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I felt like my word was crashing in around me. Calliope, my Calliope, is pregnant with Mark Sloan's baby. I stare into Calliope's eyes hoping she will show hint of a smile or yell "gotcha", but she hasn't.
The elevator dings open, but either of us move to get off. We stand rooted to the spot. The elevator doors close again and I look over at the control panel and hit button for the top floor. I can feel Calliope's eyes watching my movements, but we still don't speak. The elevator again dings open again signaling we on the top floor. I look over at Calliope and at the open elevator doors and then back at her.
"I need time to process this. It's a lot to take in all at once," I say.
"So your leaving again." that is all she says. Her words are coated in venom.
"I'm not going anywhere, but I need time to process this." I hold out my hand to stop the elevator doors from closing again, "I'm going to go up to roof and process."
I walk out of the elevator and pray that Calliope doesn't interpret this as me walking away again. I have no intention of ever leaving her again, but I need time to let my heart break, because the first child Calliope is going to have; will have half of Mark Sloan's DNA and I won't be anything more than Mommy's girlfriend. Calliope's first baby was supposed to have a Mommy and Momma not a Mommy and a Daddy. We were supposed to do this together instead Calliope and Mark are going to be parents together.
I make it to the rooftop and I start rooting through my purse looking for a cigarette and a lighter. I quit after I told Calliope I smoked, but since I have been back from Africa I'm smoking more than I was when Timothy first died. I find my lighter and I light one up.
The first draft from the cigarette calms my nerves and I close my eyes. The second and I ca actually start to feel my body again. The third I hear someone come through the door of the roof. That's weird I think to myself no one comes up here.
"Why do always come up here when things are tough?" My eyes shoot open when I hear her voice across the rooftop.
"Some people hideout in chapels; I hide out on rooftops." I say smoothly, trying to regain my calm from before she came up here.
"But why the roof?"
I shrug. I don't want to have this conversation right now. She shouldn't be up here.
"Are you smoking? I thought you quit."
I realize my cigarette is still burning I drop it to the ground and squish it underneath my foot. She's pregnant she shouldn't be around the smoke. It might hurt the baby. That thought surprises me. Am I actually worried about Mark Sloan's baby? The answer is yes; simple because it's also Calliope's.
"Are you still here, Arizona?"
I look at her and realize I haven't answered any of her questions since she came up here.
She steps closer to me, "Arizona?"
"Yea, I'm here. Not going anywhere," I promise her.
"Why are you on the roof? Why do you come up here when things get tough?"
"Timothy and I were little Mom talked about how there are millions of stars light years away and that if we looked at them whenever we had problems they would seem insignificant compared to the vastness of the stars. So one night after we got grounded for not cleaning our room we went outside and climbed up on the roof of the house and looked at the stars for hours; and just like Mom said our problems didn't seem so big anymore. It's worked ever since to calm me down after major news: good or bad." I look over at her. I've never shared that story with anyone, ever.
When Tim died Mom left a ladder out, but we never talked about. I never trusted anyone enough to tell them that story. Tim used to say that if I ever told a chick about why I love roofs that is the girl I will marry, but she is having her best friends baby and I'm not sure I will ever be a factor in Calliope's world again.
I look over at Calliope and her she looks stunned by my sudden admission about Tim.
"I'm in," I state, "If you want me; I'm in and I promise I won't ever leave you again." After all Tim did say if I told a chick about roof I had to marry her, but for now I will settle for her letting me help raise her baby with Mark Sloan.
"Your in?" she questions.
"I'm in." I promise her.