The lobby was decidedly empty and he stepped onto the street outside noticing that a taxi was parked there.
He rushed up to the door that was still half open and pulled it.
"Mercedes?" he called to the passenger seat.
It was empty.
"Sorry sir this cab is taken" the driver said over his shoulder from his seat.
"Where did she go?"
"Said she forgot something"
Sam ran back into the building he called the elevator, pushing at the button frantically.
It finally arrived and she pressed the top floor button up to the office.
X
Mercedes opened the top drawer of her old desk and looked inside.
She breathed a sigh of relief. It was still where she left it.
She picked the envelope up and slipped it in her bag.
Then she returned to the hall switching off the lights and calling the elevator.
To her relief one was already arriving and she stood in front of it watching the floor numbers increase on the counter until it arrived.
Ding!
The door opened.
Mercedes froze dead in her tracks when she saw him, the only movement she could muster was a slackened jaw and the tightening of her fingers around the strap of her bag.
"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" he said at her widened eyes.
Mercedes eyes dropped downwards, she rubbed at her abdomen, that pang again.
"I already said goodbye" she said looking back up at him tensing her jaw with more determination "I have to go Sam"
"Ok hop in!"
She stared hard at him from where she stood.
"You aren't coming out?"
"Nope," he shrugged "I found what I was looking for"
Sam's gaze stayed fixed on her.
She was not going to give him the satisfaction of showing her annoyance., "I think I'll take the next one"
"Don't you have the meter running on that taxi downstairs?"
She released a heated breath and closed her eyes, feeling another pang in her abdomen, she didn't know if she could wait so long.
"Fine" she stomped inside and turned away from him facing the entrance.
She could feel Sam's eyes observe her intently.
"Why are you doing this Sam?" she said and shook her head, her eyes remained focused ahead of her.
Sam stood by the controls and pressed the button to close the elevator door.
"I just wanted to make sure I saw you, one last time, try and convince you to stay" he watched her profile that was working hard at not turning to look at him.
"I can't stay" she said at the door and shook her head.
They stood in silence for a while.
"Are you going to push that button or what?!" she said turning her head finally to look at him with raised eyebrows and a hand on her hip.
"I just wanted to talk" Sam said, with a casual shrug of his shoulders.
"Sam" she said her tone warning, sliding her hand along her abdomen, feeling that that shooting pain again but trying to hide her discomfort.
Sam just watched her from where he stood.
"This is ridiculous!" She exhaled and walked to Sam's side of the elevator, pushing him a little to reach the button. She pressed it and the elevator started to whirr into action, she returned to where she stood, staring hard at the door.
"Why are you leaving Mercedes?"
"I think you know why" she said quietly and then started to rub her abdomen again "And you know… I don't appreciate you playing these ridiculous games with me Sam"
"I'm not playing any games Mercedes"
"Yeah right" she shook her head and then suddenly sighed deeply over the sharp pain that hit her, "Ouch"
Sam noticed the distress in her face.
"Are you ok?" he leaned towards her.
"Yes I'm fine!" she snapped raising a hand for him to keep his distance.
Sam's back raised a little as he took in a deep breath in response to her outburst, but he understood where it was coming from, of course he did. He stood back a little to give her room, but stayed looking at her with a soft expression.
"Mercedes"
"I just need you to back off Sam, okay?"
The elevator suddenly stopped and lights dimmed.
Mercedes grabbed on to the handle bar behind her.
"What the hell?" She said, looking around her and at the elevator control panel, the buttons were now lit up red.
"Looks like its stuck" Sam started pushing at the buttons.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Hey! I didn't cause this" he shot back at her.
"I bet you would if you could" she muttered.
Sam looked at her and sighed.
"You know you're probably right" he smirked, pressing the emergency call button.
Mercedes sniggered over the sound of the ringing and shook her head.
Mercedes sighed sharply in pain, hunching over.
"Mercedes!" Sam said suddenly and put his arm on her shoulder.
"I'm okayyy!" her voice was barely audible as it cracked over her discomfort that only confirmed that she was definitely not "okay".
"How often have they been coming?"
Mercedes looked up at Sam angrily and then sighed as her stance relaxed ever so slightly. She shook her head "They started this afternoon and now they're just more often…I'm sure its' nothing…"
"Hmmm" he studied her and narrowed his eye brows, calculating in his mind, "Maybe you should sit down for a bit…have a rest"
Mercedes was about to refuse being fussed over but then another sharp pain caused her to buckle a little and she leaned on Sam.
"Mercedes, please just let me help"
She turned her head upwards at him, his eyes were pleading, his forehead furrowed, with concern etched across his face, she knew he just wanted to help her and the pang that followed reminded her that she was definitely in no position to be oppositional right now.
She sighed gazing at him and slowly nodded.