Author's notes: This is my fourth fic on this site, and because my other fics have all been pretty dark and serious, I wanted to do something more fun and lighthearted (but don't worry, I plan to go back to the more serious stuff after this). This isn't my best work, but I think I did an okay job considering I'm not used to writing fluff (if this can even be considered fluff, I'm not sure what this is exactly). I prefer Heath Ledger's Joker, but I wrote this in such a way that it could be either comic-verse or Nolan-verse. If you enjoy please comment, I appreciate every review I get and I love hearing your thoughts on my work. I'm going to shut up now so you can read the story, please enjoy! : )
December 21: Four days 'till Christmas
Harley was standing on the balcony of the penthouse she and the Joker were currently hiding out in. She gazed up at the stars as anxiety gnawed at her. She absently wondered if it would snow before Christmas, it hadn't snowed once and she almost wished Mr. Freeze would try to freeze Gotham again, if only so she could have a white Christmas. The type of nervousness she felt now was almost foreign to her, for it wasn't fear of capture or getting killed, it was because of her Puddin'. The feeling was strange to her because she usually wasn't afraid of him, not even when he yelled at her or beat her or threatened to kill her. No, she was afraid because once she got home she planned to ask something of him that she knew wouldn't make him happy. She was afraid he would shout insults at her or hit her, or worst of all, shut down and ignore her entirely.
For a few weeks now she and the Joker had been living in the penthouse suite of one of Bruce Wayne's hotels. At first the manager had refused to let them stay, but after Joker explained things and killed over half the staff the manager was happy to let them stay. Ever since they had moved in the manager had denied access to any other guests, claiming that they were undergoing maintenance. It was just as well that he did, because it took the entire remaining staff to fulfill all of their requests, whether it be a "romantic" dinner or the supplies for a bomb. The staff would have fled or at least have called the police, but the Joker had taken the time to "get to know" each and every one of them and had promised dire consequences for tattle-tales. While Harley didn't mind living in broken-down amusements parks or old and abandoned factories and apartments, she loved living in the penthouse. With the rich décor and the lovely view and the staff waiting on them hand and foot, she felt that she and the Joker were finally being treated like the royalty they were.
She wondered where he was now, and what he was doing. Christmas was the Joker's favorite holiday because, according to him, it was full of good will and holiday cheer and therefore was the perfect time to remind everyone how pointless their lives were. He hadn't told her what his plan for this Christmas was yet, but he had told it her it would be more "kid-friendly." He had spent months of planning and hiring new henchmen, making sure everything was absolutely perfect, down to the smallest detail, and she couldn't wait for him to tell her what it was.
She heard the door to their room open and close and she could hear him wandering around the room. She began chewing her fingernails; she hadn't expected him to come home this early, she had actually hoped for once that he would come back later than usual so she could have more time to think about what she would say and how she would say it. What she wanted to ask him was bad enough in and of itself, and getting tongue-tied and saying the wrong thing wouldn't help her cause. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and make her request but forced herself not to; if he was in a bad mood there was no way she would even mention it. Then again, if he was in a good mood she would hate to ruin it with her request. Either way, she would make herself wait and see what mood he was in before she did anything.
Without any warning, Harley shrieked as she felt someone grab her from behind and flipped her over the rail of the balcony upside down, his hands gripping her ankles tightly.
"To drop or not to drop, that is the question. What do you think the answer is, Harl?"
"I think the answer is whatever you want it to be Mistah J, but I wouldn't mind at all if you decided not to drop me," said Harley a bit nervously.
"That's such a Harley answer. No screams of terror? No pleas for mercy? I'm not sure if I'm amused or annoyed," said Joker as he pulled her back up.
"Sorry Mistah J," said Harley dejectedly, wondering what the right answer had been.
He grabbed hold of her jester cowl and dragged her to bed, where he laid down and put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. She laid down next to him and traced his arm with the tip of her finger. She was tempted to speak but was unsure if it would be a mistake to do so.
"Something wrong, Harley-girl?" asked Joker all of a sudden. Even when he wasn't looking at her he could still read her like a book.
"It's nothin', Sweetie," mumbled Harley.
He opened his eyes and fixed them on her. "Now Harley, you know Daddy doesn't like it when you keep things from him, even when it's things he doesn't want to hear."
"I'm afraid you'll get mad at me," said Harley as she looked away, unable to meet his eyes. It killed her to say those words, but they were true.
"Now Harley, when have I ever been angry with you?" he asked as he turned her head to make her look at him. "I won't have a frowny-faced hench-girl."
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about our Christmas plans," she said hesitantly.
He laughed and said, "Aww, does wittle Hawley-kins wanna know what Daddy's got planned for Christmas?"
Harley's face brightened a bit as she said, "Of course I do, Puddin'!"
"I'll show you," he said as he eagerly jumped off the bed and reached underneath it and pulled out a white box with a red ribbon wrapped around it. He handed it to her with a wide and mischievous grin on his face. "Open it," he said, but she had already torn off the ribbon. She threw off the lid and saw that inside was a clown doll, and before she could move or say anything it released a cloud of green vapor from its mouth and laughed. She recognized it immediately as Joker venom but because of the immunity booster Poison Ivy had given her it had no effect on her. His face filled with child-like glee as he told her his plan. "You know how people always get more depressed than usual after the holidays are over? Well I intend to do something about that, with the children at least. You see, all this month I've had my henchmen pose as mall Santas and hand out these gifts to the kids and instruct them to not open them until Christmas. On Christmas day, all the little children will be happier than ever before, and for once their parents won't have to deal with ungrateful kids who don't appreciate their gifts. Batman won't be able to prevent this one because who's going to turn down a free gift, especially in this economy. By the time Bats and the police realize what I've done it'll be far too late for them to anything other than try to find an antidote, this is a new strain of course, and try to catch me. I even sent one to the Boy Blunder that will arrive on Christmas morning, just my way of thanking Bats for all he does for this god-forsaken city."
"What would this city do without ya, Puddin'?" said Harley adoringly.
"And on Christmas day we'll dress up as nurses and invade the hospital so we can watch the desperate parents kill each other trying to get their brats medical attention," said Joker with a wide grin.
"Oh um, about that Puddin', I was thinking maybe we could do somethin' else for Christmas," said Harley, testing the waters.
"Something else?" said Joker, his face calm but his voice hinting danger.
"W-Well, I was thinking that maybe we could go to M-Metropolis to visit my family," said Harley as she nervously bit her lip.
In response, the Joker backhanded her so hard it knocked her off the bed. She hit her head on the floor and as she was reeling from the blow, he grabbed her cowl again and dragged her to the closet, threw her inside and locked the door. Her face stung where he had hit her, but she hadn't expected anything less from him. In fact, compared to what she had expected he seemed to have taken it quite well.
She was surprised when she heard his voice from the other side of the door. "Harley, Harley, Harley, don't you remember what happened the last time you saw your parents?"
"I try not to," admitted Harley quietly.
"So why would you want to repeat the incident? I thought it was hilarious, but you seemed kind of traumatized, and I'm just wondering why you would want to go through that again. Do you not like my plan to make the kids happy? Do you not enjoy tormenting the Bat anymore? Is it because you actually think there's a chance your parents and I could learn to love each other or are you just trying to screw up my Christmas?"
"It's none of those Puddin', I just wanted to see them one last time. I love your plan and ruining B-man's Christmas, and I most certainly do not want to ruin yours, but I think that maybe we could make Christmas with my parents work out," implored Harley. "I was thinking we could leave tomorrow and stay until Christmas day, and if we did that we could be back in time to enjoy watching Gotham and Batman try to deal with your latest scheme."
"Give me one good reason why I should even consider doing this for you," growled Joker.
"It would make me happy," said Harley hopefully.
"I said a good reason, Harl," said Joker exasperatedly.
"Well, don't we deserve a vacation? Especially you Puddin', you're always working so hard to make Gotham laugh, wouldn't you like to relax for a change?"
"What do you think Arkham is for?" said Joker, as if this should have been obvious.
"I mean a vacation where we're not getting stuck with needles every day or having to put up with annoying straightjackets and even more annoying doctors. A vacation where we wouldn't have to deal with guards keeping us away from each other all the time."
"Yes, because I'm sure your parents would be thrilled with us flaunting our relationship in their house, not that I care about their approval."
"But you're family now, Mistah J. Not officially, but close enough. Don't you want to get to know my parents better, after all you are their sort-of son-in-law. And then there's my brother Peter, he's the best big brother in the whole world. And of course Nana, she was getting pretty senile the last time I saw her, but I bet she's still as wonderful as ever. Come on Mistah J, they're your family too, would one Christmas with them really be so awful?"
There was a long pause, then Joker said, "Have we met Harley? Did you forget who you're talking to? I don't do families, I destroy them. Why in the world would I want to get to know your family better? They're not my family, I don't have any family and I'd like to keep it that way. Why do you even want to go? You never wanted to go before, but now you're whining for it like a two year old crying for a cookie. Am I not good enough for you anymore, is that it?"
"No! Of course not Puddin'! You know I love you more than anything else in the world! It's just that, well, a few months ago they sent me a letter in Arkham and it got me to thinking. I want to see them just one last time."
"Letter? What letter?" asked Joker curiously.
"It's in top the dresser drawer next to the bed, under a bunch of junk," mumbled Harley. She was going to get it now, she was sure. She hadn't wanted to keep it a secret but had done so because she knew it would only upset him.
"Dear Harley, blah blah blah," read Joker from outside the door. "We miss you and wish you would come home and spend Christmas with us. This is an outrage!" he suddely shouted angrily. "How dare they invite you and not me! The nerve of your parents, the least they could have done was say you could bring me along. Well I'll tell you what Harley-girl, if this isn't an invitation I don't know what is. I don't care what you think, we are going to Metropolis!" said the Joker, no longer sounding angry, but eager instead. "We'll leave tomorrow morning and get there by tomorrow night. Just think how excited your parents will be to spend Christmas with their not-really son-in-law! I'll make sure this the best Christmas ever, just for your parents!"
His strange and abrupt mood swings often left Harley with a feeling of whiplash, but she was so used to it now it hardly fazed her. She smiled to herself as she lay down on the closet floor and tried to sleep. Now that the Joker had agreed to go, all she had to do was hope her parents would be willing to at least pretend that they were happy they were there. She could only hope this Christmas wouldn't be like the first time her parents met the Joker.