Title: Quick Decision
Author: Anya (rom8anya@hotmail.com)
Feedback: most welcomed
Rating: G
Summary: Minutes are going fast and Professor Severus Snape needs to make a quick decision. It's either losing his reputation in front of students, staff and the whole school or...
Spoiler: This is a humorous fart story. If you don't favor is such, please skip it.
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J.K.Rowling, and I receive no monetary compensation for this story.
"Quick Decision"
Dumbledore was beaming at his students. He stood up and spread his arms as if ready for a group hug. Minerva McGonagall smiled, picked up a small tea spoon and banged it against her silver goblet for silence. Next to her sat Snape with his usual, sour expression on his face.
-Am I glad to see you all! -Dumbledore began his speech.
McGonagall's smile widened. Snape shifted in his chair uncomfortably.
-Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! -Headmaster's voice was clear and loud.
Snape looked at Dumbledore impatiently. Does he always have to make his speeches so long? His gaze searched anxiously for the nearest door.
-Before we start the banquet I'd like to say...
Snape began to drum his fingers on the table. Minerva gave him a puzzled look, but he didn't notice. He was sitting upright in his chair, and his unusually rigid back began to ache. All of a sudden, he flexed his thighs and tucked his legs underneath the chair. Snape cursed quietly and Professor McGonagall gave him another perplexed gaze.
-Anything wrong, Severus? -she asked in a whisper.
-No, Professor -he replied stiffly.
-First years should note -Dumbledore continued -that The Dark Forest is strictly forbidden to all students...
McGonagall took a jug and began to pour the pumpkin juice into her goblet.
-Care for some? -she offered the jug to Severus.
-No -angrily, he whispered back. He couldn't wait `till Headmaster finishes his speech. Who cares about The Dark Forest, about the dormitories, the Perfects and classes. They'll figure it out anyway! Longingly, he gazed at the side door to the Great Hall. He couldn't wait. He needed to go right now! It sure was impolite to just leave in the middle of Headmaster's monologue, but he was helpless! He put his hands on the seat of the chair and shifted his body to stand up. As quickly as he moved up, Snape dropped down back in his chair. He crossed his legs tightly and hissed with resentment.
-Severus! -Professor McGonagall frowned.
Severus cleared his throat and pretended to be interested in the students.
-Severus Snape! -she repeated -your chair is standing on my cloak.
This didn't get Snape's attention either. He shifted his look on the Headmaster, and from looking at his highly concentrated face he seemed to be very much interested in his speech.
Minerva, however, began to lose her patience.
-Severus! -she poked his arm with the fork.
Snape looked at Minerva and hissed:
-For Merlin's sake, Professor McGonagall!!!
Even though his face showed pure anger, he still didn't move an inch of his body. Minerva noticed it and thought that if he wasn't breathing and turning his head, one might think he was a statue.
-Your chair is standing on my cloak, Severus! -she said and pulled the corner of her cloak from under Snape's chair.
Dumbledore was about to finish:
-At last, the banquet may...
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumbledore paused and looked to where the sound came from. Every teacher turned his eyes to Snape. Every student opened wide his eyes in astonishment. Few giggles broke the gravy silence in the Great Hall. Snape looked dumbfounded. He worked so hard not to let it happened, and yet... it did. His thoughts were spinning. The silence rang in his head as a huge bell. He needed to do something. The seconds were passing and he needed to make a decision. He was about to lose his calm, stoic reputation among the teachers and the students. He was about to become an object of jokes and laughs. Or he could...
-Professor McGonagall -he screamed loudly in pretended amazement -how could you!
Minerva eyes opened wide and soon reminded of two large Galeons.
-Severus! -she gasped -I... I didn't... it was you!
-And now blaming your fellow colleague for this such disgraceful act! -Snape made sure everyone heard him -Professor, I didn't expect....
Minerva's weak whimpering interrupted Snape's accusations. She turned around to Dumbledore with a gaze that begged for justice.
-Albus, I didn't...! I... I...
Snape leaned back in his chair and relaxed. All of a sudden, he felt a tickling going through his stomach, pressing, and pushing, and...
Rrrrrrr!!!!
He couldn't hold it. He knew he had to play it to the end.
Abruptly, Snape stood up and pointed at Minerva.
-I suggest, Headmaster, that Professor McGonagall leaves, before she pollutes the air again.
Snape grabbed all shaking and whimpering Minerva and lead her out of the Great Hall.
-How dare you! -she shook her fist at him and sobbed.
Snape looked triumphant. He shut the door and proceeded straight to the toilet.
Author: Anya (rom8anya@hotmail.com)
Feedback: most welcomed
Rating: G
Summary: Minutes are going fast and Professor Severus Snape needs to make a quick decision. It's either losing his reputation in front of students, staff and the whole school or...
Spoiler: This is a humorous fart story. If you don't favor is such, please skip it.
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J.K.Rowling, and I receive no monetary compensation for this story.
"Quick Decision"
Dumbledore was beaming at his students. He stood up and spread his arms as if ready for a group hug. Minerva McGonagall smiled, picked up a small tea spoon and banged it against her silver goblet for silence. Next to her sat Snape with his usual, sour expression on his face.
-Am I glad to see you all! -Dumbledore began his speech.
McGonagall's smile widened. Snape shifted in his chair uncomfortably.
-Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! -Headmaster's voice was clear and loud.
Snape looked at Dumbledore impatiently. Does he always have to make his speeches so long? His gaze searched anxiously for the nearest door.
-Before we start the banquet I'd like to say...
Snape began to drum his fingers on the table. Minerva gave him a puzzled look, but he didn't notice. He was sitting upright in his chair, and his unusually rigid back began to ache. All of a sudden, he flexed his thighs and tucked his legs underneath the chair. Snape cursed quietly and Professor McGonagall gave him another perplexed gaze.
-Anything wrong, Severus? -she asked in a whisper.
-No, Professor -he replied stiffly.
-First years should note -Dumbledore continued -that The Dark Forest is strictly forbidden to all students...
McGonagall took a jug and began to pour the pumpkin juice into her goblet.
-Care for some? -she offered the jug to Severus.
-No -angrily, he whispered back. He couldn't wait `till Headmaster finishes his speech. Who cares about The Dark Forest, about the dormitories, the Perfects and classes. They'll figure it out anyway! Longingly, he gazed at the side door to the Great Hall. He couldn't wait. He needed to go right now! It sure was impolite to just leave in the middle of Headmaster's monologue, but he was helpless! He put his hands on the seat of the chair and shifted his body to stand up. As quickly as he moved up, Snape dropped down back in his chair. He crossed his legs tightly and hissed with resentment.
-Severus! -Professor McGonagall frowned.
Severus cleared his throat and pretended to be interested in the students.
-Severus Snape! -she repeated -your chair is standing on my cloak.
This didn't get Snape's attention either. He shifted his look on the Headmaster, and from looking at his highly concentrated face he seemed to be very much interested in his speech.
Minerva, however, began to lose her patience.
-Severus! -she poked his arm with the fork.
Snape looked at Minerva and hissed:
-For Merlin's sake, Professor McGonagall!!!
Even though his face showed pure anger, he still didn't move an inch of his body. Minerva noticed it and thought that if he wasn't breathing and turning his head, one might think he was a statue.
-Your chair is standing on my cloak, Severus! -she said and pulled the corner of her cloak from under Snape's chair.
Dumbledore was about to finish:
-At last, the banquet may...
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumbledore paused and looked to where the sound came from. Every teacher turned his eyes to Snape. Every student opened wide his eyes in astonishment. Few giggles broke the gravy silence in the Great Hall. Snape looked dumbfounded. He worked so hard not to let it happened, and yet... it did. His thoughts were spinning. The silence rang in his head as a huge bell. He needed to do something. The seconds were passing and he needed to make a decision. He was about to lose his calm, stoic reputation among the teachers and the students. He was about to become an object of jokes and laughs. Or he could...
-Professor McGonagall -he screamed loudly in pretended amazement -how could you!
Minerva eyes opened wide and soon reminded of two large Galeons.
-Severus! -she gasped -I... I didn't... it was you!
-And now blaming your fellow colleague for this such disgraceful act! -Snape made sure everyone heard him -Professor, I didn't expect....
Minerva's weak whimpering interrupted Snape's accusations. She turned around to Dumbledore with a gaze that begged for justice.
-Albus, I didn't...! I... I...
Snape leaned back in his chair and relaxed. All of a sudden, he felt a tickling going through his stomach, pressing, and pushing, and...
Rrrrrrr!!!!
He couldn't hold it. He knew he had to play it to the end.
Abruptly, Snape stood up and pointed at Minerva.
-I suggest, Headmaster, that Professor McGonagall leaves, before she pollutes the air again.
Snape grabbed all shaking and whimpering Minerva and lead her out of the Great Hall.
-How dare you! -she shook her fist at him and sobbed.
Snape looked triumphant. He shut the door and proceeded straight to the toilet.