Okay, this will work better if you have read either Punch or Kiss Him or With Great Power Comes Mental Illness, but it's a completely different beast focusing on angsty and fluffy relationship moments, so if that's your thing feel free to jump in here. ;) Here's what it's about: Trish is pregnant with Matt's child and they need to think how they would have to change their vigilante lifestyle for this. Obviously, this leads to a whole bag of issues exploding for both of them...
I really am excited about every review and I want to thank everyone who gave me a favorite on my previous stories. It really means a lot that you let me know you enjoyed them! I hope, you'll come along on this rollercoaster. :)
In case you weren't interested in any of the previous stories or you forgot what happened, here's a recap:
This is set after the Defenders and before Jessica Jones season 2 and Daredevil season 3. Matt contacted Jessica from the convent to make sure Karen & Foggy are fine and she decided to get on his case, pull him out of his chosen misery. Instead of hiding and letting the Devil out Matt went along with it after some protest and because Karen was parked in Trish's apartment for safety reasons the radio host also got involved in the fight against Fisk. In the process she got injected with a substance that caused hellish migraines and later some mental powers (like moving stuff with her mind) that Matt reluctantly helped her master, because she's just as stubborn as him and also has a bit of a hero complex. Trish was also ridiculously attracted to him from the start, especially after she found out he's Daredevil, but that wasn't her only reason to help out. Eventually they got together, but when Trish almost drowned Matt felt responsible (of course…) and ran away to keep everyone out of his mess. However living alone on the streets Fisk's man soon found, kidnapped and tortured him, while also putting videos of that online to influence an election. Long story. This is more difficult to sum up than I thought… Jessica and Luke made a deal with a gangster called Lenny Morano to help them find Matt. Elektra did it first though and she got killed in front of his eyes and on camera. Trish then realised she had the ability to jump into people's heads when she dreams and she could talk to Matt, but to keep her from sacrificing herself as well he made her believe that she'd never be able to take Elektra's place in his life. She however found Matt with Vanessa's help and together with Jessica she was able to rescue him without anyone else dying, except for the man who was torturing him. But he was killed by Lenny who also turned on them in the end.
Trish got Matt to realise that trying to do everything alone actually made things worse for all of them, so he finally stopped pushing her away and he told her that while Elektra dying for him (twice!) meant a lot to him, the idea of living on in their memory after a loved ones died did sound good, too.
In part two Trish's powers started messing with her. She kept constantly visiting people's heads in her sleep and the lack of real rest made her hallucinate and constantly tired. Matt was concerned and they started fighting about it. Until she stabbed him accidentally, seeing someone else. Matt nearly died, but Shuri (from Black Panther) saved him, since she was working with him to get a drug problem in Hell's Kitchen under control. She also gave him something to help heal his scars, after Lenny found a video and a witness who could identify him by those scars as Daredevil. There was also a sex tape of him and Trish that Max, the man who exploited her as a teenager, threatened to leak in a desperate attempt to avoid prosecution for his crimes against women. Then he got killed and Trish was framed for it. She also tried to defend and explain herself in an interview that Matt interrupted in his mask to make people come to the conclusion that it was Daredevil in that video and to make everyone leave her alone. In the end someone who was there when Max got killed confessed and Matt represented him. During all this Jessica was pissed at them for investigating IGH and they even found out that the accident that killed her family was caused by someone with the same powers as Trish. She tried not to blame her however and her sister already wanted to give up her powers entirely after almost killing Matt accidentally, but Jessica told her instead to try and keep them. That finally made Trish agree to a method by Shuri that would reduce her powers to make them manageable again. We don't know yet if she can still move stuff with her mind, but she definitely still has very good reflexes. Matt also still has some trauma from the torture, but he doesn't want to talk about the abuse he suffered and that already led to a major breakdown as well where nobody was able to help him.
I think those are the most important bits for this story. :) 60 chapters mostly summed up. So, here we go for the next 15 or so… (things might get out of hand again)
"Jessica… Jessica… Jessica…" No, getting a call from that number is not freaking him out right about now. She never calls. This has to be it. He fumbles for his phone and as soon as he picks up a familiar voice tells him to get his ass over to the hospital.
Matt grabs his hoodie and just runs to get there as fast as possible, not bothering with acting blind this once. It's surprisingly difficult during the day, concentrating on not running into any of the people on the sidewalk, anticipating which direction they are going. At one point Matt almost collides with a streetlamp, because a guy suddenly turns around to walk back.
When he arrives he's out of breath and Jess offers him a drink that he declines.
"Can I go in?"
"Not yet."
"Did she ask for me?"
"She will."
He buries his face in his hands in frustration, trying to make himself comfortable for a long wait. The smell of disease and death, the sound patients in pain and worried families are hard to block out. Now that he isn't running anymore he realises how cold it is and the metal chair he's sitting on doesn't help. Noticing his shivering Jessica offers him her scarf and he takes it gratefully.
"Still looks better on me, even when you don't cover your eyes with it like an asshole," she remarks dryly and Matt chuckles at the memory.
He then tilts his head to hear what is going on right now, to focus on Trish and the people taking care of her. Blocking out all the horrible smell and noise of the hospital he smiles.
"She's screaming at the doctor."
"Of course she is."
He also hears someone tell Trish that he's there, but when asked if she wants to see him she says no, sending lots of colorful curses his way.
Jessica can't deal with Matt's anxiety. She sees him listen hard to what is happening and trying to make sense of it. He can probably hear every comment the nurses make and he tries to make out if it's good or bad news. He tells her their heartbeats seem quite steady, so things are going okay she hopes. Matt keeps fumbling with her scarf, sometimes burying his nose or ears in it as well, making him look even weirder. But she doesn't comment, because she knows how much he hates hospitals and she can imagine that his senses are making this even more uncomfortable. Then he starts pacing up and down and that makes her uncomfortable.
After a while of watching that Jess just wants him to stop, so she gets up and hugs the nervous wreck. He's shocked at first, then he wraps his arms around her, relaxing into it. They just stand there for a minute or two until he suddenly scrambles away and mumbles: "She called for me."
Trish is in pure agony. But she prefers that to waiting, to knowing it will hurt again and thinking about how fucked up all this became. That's also why she declines the painkillers, for now.
In a weak moment she asks for him and immediately he's by her side. She barely acknowledges him, too far gone to care.
Everything is a blur. There is even a disturbing moment in which she feels a whiff of sympathy for her mother that she had to go through this, too, but then her anger is back immediately and with it comes agonizing pain. Then the painkillers are welcome after all.
Later she can't believe she survived this. A part of her just wants to sleep for a week, but she won't be able to do that. Trish won't be able to get much sleep for a while, she assumes, but somehow right now she's just happy to not be in pain. She's glad that it is finally over.
She is vaguely aware of the hand she has been holding or rather crushing for what feels like an eternity and suddenly dread fills her. They haven't met since their official break-up. She knows he's there to offer anything she needs and she does want him to be a part of this somehow, but at the same time she doesn't want to rely on him. She just stares at Matt, lets go of his hand and doesn't know what to say. Trish sees him stretching his red fingers and for once she's pretty sure her pain was worse, letting out a scoff at which he raises an eyebrow. "Already feel good enough to be annoyed at me, I see." He smirks, but she can tell that he's nervous.
"Fuck you, I've just been through hell."
Then a nurse tabs his shoulder and he seems actually surprised this time as if he hadn't heard it coming. Bit overwhelmed, maybe?
"Here is your little girl." With that the nurse gives him the creature that clawed itself out of her. At first she can't see her, so it's his reaction she takes in. There is something intense radiating from him, intense enough for her to still feel it with her reduced powers. Something she's not able to pin down, but his face reflects joy mumbled up in conflict, regret and sadness. She really missed seeing that face, the little crinkles around his eyes and that bittersweet smile... Then suddenly she hates him for making this moment about him as well, like everything else. And for making it again more complicated than it needs to be.
"Let me see her, too." It's a command, not a request.
"Of course." He carefully lays their daughter in her arms and Trish supports her little head. What is she supposed to feel? "I'll get Jess. I'll wait outside until you're ready to… I don't know… talk?"
"Yeah…. Alright. If that's okay with you..."
"Yeah, sure. I can tell you're not comfortable with me here." No shit. "But whenever you need me…"
Matt waits by her side for a reaction and a part of her wants him to stay, but that would just lead to a fight again, because she's too emotional for this right now.
"Thanks." She offers him a smile, too small for him to sense, but she's not able to give him more. And then he's gone, tears gathering in his unfocused eyes, as well as hers. Shit.
Jessica grabs his arm as soon as he steps out of the room. "They are both okay."
He really wants to get out of this noisy place. "Are you alright?"
"You're concerned about me right now?"
Suddenly her arms are around him again. Who'd have thought that Jessica Jones is a hugger. "I know you better than you think, Murdock." She steps away again. "Stay close. You should call Foggy and Karen or I will." With that she leaves him to go and see Trish.
He slumps down on a chair, but instead of calling anyone he just sends both of them the address of the hospital. Then immediately adding that everyone is fine. Foggy is the first one to arrive. This time the hug is anticipated and he's able to appreciate it more. To sink into the blessing comfort of his best friend who is also his law partner again.
It really should be a happy day and he feels guilty for not viewing it as such. It's just all so messed up and scary. Luckily his gloomy mood gets mostly ignored. Foggy seems worried for a second, but then he jumps on the cheer-Matt-up-train like a pro.
"Congratulations, buddy! You're a dad! Who would have thought you'd be the first of us!" They laugh, Matt with a tear in his eyes, but considerably less tension in the shoulders.
"I'm not gonna hold her, no." Jessica tries to be polite about all this, but she's not a fucking baby-cuddler. Hugging Matt - twice! - was already a bit of a stretch for her. The first time she just wanted him to stop moving around. The second time she feared that he was about to leave, because of something Trish said to him and was going to regret later. Not that she was blaming her. Still, in a way she could relate to him constantly messing up.
"Fuck, Jess, I'm so scared."
All of them were, in a way. "Time to be a fucking hero then." The pained expression at her teasing reminds Jessica that her sister is still raw and exhausted. She really needs some sincere reassurance. So, she lays a hand on her shoulder and smiles at her. "You'll be fine. She'll be."
"Thank you." Trish sounds unsure, but there's nothing else Jessica can think of. Nothing that wouldn't be a lie. Because it is going to be tough, no doubt.
Around 8 months earlier:
"I'm pregnant."
Jess spills most of her drink. "What?!"
"You heard right." Trish just nods and lets this information sink in.
"Does Matt know?"
"Not yet." But in about two weeks he'll be able to hear a heartbeat, so she'll have to tell him soon. "I'm such an idiot. We haven't always been very careful and I guess at some point I just felt like we could risk it…"
"Shit, Trish." Jessica shakes her head. "And what did Matt do…?"
"Well, I told him not to worry…" She hasn't been pregnant before and she wasn't always... careful.
"Oh my god. Are you sixteen…?!" Trish knows how it sounds. Maybe subconsciously she even wanted this, it's just something she'd never have admitted even to herself. But now she's terrified. "What do you want to do now?"
That's the heavy question.
"We joked about all this last year and I'm pretty sure he wants kids, at some point. But certainly not this point, right? We haven't even officially moved in together, the press still thinks I'm single. I mean, things are going so well… This would change everything. We couldn't really… you know…" Run around saving Hell's Kitchen with a baby at home? "I'm not sure we can actually do it."
Jessica looks at her with a frown. "Do you want to have it?"
Trish hesitates. "I didn't think so, but hell yes! I'm just fucking scared that even if he wants it, too, I might have to raise the kid alone. Or he could end up having to do that."
That's when she sees a familiar jacket hurry out of the café and she freezes in shock.
"Oh, fuck! That was him! He heard." Trish slams her head on the table. She had picked something far away from his office. What the hell was he doing there…?! And did he just run away? Oh shit.
Jessica swears and mutters: "Come back in, you freak. Don't be a coward now."
What is she supposed to do now? Should she run after him? Explain why she didn't tell him? Maybe it would be better to talk after he calmed down a little. Then the door opens and there he is, looking at them apparently dumbfounded. She gets up to stand next to the table nervously and he walks towards them slowly now, clearly just as unsure of what to do as she is. But he's gathering her in his arms and she just holds onto him for maybe a minute.
"I'll be a couple tables over if you need me." Jessica excuses herself.
"Thanks", Trish mumbles.
He doesn't say anything until Jessica is out of earshot.
"I'm so sorry, Trish." What the hell is he apologising for? She moves away.
"I was worried. I noticed you lied to me earlier and didn't know what to do. Seriously, I tried to stay away when I heard you talk to Jess on the phone, but I was freaking out, not knowing what was going on and-" She kisses him in relief that it was just him being there that he was sorry for and to stop his irritating rambling.
"It's okay. I'm not mad at you for stalking me this once." She takes both his hands in hers. "To be honest I'm a bit relieved that I don't have to tell you anymore. But also terrified of this conversation."
Matt swallows. "Me, too."
"Let's sit." She takes a seat expecting him to sit down at the opposite side of the table. But Matt just stands there.
"Can you maybe move over? I think… I would like to sit closer to you…" He blushes. God, she is an idiot. He can't see her face, of course he needs more contact. He usually does for the difficult parts and she doesn't want a barrier between them either. She hurries to make room for him. "Please, come here…"
He's still hesitant. "Is that okay for you...?"
"Matt, fucking sit down already and take off the stupid glasses." Trish laughs and that relaxes him a little bit.
"Sorry…" He chuckles at her outburst and sits down taking off his glasses immediately and her hand in his, where it belongs.
"How much did you hear…?"
"Enough." He takes a deep breath. "I think I really need to process this before I say anything wrong."
As freaked out as she is about this entire situation she can't help finding his awkwardness absolutely endearing. He is at a complete loss. But his first instinct is trying to reassure her and trying desperately not to screw it up.
"You can't say anything wrong… I think… Or you're not the man I've been practically living with for a year now." She smiles. "Maybe we don't have to have this conversation right now."
Matt kisses her then and she can feel him sigh against her lips. "You're amazing."
"I know." She laughs. Then she looks at his genuine smile and shining eyes. "You're happy." It's true. She feels it as well. He's terrified, but also incredibly happy. Wow.
"Look, I know this is a lot. You're right that we're not there yet and that this could be dangerous. This is not something anyone should jump in and try wing it somehow, just because they want it." She swallows, listening intently to every word of his. "And right now I really want this." He kisses her knuckles then and smiles charmingly. "But we'll be responsible and talk this through. I won't put pressure on you in any way and I'll support you no matter what decision you make. The choice is yours."
"You'd be okay with… abortion?" She was worried about that. He is pretty religious after all.
"Your body, your choice. Simple as that. I'm not with the church on that one." He smiles encouragingly.
She sighs. "Look at us. Considering to start a family… There is always adoption."
"Yeah… sure. Just, not if it means orphanage."
"Matt…" She considers reminding him that they can't all be bad. But she doesn't want to get into that now.
"Let's talk about this tonight. Go over some of the changes we would have to make to even think about keeping it."
"Sounds like a good plan."
"And then we go out to make the city a better place for our potential offspring." She laughs.
"We could be like the Incredibles." He smiles like a loon.
"Without capes." She loves how dorky he could be. Fuck, she loves everything about him and this will ruin some of those things. It'll restrict their freedom and their lifestyle. "I won't be able to do this without you."
He kisses her sweetly. "You won't need to. Whatever you do." She doesn't even know anymore what she had against mushy romance before this man. Matt Murdock made it appealing. Suddenly it wasn't cheesy or boring, but thrilling.
If only she could skip ahead into the future and see if she's going to regret this. See if their kid will blame them for a horrible childhood. Another orphan living through another superhero origin story. Because those are almost never happy, are they?
When she shares her thoughts with Matt, he shakes his head. "I don't know. I've made the experience that knowing something bad will happen doesn't always mean you're able to prevent it…" That's true. When someone saw him get stabbed in a vision it resulted in him going there in the first place. "Maybe it's better to take the obstacles as they come and not freak out over things that might happen one day…"
"I've never been able to enjoy a book if I don't know where it leads…"
"What's the point of reading it when you already know the conclusion?"
"I'm able to enjoy the journey there better? You talk to your priest. You also want some kind of hint that you're on the right track, right?"
Matt considers this for a moment. "That's not about the future. It's about doing the right thing."
"No, but that's the same." Trish shakes her head. "If I regret it and if my kid blames me for not waiting to be a mother until I'm ready, then I made the wrong choice."
"Or you made the right choice and you just don't know, because the story isn't over yet. What if every choice has good and and bad consequences? You can't judge a book by a conclusion if you haven't read how it ends up there. It's like life. Our decisions and experiences form us. It's called maturing." He chuckles and Trish wants to throw something at him, because it makes sense what he's saying.
"And what if I never know when the story is done? I don't want one of those stupid, unsatisfying open endings… always wondering..."
"Why? They are full of potential… Do you prefer tragedies then?"
She shudders. "Maybe I prefer never ending soap operas…"
"Really? And then they just die one day, without anyone watching…?"
"Not, if they're good."
He chuckles. "I'm not gonna let you get our kid into trash TV."
"Hey!" Trish pouts and at the same time she's relieved that they're already back to joking again when she was so anxious about this conversation before. Maybe this can be a good thing...
So, just to clarify: I'll have the past and the present in every chapter. We'll find out what leads to the break up and and at the same time we'll find out what happens afterwards.
Happy New Year!