A/N: So this is why I shouldn't write fanfiction when I've had the day from hell because sad weird things happen. Anyway I'll update Bad Habit soon, I was going to and I have written a little of the next chapter but then mood swings and dinner happened. And yes I stole the title of this from the Dylan song because I can't think of any original titles :D (on that note if anyone has any music recommendations, let me know! Or any suggestions for fanfics etc)
He's really gone.
She knew he would go, it was his job after all, but up until a few minutes ago it didn't seem real.
The rest of the gang are just sitting around talking as if everything's normal but it's not and even though he's only just left she can feel the difference. The apartment is colder and laughter no longer echoes, it falls flat.
"Mon? Are you ok?" Phoebe asks
"Huh? Yeah I'm good"
She doesn't want to be alone.
She knows it's ridiculous, it's not like they've broken up. Chandler's just in Tulsa and he'll be back.
But then he'll go back.
6 months is a long time.
A mug is pushed into her hands and since when has she been sitting at the table?
"He'll be back before you know it" Joey says
"I know…it'll just take some getting used to"
"How about we go out for dinner tomorrow?" Phoebe says "You choose the restaurant"
They're making plans with her, trying to take her mind off it and Monica's grateful.
Monday: Dinner with Phoebe
Tuesday: Dinner with Ross and Ben
Wednesday: Meeting up with Rachel on her lunch break
Thursday: Watching a movie at Joey's.
Between that and work, she'd have no time to be sad.
Except at night.
And of course they'll go to the coffee house every day.
Night time was the worst.
One by one the gang drift off.
It's getting late.
"Are you sure you'll be ok?" Ross asks her.
"I should be"
"Just call me. Anytime, I don't mind. I know this is hard for you"
She smiled "Thanks, I will. Night"
"Night. Love you"
"Love you too"
He pulls her in for a hug before leaving.
Don't go. Don't go. Don't go.
It's so empty now.
She needs to get ready for bed, routine is important. Without it, things fall apart.
She showers with the light off.
Pyjamas.
Teeth brushed.
A glass of water.
The bed seems bigger and the apartment is too silent without Chandler.
He'll be in Tulsa now
It's worse now she's alone. The loneliness creeps into her bones and roots into the carpets, weighing her down...
How soon is too soon to call?
The shadows swell and dance on moonlit walls as the cold creeps in.
She inhales ice and exhales fire.
She wants to call someone, anyone. Ross said she could phone him anytime.
No, she's not giving in yet. She needs to do this, she can spend a night away from her husband. They've done it before and doubtless they'll do it again.
This is different.
Her thoughts are blurry as heavy eyelids try to close.
She needs sleep.
Is he missing her? What's he doing right now?
Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
What time will it be in Tulsa anyway?
Calm. Calm. Calm.
She wonders when she can call him. Tomorrow morning to wish him luck?
Eyes shut. Thoughts drifting.
(She needs to sleep)
It's like Richard all over again, and this isn't even a break up.
She thinks of all the things she need to do over the next few days. Go to the bank, do laundry, finish off her book and maybe start a new one, phone Chandler, work, dinner with friends, PHONE CHANDLER, grocery shopping, get her green dress back from Rachel, phone Ch…
Morning hits her like a plane crash.
Another day with no Chandler although today does seem brighter and she's going to be busy, work and then dinner with Phoebe. She thinks they should try this little Japanese place she's heard good things about. It's been a while since she's eaten out...
She needs to get ready and then she can phone Chandler.
No time. No time. No time.
Is he thinking about her? He's probably busy settling into his new office.
Don't overthink it.
Is he ok? She has her friends at least, he's alone.
She won't be alone.
She can't be alone.
Until tonight at least.
It's an endless cycle.
Rinse and repeat.