"I'm done."
The words rang in my head over and over. I'm done. I'm done.
We're done. We're broken up. There's no more we. There's "you" and there's "me." There is no more "us." Not anymore.
I cried myself to sleep that night, though I really didn't get much sleep. My fight with Carmilla earlier kept replaying behind my eyelids like a reoccurring nightmare.
My anger at Carmilla was gone. All that was left was the guilt and sadness. I felt guilty for making her so upset, for getting so caught up in this mess of saving Silas… that I ignored the fact that Mattie is Carm's sister. For not realizing that, in all reality, I was asking her to betray her sister—the only family Carmilla has left. The Dean's gone… Will's dead… And even though, Carm wasn't fond of either of them—she hated them, really—they were still her family. Now they're both dead, and all Carmilla has left is Mattie.
How could I ask her to just betray her big sister, as if their bond meant nothing to her? How could I expect Carmilla to help me take down her sister… without even thinking about how she feels? How could I be so selfish?
Carmilla seems to be back to her old habits. Stealing my blanket in the middle of the night. Clogging the shower drain with her hair. Leaving fur all over the place. And when I say all over the place… I mean all over the place. I don't even know how it's possible for her to have that much fur. It's like she's shedding, or something.
It was starting to annoy me. And it made me feel even guiltier that I was the one who caused all of this to happen.
On top of that, Carmilla is taunting me. With her body. There's her relationship with clothes, or lack there of. Clearly, she's doing it to drive me nuts. Not that it's working, of course…
Anyway… I decided to mark some boundaries—her side of the room and my side. How did I do this, you may ask? Easy. I blocked the arch-way between us in tape. And to make it even better, I used the kind of tape they use on crime scenes—you know, the one with "CAUTION" written all across it.
Carmilla's reaction was… interesting, to say the least.
Carmilla walked in to see the tape covering the entranceway between our sides of the room. "What the creep in hell?
"I thought we might get along better if we established some boundaries," I said.
Carmilla walked around to her side, taking her sunglasses off and tossing them on the loveseat. "Boundaries?"
"Yup," I said cheerily. "That's your side of the room and this is my side of the room. Now you can be as gross as you want, as long as it stays on your side."
She looks at me. I look towards the camera, closing my eyes.
"Oh my God," she said, sounding a little surprised. "You mean that."
I opened my eyes and looked in her direction, but not directly at her.
"Do you think it'll work?" Carmilla drawled, her voice dropping an octave.
"What?" I asked, turning my head to look at her.
"Do you think," Carmilla said, somewhat amused, "your little line will hold back the nasty vampires?"
She locked eyes with me. After a few seconds of silence, she continues, "Do you think this'll make sure you never have another thought you don't want to have about one of us?"
I continued looking into her eyes. I still thought they were a beautiful shade of brown…
No, Laura, I thought. Stop it! You're not supposed to do that. You're broken up, remember?
I knew this, but I couldn't help but admire Carmilla's beauty.
After what felt like eternity, but was really just a few seconds, I broke eye contact and looked back at the camera.
Carmilla continued to stare at me.
"I'm pretty sure the blood mustache is gonna take care of that," I said. I sighed. "What the hell, right? Big Sis is just planning on killing us all, anyway."
"Not that it's any of your business," Carmilla said. "But I didn't kill anyone. Mattie and I just had a little fun."
I glanced at her. "Classy."
Something Carmilla said earlier kept me thinking. Would I be able to resist thoughts of us being together? Would I be able to resist her?
I would like to say "Yes. Quite easily." But… if I'm being honest with myself, the answer is "No, not at all." There is no way I'll be able to resist Carmilla forever. Hell, I can't take my mind off her now!
I need to make this right. This isn't doing any good. For either of us. I'm going to fix Carmilla and my relationship. Or at least, I'll try. If she doesn't want me back, then…
No, I tell myself. No. I'm not going to think like that. I'm going to make things right between us. I have to.
And I had an idea. All I needed was some help to put it into action.
I had gathered all my friends—Danny, Kirsch, LaFontaine, J.P., and Perry—into the lounge room of the Dean's old apartment to tell them my plan. But it was proving to be a little more difficult than I expected…
"You want to what?!" Danny exclaimed.
"I want to get back together with Carmilla."
"Um… Not that I'm objecting," LaFontaine said. "But, why?"
I was about to answer them, when Danny interrupted. "She broke your heart, Laura. Why would you want to get back together with her?"
"Danny," I sighed, turning towards her."We were upset. We didn't mean what we said. Besides," I continue, turning so I can address LaFontaine. "You haven't seen her the last few days. She's been acting… different. She acts like she doesn't care that we broke up, but she does. I can tell."
"Yeah, Carmilla's acting different. She's being all gross and seductive on you—just like she was at the beginning of last semester," Danny said, exasperated.
"You didn't see Carm when we talked earlier. She had this look in her eyes, like-"
"Like she wants to seduce you and drain you of your blood?" Danny sneers.
I roll my eyes at her. "Like she was upset and guilty. Like…"
"Like…?" LaF prompted.
I looked at them. "Like she still loves me."
"Oh, please!" Danny scoffs. "Carmilla's probably just pretending so she can-"
"She's not pretending," I said firmly. "You didn't see it, Danny. The emotion in her eyes… It was pure and sincere."
"No one can fake a look like that," Perry said. It was the first time she's talked since I gathered everyone here.
We all look over at her. "No one can do that," she continues. "There's no way someone can fake a look so sincere. It's impossible. So, if Laura wants to get back together with Carmilla, I'll support her in that choice."
I smile at her. "Thanks, Perry."
"Of course, Laura." She smiles back at me. "I've seen you the last few days. You haven't been yourself since you and Carmilla broke up. Neither of you have. And it's clear you love each other, so I'll help you get back together."
"I will, too." LaF adds. "It's been weird with you two not together." They smirked. "With all the sexual tension between you and Carmilla, it's amazing one of you hasn't torn the other's clothes off yet."
"LaFontaine!" Perry scolded, smacking them on the shoulder.
The smirk doesn't leave their face. "Sorry, Perr. But it's true."
I ducked my head, trying to hide my blush. I lifted my head again when J.P. spoke, "I will help you, as well. True love is hard to find. So when you do find it, you have to fight for it."
I smiled at him. "Thanks, J.P."
He smiled back. "My pleasure, Laura."
"Hey, count me in, too! I'm always willing to help out a bro!" Kirsch exclaims happily.
I chuckle. "Thank you, Kirsch."
"You're very welcome, little nerd."
Kirsch turns to Danny, who's sitting on the chair in the middle of the room, watching us silently. "What about you, D-Bear? You in?" he asks, excitedly.
Danny doesn't say anything for a few moments. Then she looks at me and grins. "What do you need, Hollis?"
I'm standing on a small stage in the middle of a local bar just outside of Silas. It's dark in the bar, save for the lights on the stage and a disco ball above the dance floor.
Normally, I wouldn't be caught dead in a bar—let alone standing on the stage in the middle of one. But this is no normal occasion.
I had explained my plan to the others, telling them that we should do it here. I had overheard Carmilla telling Mattie that she was coming here tonight. Fortunately, Mattie said she couldn't come because she had "matters to deal with of which I don't want to bore you with the details."
This bar is called The Black Cat, which I found ironic because… you know, Carm can turn into a giant black cat.
I chuckled. Seems fitting for her to like it here.
I was a little nervous. What if Carmilla doesn't like it? What if she's not even here?
As if reading my thoughts, Danny walks over to me.
"Hey, Laura."
"Hey," I smile at her.
"I saw Carmilla. She's by the wall, lurking in the shadows."
I chuckled. "Of course she is."
"Are you nervous?"
"Yeah. What if I mess up?"
"You'll do fine. And don't ask whether she'll like it or not. She will. I know I would, if I were her." Danny bites her lip and glances back at the others.
"Um… We better get ready. The DJ will be announcing us in a few minutes." She starts to walk away.
"Hey, Danny!" I call out.
She stops and turns back to me. "Yeah, Laura?"
"Thanks for helping me."
"You're welcome. I can see you love her. And I know she loves you, too."
I smile at her and she smiles back.
"Hey, Frosh! You ready?" LaF calls from the back of the stage.
"Yup! Ready!" I called back.
"I'm gonna go," Danny says and jogs off to her spot on the stage.
I hear the DJ announce to the crowd: "Alright, everyone! We got ourselves a special performance tonight. They told me not to say their name, but I will tell you this: The song they're about to sing is for a very special person. And they are in this room right now! I won't say who it is, but I'm sure that person will now who they are soon enough. So, without further ado…"
He motions to the stage as the curtains open, revealing us to the crowd. My eyes search for Carmilla as the opening cords start to play. I find her, leaning against the wall, eyes trained on the stage. On me.
I started to sing.
"I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever.
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die."
We continued to stare at each other, Carmilla moving a little closer to the stage and into the light. I could see her beautiful form—her dark hair, her deep brown eyes. She was sporting her usual leather pants and a punk rock t-shirt.
My eyes roamed up her body to her face. They traveled over her jaw, her lips, her nose… to her eyes. They bored into mine with an intensity I'd never seen before.
We kept eye contact as I continued to sing.
"So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you, saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.
These days I haven't sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger's side.
Realized I loved you in the fall."
I saw Carmilla come closer to the stage. She was standing in front of it now, eyes still locked with mine. There was a small smile on her face now.
"And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mid.
You gave all your love and all I gave you was, "Goodbye."
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you, saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.
I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door, I understand."
Carmilla continued to stare at me, her smile widening. I felt a smile start to grow on my own lips.
"But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you, saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind"
There were full blown smiles on both our faces now. I knelt on the stage, reaching a hand out to Carmilla. She came towards me. Stopping in front of me, she reached a hand out and interlaced our fingers. We smiled at each other as I sang the final words of the song.
"I go back to December all the time.
All the time."
Once the song ended, I dropped the mic and jumped off the stage. Carmilla caught me in her arms and set me down gently. She didn't let go of my waist.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey, there, Cupcake." Carmilla smirks at me.
"Did you like it?" I asked.
Carmilla didn't say anything for a few moments. "I didn't like it." My heart sank and my smile faded.
Then Carmilla smiled and kissed my nose. "I loved it, Cutie."
My face broke into a full blown grin. "You did?"
In response, Carmilla kissed me. I felt fireworks explode in my body and I wrapped my arms around her neck, not caring that everyone was watching us.
When I finally pulled away for breath, Carmilla smirked. "Does that answer your question, Creampuff?"
"Yes," I grinned.
"Good," she said and kissed my forehead.
I leaned my head against Carmilla's chest and closed my eyes.
"Carm?" I whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, Cutie. Of course I will."
I smiled as I felt Carmilla kiss the top of my head.
Later that night, Carmilla and I were lying in bed together. Carmilla's arms were wrapped tightly around me and I never felt more at home than I do now.
"I love you, Carm," I whispered,
"I love you, too, Laura."
We were silent for a little while. Then I asked, "Carmilla?"
"Yes, Laura?"
"One day, when I ask… Will you turn me into a vampire?"
Carmilla was silent for a few minutes. Then she said, "If that's what you want. Then, yes, I will."
I smiled and cuddled closer to her, resting my head on her shoulder. "Ok," I whispered. "One day."
Carmilla kissed the top of my head and whispered in my ear, "One day."