The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters is off partying somewhere. Let's face it, even with Archer in a coma this group just won't stop partying. And they probably had some epic benders. This is one of them. Presumably.
Swimming With Robot Dolphins
The first thing Ray was aware of when he started to wake up was the smell of chlorine. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a flock of blow up flamingoes with sombreros.
Then he noticed he was lying on a very lumpy mattress. Immediately after he realized that lumpy mattress was actually his friends. They were lying together in a pile, almost completely naked.
Ray was only wearing his blue speedo underwear and sat up. "Dukes…" He winced, recognizing the hammers in his head that was the beginning of a hangover.
"Uggghhh…" Pam was up next. She was only wearing blue underwear and a blue bra.
"I don't wanna get up Nursie…" Cheryl groaned. She was only wearing pink panties and curled up next to Krieger.
"Piggly…" Krieger groaned. He was only wearing boxer shorts.
"Y'all wake up," Ray called out. "We have a situation here."
"Is it that we all got shitfaced and we don't have a clue where we are?" Pam asked. "Because honestly that's not a situation. That's a way of life for us."
Ray looked around. They were in a glamourous indoor pool attached to a mansion. They could see a beautiful desert view outside. Also the view of the remains of a very large bonfire made up of lawn furniture.
The indoor pool had a bar and there were several empty or partially drunk liquor bottles everywhere. Including a blender that had some kind of pink liquid in it. Clothes were strewn all over the place as well as cartons of food. Statues were everywhere but some were decorated with clothes or pool items. One statue was broken recently. As well as a window.
"Well…" Ray sighed. "I think we crashed Gatsby's desert home or something."
"At least there's a pool," Pam shrugged.
"Ugh…" Cyril blearily opened his eyes. "I have got to stop waking up in strange places without my pants." He was only wearing his underwear and glasses.
"Anybody know what day it is?" Ray asked.
"No," Krieger sighed. "Anybody know what year it is?"
"No," Everyone else said with a groan as they untangled themselves.
"Okay who had sex with who this time?" Cheryl sat up and looked around.
"Nobody," Pam groaned. "We all just passed out in a pile."
"Are you sure?" Ray groaned. "Because I clearly remember somebody groping me."
"There was some fondling in the pool but nothing major," Pam waved. "If you don't believe me check the tape."
"Of course there's a tape," Ray looked around and saw there were security cameras positioned around the pool. "Which we'll probably need to burn later."
"I think we already burned something," Pam pointed to the charred pile of furniture outside.
"That does look like some of our handiwork," Krieger admitted.
"Give me back my bra, you stupid flamingo!" Cheryl grabbed her pink bra from one of the blow-up flamingoes and put it on.
"This is going to end up as one of those stories I'm going to tell in a future AA meeting," Cyril groaned. "I just know it. I'm going to be standing there in front of all those people telling them about this and they're going to look at me and judge me. Even though you're not supposed to judge. But they do. And they will."
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
Everyone looked at the pool and saw a shiny dolphin swimming by.
"Oh yeah," Cyril groaned. "They're definitely going to judge."
"Guys did we break into an aquarium and steal a dolphin?" Pam asked.
"It's a robot dolphin," Krieger waved.
"Of course, it is," Ray groaned as he staggered to the bar. "Okay where the hell are we?"
"We're in a house with a pool and a bar," Pam replied. "And a robot dolphin."
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
"Correction," Pam said. "Two robot dolphins."
"Is it weird that I'm getting used to waking up naked in strange places?" Cyril asked.
"With this group, it would be weirder if you weren't," Ray told him before starting to fix a Bloody Mary mix in an empty blender. "How the hell did we end up here in the first place? Wherever this is."
"Something to do with a contest of some kind?" Krieger blinked as he grabbed his lab coat and put it on. "It's all kind of fuzzy."
"Gee I wonder why?" Ray snapped as he worked on the drink. "What kind of crazy shit did you give us this time Krieger?"
"It was some kind of pink and purple pixie stick thing," Cheryl realized. "Was it ecstasy?"
"More like Ecstasy Plus," Krieger said. "Supposed to cut down on hangovers and memory loss but retaining a euphoric feeling."
"Well you failed on the hangover part," Pam grumbled. "It feels like King Kong and Godzilla are having a damn tennis match in my brain."
"I don't think that has anything to do with the drugs," Cyril said. "Pam remember…?"
"Remember what?" Pam snapped. "Oh wait…"
FLASHBACK!
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" The members of the Figgis Agency and several bar patrons cheered as Pam drank an entire keg of beer using a funnel.
FLASHFORWARD!
"That explains the hangover," Pam winced as Ray poured drinks for all of them.
"Oh good…" Cyril groaned as they all congregated to the bar. "More alcohol."
"Well we do need to taper off," Cheryl shrugged as they reached for their glasses.
"First let us pray," Ray said. "Everyone bow your heads…And hold your drinks."
They did so. "For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God," Ray said. "Bloody Mary full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails."
"Pray for me now," Cyril groaned. "And at the hour of my death."
"Which I hope is soon," Pam added.
"Amen!" They all said before taking a drink.
"Yeah that's just what the doctor ordered…" Pam burped.
"Can it be Dr. Kevorkian?" Cyril moaned.
"Okay it's coming back to me now…" Ray winced. "I remember Lana and Ms. Archer left early in the morning on Friday because they wanted to visit Archer in the hospital. And they were going to be out for the rest of the day for some reason."
"So…" Cyril realized. "Being the responsible individuals that we are…We decided to put the time to good use."
FLASHBACK!
"I fold," Pam sighed. They were all sitting around a table playing poker.
"Full house," Ray said. "Come to Daddy!" He pulled a bunch of candies towards him. "Krieger are you sure these are M&M's?"
"Yes! For the fifth time! God!" Krieger groaned. "The M&M's are not loaded with drugs. The pixie sticks are."
"Thank you for the spoiler alert," Ray rolled his eyes.
"Ugh why aren't we playing for money?" Cheryl groaned.
"Because we're low on funds and we need something to do," Cyril snapped. "And since we don't have any clients…Anyone have a better idea?"
"Pita Margarita's?" Pam asked. "It's Big Pitcher Friday Fiesta."
"I'm in," Cyril groaned as he put down his cards.
FLASHFORWARD!
"So, we closed the agency early and went to a bar," Cyril remembered.
"We had an early dinner there," Pam realized. "We all had chicken wings, a pitcher of margaritas and some bitching quesadillas."
"Some of us had more than others," Ray said. "Hang on…There was a team trivia contest that night!"
"Yeah there was," Cyril realized. "And we won the grand prize! Five thousand dollars!"
"A grand each just for a few hours of drinking and eating," Pam snorted. "That's my kind of night!"
"I remember how we won!" Cheryl gasped. "Oh my god the questions were so easy!"
FLASHBACK!
Pita Margarita's. The gang was sitting at a table waiting for the contest to begin.
"First question," The announcer said. "How long does it take for blood to circulate through the human body?"
"One minute!" Pam shouted. "It takes one minute for the blood to circulate through the body!"
DING!
"That is correct!" The announcer shouted. "Next question…"
And so it went on through the night…
DING!
"Chekov's Gun," Cyril said.
DING!
"Ellis Crane," Pam called out.
DING!
"Stuben glasses," Krieger said smugly.
DING!
"Alex Karras," Pam rolled her eyes.
DING!
"Ocelots!" Cheryl called out.
DING!
"The KGB," Ray spoke up.
DING!
"The Yakuza," Pam said.
DING!
"George Spelvin," Cyril groaned. "Really wish I knew that one earlier in life."
DING!
"Maximum Overdrive!" Krieger called out.
DING!
"Elisha Otis," Cyril said.
DING!
"NATO Phonetic Alphabet," Ray said.
DING!
"Red Dawn," Pam said.
DING!
"Johnny Bench," Ray said.
DING!
"Lacrosse," Cyril sighed.
DING!
"Lemurs," Ray groaned.
DING!
"Kladdkaka," Krieger said smugly.
DING!
"Kenny Loggins," Pam said.
"DING!
"Burt Reynolds!" Cheryl called out.
DING!
"San Marcos," Cyril said.
DING!
"West Virginia," Ray said.
DING!
"Turing test!" Krieger called out.
DING!
"Kate Warne!" Cheryl said.
DING!
"Rona Thorne," Pam groaned.
DING!
"Gustave Calderon," Cyril groaned.
DING!
"Veronica Deane," Ray said. "Bitch."
DING!
"Trains!" Cheryl rolled her eyes. "Duh!"
DING!
"Alligators," Cyril groaned.
DING!
"The space shuttle," Pam said.
DING!
"Chinese alligators," Cyril said.
DING!
"Pigs!" Krieger said. "Duh!"
DING!
"Gurpgork," Cheryl said. "Everybody knows that one!"
DING!
"William Howard Taft," Ray said.
DING!
"Cypher," Pam said.
DING!
"Bilbo Baggins," Krieger cheered.
DING!
"Bunsen Honeydew," Ray said.
DING!
"Project MK Ultra," Cyril said.
DING!
"Italian Prime Minister," Ray sighed.
DING!
"Wales," Cyril sighed.
DING!
"Ear candling!" Krieger called out.
DING!
"Tungsten!" Cheryl cheered. "DUH!"
DING!
"TV's Michael Gray," Ray called out.
DING!
"And now for the final question," The announcer said. "What is the common name for a type of venereal disease whose symptoms include extreme pain, temporary discoloration of the genitals and some insanity in women?"
"ARCHERS!" Everyone at the Figgis Agency team called out.
DING! DING! DING!
The Figgis Agency jumped up and cheered at their victory.
FLASHFORWARD!
"Huh, no wonder we won so easily," Krieger realized.
Pam realized something. "Okay nobody better tell Archer when he wakes up there's a trivia question about Archer's Syndrome floating around out there."
"Not to mention it's become a popular one since the incident with Veronica Deane," Ray added. "Let him find out on his own."
"So what happened after we won?" Krieger asked.
"I remember we all got free drinks as well as the money," Pam realized. "All we could drink…Which leads me to…"
FLASHBACK!
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Everyone cheered as Pam drank a keg of beer.
FLASHFORWARD!
"And that's probably why we left the bar shortly after that," Pam said.
"Left, kicked out…" Ray said. "Same difference."
"So, what happened after that?" Pam asked. "That part of the night is a little burry."
"Me too," Cheryl blinked.
"I remember," Ray gave Cyril a look. "Cyril made us do something really stupid."
"What a shock," Pam said sarcastically. "What was it?"
FLASHBACK!
"3, 2, 1…" Cheryl pushed some buttons. "And that is my pin number!"
"You really shouldn't tell people that aloud," Cyril groaned.
They were standing in front of an ATM. "Hurry up ding dongs," Pam burped. "We gotta do my thing next."
"Hold your horses Pam," Cyril said.
"Ooh, I know where we can ride some horses!" Cheryl giggled. "Or jockeys."
"That sounds like fun," Ray said.
"NO!" Cyril snapped. "The point of putting our money in a bank is for us to not spend it all!"
"Hooray for fiscal responsibility!" Cheryl giggled.
FLASHFORWARD!
"You made us put all our money in a bank?" Pam snapped.
"That doesn't sound very exciting," Krieger remarked.
"No wonder I forgot that part," Cheryl said.
"I made you put your shares in your individual checking accounts!" Cyril snapped. "So you wouldn't spend it all! Besides we made a deal! Remember Pam?"
"Oh yeah…" Pam realized. "There was that one thing I always wanted to do."
FLASHBACK!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Cyril screamed as he rode down a steep hill in a shopping cart.
"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKES!" Ray screamed as he followed Cyril in a shopping cart.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Cheryl squealed as she rode down the hill in a shopping cart. "BEST NIGHT EVER!"
"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" Pam rode down next. "COME ON KRIEGER!"
"Coming!" Krieger however was pushing his cart. "I think my way is safer."
FLASHFORWARD!
"And I was right," Krieger said. "Lucky for you guys you crashed into those trash bags somebody dumped on the side of the road."
"We're lucky we weren't killed," Ray groaned. "Fortunately, those trash bags were right behind this warehouse they were using as a dance club."
"Okay here's where things really get fuzzy for me," Pam said.
"That's because we had some of Krieger's Crazy Straws when we snuck into the club," Ray said. "Part of that night is a little fuzzy for me too."
"Oh, I can tell you what happened," Krieger said. "We were all getting down and getting busy when…"
FLASHBACK!
"FFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Ray blew a whistle as he danced shirtless in the club waving his shirt around. Two handsome shirtless guys were dancing with him.
"This is great!" Cyril whooped as he danced with two hot women who were grinding against him. "I am having the best night ever!"
"Me too!" Pam whooped as she danced. However, she bumped into a group of younger women by accident as she did so.
"Watch where you're going Wide Load!" One of them sneered.
"What did you say Flat Tits?" Pam snarled.
"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Another snapped. "Don't you have to get up at dawn to eat the cows?"
"HOW ABOUT YOU EAT A KNUCKLE SANDWICH BITCH?" Pam roared. Before anyone could stop her she was ruthlessly wailing on the women.
"Oh no…" Ray noticed the fight.
Before anyone knew it several more people got into the act. Then a huge fight broke out among several dancers. Then the fire alarm sounded.
FLASHFORWARD!
"So we started a mini riot?" Cyril groaned.
"That too," Krieger said.
"Too?" Cyril asked. "What else happened?"
"Well…" Krieger scratched his head. "I sort of lost track of Cheryl and…"
FLASHBACK!
"HA HA HA HA!" Cheryl came out of the bathroom. A stall was on fire. "WHOO!"
"Uh oh…" Krieger saw this and saw a fire alarm was nearby. "Well that's handy." He pulled it.
FLASHFORWARD!
"So, we started a fire and a riot?" Ray groaned.
"Yeah," Krieger winced. "I don't think we should show our faces around that side of town for a while. I don't know how we all got out of there without being arrested but we did. Probably because we went out the same way we came in. Through the rear."
"Phrasing," Pam snorted. "Wait if I was in a fight how come I'm not bruised?"
"Those bitches weren't exactly in your weight class," Ray pointed out. "I've seen toothpicks that had more meat on 'em."
"Oh right. So, what happened after that?" Pam asked.
"Hang on," Cyril said. "I'm remembering something now…Didn't we get really hungry?"
"Oh yeah," Cheryl realized. "Arson really builds up an appetite."
"Look at all these Chinese food boxes," Cyril looked around. He picked one up. "Panda Express…Oh my God! It's coming back to me…"
FLASHBACK!
"Are you sure you turned off the security cameras?" Cyril said nervously as he stood lookout at the back door of the mall that lead to a restaurant.
"Yes! I'm sure!" Ray snapped. "Besides malls are emptier than ghost towns nowadays!"
"Move it! Move it!" Pam ran out carrying boxes of take-out food. "Get your ass in gear Cheryl!"
"I had to get the stupid fortune cookies!" Cheryl snapped. She was carrying several bags.
Krieger shouted as he kept the van running. "Let's go! Schnell! Schnell!"
"I'll schnell you, asshole," Pam said as she tried to put the food in the van. "Damn it Krieger! Get these damn flamingoes out of my way!"
FLASHFORWARD!
"Wait! Wait! Back up!" Ray spoke up. "How did we get the flamingoes?"
"Oh right," Cheryl realized. "We got the flamingoes before we robbed that Panda Express! But right after we stole those dolphin robots from the aquarium."
"So we did break into an aquarium?" Cyril groaned.
"That explains where we got the robot dolphins," Krieger said as he looked at them.
"You didn't make the robot dolphins?" Ray asked.
"Not these," Krieger admitted. "Although I do admire the work of whoever did it."
"Now I remember!" Cheryl laughed. "Those robot dolphins were made by the ocean institute my stupid brother funds. They're cameras made to spy on dolphins in the wild."
"Hang on," Pam spoke up. "It's starting to come back to me…"
FLASHBACK!
"HA HA HA HA!" Cheryl laughed as she and Pam carried one robot dolphin out of an aquarium. "Suck on it Cecil!"
"I wanna swim with robot dolphins!" Ray giggled as he, Krieger and Cyril carried the other one.
"Me too!" Krieger cheered.
"Is it wrong that I want to swim with a robot dolphin?" Cyril asked.
"Cyril," Krieger replied. "It would be wrong if you didn't!"
FLASHFORWARD!
"I think that's when the drugs really started to kick in," Ray groaned. "I remember feeling really happy and hyper."
"I did feel a lot less uptight," Cyril admitted. "Cheryl your brother is a major donor to the LA aquarium?"
"My brother is like a major donor to almost all of them," Cheryl waved. "He is such a hippie. Except ironically when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Then he's like a prude. Weird. I know. He was always the oddball in the family."
"And from the Queen of the Oddballs," Ray quipped. "That's saying something."
"So where did we get the flamingoes?" Pam asked.
"I think I remember," Cheryl thought. "No I don't."
"Big surprise," Ray rolled his eyes. "But I do! I remember now! We were driving around after the aquarium and we drove by this used car lot…"
FLASHBACK!
"Ha ha ha ha!" Ray giggled manically as he and Pam stole the flamingoes from a used parking lot.
"Why do you want blow up flamingoes with sombreros on them?" Cyril asked as they made it to the van.
"Why wouldn't we?" Ray asked.
"Yeah!" Pam snapped. "Besides we let Cheryl get her things! Why shouldn't we have things?"
"Fair is fair!" Ray snapped. "Fair is fair!"
"Keep your shirt on Billie Jean," Cyril rolled his eyes. "I was just asking."
"You know what I'm asking?" Krieger said. "Is anyone else hungry? Because I'm hungry."
"Me too," Ray said. "Anybody want crepes? I could go for crepes!"
"Nah I don't want crepes," Krieger frowned. "I want something though. Do you want something?"
"Yeah, I want something," Pam said. "Bearclaws?"
"Tacos!" Cheryl cheered as she took a flamingo and played with it. "Bawk! Bawk!"
"No, no…We gotta get something good!" Cyril slurred. "Like orange chicken. For some reason, I could really go for orange chicken!"
"I want orange chicken too!" Pam said. "And I know just the place! There's a Panda Express at the mall nearby!"
"But isn't the mall like closed?" Cheryl asked. "Bawk?"
"Like that matters," Pam rolled her eyes.
FLASHFORWARD!
"Why would a used car dealer think blow up flamingoes would help sell cars?" Cheryl asked.
"I have no idea," Cyril remarked. "It's nowhere near Cinco De Mayo. Is it?"
"Who remembers?" Ray groaned. "Okay, after the flamingoes we robbed a Panda Express from a closed mall. But that doesn't explain where we are and how we got here."
"Well I obviously drove us, duh!" Krieger said.
"But where is here?" Cyril snapped.
"How should I know?" Krieger snapped. "I was only driving using the directions Cheryl programmed in my GPS!"
"Wait Cheryl knows where we are?" Cyril did a double take. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I don't remember now where we are!" Cheryl snapped. "Duh!"
"Honey I know this is difficult but you need to concentrate," Ray told her. "Think. Does any of this look familiar?"
"Uhhh…." Cheryl frowned and looked around. "I don't know…"
"God we are so lost," Pam groaned.
"Just take a look around," Ray suggested. "Maybe if you go outside the house and look at it?"
"That's an idea," Cheryl nodded as she sat there.
Ray raised an eyebrow. "So, could you do it?"
"Oh, you want me to do it now?" Cheryl asked.
"YES, WE WANT YOU TO DO IT NOW!" Cyril shouted.
"Okay! Jesus! Don't yell!" Cheryl rolled her eyes and made her way to the door.
"Just take a look around outside honey," Ray told her. Under his breath, he muttered. "Let your one brain cell get some fresh air."
"Great, just great!" Cyril groaned as Cheryl went outside to take a look. "Once again Cheryl has led us into some crazy disaster."
"It's technically not a disaster yet," Krieger said. "Unless the owners of this house own guns and or large angry dogs."
"Oh thank you Krieger!" Cyril snapped. "I was only worried about being arrested for trespassing. But putting that image in my head really helps!"
"You're saying that sarcastically, right?" Krieger asked.
"Guess Cheryl isn't the only one with destroyed brain cells," Ray groaned.
"I'd be lying if I didn't say that wasn't a possibly after all these years," Krieger shrugged.
"After all these years, I'm amazed any of us have any brain cells left!" Cyril groaned. "God Lana will never let me hear the end of this if she ever finds out!"
"Why the hell do you give a shit if she does?" Pam snapped. "I would have thought by now you'd have realized that you and Lana were never a permanent thing."
"If ever," Ray added.
"She was only using you to get back at Archer!" Pam told him. "You had your shot and now it's over! Move on Figgis! Move on!"
"Which we probably should be doing in case the owners come back," Krieger realized.
"Guys I know where we are!" Cheryl said excitedly as she ran back inside. "We're in Tunt Vista!"
"And where the hell is that?" Ray asked.
"It's this place in the desert my father built years and years ago," Cheryl waved. "For some reason he wanted to build a neighborhood of homes. But he only got around to finishing one big one for some reason. I want to say he got bored. But I know that's not right. And I know it has nothing to do with losing money."
"Maybe it was a zoning thing?" Cyril asked.
"Whatever," Cheryl looked around. "I can't believe I forgot this place. It's only a few miles outside of LA. We came here a few times when I was a teenager. My brother Cecil got it in the will. This is his house. Well one of them."
"How many houses do you people have?" Ray asked.
"A lot," Cheryl shrugged. "So, we broke in and then…And then…"
"Whoa man," A long haired Hispanic man in denim jacket and jeans and a straggly beard walked in. "You guys really know how to party."
"Hey Jose," Cheryl waved.
"Whoa! Not cool bitch!" Pam snapped.
"Cheryl!" Ray snapped. "You can't just call some guy Jose just because…"
"It's ok dude. My name really is Jose," The man interrupted. "I'm kind of the housekeeper slash gardener around here."
"Oh," Ray blinked. "Sorry. And sorry for crashing in like this."
"No worries man," Jose said. "See every time another Tunt crashes at this place I get at least twenty grand extra. It's kind of in my contract. Plus, that was some primo shit drugs you gave me German Dude. So I'm good."
"So you remember what happened last night?" Pam asked.
"Oh yeah man I remember everything," Jose said. "See I just got up because you know? I kind of slept in all day. Partied a little too hard from the day before. And that's when you showed up."
FLASHBACK!
"Jose! Jose!" Cheryl called out drunkenly. "Strike up the barbecue and warm up the pool! We're here to party!"
Fast forward a little bit…
"Wheee!" Cyril giggled drunkenly as he hung onto the robot dolphin as it swam along. "I'm swimming with robot dolphins!"
"Cannonball!" Pam dove into the pool wearing only her underwear, making a huge splash.
Fast forward a little more…
"Damn this orange chicken is tasty," Ray said as they all ate Chinese food in their underwear by the pool. "Isn't this orange chicken tasty? This orange chicken is tasty!"
"Really tasty!" Cheryl grinned as she ate. She looked at one of the blown-up flamingoes. "Sorry we're eating one of your friends. Bawk! Bawk!"
"This is great orange chicken," Krieger smacked his lips. "Where did we get it again?"
"Who remembers?" Pam waved. "Aww man…I just remembered. We can't go swimming for half an hour because we ate orange chicken. And I wanted to play Marco Pollo."
"I know what we can do!" Cheryl said cheerfully.
Fast forward a little more…
"Ooga chacka! Ooga chacka!" The gang danced around a huge bonfire on the lawn only in their underwear. "Ooga! Ooga chacka!"
FLASHFORWARD!
"Then you guys took another swim and had a wild game of Marco Polo," Jose went on. "Then passed out in the corner over there."
"Okay now I know what happened to us," Cyril sighed. "And knowing is a good reason to get a good lawyer."
"Aren't you a lawyer?" Pam snorted.
"Damn it," Cyril groaned.
"Man, we really tore the place up," Ray looked around. "I don't remember the pizza boxes or broken window over there."
"Actually, that one was me," Jose said. "I kind of had a bit of a party the other night and forgot to clean up."
"You can just say I did it," Cheryl waved. "It'd really tick my brother and his stupid girlfriend off."
"Cool!" Jose grinned. "Thanks Ms. T! You are way more chill than your brother's girlfriend."
"Ugh Tiffy!" Cheryl rolled her eyes.
"What does your brother see in her man?" Jose asked. "Aside you know from her rack?"
"And even that's not impressive," Cheryl nodded.
"Obviously," Jose pointed to both Cheryl and Pam.
"Thank you!" Cheryl grinned.
"Very appropes," Pam smirked.
"I think it might be some kind of rebellion thing," Cyril spoke up. "You know? Getting back at your parents?"
"If that's the case he nailed it," Cheryl groaned. "My parents hated her! Ugh! The only reason Father didn't put a stop to it is because he thought that Cecil would probably dump her faster if he didn't interfere. Well that and it distracted my mother from his own screwing around so…"
"Yeah your old man had some great parties here," Jose laughed. "And your mom too now that I think about it. Wow. What a lady."
"You slept with Cheryl's mother, didn't you?" Pam asked.
"I'm not really sure," Jose asked. "It was either her or her mother. Could have been both. I was wasted those times so…"
"Grandmother was no surprise," Cheryl said. "She was obsessed with Latin America or anything Mexican. I think she dated Poncho Villa for a bit."
"You family is so messed up," Pam shook her head.
"And her sister stabbed her in the neck," Cheryl pointed at Pam. "Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure Tiffy was the one who came up with the idea to try and steal my inheritance. My idiot brother could never have thought that up on his own."
"Speaking of thinking about things…" Ray said. "What do we do now?"
"I got breakfast," Jose said. "I went out and got all those cool donuts. You know the ones with maple bacon or jalapenos in 'em. They are out of this world. And I can make you guys my famous huevos rancheros. The secret ingredient is eggs."
"Might as well," Pam burped. "I could go for something. Wanna join us Jose?"
"Why not? I'm not doing anything," Jose grinned. "I'll be back. As soon as I remember where I parked the car." He went off.
"Okay here's the plan," Cyril said. "We all just hang here and lay low for the rest of the day to recover from our hangovers. Then we go back to work on Monday and pretend none of this ever happened. Especially us winning the prize money."
"So we don't tell Ms. Archer or Lana about our weekend?" Ray asked. "Works for me."
"Me too," Krieger nodded.
"Me three," Cyril nodded. "In fact, I think I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to forget this night. Although I'm pretty sure I'm halfway there."
"Oh please," Pam waved. "What happened last night isn't exactly the worst thing you've ever done. It's not even the worst thing you've done this week."
"That statement is so true it's not even funny," Cyril groaned. "But I still don't want our little spree getting out. You know how Lana is kind of judgmental about these things."
"Not to mention the police," Krieger nodded.
"Nobody tell Archer either," Ray said. "Especially about the part about us winning a trivia contest using a question about that venereal disease named after him."
"Are you kidding?" Pam snorted. "If we did that knowing him, he'd want a cut!"