Mau slipped off the bridge and slid down the bank too. He squatted on the edge and said,
"The leaders do not want you here. Look, someone gave me something so you would know. So you ccould leave."
I reached to his outstretched hand and Mau grasped my wrist; pulled me into the grasses. He pressed my old St. Christopher medal into my open palm and released my arm. He said,
"The bamboo seller took it from his body. You have this proof. This is enough."
It was not enough. I creeped slowly into the water, barely making a sound, and began to search. The water was lukewarm, almost nice if I didn't have to be in it under such grave circumstances. Will followed behind me and gave me a look that said he didn't like the idea,
"I won't let you get caught alone," he said.
I looked up into his eyes and gave him a half smile as if to thank him. Will had been a great friend, putting up with my stubbornness and helping me through everything, protecting me. He deserved a better thank you and a better friend.
About ten minutes later, Will suddenly stopped moving, stopped searching. He looked over at Mau, his expression unreadable.
"What is it?" I said, "What did you find?"
Will turned to me slowly, cautiously. He walked over and touched my arm so gently, as if he thought my body would just shatter into a million pieces if he put too much force on it.
"I found a body," he said.
My heart began to race and there was a lump in my throat so large I thought I was going to throw up. I walked over to where Will said he found the body and searched for a few seconds before brushing what felt like a hand. I jumped back, the lump in my throat swelling, taking up my entire throat, making it difficult to breath. Then Will asked me,
"Do you want me to pull it up?"
And all I could manage was a slow nod, tears welling in my eyes, prickling and stinging. By this time Mau had made his way into the water and I grasped his arm so tightly in anticipation that I thought he might lose all circulation. But he just stood beside me, whispering to me that everything was going to be okay. I thought How do you know?
Will was examining the body, beckoning me. I walked over slowly, the whole moment feeling surreal, like a bad dream that I would wake up from and everything would be okay. I would wake up with Serey beside me, my daughter alive and sleeping in the next room, everything the way it should be. Wake up! I thought to myself harshly. You have to wake up, Anne. But when I looked at the face of the body, seemingly unrecognizable, I noticed something else. The tears had started to stream down my face by that point, my body convulsing, breaths coming in shallow and shaky. Will grasped me and held me in his arms, stroking my hair silently. It felt just like when I gave birth to our dead daughter and I couldn't handle that excruciating pain again, I couldn't even handle it then.
"We should leave, before someone sees us," Mau whispered
I nodded and the three of us walked slowly back to the hotel. I had realized this was all real, that I wasn't dreaming, all in about three seconds...
When I saw that half-moon chip
The next day, I decided to leave. To go back to Montreal. To leave this all behind, although I knew it wouldn't be possible.
"Are you sure about this?" Will asked, "Don't you want to stay just a little longer?"
When I looked up for split second, I saw a look of pleading in his eyes, as if to say Please. Please stay, and it was all too much. Did he seriously think I would fall into someone else's arms, just like that? Right after the death of the love of my life? And into those of a good friend, who the thought of having feelings for I could not even fathom?
"Positive," I replied. "Mau, can you get me a ticket for the earliest flight possible?"
He nodded and left. Will crept closer, placed his hands on my waist gently, trying to pull me in closer, tried to look into my eyes.
"Don't," I said, pushing him away, "Just stop."
Then he turned and left. And the next day, so did I.
10 Years Later
I made my way to the coffee shop to get my regular order, a sesame bagel with butter and a vanilla cappuccino, just like every morning. I scanned the bustling streets, envying every happy couple I saw, hating them. Then my eyes passed over a familiar face and I took a double take. There he was. Standing there, across the street, looking right at me.
"Anne!" he called, struggling to get his voice over the noise of the traffic.
He ran across the street, dodging a few cars honking in frustration.
"Will?" I said , "It's been a while."
"Yes, it has. You look good," he said.
A smile crept across my face and when I looked into his eyes, a feeling burned inside of me, one that I hadn't felt in a long, long time. One that I wasn't sure what to think of, if it was right to feel, if I deserved to feel it.
"Do you want to join me? Sit down and have coffee with me?" I asked.
"Don't you have to go to work?" he asked, eyeing my attire.
I smiled again, took out my cellphone and dialed my boss.
"Hello, this is Anne. I will not be able to come in today, my son is sick with the flu. Sorry. goodbye," I hung up.
"Son?" Will asked, scanning my left hand now in search of a ring.
"Yes, two of them, Andrew and Christopher. My husband and I just finalized our divorce and he has them this week."
"Sorry," Will said, looking awkward now.
"Don't be," I said. "I didn't love him. I haven't loved anyone since Serey."
Then was the first time it didn't feel as if I was going to die when I said his name. It still hurt, but I think it always would.
"How about that coffee?" Will asked, eager to change the subject now.
"Sure," I replied smiling.
So we walked back to the other side of the street and spent the day sitting in a back corner booth, laughing and chatting, that feeling still lingering. When it started to get late, I offered for him to stay at my place rather than at a hotel, but he politely declined, saying he had already booked one for the night. Then added,
"But if I can get your number, we can make plans for another day while I'm still in town. If you want to, I mean. Because if you don't that's fine too... I mean..."
And I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek, I think surprising myself more than him. He looked down at me, shocked before his teeth flashed into a smile.
"I'd like that," I said, handing him my phone so he could put his number in.
I about to walk out now. My hair done, makeup shining, breaths shaky and palms sweaty.
"I can't do this!" I said, looking up at my father, "I'm a horrible person! Marrying another man... What was I thinking?!"
"You love him, don't you?" he said, holding my arms so I wouldn't smudge my makeup in stress.
"Will? Of course I do! But what would Serey think? He would think my love for him was all a lie! That I had betrayed him."
"You'll always love Serey, he was your first love. But you aren't in love with him, there's a difference. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. You love Andrew and Chris, but you aren't in love with them. You're in love with Will now."
And surprisingly, that did make sense. I realized that my although my love for Serey will be everlasting, the feelings I have for Will wouldn't disappear either. The stress melted away and after about thirty seconds I nodded to my father and he smiled, kissed me on the head, the doormen opened the doors and there he was. Standing at the altar, looking right at me, smiling, tears beginning. And so did mine.
That's when I knew. I knew I had made the right decision. I knew I was in love and I knew that this time, it would last.