Dear Marceline,
Today you ran over to me. You were crying. It always hurts me when I see you crying, you are usually so strong.
"Hambo's hurt." You told me, handing me the doll. Then you handed me one of his eyes. "I didn't mean to break him... I don't know what to do. Can you fix him- can you make him better?"
"Of course we can fix him. We just need to find the right tools for the surgery." I told you, putting a hand on your shoulder.
"Surgery?" Oh how worried you looked. Why did you have such a scared reaction to the word? Every time you make a new reaction I realize how little I know about your past... but I also realize how much I want to learn about it
But I don't have the time.
"Yes he will have to have a very serious eye surgery."
Your silence... your concentration as you thought about what it meant. Your intelligence is so clear to me.
"Will it hurt him?" was what you finally asked me after that minute of thought. I just wanted to pull you into a hug. I still do as I write this. There is no one in this broken world I'd rather be with than you. You make me feel a little bit more normal.
I couldn't lie to you. As scared as you were I had to teach you, I had to make sure you would grow up properly and I had to give you lessons; all the wisdom I have before it's gone.
"Yes, it will hurt him. But sometimes we have to hurt the people we love to make everything better." I ran my fingers over the split in Hambo's face and I saw how you winced as though it hurt you to see me touch his wound. "Even if they don't understand why we hurt them..."
"So we will hurt him... to make him all better? He'll forgive us?"
"If he really loves you, he will forgive you for whatever you do to him."
Marceline. I try so hard to teach you about what was right and wrong. Where the line is and when you should cross it. I knew I would be mean to you, I was already losing myself to it and I had already lost someone who was so close to me.
But I don't want to lose you to this.
"When will we find the tools for his surgery?"
"I don't know. But we can keep an eye out for it." I ruffled your hair and you smiled at me. You look so much lovelier with a smile on your face.
Oh lord, I don't want to lose you to this.
Love, Simon Petrikov.