Faith Fortune

10/12/15

Period 6

The Stoner

"Awe man! I don't have enough money to keep going to my happy place."

The young man was skinny, and had a bowl haircut. He was in his friend's boxy green van, waiting for him to come back from the local strip club.

"Dagnabbit, this is my last blunt. Gotta make it count, huh buddy ol' pal?"

His Great Dane slowly looked up to him, all teary eyed from the second hand smoke. The poor dog looked into his master's glazed eyes as he dozed off.

The young man was now floating to a mountain of ice cream, covered in hot fudge. Then out of nowhere, beautiful women fell from the sky and into the ice cream.

"Come dig us out, Shaggy…"

"We haven't seen a real man in days…"

"I love a man with the munchies…"

The young man looked at the women, then back at his ice cream.

His Great Dane suddenly fell from the heavens above and started talking in slurred speech.

"Rice ream."

The two virgins ignored the women and started to stuff their faces.

"Ris is re rife."

"Oh yeah, Scoob, it is…"

The young man woke up from his deepest fantasies to his dog sitting on his face.

"Awe, buddy, you're hungry aren't you?"

The neglected pooch turned and pointed at the moldy empty food bowl.

"Too bad I spent all my money on the trip to ice cream mountain. Judging by how red your eyes are, I think you came along with me."

The dog whimpered in pain. This angered his master. But he hadn't been fed in three days.

"Scoob, knock it off, quit whining!"

"Rut Raggy, I'm rying."

"Fine I'll grab you some food. Jeez you whine more than my grandmother when she had cancer. She was so annoying."

Shaggy grabbed Fred's keys from the front seat and drove off.

"Freddy won't mind if I illegally take his mother's van for a joyride."

The two pulled up to a dumpster.

"Dig in, buddy!"

Scooby looked up to his master and glared.

"Rells like rit."

"You can't be picky, pal. I'm on a budget."

"A rall ratural one…" the dog muttered under his breath.

After eating a couple of bony dead rats because the dumpster was empty, Scooby got back into the van.

"Enjoy your meal, buddy?"

"Ro."

The two drove off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. But Scooby died of worms two weeks later. Just kidding. It wasn't long before the stoner had the munchies again, so he pulled up to the drive thru.

"Yeah, I'd like two Big Macs-"

"Raggy I rought you ridn't have any roney!"

"Of course I do, but only for people food. For the last time, I'm on a budget!"

He turned back to the speaker.

"Also, three large root beers, forty Mcnuggets…"

Scooby dwelled in his own anger as the cashier on the other side said, "Your total is $114.49."

The young man grabbed all fifteen bags of grease and drove past three starving hobos, and parked at a local children's playground. Scooby eyed Shaggy's pile of delicious food that didn't include dead rats.

"Rease, Raggy?"

"Ugh fine. You can have one French fry."

"Raggy, I'm regging rou…"

"Are you kidding me Shaggy? Not only do I let you smoke weed in my mother's car, but you had to drive it illegally to get Mickey D's?!"

Fred glanced at the dog. His ribs were visible. "Oh, Shaggy…you need to get something for your poor dog."

"Like, does everyone complain about the way I raise my dog? FINE, I'll get him something.

Shaggy returned five minutes later with a cup in his hand.

"Look Fred, I got him a free water."

"Shaggy, you can't just not give your dog anything to eat."

"He had some rats earlier."

"Shaggy this is why you're on parole."

The two men looked behind them and saw a cop car flashing their lights.

"Nice going craphead, now someone's called the cops on us,"

"Like, it's not my fault I can't afford to feed my dog!"

"Woah woah woah. Break it up" said the cop as he came between the two of them.

"I heard some complaints about two people fighting…" The cop stopped in midsentence and started coughing. "What is that smell-" He paused and looked at Shaggy. "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to have to place you under arrest-"

"I'm not going back to prison!" Shaggy screamed as he peppersprayed the cop with something we didn't know he had all along.

Shaggy ran off into the sunset. It was a beautiful Summer night, and the sky was orange. Fred called after him in slow motion, "Noooo, Shaaaaaaagy!"

Shaggy done got tased. The scenery didn't matter now because his future was gone. Shaggy left in handcuffs, and Scooby ate all $114.49 worth of food in the van. Scooby was happy, so Fred was happy. And they all lived happily ever after.

Until Daphne found out about the strip club.