Author's Note

After I finished Cover Me Up, I started posting little minifics over on my Tumblr blog (catrionamacwrites) that filled in some holes, answered some questions, or just explored some moments I hadn't had time to explore in the main story. Think of these as my DLC for Cover Me Up.

This story started out as a gift for my friend and fellow writer, Luciferine, in her Tumblr inbox. She has graciously allowed me to share it with all of you as well. I've expanded the original version to include Joel's interaction with Christina at the dance.

The Raiders of the Lost Ark was playing on the movie screen, but all of Joel's attention was focused on the tiny girl slouching in the chair next to him. She was close, not touching him, but close enough that he felt the heat of her body radiating through his clothes. It was distracting. He felt too hot, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, moving a fraction of an inch away from her.

Where the fuck had she gotten that shirt? Joel had never seen it before. It was dark blue, spangled with silver threads, and it was made of a slithery fabric that clung to her diminutive curves in a way that made his mouth go dry when he saw her in it. He looked down at her, and looked immediately away again. She wasn't wearing a bra—the shirt dipped down in back nearly to her waist—and he could clearly see the outlines of her nipples poking through the thin fabric, even in the dim light from the movie projector.

Christ on a fucking bike. For the first time, it struck Joel that Ellie was beautiful. They'd lived together for so long that he rarely really looked at her, but how could he have missed it? It made him want to bundle her up in a coat and take her home immediately. It made him wish he'd brought his baseball bat, to fight off all the men and women who'd be swarming her at the dance. It made him want to...

Joel blinked. The memory of kissing the corner of Ellie's mouth had popped into his head. Ever since it had happened, that fucking memory had been ambushing him at the least opportune moments. The unexpected press of her lips as they touched his had made his heart pound in his chest and his dick harder than it had any right to be, for an involuntary biological reaction, which was definitely all it had been. The last time he'd had sex with anything other than his own hand had been back in Boston, and that was over six years ago now. It was no wonder he'd reacted the way he did.

He scowled and moved farther away from her. Where the fuck had that memory come from? The last thing he should be thinking of was kissing Ellie. Especially when she was dressed like that. That kiss had just been an accident anyway. He'd been aiming for her cheek, it wasn't her fault that her head wasn't in the right place at the right time. Her lips had been so soft…

Fuck. He shifted in his chair again, because now his jeans felt too tight. He should not be having thoughts like this. He tried to concentrate on the movie again, but found his eyes being drawn to her face, pensive in the flickering lights of the movie screen.

He saw Ellie's eyes wander around the room again. She wasn't paying any attention to the movie, he could tell. Even when she was facing the screen, her eyes were veiled and far away, and there was a little frown of concentration between her eyebrows that meant her mind was on other things.

Maybe she was planning on meeting someone special at the dance tonight? Maybe that's what the deal was with the shirt. Maybe that's why she'd been so...on edge and snarky around him lately.

Joel was surprised by a bright flare of anger, which he tamped down immediately. No. Ellie would have told him if she was...if she had feelings for someone.

Half his ass was hanging off his chair, but there was no way he was going to scoot back over, not with the way she was still leaning toward him, that adorable little frown still drawing her brows together. He wanted to lean down and kiss her forehead, to see if he could make that frown go away.

No. He did not want to do that. That was not at all what he wanted. What the fuck.

On the screen, Marion screamed as she was pushed into a pit full of snakes. Suddenly, Ellie had his left hand in a death grip, and she was leaning into him with a completely uncharacteristic clinginess. Joel almost fell off his chair. He could feel her nipple burning into his arm like it was a fucking branding iron.

He looked down in alarm, ready to disentangle himself, and was surprised to see the unguarded anxiety in her eyes. She needed him. It helped him uncoil enough to say, "You okay, baby girl?"

She whispered into his ear, "Yeah, snakes just freak me out."

Her hot breath on his neck almost undid him. Snakes? Oh. Right. The movie. Snakes. He took a deep breath and grunted, settling himself squarely back into his chair again, a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. He could feel his heartbeat speed up as she leaned into him, and with a horrible lurch, he realized that could no longer ignore the undeniable attraction he was feeling for her.

This is so many ways of fucked up, I can't even count them, Joel thought. I gotta get my head on right. I gotta get out of here, before I do something stupid.

But he just sat like that for the rest of the movie with her, clenching his jaw and holding his body rigid while Ellie melted into his shoulder. The only movement he allowed himself was to brush his thumb gently over her knuckles, and that only because he couldn't seem to help himself.

He needed to put a stop to this right fucking now, before...before he kissed her again, and this time on purpose. No. Except that wasn't going to happen. That would never happen. She was dressed to impress someone here, and he needed to respect that and give her the room she needed to add someone else to her life, if that was what she wanted. The thought of losing even a tiny bit of Ellie's affection to someone else made his stomach churn with anger, and he could taste his shame in the back of his throat like bitter bile. He shouldn't need her this much, damn it. But he didn't move. He held on to her hand, and he let her rest her head on his shoulder, and he stroked her knuckles with his thumb. He wanted to just sit here in the dark with her like this forever.

When the lights came on at the end of the movie, Joel dropped Ellie's hand like it had burned him. He knew instinctively that no-one should see him holding her hand like that; as innocent a gesture as it was, surely the electric tension in his body at her touch would be palpable to even a casual observer. He stood up and said, clearing his throat to cover his nervousness, "C'mon. You wanna help me with the chairs?"

Ellie looked up at him in confusion and said, "What?"

"I said c'mon," he repeated. "They gotta put the chairs up for the dance."

She didn't move, just looked around the room, her forehead creased in that same cute little frown that made Joel want to kiss it. She looked like she was in a daze.

"You feelin' all right, Ellie?" Joel said, starting to feel concerned.

She shook herself and stood up. "Yeah...yes. Good movie, huh?"

He grinned. By his reckoning, she hadn't watched a second of that movie, but she was going to try and brazen it out with him. "Still good," he said, deciding to have a little fun with her. "But the part about the alien invasion is my favorite."

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. Me too. That was the best."

Joel snorted. "I knew you weren't watching it. You've been so distracted lately." And I think I finally know why, he added to himself. His throat grew tight, but he added, "Well...whoever you wore that shirt for tonight, I hope they're here to appreciate how good you look." He suppressed the completely inappropriate stab of jealousy and congratulated himself on complimenting Ellie without sounding like a dirty old man.

Her eyes widened in surprise. She obviously hadn't expected him to figure out that she had a crush on someone. "I...yeah, I guess he's here tonight," she muttered.

It was one thing to suspect that Ellie might be developing feelings for someone, but another thing entirely to have his suspicions confirmed. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, but he said, lightly, "My god, I was right. I knew something was up with you." He shook his head and clutched at his heart. "You're all grown up, baby girl. I guess it was just a matter of time before someone else came along and took you off my hands. Who's the lucky guy?"

For some reason, Ellie looked desperately unhappy. "Joel…"

Before she could continue, Joel heard his name being called from across the room. It was Christina. Joel sighed. The woman had been dropping increasingly obvious innuendos Joel's direction almost since they'd come here. She'd been widowed not too long after they arrived, and she made no bones about the fact that she'd like Joel to become Mister number two. For all that she had a good heart and was a hell of a baker, Joel had never been able to develop an interest in Christina, or anyone else, really; he saw now that once Ellie had wormed her way into his life, there just hadn't been room for anyone else. The fact that Ellie had room for someone else in her life now both made him happy for her and hurt like a son of a bitch.

Joel nodded hello as Christina approached. He really didn't think he encouraged her, but the woman was determined. "Well, now, doesn't Ellie look nice tonight?" she said, her eyes brushing warmly over Ellie, but saving her brightest smile for Joel.

"Yeah, I've been thinking of starting a sex trade business, and I'm trying out my new look," Ellie said.

Jesus. Joel winced as Christina's smile froze. Ellie had no fucking idea what it had been like for women who lived through the outbreak. Hunters didn't always kill the women they caught. Joel knew from experience. He didn't know Christina's past, but that was the kind of thing that shouldn't be joked about.

Before Joel could articulate any of that, Christina said, "Your little girl sure is a handful, Joel. I don't know how you manage all on your own." Joel recognized this for what it was: another attempt to insinuate that Ellie needed a mother figure, although at twenty, surely the time for that was past.

He resented the implication that he wasn't enough for Ellie, that his care was somehow incomplete without a second parent, just as much as he always did, and he was about to tell her as much when Ellie said, "He only spanks me when I've been really bad."

God damn it. Joel gripped Ellie's shoulder and angrily marched her away from Christina. What the fuck was she thinking, even making a joke about him spanking her? Didn't she understand how that sounded? What fucking bug had crawled up her ass lately? "Ellie, the woman was only trying to be nice to you," he said, through gritted teeth.

"Ow, Joel, fucking let go of me!" she yelled. Through his anger, Joel realized that people were turning to stare at them, and he let Ellie shake off his grip. Christ. He took a deep breath, while Ellie continued, in a lower voice, "And she was not trying to be nice to me, she was trying to be nice to you."

Joel closed his eyes and felt all the recent tension between them coming to a head. He was angry with her, but not about Christina. The thought of losing Ellie to someone else hurt like a bad tooth, and so he found himself lashing out and saying to her, "Don't you think that would be a nice change for me? For once?"

It hurt her. He saw that immediately, and he wished he could take back the words as soon as he'd said them. "Fuck you, Joel," she said, her eyes hard and angry.

"Ellie…"

She turned her back on him and said, "I'm getting a beer. Have fun with Christina." And then she was gone, swallowed up by the crowd.

Joel thought about going after her, but he felt Christina's hand on his shoulder. "Joel, sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble between you two."

"No, it's not…" He shook his head. He didn't want to explain what was going on with him and Ellie. He didn't even know himself. Instead, he looked down at Christina. She was pretty, and only a few years younger than him. Maybe it was time he started trying to carve out some space in his own heart for someone besides Ellie. At least that way it would hurt less when she inevitably moved on with her life.

With an effort, he locked away his confused feelings for Ellie and smiled down at the blonde. "Christina, I don't think you ever told me where you were from, originally. Somewhere in the South, am I right?"

Her eyes lit up, and Joel tried not to feel like too much of an asshole. He wasn't leading her on, damn it, he was making a genuine effort here. "Georgia, born and raised. My daddy worked for Coca Cola there in Atlanta."

Joel laughed. "Oh, man. What I wouldn't give for just one Coke now. Nectar of the gods."

She sighed. "You got that right." She was quiet for a second, and Joel realized he'd committed the cardinal sin between old timers: bringing up memories of things they'd lost. He kicked himself mentally.

Awkwardly, to break the silence, he said, "I'm from Texas."

Christina smiled wryly and touched his arm. "I figured that's why some people called you Texas." She had a nice smile. It brought a light into her blue eyes, and Joel found himself thinking that he could do worse than to get involved with Christina.

He shrugged and laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."

A Bob Wills song came on, San Antonio Rose, and it brought back memories of nights spent drinking Lone Star beer with Tommy and dancing the night away with their dates at the Broken Spoke in Austin. And there was Tommy, leading Maria around the dance floor, their eyes fixed on each other like there was nobody else in the room. He could see the love and attraction between them with every touch and gesture; it looked like they'd sizzle to the touch.

Joel thought of Ellie.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Joel cursed his traitorous mind. With a concentrated effort, he pushed her out of his thoughts again.

Still looking at Tommy and Maria, he leaned down and whispered in Christina's ear, "Well, looks like somebody's getting lucky tonight."

She giggled and looked up at him, her eyes glowing, and Joel kicked himself again. You fucking idiot, she thought you meant her. He wasn't ready for that, not with her. He barely knew her. To cover his discomfort, he stepped back and held his hand out to Christina. "You know how to two-step?"

She took his hand with a grin. "I do."

As Joel fitted his hand into the small of her back and whirled her around the floor to the old song, he thought, I guess I could get used to this. He very deliberately did not think of Ellie. And when the Bob Wills song ended and Take My Breath Away started up, he pulled Christina closer and put his arms around her and told the part of his brain that was saying she smelled all wrong to go fuck off. Just because she didn't smell like Ellie didn't mean she was all wrong. Right?

It was nice. Nice to hold a woman in his arms and pretend for a second that life was normal. Christina was soft and warm, and she leaned into his shoulder in a way that Joel only vaguely remembered enjoying from life before the CBI outbreak. It was nice.

Ellie wasn't nice. Ellie was a lightning bolt that went straight through his heart.

As if conjured by his thought, Ellie appeared on the dance floor a few couples over with Sanjay. Joel had always liked the quiet man, but seeing Sanjay with his arms around Ellie, his Ellie, raised Joel's hackles and made him want to growl.

"You're a really good dancer," Christina said, her head still on his shoulder.

"Thanks," Joel muttered. Sanjay's hand wandered up onto Ellie's naked back, and Joel's whole body tensed up. He stopped moving completely.

Christina looked up at him, her eyes dreamy, and said, "Makes me feel like getting carried away." She closed her eyes and turned her face up to him.

Oh, Christ, she wants me to kiss her. Joel felt a pang of guilt. Christina was obviously getting a lot more out of this dance than he was. He pressed her to him and started swaying back and forth to the music again, to avoid her invitation. He felt like his mind was boiling over.

And that was when he saw Sanjay lean forward and kiss Ellie on the lips.

Sanjay. Sanjay must be who Ellie had gotten all dressed up for tonight. He'd noticed the way Sanjay's eyes always followed Ellie, and Ellie must have finally noticed too.

The edges of Joel's vision went white, and then the next thing he knew, he was practically dragging Christina off the dance floor by the wrist into a secluded corner of the big room and pressing her up against the wood-paneled wall to kiss her.

No. It was wrong. God damn it, it was all wrong. Christina's lips were full and willing, and her hair smelled like flowers, and her curves fit Joel in all the right places, and it all just felt so wrong that he had to stop. He stepped back from her and dropped his hands to his side.

"What's wrong?" Her chest was heaving. Joel looked away from the view it presented.

"I...I'm worried about Ellie." He searched the dance floor for the couple, but he couldn't find them. "I think she's got a little thing starting with Sanjay, but I don't think he's right for her."

"Sanjay? And Ellie?" The degree of disbelief in Christina's voice surprised Joel. "Oh, no, I agree with you. I mean, Sanjay is pretty nice, but they should really stick to their own kind."

And just like that, he was done with Christina. Joel couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "I meant I think Sanjay is too quiet and too old for Ellie," he said. And let's just let that little hypocrisy go, he thought. "I didn't mean he was too black for her. And you do realize that Sanjay is the only Indian here in Jackson? Who the fuck do you think he's going to be with, if he sticks to his own kind?"

Christina got a defensive look on her face. "I just meant that Ellie…"

Joel interrupted her, his voice hot. "Ellie has more sense in her little finger than you'll ever have in your entire body. If she wants Sanjay, that's just fucking fine with me." It wasn't really, but it would be eventually, he was sure.

She crossed her arms over her chest, and he finally saw a spark of the fire that had seen her through the outbreak. "I don't have to listen to anybody talk to me that way. So you can just go fuck yourself, Joel Miller. Have a nice life." She stalked off angrily through the crowd.

Joel's head ached. He needed some air, and he needed to figure out what to do with these feelings he was having for Ellie before he did something stupid, like act on them.

He headed out to the back patio in hopes that the cool night air would bring some clarity.

This is part of a series of stories set in the universe created in my full-length story, Cover Me Up. For a complete list of the series and links to stories, please see my author page.