Standard Disclaimers Apply
A Hollow Victory
The crowd roared as I did the dunk and I heard the whistle signalling the end of the game and we won... again. Everyone was shouting, laughing but what was ironic was that I felt more empty. And I looked around, seraching for him but I realized that he would never watch again. He hates me and I hate myself.
God, I never realized that it hurts so much. I have convinced myself that being the best was all that mattered. I was obsessed with this goal but in the end, I swallowed a bitter pill as I realized that reaching the top was an empty dream. In my desire to be number one, I hurt everyone around me especially him.
My heart twinge as I remembered the way he would grab me and laugh at every game I won.... no, at every game WE WON. It made me feel as though I had done something great and my heart swelled in happinness. But I destroyed everything. At every cruel world I uttered, at every insult that I gave, I destroyed his love and his pride. And I remembered painfully that fateful day where I lost him. It was the inter-high game and he was playing terribly. And I hated it, I hated being embarrassed and most of all I hated losing.
"What the hell is your problem, Kaede," he shouted "Shut up! You're a goddamn embarrassment! Why don't you stop playing, you're destroying the team with your pathetic antics!" I shouted at him. As the words went out of my mouth, I immediately regretted it as I saw his shocked eyes. Then he averted his eyes and walked away with a bowed head as Kogure replaced him. I was so stupid and I knew I had to apologize but I postponed it as there was still the game I desperately wanted to win, a game that we won in the end and a game that destroyed everything beautiful that we once had. I was even hailed as the MVP and I enjoyed it as I searched for him to share my joy but he already left. And I should have known...
I dropped by his house to talk to him that night. When I saw his hard gaze, I was irritated and I insulted him once more. And he said he wanted out and I was so angry that I said that I was glad that I was out of a relationship with one stupid-trying-to-be basketball star person and I stormed out of his house. But I didn't mean it and I thought that it was just one of those days and that everything will be alright once again. But I was so wrong, it wasn't the same, it can never be the same.
The following day when I arrived at the school, everyone was acting weird, sneaking glances at me. When I saw him, I was shocked to see him walking, head bowed, trying hard to disappear. I tried hard to catch up with him but the Sakuragi Guntai cornered me and his bestfriend punched me shouting at my callousness. I was confused and he slapped a newspaper in front of me. As I read it, I was shocked at the words about him. Quoting what I said and explaining what a lousy player he was. My heart twinge at the embarrassment that he must have felt.
I tried talking to him and our conversation will forever remain in my heart as he shouted that taking back the words will not remove the pain it created. And I watched helplessly as he walked away. And now I realized how empty my dream was. Every game that I win doesn't even give me any sense of accomplishment. And I missed his smiles, his encouragement and especially the love he selflessly offered. A love that I trampled upon.
Now, everytime I see him, it was with her. I watched jealously as he smiles at her. She makes him happy, I realized as I watch him scratching his head, blushing. And I wanted to shout at her. To tell her that he's mine but that would be a lie because he is no longer mine because I was too selfish and too cruel that I destroyed him. And now he's gaining back himself with her help. And all I have left is a bitter pill of loneliness and emptiness as I savored a success without meaning, without happinness and without HIM.
Author's Notes: He!he!he! what do you think??? Reviews are greatly appreciated! ^_^