AUTHOR'S NOTE: Something I threw together while trying to loosen myself up to continue writing my other story. It's not very good but I hope it at least gets a few smirks out of people.

Blade: Mahora

By

Wraith Fox

Evangeline was sitting in an overstuffed armchair in the entry room of her cabin. Reading glasses perched on her nose and a cup of tea held delicately in one hand, she sipped quietly and turned another page in her book. Through one of the windows, the moon floated overhead, a large pale and round shape that reminded her of a particular classmate's forehead.

"Ah, it's so good to have an evening by myself, what with Chachamaru undergoing maintenance and all." Evangeline said to no one in particular. Why was she talking to herself about things she already knew? And why was she out here instead of in her resort where it is much nicer? Well the most obvious answer of course would be plot contrivance. Something must be up.

"Ah, yes." Evangeline murmured as she took another sip from her tea before setting the cup aside. "There's nothing like a quiet and relaxing evening where nothing could possibly go wrong."

Ten seconds pass. Twenty. Evangeline glances up from her book, her eyes peering over the top of her spectacles before she slowly turns her attention back to the book.

"Yup. Nothing ever happens on quiet evenings like this." She flips another page and then suddenly leans up in her seat, glancing over the back of the chair and then around the room once more.

The ceiling? Clean. The windows? No peeping toms or slathering maniacs. Her dolls? Still creepy but there are no more brandishing sharp cutlery than usual.

Evangeline eased back into her seat with a sigh. Giving a brief shrug, she settles into the chair, a smile teasing the corners of her lips. "Ah, such a nice and quiet--"

A small object hurtled through a window in front of her and clattered to the floor amid a shower of glass shards. Evangeline had only had the briefest impression of something that looked like a hockey puck before it exploded with an earsplitting bang and a blinding flash of light. Evangeline yelped and jumped up in her chair before toppling backwards over it and landing with a dull thud upon the hardwood floor.

Evangeline growled and pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes to try to banish the lingering glare from her sight, the white flash still visible even with her eyes screwed shut. Her ears still rang from the bang but her senses began to recover almost immediately.

After she could open, her eyes and she could hear something besides her own heartbeat the vampiress slowly got to her knees and peeked over the top of her armchair. The room was empty. A scorch mark on the ground and a small shattered pane in the window was the only evidence that anything had happened at all.

Standing upright, she grimaced and rubbed at the shoulder that had taken the brunt of her fall to the floor. "What the hell was that all--?"

Suddenly, something else burst through the same window as the small explosive device, smashing out the rest of the panes in the window as it did so. A man dressed in black leathers, arms and legs tucked against his body as he tumbled into the room amid a glittering rain of broken glass. He landed on the floor and immediately launched himself into another diving roll across the room. Reaching the far wall, he braced himself against it, turned and sprung from it into another gracious roll towards the center of the room where he sprung to his full height.

"You're paying for that window." She stated as she pointed towards the shattered portal. "And just who the hell are you?"

"I'm Blade, bitch." The man intoned. His body seems to swell when he noticed her gaze on him, the black coat open to show off his toned physique. "I'm a vampire hunter."

A vein of anger popped out on Evangeline's forehead. "What did you--?!" His second statement shocked her into silence.

"A vampire hunter?" She echoed. The man nodded.

She looked out the window he had crashed through, the night sky still filling the view. She turned back to him. "Just so that I know we're talking about the same thing, vampires are nocturnal creatures right?"

"That's right." He answered. He still stood straight in the center of the room, his arms hanging at his sides. She could see what appeared to be numerous weapons dangling from his belt.

What a weirdo. She thought.

"And it's night right now." He nodded.

"So you hunt nocturnal creatures at night when they're going to be the most active and at the peak of their abilities?"

His brow furrowed, but the stylish sunglasses he wore made it impossible to read his expression. "You trying to say something?"

"Yes I am. I'm saying that you're stupid in addition to being a vandal." She put her hands on her hips and gave him a hard stare. "Don't tell me you're here to hunt a vampire."

"You got that right. I'm here to hunt the legendary Bitch Queen Vampire, Evangeline A. K. McDowell."

Bitch Queen Vampire? That's new.

She rolled her eyes. "Figures. Well you're looking at her, handsome." She spreads her hands to either side, a cocky grin spreading on her young-looking features.

Blade studied her for a long moment before he gave a derisive snort. "Yeah, right. Where's she hiding?" He began to move around the room, lifting up chairs and tables to look underneath them, sending dishes, books and dolls tumbling to the ground.

"I am!" Evangeline declared, marching after him and putting herself between him and a bookcase. He was ready to ransack.

"You can't be a vampire. Almost all of the vampires I've run into have been attractive twenty-somethings or monsters. You're just a flat-chested little shrimp. You aren't even wearing a training bra are you?"

"That's it!" Evangeline stepped forward, grabbed his arm and with one smooth turning motion launched the leather-clad hunter over her shoulder and into the very bookcase she had been trying to spare. She winced as the shelves broke and books and other small trinkets tumbled free and piled around Blade's figure.

The man got up immediately turning to face Evangeline, his jaw set grimly. "I don't usually like smackin' little girls around but you've earned yourself a one-way ticket to a beating." He reached into his coat and pulled further a pump-action shotgun from a pocket too small to hold such a thing.

Evangeline jumped behind the nearest bit of cover, unfortunately for her that cover was a dresser that held her Japanese tea dishes. The shotgun roared and the front of the dresser exploded in splinters of wood and bits of lacquered porcelain. Evangeline gave a short cry, her arms folding over her head as the shotgun fired repeatedly, smoking shells rolling across the floor as they ejected from the gun.

The dresser was a shattered ruin now, the dishes within shattered and destroyed. Still the hunter fired and she saw bits of down flying into the air as pellets tore into her chairs and couch, windows exploding outwards, and her dolls…

Her dolls.

The carnage among the toys was horrifying. Stuffing laid everywhere, small limbs, torsos and heads, where she could recognize them as such, dangled from their hanging places on the walls or cast wildly among the room. Even now, she saw a pair of Victorian maid dolls disintegrate as they caught a spread of pellets.

An explosion of fluff nearby caught her attention. Something arced through the air and rolled to a stop nearby. A rabbit's head, with a bit of bandage wrapped around it, covering one of its eyes. She felt her heart leap up into her throat and she cried out, "Bram!" She turned her eyes towards Blade as he continued to wreck her home, his face impassive.

"You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!" Evangeline got to her feet and grabbed the ruined dresser, effortlessly tossing the ruined piece of furniture at the hunter.

The dresser crashed onto the gun and knocked it out of his grip and then she was on him. She leaped up and latched onto his front and was punching and clawing at him. He uttered an oath and the pair careened around the room like a pinball, if pinballs looked like large men in black leathers with a shrieking blonde vampire child attached to them.

However, this particular pinball finally crashed back out of the house through one of the money broken windows, the pair separating when they landed upon the ground. Evangeline rolled away and got to her feet, her features still a mask of hatred, and Blade regained his footing nearby and studied the girl closely.

"I guess you are a vampire. Well, it's time to get serious then…" He began to reach over his back when suddenly hand attached to the end of a cable appeared over the top of Evangeline's head and struck Blade in the face. He gave a short grunt and staggered backward, the hand and cable retracted with a soft whirring sound.

Evangeline didn't have to look over her shoulder to know whom it belonged. "Good evening, Chachamaru. Satomi finish her maintenance a little ahead of schedule?"

The gynoid stepped forward and stood by the vampiress' side. "Yes, Mistress." The automaton was looking straight ahead, her attention focused on the staggering Blade.

Blade finally regained his footing and stared at the pair, surprise written on his features. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" He directed his question towards Chachamaru. "I sure as hell haven't seen any familiars that can detach their hands and--" His sunglasses split down the middle, the thin bit of plastic over the bridge of his nose splitting in half and sending the dark lenses tumbling to the ground in two pieces.

He blinked once and then frowned, "That's it! Nobody breaks my sunglasses and gets away with it! Prepare yourselves." He began to reach over his shoulder towards the handle of a sword raised from the back of his coat when two men suddenly came out of nowhere. One grabbed his arm and twisted it behind Blade's back as he pushed him to the ground, the other man stood nearby with a gun trained on the writhing vampire hunter.

"Hey! What the hell are you guys doin'?!"

"Blade, you're under arrest for having a false passport and for attempting to flee charges of Tax Evasion in the USA. You're to be taken into custody and extradited immediately." One agent announced as he slapped a pair of cuffs on Blade before hauling him to his feet. "Let's get going."

"You can't do this to me! Hey! I'm Blade! I'm a vampire hunter! I'm a hero!" Evangeline and Chachamaru could hear his protestations until the agents led him out of sight.

Evangeline could only stare, disbelief filling her eyes. "That's it?" She asked.

"Mistress?" Chachamaru looked down at the vampiress quizzically.

"Some weirdo claiming to be a vampire hunter busts into my house, trashes the place and then he gets arrested by immigration agents before the main fight starts? What the hell kind of story is that?" She points in the direction they disappeared, looking up at her companion as if expecting an answer.

"Well," Chachamaru began. "Maybe it's the same kind of story where you didn't use your magic or martial arts to take him out from the beginning." She frowns for a moment before asking, "Why didn't you do that, Mistress?'

The vampiress took a breath as if ready to respond before she frowns herself, blue eyes narrowing. "I, uh, I don't know." Evangeline looked up at Chachamaru for a long moment, neither of them speaking before they turned in unison to look back through the shattered window and the mess inside the house.

"Shit." Evangeline murmured.

"Yes, Mistress."