Don't ask me how I end up in modern day Japan, because the last time I tell someone that I'm a ninja capable creating orbs of destruction the size of planets, they threatened to send me off to the nearest mental ward in Chiba. Yes, before any of you ask, I am indeed a ninja capable of creating orbs of destruction in the size of planets, but I don't that anymore because there's really no point in doing so. My time, the time of the ninjas, has long lost its name; there's not even a single hint of it anywhere in the history books. Time has changed a lot of things, including me too.

But I can assure you that deep inside, I am still Uzumaki Naruto, the orange wearing dude that has this definitely healthy ramen addiction. So what changed? Well… aside from the fact that I can't die, there's really nothing else. What, surprised? Yes, I can't die and it's not my decision to make when this curse was laid on me. When my people defeated Kaguya and every single one of her peons, we weren't expecting the final attack that the rabbit goddess had in store for us. She used it as a last resort of some kind, something that will activate when she's defeated.

Now I can't exactly remember what happened, because I prefer not to remember the extinction of my kind, but everything was just… gone. They ceased to exist. However, I was the only one that remained. I found myself to be the last living shinobi on the nation and there was no one else that could use chakra. All of my friends, comrades, allies… they were all gone because of some freaky elimination technique that Kaguya did. She must have been desperate to use something like that, she did just end the lives of the people that bore her gift, the gift of chakra.

Then, 'how are you still alive' you might ask… well, that's exactly it, I don't fucking know.

I don't know if it's Kaguya's way of saying 'haha fuck you, you're alone in the whole world now' or maybe the woman was really, really desperate in trying to kill everyone or was it by pure accident that she missed me… I will never know. Then how does the whole immortality thing fits in all of this? Well, to put it simply, I tried to commit suicide the moment I realize that there's nothing I could do to return my friends back but of course, it failed because I did not die. Oh, I forgot to mention, it seems that Kaguya erased everything that was chakra because Kurama was also gone, as well as the rest of his siblings.

So, yeah, one hell of a way to end the world.

It's safe to say that I'm veeeeeeeeeeeeery old. I watched as people rebuild their society over time, building new nations and countries. I have a hand in making the world into what it is today. An example would be the fact that there are more than just one continents in this world. Yes, I caused the breaking off of continents. Now don't blame me, it was accident. I was trying to see how much control I have over Earth elements and I didn't know that it would result in the breaking off continents. I may have been guilty of that, but I am not responsible for the idiots that the world produce.

While it's true that I slept with many women, and they may or may not have had my children, I can assure you that Hitler is not my son. I would never want to have a son with a weird mustache like that.

Anyway, that's my pre-historic experience, or is it pre-pre-historic experience because dinosaurs existed because I tried to do summoning without any contracts? Oh yeah, speaking of dinosaurs, I didn't know that being huge kills you. Maybe that's the reason why gravity is not so strong in Mount Myoboku, because otherwise, the toads over there would have died already. When Kaguya… 'took away' everything that has chakra, I really mean it. Right now, I can't really gather chakra anymore so I'm on a limited supply. I can still try to gather chakra from whatever's left and still exist in this world, but even so, it'll take me a while to even replenish a quarter of my chakra capacity. Strangely though, when Kaguya took Kurama, a being made out of chakra, she didn't take him at all.

She just took the consciousness but Kurama's chakra remains in me so basically… I'm currently running at ninety three percent of my normal chakra and Kurama's entire consciousness-less being inside of me. Yeah, it's safe to say that I'm not a normal human by today's standard. I intend to keep my status as a ninja or even chakra's existence as a secret, which is why I refrain on doing too many things with it. Really, I only use chakra for things like… what, genjutsu, henge and making campfire when I'm out camping? That's just about it really, but even so, I still have a LOT of chakra to spare.

I've been living for god knows how long and I haven't even lose a percent of my own original chakra. And there's also the fact that I'm immortal. Sadly though, I can't age, I'm stuck being in my teen self forever. I can use henge though, but even so, they're not permanent. I can pull genjutsu, something I sometimes do every now and then, to manipulate my surroundings as well as people, but I stopped doing it as a form of amusement when I nearly got caught for being a Satanic worshipper during the middle ages.

Yeah… those were the times…

Regardless, none of that matters now. Now… I'm living a completely different life yet with the same live that I have many, many years ago. There are no bad guys to kill, goddesses to kill or Madara to train to defeat… now, there is just me and my current life as a high school student in a school in Japan's Chiba prefecture.

Yeah…

That's who I am now.

Uzumaki Naruto, a sixteen year old high school student in a school in Chiba… and apparently, one of the most unpopular guys ever.

"Hey Uzumaki, you got anything to do today?"

"Hm? Nah, I don't. But I don't feel like doing anything today so shoo."

"Tche… see, this is why you don't have friends Uzumaki. Anyway, we'll go to the karaoke place in town, come join us if you're lonely."

"For the record I am alone, but just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely." Is that an example of oxymoron? I'll never know. "But thanks, maybe I'll join."

"Yeah, see ya' later!"

Uzumaki Naruto, former shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village, Child of Prophecy, the Second Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku, the son of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina, a Hero… but none of those matters now, because I am just Uzumaki Naruto. A second year high school student who writes porn for a living and I apparently make a lot of cash from doing so, so, props for me. :P

Now that I think about it… after all this time… I never really have any solid girlfriends. Now don't give me that look, okay, now you're just being mean. But yeah, I never really have any real girlfriends despite the long life I've been living. All of the women that I copulate with are just lonely women who needed the comfort and embrace of a man and fortunately for them, and me, I was there to provide.

You're looking at me like I'm some sort of sexual predator but really, it's not like I actively indulge myself in that kind of lustful urge. I am not the type of person to sink that low, that's what Ero-sennin would do if he was in my case. Even so, I have to admit, I would like to experience having a girlfriend once in a while.

Contrary to what you might think about me, I'm actually picky about what type of girl that I like. Yes, now don't look even more surprised, even I have preference. I do not remember why I like Sakura-chan, but it probably has something to do with her hair so… yes, I am the type of person who judge a girl based on their hair first and personality third. The second one has to be their looks, come on, I'll admit that I'm guilty of choosing people by their looks.

Now I don't want to sound like I'm a narcissistic asshole, but I am pretty good looking. Again, stop giving me that look and don't throw up on the dam keyboard!

Aw, look at what you did! You make me break the fourth wall… sheesh… now we have to wait until it's finished repairing! Haaaah… I guess I'll just sit here while I leave that to the author.

A moment later…

There we go, now where was I… oh yeah, based on what I've heard from the gossips that the girls have been circulating around, I'm actually a pretty good looking person. I can't exactly figure out which part of me is good looking, but I guess it has something to do with my eyes and hair. It's obvious that your standard Japanese does not have blonde hair or blue eyes and I obviously stick out like a sore thumb amongst the crowd. Whether it's the height, complexion, hair or eyes… I have always been mistaken as either an American or British person. I can't blame them for that. I remember my classmate's reaction when I first transferred here. They were so hilarious trying to speak English, or Engrish, in their case.

And before you ask, yes, I am fluent at English; I did spend most of my time travelling the world.

I'm getting sidetracked here… anyway, I really think that it'd be great to at least get a girlfriend once, maybe even get into a legitimate relationship. Though… I know it's going to be hard the moment she dies, I still think that I at lease deserve a real relationship, not those one night stands that I've been getting for the past centuries. But there's one huge problem here…

Even though I'm considered as one of best looking boy in school, the same does not go for my attitude.

"Oi, Uzumaki, mind telling me what this piece of crap is?" if it weren't for the fact that she's hot, I'd slap her for giving me that angry look.

"Hm? That's a paper, sensei, don't tell me that you don't know what it is-."

SLAM

That's the sound of her fist hitting the desk, uwaaah, I made her mad.

"Don't joke with me, Uzumaki… I'm referring to the writings on this piece of paper, it's so repulsive it must've been the reason why I wasn't able to tell that this is a paper from a single glance." Ah, touché. She wore heels, thigh highs, a shirt, a black vest over it, a tie and a lab coat. Despite the coat, she's not a professor of some sort. Hell, I'm not even sure why she's a teacher!

"I asked you to write an essay about your experience in high school, so pray tell why it turned into something like this?" she lifted the paper up to my face, as if she's trying to prove her point. On the paper was at least half a chapter worth of content that you'd normally find in my books. "I do not know why you didn't write an essay like I told you to do but I'm more boggled at the fact that you just wrote porn in one of my subject's worksheet!"

I glared at her, looking insulted. "Hey, this is fine literature, you should be praising me for writing this well." I smirked, allowing her to see it. "Besides, I know that you're not going to throw it, for all I care, you'd be pocketing that inside your coat and read it tonight while your hand is busy do-"

Uwah, I nearly got my head blown off from my neck. A red faced Hiratsuka-sensei just raised her hand at her own student! She should be fired because of this! Hello?! Teachers?!

"I-I-In any case…" I find her stuttering somewhat adorable, to a certain degree. "I can't tolerate you for writing NSFW material for school work, it's punishable by the school's rule." I highly doubt that because, as far as us students know, there was no specific rule stating that you couldn't write art for your school work. But she's right about that NSFW part though.

"No, no, can we get to the fact that you did not deny what I just say about the probability that you'll mastu-" she sent me a glare that could even make Madara gulp. "Okay, I got it, I'll rewrite it, Hirutsuka-sensei." I offer her my sincerest form of apology by bowing; even then I know that she knows that I'm bluffing.

"Hm…" she got a particular look in her eyes.

Oh no, this is not good for me.

"I think I just got the right punishment for you."

I don't like the way you're smiling, woman!

So I have a little something that I need to admit… I may, or may not, have an attraction towards Hiratsuka-sensei. I mean can you blame me? The woman is beautiful, she's beautiful to a point where I am confused why she's not dating someone yet. Maybe she dated people before, but I don't know. Despite our… eh… unique relationship, I don't really know her that much. I know that she is almost thirty and that she gets irritated easily when we're talking about age or relationship statuses. But can you blame me for not knowing? As much as I want to get to know her better, way more than a student should ever get, I can't bring myself to open that door.

…okay, call me a wuss or pussy or whatever, but I'm merely being considerate here.

Unlike in Konoha, where it's… not strange but not really common to date your or get in a relationship with your Jonin sensei or mentor, it's a problem in today's society and Japan especially. Japanese people to the rest of world has a reputation of being prudes or at least private when it comes to romantic relationship, not to mention that there is also the stereotypical strict and 'say-no-to-strangers' reputation that Asian people are mostly known for to have. And let me tell you, not all Asians are like that, gosh. I mean, when I think about it, I was raised by a bunch of Asians! My best friend's Asian, hell my teacher, friends and everyone I know back during my younger days were Asians!

Maybe not the guys from Kumo though, no racist.

Anyway, so, yeah, getting in a relationship with Hiratsuka-sensei is a no-no for now since I am still a student in a school that she teaches in. If, let's say IF, I can get in a relationship with Hiratsuka-sensei, it'll be something that we both have to keep secret because the last time I check fraternizing with your teacher could get the both of you kicked out of school and a bed reputation for the rest of your life. I can easily accept that, but I'm not sure that Hiratsuka-sensei could. She's a normal person, she has family and friends that she still have her attachments with and I don't think that she's willing to go with me and leave them behind. And I'm not about to take these things from her.

…and that's one reason why I don't have a girlfriend.

So for the entire duration of our walk, I have been only thinking to myself. I also notice that we're taking quite a while to reach wherever it is that Hiratsuka-sensei is bringing me to. I'm not sure if I have ever been to this part of the school, seems like we're in a completely different section where the rooms are used for nothing other than club rooms. Yes, this school is pretty big and they have too much room so they have no other choice but to leave them empty or use them for club rooms, which is pretty rad if I do say so myself.

I'm not complaining that she's taking a while leading me though. As far as I'm concerned, there is no male student who's not happy when they're taken away by a beautiful adult teacher and ditching second period at the same time, and as far as my concern goes, most people would like it that way. Every day.

But we eventually reach the destination of Hiratsuka-sensei and it's one of the club rooms. She opens the door and I have to shield my eyes because of the light and the wind that hit me. Inside the room is somebody I never thought I'd meet in such a close proximity.

The moment I see her face I instantly know who she is. Her hair, her eyes and even the way she sits – no, I am not her stalker, it's just that she's hard to miss when you see her sometimes in the cafeteria waiting for her food – I know who she is.

She's in International Education Class-J, famous for being filled with girls that makes up about ninety percent of the class. The class is known for being filled with brilliant minds and academic achievements above the national average. This girl, she stands out the most out of all of them.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

Hmm… did I get correctly? Everyone in this school knows her, but apparently, I may or may not have forgotten her name.

I return back to reality and notice the glare she's leveling at me. I give her confused look, but not speaking or anything. Her face is a mix between disgust and suspicion, a face that most girls would make when seeing me for the first time.

Yes, I know I'm sad.

"He's looking to join the club." I hear Hiratsuka-sensei say to Yukinoshita.

I must have wandered in too deep in my own thoughts to notice that they were talking before. Whatever conversation they have, I miss them out.

Seeing as how I have no way out this and she'll pretty much give me things that are WAY worse if I go against her… I decide to surrender.

"Class 2-F's Uzumaki Naruto, nice to meet'cha." I give the book reading girl a playful salute.

Uwaah… her glare becomes worse. Did I do something to offend her? Am I so intimidating that she's giving me that look? Really, the only ones that pull that kind of look on me are the police officers from the station down the street and that's saying a lot about paranoia. Do I really look like an apex sexual predator in the eyes of women or something?!

"Hey, are you sure that you're not trying to kill me?"

"I'm not, but I won't promise that she wouldn't." well, I'm screwed. "It's because you decided to pull out something as retarded as writing porn for one of my essays. I won't accept anything less than this."

I take offense to that. "It's fine literature, not porn." For the very first time in my life as a high school student in this school, I make a seriously annoyed face. "Don't lump my work with the rest of the crap they're selling in the adult section of bookstores all over Japan. That makes me insulted to a point where I want to go space without any supply of oxygen."

"Anyway,"

She ignored me! Oi!

"As you can see, his looks are just as dangerous as his works and attitude." I can see Yukinoshita nodding her head and it's killing me inside. "And as a result, he's like this." what do you mean 'like this', huh? "Please try your best to fix his predatory and rotten attitude, since I worry for the wellbeing of the females in this school, that's my request."

"Oi." Oi.

"I humbly refuse."

How can you say the word 'humble' while making a disgusted face like that, Yukinoshita-san?

Now she's hugging herself in a defensive manner. "I do not have to see to know the dangerous and unspeakable things he might do to me if we are alone in this room. And what do you mean the wellbeing of the females in this school? It's hypocritical if you're putting me in the same room with that…"

Oh, so I'm so repulsive that you resulted in referring to me as 'that', huh? Well, good to know. And for your information princess, I am not looking at you and I'm not looking at the Great Wall of Japan that is your mammaries either.

Wait, did I just do that? Damn I'm savage.

"Don't worry, despite his looks and attitude, he won't do anything to you." Hiratsuka-sensei said to her. "He'll probably leer at you every now and then, but that's all he'll do. If he does try anything, you have my permission to mace him."

And who are you to me to allow her to do that to me?

"No, can we please stop talking as if I am some sort of molester who does his deed in the middle of broad daylight?" unfortunately, I am ignored.

Yukinoshita looks like she's considering Hiratsuka-sensei's suggestion of macing me. "Mace… huh… I only have a tazer at home…"

That is also scary in a way. Seriously, does this girl seriously carry around a tazer whenever she leaves home? Is her common everyday occurrence involves unfortunate meetings with perverts and exhibitionists? If so then I feel both sorry and the people she encounters, mostly for the people. With her Ice Queen like persona and airs she's pulling off, I know that Yukinoshita is not the most sociable of persons. I at least talk to people from time to time, they just don't approach me as often as the police do.

"Anyway, please do try your best to fix this person's attitude. You have my permission to hit him from time to time."

Again, who exactly are you to decide that for her?

Hiratsuka-sensei leaves the room, leaving the both of us here alone. I'm not dumb and I'm a ninja, I know that she's just standing behind the door to listen in to us. I can do two things here, and I'm sure that neither will make me look better in Yukinoshita's eyes. One, I can approach her friendlily and get to know her like any normal person would do, but that'll probably end up with me at the receiving end of 50000 volts of electricity that may not be able to knock me down but is still annoying because of the sensation of being electrocuted.

Or I can just grab a seat and not to talk and see where there goes.

Oooor… I can just use genjutsu and make her like me in an instant.

"What are you doing standing over there like an idiot? Grab a seat and sit down, you're ruining my atmosphere by the amount of space you're taking up by standing."

…yeah, I'll do the second one.

So I take a seat from one of the many stacked chairs arranged at the back of the class. I place my seat far away from hers, because I do not want to offend her by merely being close to her. I feel she's already offended by the fact that I'm breathing the same air as her… but who knows.

So with nothing to do or talk about, I naturally look around the empty classroom, casting my attention over things like the ceiling, windows, floors and the door.

This action has somehow annoyed Yukinoshita.

"Got something to say to me?" I can taste the masked irritation in her voice. And I find it delicious yet annoying at the same time.

"Oh, no." I say with an air of my own. "Aside from the fact that I'm bored, I got nothing to say at all." That triggered something in her, and I know what it is, more annoyance. "Anyway, that aside, just what is this club?"

"Why don't we play a game of 'guess what club this is' then? You guess what this club is and if you guessed it correctly, you get nothing."

It's amazing how she's able to say all of this without breaking that stone cold expression she has, it triggers my own instinct of wanting to break it down even more.

"Alright, I'll play." I'll humor her and I'm also curious about it anyway. "Is this the literature club?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, what makes you say that?"

"There's nothing but chairs and tables, they're all placed aside too to allow space in the middle. And you've been reading that book as we're speaking right now, something that's considered to be rude by most people." I see the blank look in her eyes. "Yes, even me…"

"Oh, I wasn't aware that you consider yourself to be 'most people'. And you're wrong, this is not the literature club." She says, playing with the tone a little. I've seen that look before and I've seen it on the mirror every time.

"Hm, then what is this club?" I give up. I can't handle her sassiness and sarcasm, it's like fighting with a colder and even more cynical version of myself.

"I'll give you a clue then." She says, as an attempt to lift up my spirits. "What I'm doing now is considered as this club's activity."

Wow, such clue, much help.

I sigh. Apparently, no matter how many years have passed, I still don't have the patience for certain things. "I give up, I got no clue."

"Before I do tell you, let me ask you a question, Uzumaki-kun." Kun? She's calling me Kun? Well ain't that nice and sweet of her? I swear… at least show a little bit more emotion when saying that… "When was the last time you talked to a girl?"

Hm? What does she mean by that? Obviously I just talked to her a few seconds ago, is she so smart that she's dumb or something? But I get her meaning, she obviously means talking to a girl who's a school mate. Well…

Naruto three years ago in second year of middle school

It was in my classroom, during lunch. Being the loner I was and still am, I sit by myself with no friends nearby. Then, I heard a girl's voice talking.

"Aw it's so hot today… don't you think so too?" I heard her speak in the friendliest way that a girl my age had ever talked to me in. I remembered being sleepy that time, so I must've answered in a blunder.

"Eh, ah, yeah I guess…" I remember yawning, whipping my hair to get some of it off my eyes.

"Eh… ah…" the girl shied away from her seat, almost shrinking down while lowering her head in what I can only assume to be embarrassment. I swear I saw her face going red, but that's probably the heat. Then I realized that there was also a girl on my back. So she was talking to her.(1)

Until this day… that is still one of the most embarrassing moments of my long life, the first one is that accidental kiss with Sasuke, yuck.

"Eh… can't say I remember, but anyway, what does that have to do with the identity of this club?"

Why are you sighing as if you've heard the world's dumbest question ever, Yukinoshita-san? "This world consists of people who help and those who don't. We, as a member of this club, are one of those who help. Be it for rewards or none, it's our job as a volunteer to help other people who need us regardless of how small or tedious the problem is."

She levels a deep stare at me.

"Welcome to the Service Club Uzumaki-kun, I thank you for joining. I've been asked to help you, and help you I shall." I just stared at her throughout the duration of her speech and borderline ranting.

"Yeeeeaaah." I nod slowly. "You're… welcome?"

"Hm, at least you're educated enough to know some manners."

"Bitch." You know what grinds my gears? People like Sasuke. And Yukinoshita over here is taking over his spot pretty well. I've been roaming the world for the past few… I don't know, millennia or something, and I've met people who have done enough things for me to label them an asshole.

Today, Yukinoshita is on that list.

"I'm more than capable of taking care of myself." I made my tone slightly louder than what it normally is. She really needs to hear it. "I appreciate Hiratsuki-sensei's effort of bringing me here so that she could make you 'fix' up my quote on quote rotten attitude. But I don't need help from a hypocrite who couldn't do the same thing. I don't need another person who's stuck up with a foot long pole up her ass to help me."

It doesn't stop there.

"And for your information, I am not helpless. I just chose not to help myself. I ranked second in English and first in Modern Literature; hell I scored the nationals in that second one!" I am obviously not pouting, I just refuse to see Yukinoshita in the eyes. "Even if my relationship status contradicts my looks, it just means that I have more important stuff to do rather than dating."

For the record, I am only kidding about that last part, pleaseIneedagirlfriend.

"How you say that with such confidence is a merit in its own rights. You're a terrible person, aren't you, Uzumaki-kun?"

This girl…

"I don't want to hear it from someone like you." I mutter with a little amount of hate. Why am I here, why can't Hiratsuka-sensei just give me another essay to write? At least that way I can spend my whole day writing down erotica for her to use tonight as a side dish.

"Based on your words and action, I can say that the reason why you are a loner is due to your personality and attitude." I'd do anything to wipe that smirk off her face. "Secondly, though appearance is highly subjective, the fact that you dyed your ha-"

"Oi. I'm a natural blonde."

"Oh…"

Why does she look so surprised? This is not my first time being mistaken as someone who has dyed his hair either…

"Ahem." She coughs as an attempt to correct herself. "In any case, I can say that your appearance also plays a part in your current loner status. Though it is better than that of a small imp like being who thinks that everything is precious to him."

"I'm not motherfucking Gollum."

Again, she looks surprised.

"Oh, I wasn't aware that you're into movies."

"No, no, I'm the one who should be making that statement." Yukinoshita looks like a person who prefers book rather than movies after all; I can't believe she watched The Lord of The Rings.

"Well, at least your height and face isn't that of Gollum's or a Hobbit."

"Oi!"

She makes this smug expression while she flips her hair back. "In any case, there goes our practice conversation."

"Huh?" Huh?

"I was trying to see if you're capable of making conversations with people. You did good, even if it's probably your first serious conversation."

The things we talked about are barely serious! And like hell it is!

"After all, if you can talk to me, you can surely talk to other people as well, do you feel better?"

"Like hell I do. Just so you know, I can hold conversations with other people perfectly. I just don't talk to people who asks stupid questions or people who wants something done just because they knew me." I think I need a good drink after this. Good thing I stocked some booze in my apartment.

And stop sighing already! What are you, forty?! "Looks like you're in need of a change; otherwise it may be a danger to society."

Suddenly, we are interrupted by someone who totally hasn't been eavesdropping on our entire conversation from start to finish. "Yukinoshita, I'm coming in."

"Please knock every time you enter sensei…" at least I can agree about that.

"Sorry, sorry; force of habit." She looks at me. "Looks like you're having trouble with Uzumaki."

"How can I not when he himself does not know that he has troubles?" I don't like the way she's looking at me. And I'm serious about it.

"Don't you dare preach like that." I'm annoyed and mad. "I admit that I may have problems, but what that problem is, is entirely up to me to reveal or not. I don't need someone to talk to, because I believe that my problem does not concern them. I don't need someone trying to fix my problems, because I know that they can't. I don't need someone telling me that I should change, because I've been through it."

I'm ranting at this point.

"And the result of that change… well, you can clearly see him right before your very eyes."

I don't need someone to tell me what to do either. Who are they, my mom?

"Besides, it will feel even better if you can solve all of your problems yourself. Sure, it's hard, sure it's fucking painful to do so; but the fact that you don't have to get people involved with the shit that you have clean is better than letting them sink their hands into that pile of shit and have them live the rest of their lives covered in your shit."

I make both Yukinoshita and Hiratsuka-sensei flinch from the sheer tone of my voice.

I must have lost myself there, I don't realize that my tone holds that much venom.

I can only let it off with a cough.

"A-Anyway…" Hiratsuka-sensei starts in a placating manner, drawing distance between me and Yukinoshita. "There is a reason why I put people in this club." I guess that she's referring to me here. "If I see people who seem troubled, I'll bring them here."

Again with this troubled bullshit…

"However, this is also a good chance to see who'll be able to solve troubles better!" she declares her true intentions all along.

Of course Hiratsuka-sensei… of course.

By then, she must have already notices the look I'm making. "Don't give me that face Uzumaki, think of this as solution for you, regardless of the effects. Trust me, you'll gain something from this."

"Something bad…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Damn women and their sharp hearing…

"Anyway, in this club, you'll have to compete in a contest to see who can serve better than the other!" Hiratsuka does the 'MY DRILL WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS' pose as she declares the next line, "The winner can order the loser to do anything they want. How's that?"

Hm… Yukinoshita's lucky that I prefer my girls older, otherwise I might have just fallen for that one win condition. Then again… Yukinoshita is pretty and I'd be an idiot if I think otherwise. Regardless though… I still like mature woman, maybe I'll give Yukinoshita several years and see how that turns up?

"No thank you, very much." She shields her body away again, looking at me with disgust and fear in her eyes. "I will only meet danger if I participate with that kind of win condition."

"Heh." For once in my long life, I scoffed in a way that Madara would. "For your information, I have nothing to do with the part of your body that you're currently covering simply because there isn't any to begin with."

From the distance, I can hear several guys cheering and air horns going off. Damn.

"Wha?!" Oh? I got a reaction that I've never seen her make before. She blushes, looking mighty insulted with the truth I just preached upon her.

I need to call myself the Truth because bitches can't handle it.

Okay, enough with the jokes.

"And besides, if you think that all we high school boys do is think about girls and a way to get under their skirts all day long then you're completely wrong." I crossed my arms, emphasizing my seriousness. "There are also other things that go through our mind."

Like, I don't know, video games? I don't have any other clue… since it would be unwise to compare your normal human to me in the first place.

"Hmm… looks like the great Yukinoshita Yukino also has things she fears?" Sensei makes this contemplating gesture. "So you're admitting loss just like that?"

If I was Hiratsuka-sensei, I would've thought 'Hook, line and sinker' because that's what Yukinoshita did. She not only eats the hook, but also the line and sinker.

She gives me this nasty glare that I just know she's capable of doing. "Fine." She sighs out. "Though I hate that you've baited me with such cheap provocation… I accept." She raises her head in confidence, her eyes shining with determination.

Well, I'll give her that. She doesn't give up easy.

Hiratsuka-sensei smiles. "It's settled then."

After the past few years I've lived in Japan, I've lived in Japan for more than twenty years now and I've made fake identities for myself, I can say that my life has been colorful. I meet new people, befriend them and even get to know them more than they know themselves. But for some reason, I feel no attachment for them. I've realized a long time ago that I've grown desensitized by how the world works. War happens, conflict's pretty much there and people die if they are killed.

The everyday pattern of live, love and move on has made me… bored.

But something tells me that starting from today, here in this classroom… my long life won't be so dull after all.

Ah, I totally forgot to have my say against this.

I don't really like reading when I was young, I find it boring and useless. Then again, this comes from the boy who couldn't sit still while he's in class so that's not very surprising.

The reason why I don't like books is because, despite what my teachers have told me about how useful they are, they aren't of any help to me. I'm a learner, not a reader. Show me, not make me read my ass off until my brain's vegetable… I don't need to read how to do things, I need to see how I do it.

Thankfully, as lazy and unmotivated Kakashi-sensei was during my younger years, he's done a great job of training me. He figured out that giving me scrolls to read isn't really going to help me, so he made me do menial stuffs that I thought was useless and boring but helped me in the end.

Ever since that day, I learned to respect perverts. Well not so much.

As I enter the room, I didn't bother looking around. I just grabbed an empty chair, sat down and plugged in my earphones. I leaned back on the backrest, letting J.S Bach's Air on the G-string fill my ears. I set the volume on medium and it's a good thing I did.

"Hello." Without even looking, I know that she still has her eyes glued to her book.

So I returned the gesture. "What?"

"I thought that you might not come again." I heard her flipping through pages from her book. "Are you a masochist?"

"No, no I'm not." I replied smoothly, just like the part of the music I'm currently listening to.

"Then are you a stalker?"

"Nope."

"Why are you assuming that I even have feelings for you in the first place?" I didn't give her time to response. "Didn't I tell you? I like mature girls, both in mind and body. And it appears that both are lacking in you."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I can see her face turning red. And I love every second of it.

"O-Oh." Yukinoshita regained her composure.

"And seriously, do you even have friends?" I'm really curious about this.

She got the looks and style… but I rarely see her outside during recess.

I can't sense anything other than her calm composure, it seems that she receives this question a lot. "Well, let's see. First, define how close and distant someone has to be in order to be called a-"

I raised my hands. I just had to stop her. It's sad.

"Okay, stop right there." If I wasn't hearing my music, I would have turned my head towards her. "That's something that only a person with no friends would say and you can quote me on that."

Maybe I'm sadder than her.

"You look like the type that'll have people flocking around and fawning over you," before I continue, I really need to stop feeding that damned ego of hers. "so pray tell why aren't you blessed in that particular part?"

I had to make sure.

"I'm not talking about your chest."

If glares could kill… then I would have died. Thankfully, they don't. And thankfully, I'm immortal.

She looks away from me. Whether it's from the topic I've brought up or the chest comment, I can't say. "You'd never be able to understand it."

She suddenly stands, holding her book with her hand.

"I have always been cute-"

Uwaaah… this girl's up there with Madara in terms of ego.

"and most boys who came near me came to like me." she walks over to a table where her bags and other books are at, reaching to replace the one she's holding for another one.

"So you're well liked yet you have no friends?" I asked. "Make up your goddamn mind, girl. Do you want to be popular or a loner?"

"Maybe it would have been nice if people actually genuinely liked me." she says.

"Wat'chu mean?"

"When I was in elementary school, my indoor shoes were hidden sixty times. Fifty of those times were done by girls of the same age as me." she walks back to her chair, taking a seat. "As a result, I have to bring home my indoor shoes and recorder with me every time I go home." I saw her sigh.

"Hm… that's pretty tough for a kid." Nothing to what every one of us in the Elemental Nation had been through, though.

"Yeah, it was tough. It was also horrible." She admits openly, as if she has nothing to hide. Then, there it is, that smug smile. "All because I am cute."

"…give me back the small amount of sympathy I just give."

She's not listening to me, more like, she's ignoring me. "But there's nothing I can do against that. No one's perfect. Everyone's weak and unsightly in their own ways. Jealousy easily influences them and others have to suffer as an outlet for their inability to keep their emotions at bay. Strangely though, the greater the person, the more they suffer in life."

Okay, I just have to write that down, that line's way too cool to be left alone.

"Isn't that just wrong?" Yukinoshita looks outside the window, finding herself lost in the clouds. "That's why I'm going to change it all. The people and the world they live in."

Hm. Looks like she's way more interesting than I thought.

"Haaah."

Yukinoshita turns to me. "What's with that sigh?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just…" I hesitated. "I've heard that last phrase far too often." From myself.

She raises an eyebrow but seems smart enough to not question me about it. "It's a better goal than sitting down and sulking as if the world's ending at any moment."

Was that an attempt for a bite at me or what?

"I hate how you accept weakness and affirm it."

Peacocks have to suffer from getting their feathers dirty because of how beautiful it is. Yukinoshita suffers because she's blessed with the same beauty.

It should be easy for her to pretend as if nothing happened and live a normal life…

But she's too prideful for that. I know, after all, some of my friends were like her. Sasuke, especially…

In a way, one could say that she refuses to lie to herself by ignoring all the problems that appear in her life.

I cannot say that she and I are truly similar… but there are some similarities. I once tried to change the world and the people within it, but my attempts left me with nothing but crushed and scattered dreams. The differences between us, one of them is that I've failed and she hasn't even begun yet.

She has a lot of problems that will wait for her in the future ahead if she's planning to change this world and the people in it. This dream of hers is beautiful, reminds me of Jiraiya's dream, Nagato's dreams, Dad's dreams and even mine.

Maybe…

Maybe she could do it?

"Hey, Yukinoshita?"

"Hm?"

"You know if you want to be frie-

"No thank you."

Rejected. Before I even finished.

As if to mock my previous attempt, three consecutive knocks are heard coming through the door. We both see a female student, I say female because damn… look at those melons of her, coming into the classroom that we are using as our club room. She closes the door behind her, and the first thing I noticed about her – aside from her assets – is her hair. They're pink. Of course, it's dyed, but the school's rule isn't very strict when it comes to that. It's tied to this single bun on the right part of her head. Anything else is kept short, nothing going down below her neck.

I find myself staring at her. At her eyes, mind you, sheesh.

"Excuse me, Hiratsuka-sensei told me to come here…"

Her voice is cute too, as if she's a voice actress or something. (2)

She leans back in repulse and the cause of her sudden action is none other than me.

I'm hurt and I'm not even kidding.

"W-What is Maki doing here?!"

Why are you shouting as if I'm some sort of alien? And 'Maki' is supposed to be me, right?

This girl is still looking at me as if I'm a creature from mars.

"Uh… I'm kind of a club member here…" I tried to say. At this point, I've plugged off and shut down my phone.

Who the hell is this girl anyway?

Unsurprisingly, Yukinoshita has the answer to my question.

"You're Yuigahama Yui-san from class 2-F aren't you?" Yukinoshita has a chair prepared for the now known as Yui. "Please, have a seat."

I saw Yuigahama sit down happily on the chair Yukinoshita has provided for her.

"You know who I am?" I heard Yuigahama ask Yukinoshita.

I chose this moment to pipe into their conversation.

"I bet she knows everyone in this whole school."

"No, I didn't know who you are."

"…something tells me you're lying."

"Oh, why would I? Did you not remember how surprised I was when I saw first saw you enter the classroom?"

"That was surprised? More like you're disgusted of seeing me."

"You said that, not me."

…you win this round.

"It's like… this club looks like a lot of fun!" For some reason or another, Yuigahama is happy. She even has stars sparkling around her and everything.

Yuigahama turns her attention to me.

"And Maki, I you're talking like crazy here!"

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Ah! Don't get it the wrong way! It's just that you're completely different here than you're in class and like the way you act in class is totally gross."

I can't believe this girl can say that with a smile on her face.

"Fuckin' bitch."

That is not on impulse, I intended to do that.

"Hey! I'm not a bitch! I'm still a vir-" she has this regretful expression on her face. "WAAAAH FORGET ABOUT THAT!"

"What's wrong with that? Vir-"

"WAAAH! But isn't it embarrassing to still be one even in high school? What about your girl power Yukinoshita-san!?"

Excuse me what? Did I just hear her correctly? It's embarrassing to be a virgin in high school?

"What a worthless sense of value."

It seems that Yukinoshita shares my view of this.

"And this talk about 'girl power' makes you sound more like a total bitch."

"There you go again with the bitch thing! Calling girls bitches is just wrong! Maki you're mean and gross!"

"And calling me mean and gross isn't?" I snapped. "And stop calling me Maki, bitch."

"You…!"

"What? You triggered because I called you bitch?"

"You!"

"Bitch, bitch, bitch! It's not like I'm hurting anyone."

"You're hurting my feelings!"

"I said 'anyone' and your feelings isn't one of them, bitch."

"YOU'RE MEAN AND GROSS MAKI!"

After a while, we're now in the Home Economic room. It's where we practice cooking and make food to eat during HE class. Everyone's wearing an apron, including me.

"So… how and why are we here again?"

Before me is a counter with cooking ingredients like flour, eggs and milk. There are also cooking utensils like mixing bowls and spatulas. It's obvious what we're going to do here. We're obviously making baked ramen.

"Apparently, Yuigahama-san wants someone to help her make homemade cookies for her to give to someone."

Yukinoshita dons an apron and I never thought that I would see her wear one.

Cookies, really?

"Cookies eh…?" so it's not baked ramen…

"Well, in that case, you're in luck Yuigahama." I rolled up my sleeves. "Because I'm this town's cookie master."

I'm pretty sure I have a rather cocky smirk on my face.

"Eh?! Did you win a baking award or something?!"

"No, I just thought that it sounds cool." I grabbed bag of all purpose flour.

"Then you're no master!"

I wagged my finger in front of her. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. One does not have to win competitions in order to be a master, you have to be chosen by the Grail."

I'm pulling out all sorts of references aren't I?

"What…?" Yuigahama, apparently, does not watch anime.

"Hmph! Let me simplify it for you: we'll have a showdown, me versus you in making cookies!"

"That'll beat the entire point of me being here!" She snaps at me, clutching a whisk tightly. She grabs Yukinoshita to her side, surprising the quiet girl a little bit. "But I won't lose! Yukinoshita-san and I will definitely win against you!"

I squinted harder than Clint Eastwood. "We shall see… now, let the shokugeki begin!" I declare, pointing my own whisk into the ceiling.

This fanfiction is a cooking fanfiction.

I don't usually bake, but when I do… it's either cake or pizza. My skill in culinary is next to none, because I'm probably not that good when compared people like Yukihira Soma and the old man from the ramen bar in town. But I do know a little thing or two about a little bit of kitchen magic. I've travelled through places where the food are delicious, stomach rumbling and pure heaven when tasted. I have learned a thing or two from those times of travelling.

Though I don't carry around a skillet or end up eating everything I kill, I've eaten some of the world's best dishes that people has ever made. There was this one time when I considered opening a restaurant, but I'm too lazy for that so I'll stick to the eating part only. I never get people to taste my cooking though, so I may just be subjective when it comes to the quality of my food. However, that does not mean that I can't cook! This is the 21st century; even men can cook in this day and age!

After several minutes of mixing and baking, we're finally done.

"First, let us start with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's eh… charcoal?"

You know, since Yukinoshita is there, I expect the results to be good. But I was wrong.

Yukinoshita is voicing her displeasure. Shaking her head side to side and sighing as if she's witnessed one of the most disappointing events on earth.

"It takes a special kind of person to make so many mistakes at once…" she's sighing like a mother who's disappointed of her daughter's kitchen Chernobyl tendencies.

I brought one of the… cookies to my eye level, inspecting it.

"This looks like charcoal that you could buy from a home department store in town. Is this even safe to eat? I think it's poisonous."

Yuigahama pouts with her arms crossed, puffing her cheeks as if she's a ten year old girl.

"I'll show you! Cooking's all about the taste after all!" she picks up one of the burnt cookies with her hand but she stops halfway through. "Eh… I think you're right."

I, find confidence in her defeat.

"Then, let me show you mine!" I unveiled the cookies that I have baked to the two girls.

"Oooh!"

Well, at least Yuigahama's impressed.

They grab each for themselves, looking at is nervously. When they take the first bite, I knew that it's a success judging from their expression.

"Wow Maki, this is really good!" Yuigahama is the first to voice her opinion about my cookies. She downs several more pieces of cookies, making me wonder about her eating habits.

"Hm. These are not bad." When you see someone like Yukinoshita smiling after eating your dish, you know that it's good. "I must commend your ability to cook, Uzumaki-kun. I never knew that someone as terrible as you would be able to cook, bake even."

"Ha ha." Sarcasm's dripping from my voice. "I get the feeling that you girls will like it. Believe it or not, this is the first time I ever have people to try out my cooking."

Yuigahama looks at me, confused with her mouth still stuffed with cookies. "Buht deesh ahr sho gwood?" she swallows. "But these are so good, don't your parents ever try them."

…oh boy.

I feel a little bit uneasy. Not because I took offense from Yuigahama's statement, I just don't know how I should explain things without making her feel guilty.

"Er… I don't have parents." I said lamely. "I'm an orphan, I was raised in an orphanage."

Not sure if I should say that last part…

It seems that my status as an orphan is news to them, judging by the looks they're making. Yuigahama looks worried and sorry, I can see the guilt in her eyes. "Oh my God I'm so sorr-"

"Nah, it's fine." I said. "It's okay, you didn't know. I've been living by myself for a long time so I'm pretty much used to it."

It's not like she knows.

I noticed how Yukinoshita is looking at me, but I try not to look back, I didn't want to make things any more awkward than what it already is now.

Clapping my hands, I gathered their attention. "Let's continue baking cookies until you can bake them, Yuigahama! But if it's shit, the trashcan's over there." I pointed to the bin at the corner of the room.

"Now you're just mean!"

So we practiced that evening until Yuigahama's able to cook a decent batch of cookies. And by decent it limits the destruction to a point where Yukinoshita and I only vomited.

Yukinoshita and I are back at our club room. We are seated at our respective places and off doing our respective things.

"Was it really wise to help Yuigahama-san do the things that she should have done all by herself?" she suddenly asks me.

"What do you mean? In case you've forgotten, we're the service club, we're supposed to help people."

This coming from the girl who's been the only member of this club for god knows how long is hilarious.

"She could not have done it on her own, yes, but I believe that experience is necessary for growth." She's frowning, I could tell. "I didn't think that switching her batch of cookies with yours was something smart."

So she saw, of course.

"While I do agree with you that experience is necessary for growth, I can't help but want to see her succeed, you know? I've seen people who worked their hardest and still couldn't do the things that their friends are capable of doing just because they're less gifted in the head department. So to remedy this, they work hard. Really hard."

Rock Lee, Sarutobi Konohamaru, Jiraiya… me. I can list out names.

"I want her to understand that this world's highly competitive and that it's cruel with its competition, but I can't bring myself to let her face that kind of realization when I know that she should. Just think of it as a free pass, she's working hard after all, so she has gotta learn a thing or two already."

"…what a childish way of thinking."

You know what, I'm not even offended.

"Thank you." I smiled genuinely. And something was telling me that Yukinoshita knows it.

Our tranquil club room is disrupted of its quietness by knockings through the door. Yuigahama enters, all smiles and cheers.

Well someone's in a good mood…

"Yahallo!"

Yahallo? Is that what kids these days are saying?

Anyway, she's waving at us, but she walks up to Yukinoshita first. "What do you want, Yuigahama-san?"

The pink haired girl recoiled. "Eeh? Am I not allowed to be here or something? Do you actually hate me, Yukinoshita-san?"

Yukinoshita sighs. "Well, not exactly hate, but I'm not really familiar with you either."

"That's the same thing!" I saw her pout.

"So, is there anything you need?"

"As thanks for helping me bake last week, I've gone and baked you some cookies as thanks!" she throws the small tied bag filled homemade cookies to Yukinoshita, who isn't expecting it.

"Oh… I'm not really hungry…"

"I practiced a lot at home so it won't be bad!" there's an eerie pause at the middle of her statement. "I hope." She then says, "Cooking is fun after all, maybe I should start making main dishes next?"

"Eh…" Yukinoshita looks uneasy.

"Let's eat together from now on, Yukinon!"

I'm sorry, but I'm trying my hardest to not laugh at the moment, so please enjoy their conversation.

"I respectfully decline. I enjoy eating alone, so no thanks. And don't call me Yukinon, it's repulsive."

"I'll even come here every time after school!" but Yuigahama is not listening.

Looks like I have nothing else to add in this conversation, I might as well go back home now. I walked out of the room and to the hallway, but I heard someone call out to me.

"Maki!" Yuigahama throws something blue at me. Without flinching, I managed to catch the flying object with ease. "T-They're some for you too!"

"You're welcome and thanks, Yuiga-" no. "Yui." I smiled.

For some reason, Yui turns red all of a sudden.

"Hm… school is always tiring."

I mumbled to no one but myself.

I thought that my life would be filled with nothing more than boredom from having to live off the same pattern and continue to do so until eternity. I'm cursed with this gift called immortality and I don't know whether it's a bad thing or a good thing.

But this week has been fun for me.

Even if I have to cope with Yukinoshita's 'holier than thou' bullshit, Hiratsuka-sensei's persistence and Yui's clumsiness… it's all fun.

I'm feeling alive.

Opening the bag that Yui threw at me, my smile dropped.

"Okay, maybe she still has a couple of things that she needs to know about cooking." I grabbed one and bite.

"Hm. It's like a very sweet charcoal."

And I love it.

I should have probably named this fic RKO, because it came out of nowhere. For now, just enjoy this and expect future updates. I'm hooked on the series and I hope that I did a great impression of this first chapter. Please review as it feeds my motivation to keep on writing.

1: In case some of you didn't figure it out, the girl was clearly shy of Naruto and he's too dense to notice it.

2: Yui's VA, Nao Touyama, has a very cute voice and is considered to be one of the most popular voice actor in the anime industry.