The nightmares are back. They plague my mind at night and haunt me during the day. Inside, I had always hoped after the rebellion I would just forget, start over a life with Peeta and forget my past years, but life isn't that forgiving. And tonight is no exception.
Snake like eyes stare at me, reaching into my soul and turning my blood to ice. President snow has come back, and he's seeking revenge. He's trapped me in a torture room, me on one side while all the people I knew were on the other. I try running to them, but my feet are like lead. I can't move. I watch, mouth agape, as he pulls out a gun and shoots Madge in the stomach. Then he unleashes a swarm of tracker jackers onto Greasy Sae, and the horrors go on and on. Rue speared in the stomach, my dad being blown to bits, my mother being drowned, Prim being burned alive, Gale.. dear gale.. he was put into an electrical chair and tortured on and on. I scream out my lungs as each person steps up to the next means of death. The most gruesome was Peeta, it wasn't bloody, but it had a stronger effect then all the others combined. I watch, helpless, as Snow injects Peeta with a Tracker Jacker syrum. The light that is usually in is kind eyes has gone out, replaced by a cold and unforgiving look. I scream at him to snap out of it, to come back to me, but it does no good. He pulls out a gun from his pocket, and puts in up to his head- Then the scene changes, and I'm in the arena. I spin around and right way I know I'm at the mouth of the cornucopia. Before I could even let my surroundings sink in, I hear a low guttural growl from behind me. I whip around to come face-to-face with a huge dog. To anyone else, It would have just looked like a giant, bloodthirsty beast, but I know it's more than that. It's always more than that. I see the eyes of the person I grew up with, who watched me from afar, who threw me bread. Peeta. He raises his hindquarters, and I let out a scream from deep inside me as he lunges for my throat...
"Katniss... Katniss!" I feel someone shaking my shoulders and I open my eyes. Peeta was above me, harvesting a worried look on his face. Blinking a few times, I look down at myself. I was drenched in sweat and shaking from head to toe, and I know he had heard my screams.
Even though I already knew the answer, I still ask anyway. ".. Did you hear me?"
"Yes" he says with a whisper and a small shake of his head. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I do something I haven't done in a long time. I cry. My sobs rack my body and leave me feeling numb. I feel Peeta slide in next to me and pull me into his chest, but I barely notice, for I am still overcome with fear and loss.
"I-I thought after all t-these years they would have left" I stutter through my tears. "He'll never leave me alone will he?" I hear Peeta take in a breath before ~
"Hey dad have you seen- Oh my.. " I pick my head up from between my knees to see my 15-year-old daughter standing in the doorway. Her dark brown hair frames her rounded face, and I watch as her blue eyes change from a preppy-sparkling color to a dark blue full of confusion and concern. Glancing over to Peeta, I whisper loud enough to only where he could hear. "Give us a few minutes, please?" he gives a small nod of understanding and removes himself from my side. Kissing my daughters head on his way out, the room becomes quite. I reach out my arms slightly, signaling for her to come sit by me. Strolling up to my bed, she sits by my side, but keeps her eyes downcast. I see her open her mouth, as if to say something, then closes it. Before I could say a word, she says in a rush:
"Why do I hear you screaming every night? Why do you always look like your scared of your own shadow? Why don't you tell me these things?!" she yells the last part with desperation and I see with sadness as tears begin to form in her eyes.
I watch her for a few seconds before I pull her into my lap and hold her close. "Emily... do you remember me telling you about the games? From when you were 13?" She gives a nod of her head, but I could still see confusion written all over her face. "And do you remember me telling you about President Snow? Our old leader?"
"Of course. I could never forget about what he did to..." I knew she was going to say Prim, but I saw her hesitate on the name, knowing it caused me pain to talk about her. I nod, and continue to talk. "Well... Ever since the games, I've had nightmares." I see her head snap up and she turns to me, fully alert now.
"W-What? You have nightmares?" She whispers, more to herself than to me. Letting it sink in. Taking a deep breath, I continue. "Every night I either have nightmares about being in the games, or President snow killing off everyone I love or care about." I see my scared dead eyes reflected in her shocked ones, and turn away before continuing once more. "I always thought after all these years the dreams would have left, but they come back to haunt me almost every single night. Not even your brother knows. About the games, the nightmares, any of it." I can feel the tears fall down my cheeks once more before I can attempt to stop them. Emily takes my face in her hands and brushes the tears away with her thumb. Looking me in the eye, she whispers, "Mom, you're the strongest person I know, and I also know you can get through this." She says in a stern voice. I was about to object but she cuts me off. "Dad knows what you go through also, he has nightmares too, he's told me. We could both help you through it but only if you're willing to let us in. Sometimes you don't have to be strong, you just have to be true." She says the last part with certainty, and I believe her. Not even Peeta can get to me sometimes like Emily can, but she's just so much like Prim. Innocent, lovable, and a fighter just like my mother, just like me. Sometimes looking at her brings me so much pain, but she's one of the best things in my life. She has had to deal with so much more then any normal child, but through all of it she's stayed strong. And I'm so honored to call her my daughter.
Emily snaps her fingers in front of me, and I realize I haven't spoken in several seconds. She waits for me to say something, anything, but my reaction isn't anything she seemed to expect. I burst out laughing. She looks at me like I'm crazy which only causes me to laugh even harder. I grip my sides until I can't stand it. Wiping my eyes, I pull her close and hug her. We really and truly hug. "I love you Emily" I whisper in her ear. "I love you too mom" she says with deep meaning woven in her voice. Giggling slightly, we both pull back and grin at each other. We fight sometimes, but we love each other to death. I hear Peeta call from downstairs, and I stand up from the bed. Taking Emily's hand, I drag her out from the bed, much to her objection, and we walk down the stairs.