Rikiga throws Nezumi over his shoulder "Don't die here Eve, Shion is already gone." Nezumi can't stay conscious enough to fight back but he doesn't want to leave.

Put me down. I can't leave Shion. Let me sing for him... Shion. Shion. Sh-

Inukashi is running next to them, crying as quietly as possible. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

The correctional facility collapses, the walls between No.6 and westblock crumble just like Shion's third option, but Shion doesn't know because he is buried underneath the rubble. That's fine. Nezumi thinks it was a worthy cause if any existed, Shion had to be sacrificed for his vision to come true, fair enough. It's how the world works. Who knows if Shion is even dead, crazier things have happened, it's fine. He manages bed rest for two whole days before it becomes suffocating. Staring at the ceiling, Nezumi never noticed how cold it gets at night. Living people are so warm. There are strands of shiny white hair left on the pillow.

When it turns out the manager didn't die in the manhunt, Nezumi goes to work at the theatre. For a few hours, Nezumi gets to become someone else and he feels relieved. With the fall of No. 6, chaos floods westblock and the audience becomes more colourful than ever. Eve performs as many shows as the manager wants under one condition, Nezumi will not sing. Sometimes Eve sees a tuft of white hair in the audience, just at the corner of his eye. But the stage lights are too blinding, his eyes can never adjust quick enough to catch the culprit.

Is Shion going to surprise me after the show with his air headed smile? "Ha, I got you good huh? Don't underestimate me, I can take care of myself." After the show, Nezumi sometimes receive flowers and trinkets, but that flash of white hair never materializes into anything more than a hallucination.

Nezumi still goes to the market, still goes to Inukashi for miscellaneous jobs, and hell, even finds Rikiga to be useful if there's enough money on the line. Life continues like clockwork, Nezumi doesn't feel anything about anything. He thinks maybe the emotional part of him disintegrated with the city, and he is finally free from those messy feelings that caused him so much inner turmoil. Nezumi wonders if he has reached a state of nirvana, but the catch 22 remains. There is no more hatred and bitterness the same way there is no happiness or pride. There is nothing at all.

Every time Nezumi meets with his two associates, and they look increasingly unsettled. Rikiga and Inukashi look at each other with side eyed wariness, an unspoken name, like a thick, damp fog rests on the three of them, Nezumi can't find it in him to care. It wasn't hard to see how Shion exposed the hidden humanity that Nezumi tried so hard to abandon, even if only a glimpse. You're only human. You can only do so much. Inukashi warned Nezumi the night Shion kisses him goodbye.

Nearly a month passes and it's finally Inukashi who breaches the subject.

"Nezumi, this is going to sound uh..." This is unknown territory for them. "About Shion..."

"Shion is dead, what about him."

Inukashi's eyes widen and he scrunches his nose before tearing straight into Nezumi's invisible, bleeding wound. There was no need for pretense between a dog and a rat. "You reek of grief. It'll only go away after you let it take its course."

"Sincerest apologies, your highness. I promise to take a shower next time if you agree to do the same." Nezumi sneers.

"Nezumi I'm serious. You're in den-"

"Shion's dead, I get it. What do you want? A waterworks show?" Nezumi bites out his words, eyes glinting.

"Okay." Inukashi winces. "Rikiga and I are planning to hold a little memorial if you..."

"Waste of time." Nezumi turns his back and begins to walk away. What if he's still alive?

Inukashi says nothing.

Nezumi goes to the market place and buys cherry pie in case today was the day Shion was coming back to surprise him. He does this every time an elusive head of white hair escapes his scrutiny. Sometimes at the theatre, sometimes in the market, sometimes even in the underground room they used to live. Later that night, when Shion does not pop out from behind a bookshelf, Nezumi tries to eat the cherry pie only to realize the vendor had swindled him with a convincing illusion. It looks like cherry pie. It feels like cherry pie. It tastes like dust.

Nezumi looks for The Illiad and finds that it's been put back on the shelf, in the Classics/Mythology section arranged in alphabetical order. He is annoyed. Shion just had to clean it up and now Nezumi can't find where anything is and has to follow a shitty library system just to find that stupid book that would've been strewn on the floor next to their bed. His bed.

Later, Cravat finds a stray button that had fallen off Shions' cardigan and holds it in his front paws, squeaking to Nezumi. Now he's pissed. Stupid Shion never sewed that button back on his sweater even though it's a lot warmer without a gaping hole down the center. Stupid Shion never listened when Nezumi tried to teach him the basic tactics of survival. Why does he always have to go out and put himself in life threatening danger all the time. Why can't he have some sense of self preservation? No. 6 citizens are all like that, so spoiled and ignorant in the face of danger. After 8 whole months and Shion improved only marginally in avoiding dangerous situations, it's like he was almost drawn to trouble. Why is he like that? Always a breath away from death, doesn't he know what that does to Nezumi?

Nezumi is furious at Shion but more so with himself for giving in to such idealistic thinking. They shouldn't have gone to the facility, Safu was already dead by the time we got there anyways. Nezumi is also not too happy with Safu. Why'd she have to get captured of all people, being attached to someone is so restraining for this exact reason. Always trying to care for someone else's well being as if keeping yourself safe wasn't already enough work, especially with someone like Shion. If she didn't get caught Shion would still be alive today.

The image of Shion, with his hand outstretched and a bloody rose blooming out from his shirt, falling backwards down the garbage chute. Down, down, down...

Shion's heart stopped before they hit the ground. Nezumi didn't get to say goodbye, he didn't get to say anything. ("Don't you ever give me a goodbye kiss again!")

I should have gone down with the correctional facility but Rikiga and Inukashi carried me out. Why did they do that? They had no right to do that. I should have died next to Shion. But instead I'm left here all alone. He remembers the conversation that happens last spring, Shion standing there with Hamlet on his shoulder.

Whats summer here like?

I want to spend the summer here.

We'll come back to this room, together.

Alive? Nezumi asks.

Alive. Shion answers.

Liar. LIAR. Making promises he could not keep, Nezumi would never break his words. (What about your promise to Karan?)

The next time he meets with Inukashi and Rikiga, Nezumi starts off cool but there is a white hot burn clawing inside his chest. The ice he wears melts and his sharp tongue is quick to dole out cutting remarks upon the slightest provocation. It was all their fault, they think too much of themselves, to act as if they know what's better for me than myself. I should have died with Shion! He yells. Rikiga looks resigned, and Inukashi, almost horrified.

I should have died with him. I wanted to. (Do I still?)

The survivors are the one who win. SO WHY DID YOU LOSE SHION?

Why? There will never be a good enough answer. Nezumi hates Shion for chaining him down in a way he can't bring himself to escape from. They should have never met. Nezumi would just find somewhere else to hide in the next life, he would have died in that storm and maybe that was for the best. But instead, Shion saved him in more ways than one, and Nezumi is left without answers. WHY? Nezumi can't understand why. Anger boils inside him because this is all wrong.

Was there a right way to do this? Maybe if Nezumi had gone into the chute first and Shion would climb in after him. With his back to the shooter and a super fibre cloak, that bullet would've missed his heart. Maybe if they had just walked a little faster, that guard would've passed by only after they had both escaped down the chute.

What if they hadn't spent so long gawking at those corpses on the conveyor belt, then maybe Rashi wouldn't have caught them mid way and Nezumi wouldn't have been injured. What if Shion didn't need to shoot someone in order to protect Nezumi and dirty his hands the way he did. What if Safu was alive and the three of them managed to escape and destroy the correctional facility. What if everything just went according to plan? Or if Elyrius had protected them the entire time and everything that went wrong was made right by divine intervention.

Maybe Nezumi should have just taken care of it himself. Shion had a good memory but a robotic mouse can store enough information for Nezumi to make the trip alone. It would have been much easier for him to get around without having Shion to worry about. Then maybe he wouldn't even get into all those shoot outs or take a detour to find Rou. Even if Nezumi didn't manage to make it back, at least Shion would still be alive. Probably in this room, organizing books and worrying about Nezumi. Shion should be in my place, Nezumi thinks bitterly. He can deal with the torture of being the one to survive.

What if, what if, what if. These words eat at him, Nezumi cannot help but to think of all the things that could've been done differently. If I had a time machine... Shion would still be alive if only...

This must be revenge, Nezumi thinks. Some form of higher power made aware of his dubious morals has been looking for a way to to settle the score. Nezumi couldn't think of anything more terrifying than losing Shion. Not even all the pain and cruelty in his past could induce such a fight or flight response in him, not the way Shion did when he tried to run off to the Correctional Facility alone. He was running straight to his death and Nezumi will be damned if he let Shion do it alone.

Nezumi can't understand why Shion dies when he gets to live. The world needed more Shions and less Nezumis.

Hey higher power, what if I promise to give bread to wide eyed children like Shion did? What if I look for the good in strangers who had none visible? If Shion lives through my actions, can I repent? Will you give him back to me?

If Shion comes back Nezumi promises himself he would drop the grudge against No. 6 for good. Or even given the chance to go back and never telling Shion about Safu in the first place. Yeah it'd be selfish, but that's what people are. Nezumi would stand by his choice if he got to make it again. If he knew the outcome. If the correctional facility must stand in exchange for you to be back by my side, I would let it.

Hindsight is 20/20 and Nezumi couldn't help but look.

Nezumi cries after the goodbye kiss, tears rolling down his face before he could register what was happening. Nezumi cries after Shion kills another human being, it's embarrassing but he can't stop even though he tries. Nezumi does not cry when he touches Shions face to find that it's gone cold, like turning on a tap with the water shut off. If the pipes had been frozen then, that is now no longer the case, the dam bursts. Nezumi hates the taste of tears in his mouth but lately he has been drinking oceans because it tastes like the over salted soup Shion makes. Because it is punishment, because Shion is gone and not coming back. Nezumi has nothing left but memories. The gift of a memory, that's what Shion would say.

These are not gifts, they are cinder blocks around his ankles when Nezumi was already drowning. The moments won't stop playing in his head, the ones he so desperately wants to throw away. But it's embedded into his skin like splinters. Every point of contact hurts, and when it doesn't, Nezumi can feel it. Irritated, begging to be picked at but never to be picked out.

The little underground room Nezumi has spent years living alone in is now suddenly too empty. He was a wanderer and never knew a place to be home, why should this place be different. But then Shion came and Nezumi says to Inukashi that he's going home without realizing the connotations. Inukashi hears it loud and clear.

The underground room was not home, Shion was. How does it feel to tame a wanderer only to disappear and leave him in the desolate cold?

Nezumi stops going to work so he can stare at the coffee table from his bed. Most of his effort spent on ignoring the endless hurt flowing out his tear ducts. Maybe if I cry until I'm drained dry then it will finally stop. Nezumi stops eating and drinking and sleeping in the meanwhile. He is determined to starve this sadness to death, if that means taking the vessel along then that's just collateral damage.

Would you forget it all if you could? Shion asks him in a deprivation induced hallucination. They're in bed, floating in the ocean. Water laps at the sides of their mattress, Shion is wearing a blood stained shirt, the dream will end when they are consumed by the waves.

No, Nezumi says even though he wants to lie and say yes. You know the final stage is acceptance, Shion says with a smile. His hair glitters in the sunlight, sometimes, if Nezumi squints, Shions' hair is every colour all at once. Tell me the truth, Nezumi.

He feels as if they are floating away. Nezumi is too exhausted to be anything other than honest. You are my humanity.

The water swells and pulls them under. Nezumi wakes up reaching out for Shion.

He finds no peace in this truth. Nezumi leaves west block to find a new place knowing nowhere will ever be home (again). He wears his loneliness around him like armour, trying to conceal the pain that still bleed out his pores. He travels for years and always keeps an eye out for a boy with snow white hair. Nezumi looks for answers and finds only threads. Shion appears to him in dreams, in a trick of the light when Nezumi stands in a crowded marketplace, in Cravat and Hamlet and Tsukyio. In hurricane storms and untouched snow.

We'll meet again, Shion. That's a promise.

Nezumi remains alone.

I will always open the balcony door for you. No matter how many times I go back, meeting you made me into who I am. Shion tells him with determination in his eyes and Nezumi can't help but wonder why. Do you really believe that? Meeting me killed you, Shion.

Well, that's okay, isn't it? I would have been a shell of a person, going through the motions, working for a faceless authority until I was deemed worthless and thrown away. But instead I got to truly live as myself, you awakened me, and I got to live by your side. For that, my answer will never change. I'm glad I met you.

Nezumi remembers Shion's smile. The gift of a memory.