A/N: I own nothing. I don't own Puck, Kurt, or Blaine. I do not own Glee, that is for sure. Or Mayday Parade. I did change the pronouns and name to fit the story. If you listen to Miserable at Best, it sets the tone for the story. Rated for the minor swearing.

Miserable at Best

Kurt, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting, go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so

Puck was lying in bed one lonely Friday night and was running the last year by in his head. It was quite honestly the best year in his life. He just wished it would have been enough. He knew he wasn't anything special, he knew that the love of his life would leave him eventually for something better. He just wished that it wouldn't have happened so soon. Puck wanted, no, he longed for more time with him. It just wouldn't happen anymore, and it broke his tattered heart into pieces. Puck was sure he would never love again. A tear danced down Puck's face, and he made no move to make it leave. He knew it needed to escape; it needed to for months now. It was just one of those nights.

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my boy to dance, he'll say yes

It pained Puck to know that Kurt was with someone else on every day of the week. He tried so hard to make each night something special for Kurt. He spent all of his savings, trying to make up for everything he'd done to the poor boy. He had watched as the preppy school boy had transferred to McKinley. He watched as his boy had drifted further and further away from him toward the preppy boy. He wanted to keep Kurt in his arms, but knew that Kurt would leave him some day. It was written in the stars, he had no hope. As soon as the kid, Blaine was his name, had made a move on Kurt, he dumped him like last year's fashion. It broke Puck beyond repair. He couldn't believe that the past year had meant nothing to Kurt. Puck had revealed everything to Kurt. He was painstakingly honest to the boy, and vice versa. He guessed that it didn't really matter.

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or him to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable at best

Puck let his memory fall back to one particular memory, making the tears fall faster down his face. Kurt had just gotten back from a shopping trip with Mercedes and had collapsed at Puck's place.

"Noah," he started, "I think it's time that we move on."

Puck looked at his boy sharply. "Move on to what?" he verified.

"Um." Kurt squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

Puck immediately sat next to his boyfriend on his bed. "What is it?" Dread filled his mind at the worst thought. He wouldn't want him anymore. This was that day, he had found someone new.

"Kiss me?" asked Kurt timidly, biting his lip nervously.

Who was Puck to deny his boy of his demand? Puck kissed Kurt softly, not wanting to push his boundaries. He was still trying to convince Kurt, nine months in, that he wasn't in it for sex. He wanted it to work out between them. Kurt kissed him back immediately, deepening the kiss by wrapping his arms around Puck's neck, running his fingers lightly through his mohawk. Puck wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist hesitantly, not sure where he was going with it all. Kurt swept his tongue across Puck's lip softly, making the jock moan softly. He invaded Kurt's mouth almost instantly, taking it as an invite and wasn't rejected. They made out softly for several minutes, before Kurt needed to breathe.

Puck moved down his jawline slowly, soft kisses here, soft nips there, enjoying the sounds coming from Kurt's mouth. He made his way behind Kurt's ear and kissed it. "I love you," he whispered huskily into Kurt's ear. He had wanted to say it many times before, but he never had the right moment. This seemed like the best so far, so he took the plunge. He smiled softly when he felt Kurt's breathing hitch against him. "You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know," he continued in the same tone of voice.

Kurt had looked at Puck with wide, lust blown eyes. "You do?" His voice was small, like he couldn't believe it. Puck wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. It was impossible not to love the porcelain boy; he just wished he would have shown him that way before now.

"Yeah," replied Puck. "I love you, Kurt Hummel. You can't change that." He kissed him softly on the lips as if to emphasize his point.

Kurt seemed to stop thinking at that point. "I love you too, Noah Puckerman," he whispered.

Tears streamed down Puck's face as he remembered that night. They hadn't done anything special that night, it was the same as any other time they were alone together. They never went past kissing passionately. It just felt like so much more with those three little words. He couldn't ever say them again… He knew that to be true.

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, You're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Kurt went on after that, swearing that Puck would be the only one. He promised him so. Puck was so happy when Kurt said that, it made his heart swell proudly. The boy was his; he would never have to share Kurt with anyone. Puck would be his first and last everything. A harsh laugh escaped Puck's lip at that thought. He only wished that was the case. He was so juvenile to think that could have been the case. He wasn't important enough to anyone to be that. He tried that with Quinn, and he failed with that. She wouldn't even claim him after that.

Puck rolled over on his bed and stuffed his face into his pillow, hoping that it would stop his tears. What didn't help was the fact that Kurt's scent still clung faintly too it. How was he supposed to sleep with Kurt still right there? He tried so hard to rid Kurt from his life after he left him for Mr. Preppy. Apparently, his own damn pillow wanted to ruin him too.

'Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

Puck wondered often what Blaine-y boy had that he didn't. Sure, he had money. You would have to have the dough to stay for more than a few weeks at Dalton. He had pretty looks, whereas Puck had the more rugged, badass looks. Blaine could succeed in whatever the hell he wanted to. Puck, he didn't know what he could succeed in. He wasn't able to get out of the shithole called Lima. He was sure that was his biggest downfall. The reason why Kurt left him. He had nowhere to go after high school. He would be stuck working for Burt at the tire and lube store. Puck needed to find a way to leave, a purpose to continue. People were starting to notice that he wasn't himself, that he was depressed. He needed to find a way to forget.

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Been three whole days since I've had sleep
'Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

Puck went to school the next Monday, after not sleeping the entire weekend. He stared at his blank wall all night long, trying to drown out the thoughts in his head. His eyes were still blurry and unfocused from the wall, and he ran right into the man on his mind. "Sorry," he muttered as he walked by.

"Noah! Wait," called Kurt as he was halfway down the hallway. He ran up to him and touched his shoulder gently. "How are you doing?" Concern was plain in his eyes, a fool would have missed it, and Puck wasn't a fool.

"Shouldn't you be with Blaine right now? He's probably waiting for you at the door," sneered Puck half-heartedly.

"I don't care right now about Blaine. I want to know about you," insisted Kurt. His eyes searched for Puck's hazel ones, sad with what he saw in them.

"I am doing just fine, thank you," snapped Puck. "Now, run along to your precious Blaine. I'm sure he wants to see you after the long weekend apart." He tore his eyes away from Kurt's prying ones. He didn't want to have to see the hurt in his eyes. It was already hard enough to hurt by what Kurt did, he didn't want his own guilt on top of that.

"We weren't apart all weekend," said Kurt softly. "And I know you're lying to me, Noah. I just wish you wouldn't. Where did that go?"

A knife shot through Puck's heart at the thought of them together all weekend. It had only been a month and a half. What is Kurt's problem? He got the heart he wanted, so now he's off to catch another? "Yeah, Kurt. Where did it go? I sure as hell don't know where it went. I have to get to class now. Goodbye." Puck shouldered by the smaller boy on his way to class. He ignored everything else Kurt said to him that day. He didn't want to hear it.

When Puck got home, he went right up to his room. It was normal for him anymore. He would spend the rest of his night up there, and he would sulk in his misery. He would replay every single happy memory he had, and ended up crying over most of them. He would never be happy again. If anything, he would be miserable at best.