Author's Notes: I know I've taken a long break from my other fics because of some pretty dark life stuff that happened, and no I have not watched infinity wars yet, but I know a few spoilers (trauma+surprises=equals bad theater reactions) aaannyways, this fic was written while I was at a training seminar without internet access for enough time I got insanely bored... it also happened to be a month after civil war came out and thus was fresh in my mind. found the notebook I recorded this in recently, and in honor of everyone's heartbreak, I'm posting it. I hope you enjoy.
He woke up as a 'Roger's style blanket' lying on top of someone as though only his body could prevent them from freezing. It wasn't exactly a new position, anytime he shared a bed with someone he woke up to a desperate tugging on his arm and a gasped plea of "Off!" It had been that way since he was little, as if even in sleep he wanted to shield and protect those he cared for. Not a new habit, but one he hadn't employed for 70 years, honestly part of him wondered how it hadn't gotten lost along the years.
Vaguely he wondered who he had pinned this time, the haze of sleep prevented his memories from last night from presenting him the answer. Slowly he shifted, not wanting to wake up whoever it was. Maybe he wasn't as careful as he tried to be, sleepy grumbles met his ears as the arm resting across his back tried to pull him back down. Before he caught a glimpse of the person's face it was buried in his neck, nuzzling and spreading fluttering kisses up his neck and across his jaw. Steve blinked, feeling hair slide against his cheek, and a hand clink down his ribs, curling pleasantly around his him.
The clinking noise was vaguely remember, but he couldn't get his mind to focus. He closed his eyes, turning his face to capture the soft lips in a kiss. He had gotten a few kisses back in the 1930's, but they all felt insignificant in comparison to this one. It started off as a gentle pressure, Steve trying to encourage the lips brushing his to linger for a moment longer, but then his bedmate took that invitation and intensified it to a level that bordered on urgency. There was a whispered moan, and a hand carded through Steve's hair, holding him still as the kiss deepened, their lips parting under the onslaught. Not one to back down from a fight, Steve kissed back, running his tongue over their full bottom lip. The person beneath him gasped eagerly opening their mouth to tangle their tongue with his. The cool hand on his hip tightened as the arched under him, rubbing the hardness of his arousal against the steady pressure of their own.
The final clue finally penetrated the clouds of sleep in Steve's brain to illuminate the situation, and memories from the night before stated clunking into place. He pulled back, the thin light of dawn in the hotel room confirming his suspicions. "Bucky?!"
The male under him froze, untangling himself from Steve as much as he could while still being pinned to the bed. "Get off me, Rogers." Was the toneless reply.
The familiar voice confirmed the reality of the situation, startling Steve fully awake. Memories vied for his attention, a battle of wills the night prior, himself standing with his foot wedged in the motel room's door, his shield and a pillow tucked under one arm and his duffle bag thrown over the other.
"Go away, Rogers" the Winter Soldier snarled at him from the inside of the room, trying to push the door closed. They had rented a two room suite, and Barnes was adamant about taking one room for himself.
"No. What's to say you'll still be here in the morning? It's your M.O. to run away, remember? I'm not letting you leave me again!"
Bucky's nostril's flared at the challenge in the Captain's voice, his mechanical arm rippling where it crossed over his chest, trying to decide if this pissing contest needed to devolve into a fight. There was a moment where the anger in his eyes almost softened in a wave of nostalgia, but then the expression was gone.
"Fine." He growled, a wry smirk spreading on his lips, "but I'm warning you, you won't like the 'Bucky' you wake up to." With that cryptic remark he stepped away from the door, giving Steve enough room to slip inside. "Your loss…Captain." The last word could have been a jeer, but Barnes was suddenly making such an effort to ignore Steve, that the blond wasn't sure if he imagined it or not.
Steve tried to maintain eye contact as he pointedly put his duffle bag and shield down directly in front of the door like a booby-trap, but Barnes eyes were blocked by cloth as a quick flex of metal one-handedly dragged his shirt over his head. Steve blushed, suddenly remembering that it had been a long time since their last sleep over, surely that was the reason his eyes drew curiously over his friend's chest, looking for new scars, or open wounds. He pushed any other reason out of his mind and continued his one-sided staring contest as he placed his pillow at the top of the bed and started shucking his own clothes.
A metal hand shoved his hip hard enough to throw him off balance and back into the present. "Did all that time in the Ice make you deaf?! Get off!" the venom in James's voice was acidic, making Steve wince from the raw pain behind it. Steve wondered why he hadn't seen this coming, they had always been close in the past, Steve almost a second son to the Barnes family. He had fallen asleep in Bucky's arms too many times during nights the nightmares were too bad, or his mother' drinking had gotten out of control. The only this new to the equation was the kissing, or the kissing, and what came with it.
"You want me." The whisper wasn't a question, just the statement of an epiphany that had been building inside of him for a lifetime. The way his lips still tingled felt like proof, but his brow wrinkled in confusion. "Why are you so desperate to run away from me?"
"Why are you so stupid!?" the Winter Soldier shoved him again, almost throwing him off if it had not been for Steve throwing his weight forward and pinning Bucky back down. "Damn it Rogers! Let it go!" Bucky snarled. "Stop being the 'Good Little Hero' and leave me alone!"
"No!" most of Steve's weight was focusing on keeping Barnes in place, "For God's sake! Stop running away from me!" Unable to think of another tactic, the Captain screwed up his courage and kissed his best friend.
He got bit for his efforts. Not letting that stop him, sure the rejection was prompted by disbelief, rather than disinterest, Steve kissed him harder, his hand fisting in the brunet's hair, his knees nudging Barnes's legs apart so he could rest between them, their pelvis's aligning.
"Damn it, James, can't you tell I want you too?!" he panted slightly from the brutality of the kiss, tasting the copper of his own blood on his lips. He hoped he hadn't pushed his friend too far.
"Morning wood proves nothing, Captain." Again the rank induced a sneer. "Bodies do what they are made for. American Heroes don't turn gay for their best friends, no matter how good they are at kissing." The resignation and certainty of defeat that colored Barnes's voice chipped at Steve's heart. This wasn't the first time James had though the words, they were too similar to a mantra.
Steve pulled away finally, cold and hurt, "I love you, Bucky." He whispered. "I'd do anything for you." Surely, James knew that this would be such a small step for Steve to take, one he would take gladly if it meant making him happy. Adding sex and romance into the love that he already had for James, Steve was sure that it would be practically a non-issue. But obviously James refused to see it that way, and the rejection stung.
Bucky looked away from those eyes so blue he could drown in them. "Don't push this, Steve, one time would be too little and too much. You're too good of a guy not to give this a shot, and I'm too petty to settle for less than all of you. You'll insist we try, and I'll fail to make you happy, and you'll keep trying anyways, because you think that's what I want; and I'll be sitting on the side of that dance floor knowing that you belong in the center with someone else. I've tried once to settle for being your best friend at the bar, and it nearly got me killed because I couldn't let you go. Best for us both if you let us finish this drama with the accords and we both go our own separate ways."
Steve didn't move, even as his body twitched in protest of the tension required to keep him hovering over the man who had been everything to him. Truth was, he didn't know what he'd want in the future, and he just knew that kissing James felt as natural as breathing. Right now he wanted to hold Bucky tight enough to bind all of the broken pieces of his heart back together. Without making any decision he found himself lowering back down, resting on top of Bucky once more, his head in the crook of Bucky's neck as his metal arm started stroking his back. No matter what was happening between them, this was their default, comforting and caring for each other, with the same kind of non-thinking Steve brushed his lips against Barnes's throat.
"Steve, Please…" The ex-Hydra agent sighed, brushing his lips against Steve's forehead. "I can't say 'no' to you," he didn't have the will-power to keep fighting 80+ years of feelings if they had the chance of being reciprocated.
Steve stubbornly met Bucky's lips with his own, deciding the big questions about the future, about right and wrong, could all wait. What was happening was meant to happen, he was sure about it.
"Steve…" the word came out as a final plea for reason, before Bucky surrendered and kissed Steve back. The kiss had the finality of a dying man accepting his fate. Steve broke it, frustrated by the bitterness and sadness of it. He tried again, tenderly searching for the spark of fire they had before. Roger's kiss became more and more demanding, going from begging to challenging Barnes into responding in kind, into letting Rogers make love to him. It wasn't long before Barnes took the bait, panting as he returned the kiss in equal fervor.
In complete opposition to his previous indifference, Bucky's actions seemed almost frenzied, his metal hand dug into Steve's ass, most likely leaving bruises as his hips danced in tiny aroused motions against Roger's. A growl of impatience escaped the battle of their lips as he tugged on Steve's with his teeth. James's free hand snatched at roger's dragging it down between their bodies as if demanded 'you wanted me horny, god damn it, so screw me already'. Steve smiled, continuing to kiss Barnes with all the patience the other man lacked.
Barnes growled into the kiss and probably would have started spitting curses if Steve hadn't chosen that exact moment to wrap his fingers around Bucky's cock. James thrust wildly into Steve's hand with a strangled cry, nearly making Steve loose his grip. Swallowing his own curses Steve let go, tossing the blanket fully off them as he sat back, sliding Bucky down the sheets and into his lap.
Looking up he met James's molten eyes un-waveringly as if even the slightest movement would scare him away. Steve waited as the tension grew, taking in every detail of his best friend's body. The muscles that trembled with every anxious breath, the fingers that clenched till the knuckles were white on his remaining hand, all he could see, then he looked down. He felt more than saw James flinch as if wanting to hide from Steve's gaze. Steve needed this to be real, needed to know that what he was feeling wasn't the desperation of someone who hadn't been properly screwed in decades. What he saw sent a flood of heated blood straight south, straining beneath the star spangled boxers he received from tony as a prank.
James's cock stood up proud and straight from its nest of brown curls, intriguing in the way it bobbed slightly with his every breath. As Steve stared a drop of pre-cum began to glisten at the tip. He had the sudden impulse to lean down and taste it, but for the first time in 70 years, his courage failed him. The last thing he wanted was to be bad at it, to break whatever spell they were under and risk losing him. Maybe…. Maybe next time. He licked his lips, barely noticing that James stopped breathing as his hand moved forward to grasp the shaft once more.
James cursed explicitly, "Language" the captain chided, reflexively, engrossed in the velvety feel of James's cock. He based his movements on Bucky's reactions, steadily building up a series of strokes and twists that soon broke James's resolve not to move his hips. It wasn't long before James was frantically thrusting into Steve's hands using everything from promises to death threats to spur him on. Just when Steve's own cock started aching for attention James bowed off the bed with a scream, cumming in a warm flood over Steve's hand.
Steve waited until James collapsed on the bed to start moving away, his dick was so hard it was leaking and he didn't feel like he earned the right to ask Bucky to help him fix it. If he could just make it to the bathroom without Sam asking awkward questions… he nearly had one foot on the ground when a metal arm snagged his and yanked him back.
"Nuh-uh, wonder boy, we're not done yet." His eyes startled back to meet a wicked gleam in James's. "I don't care if it'll match your suit, you aren't leaving this bed with balls so blue they should have stars on them. You started this, and you are going to end it, with this," he trailed his finger over the straining and damn fabric of Steve's boxers, "In me."
Steve's mouth went completely dry as a smile split his lips, and all he could do was lean over Barnes and press their lips together. Barnes gave an appeased moan of approval grabbing the wrist of Steve's hand that was wet with his seed, and doused it with some of the cheap lube he fished out of the end table. Properly lubricated he began teaching Steve how to prepare him for the next step.
Steve was relieved to discover that past the tightness of the opening, the act it's self was rather familiar. Even though he was a few decades out of practice, once again he was able to judge his performance based on Bucky's reactions. Soon enough his fingers found the roughened bottom edge of a particular bundle of nerves.
Barnes broke the kiss with a whimper, shoving his ass down to meet Steve's fingers, nearly unraveling with impatience when the fingers never got deep enough to do more than brush the edge of his prostate. Fascinated, Steve relentlessly teased him, barely flicking the edge, scissoring as he pulled his fingers out, only to delve back in. he had almost forgotten his own need as he rekindled Bucky's.
James groaned with frustration as Steve pulled his fingers back the final time. "You are fucking evil." James told Captain America accusingly. He just smiled like a blue eyed devil.
"No James. I'm fucking you."
With that the man who embodied good old American values, slid his dick into the ex-Nazi's ass. The irony of the situation would have to amuse him later. At the moment it was all he could do not to cum as the warmth and the tightness assaulted him. The arousal he had been able to push out of his mind threatened to unman him. Oddly the thing that helped him stabilize control was the feeling of cold steel closing around his neck. His eyes flickered open in surprise.
"You stop now, and I will kill you."
Steve smiled slowly, pulling his hips back and feeling the hand tighten. "Fair enough." Then he snapped his hips forwards, finding the center of Bucky's prostate on the first try. Bucky's hand slipped into his hair, using it as leverage to pull himself up, seated in the Captain's lap. The former super villain switched hands, using the hydraulics in his mechanical arm to increase impact as he fairly rode the great American hero. By strength of will alone Steve staved his orgasm back, not wanting to miss a second of Bucky's performance. Bucky's ass was trembling and squeezing around Steve's dick, proving to be highly distracting. When Bucky came the second time his body kept thrashing as he yelped losing awareness of everything except the pleasure. Steve followed him this time, staying still, not making a sound, simply holding onto Bucky in a way that would break an average person as his vision went white.
He came back to with Bucky pressing pleased kisses on his eyelids, nose, cheeks, then lips, practically purring with contentment. Rogers smiled, resolutely deciding he preferred happy Bucky to brooding Bucky. But then outside thoughts started falling back into his head, they still had to deal with the accords, escape Tony, and find a way to break the bind control… everything depended on what happened in the next few house, could he keep Bucky safe?
"Oh no. Let me guess… Having regrets?" the voice that was roughened from its use of spewing sex chants was suddenly bitter once more.
"Regrets?" Roger's was confused, how could anyone regret what just happened between them. He loved Bucky, what just happened proved the thoughts he had earlier, sex didn't change their relationship, it was just a bonus. A fantastic mind boggling bonus that he hadn't predicted before.
"Hmmph, yeah. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the American Poster Child; a pillow biting fag." The words twisted cruelly out of Barnes mouth. And Steve felt them like a blow to the gut. How could Bucky think of what just happened like that? Like his fame mattered to Steve more than…. What kind of logic was that!? "God, could your martyr complex go any farther without self-destruction? To lower yourself into…. What? Screwing me to ensure my loyalty?"
"What are you talking about?" Roger's snapped, not following the whirlpool of doubt and betrayal Bucky was feeding into. "I don't care about any of that! I'm just worried about you, damn it!"
"Yeah? And that's why you look so fucking guilty. Screw you Rogers, I can handle myself. Hell, I protected you for half your life! Just because the tiny twerp I fell in love with in Brooklyn got replaced with the incredible hunk doesn't make me your responsibility!"
"You've loved me since Brooklyn?"
"I've loved you since your first nightmare! And I've been forced to share you with every pretty dame who wants to dance ever since! So excuse me for not buying the fact that you wanna switch teams now."
"You practically shoved them at me!"
"What else could I hope for?! All I could hope for it to grow old by your side! Then came that blasted war, and your death wise, and I thought If I went instead of you I could keep you safe…. But you went and got 'Hunked-up' and suddenly the whole world got to see you as I did. Why do I run from you? Because if I have to share you for a second longer I'm going to kill someone! Oh, Wait! Too late!" Bucky cut off his rant, hopping off of Steve and marching to the door, not caring that he was naked, and not wanting to hear another word out of Steve's mouth. As far as he was concerned the conversation was over.
"You could have hoped for me. I love you Bucky…. I wish you could just accept that."
"… save the pep-talk for the team, Captain… I'm not in the market for a fairytale ending." He walked out without turning back to Steve.
"What the hell!" a startled cry echoed back into the room as Steve lunged for the door, reaching it a second too late to catch him. "Steve! When I said I was your 'best friend' I didn't know the competition included that! I forfeit! Man I'm not that kind of a friend!" Sam stood pointing at the bathroom as the sound of running water started past the door. Steve scratched his head trying to think how he was going to respond.