The song is 'Kissing You' by Des'iree.
Goodbye Is The Hardest Word
Cold, his now-pale skin feels more cold than the coldest ice, but I still won't let go. I'm trying to keep him warm by holding him close, but the coldness is creeping up anyway. It feels like my cheek is pressed against a piece of ice. Ice so cold it nearly sears my skin. It must be a miracle that my tears, which stream onto his cheek, aren't freezing from the coldness.
Pride can stand thousand trials
The strong will never fall
There is no soul in his body anymore. No warmth. No breath. No heartbeat. Nothing. There is nothing but an empty shell. Death covers him like a blanket, stilling him forever.
I may have been able to accept it right away if it was someone else in my arms. This isn't just someone else. This is Piccolo.
Never again will he shoot scowls my way when I goof off instead of train. He'll never flash that casual smirk. I will never see him sitting by a campfire when I sneak into the valley at night. There will never be a deep growling voice to guide me in times of trouble.
Gone, he is gone from me. So far away, yet still so close.
Piccolo's skin has gone from deep grass-green to ashen emerald. The sorrowful expression on his face has melted away to become a stoic mask of calmness; his typical expression. Dry, vaguely withered and adorned with cracks here and there, his curving lips show neither a smile or a sneer. The well-defined curves of his brow ridges cast shadows over the soft curves of his closed eyes and aristocratic cheekbones.
It is like he is only deeply asleep, so peaceful. In fact, even in sleep, I don't think I can recall him ever looking so serene.
But watching stars without you
My soul cries
"Gohan…" My mother speaks from some long canyon in the distance. I don't reply, there is no reason to live right now. Piccolo took part of me with him when he died. In spite of myself, I listen when she speaks, her voice choked with tears, "Gohan…I've called the funeral home. They're going to be here to pick Piccolo up in a little while."
I clutch the limp body closer. "Tell me when they get here."
My mother nods and comes further into the room. Her pale face is streaked with tears, her eyes red from crying. I watch her reach a pale hand out and place it gently on Piccolo's face, tracing his lips. "He looks so peaceful…"
The only reply I can think of is, "I think he needs another blanket…he's so cold…he hates the cold…"
She begins to cry softly, but helps me tuck my beloved friend back into bed. I know she hates letting me see her cry, so she leaves the room as quickly as possible after finishing. Part of me wants to follow her, but the other part desires to stay with Piccolo. After all, he used to watch over me while I was resting…it seemed only fair that I return the favor.
"Don't worry, Piccolo, I won't let anything happen to you. I promise…" Tears overcome me again, and I bury my head up under his chin. In my throat, a burning lump refuses to budge no matter how much I cry. It's like he still wants something from me, but what? I already told him my goodbyes.
But I had just said the words. I hadn't meant it. And Piccolo knew that.
Heaving heart is full of pain
Ohh, ahh the aching
Outside, I see a black van pulling up, and I know they've come to take Piccolo from me. First his soul, and now his body! Those people are going to come in here, wrestle his body onto a gurney, put him into a body bag and take him away. No! Piccolo won't want anyone but my mom and I to know he has a diaper on under his gi. He won't want a spectacle made of his death. If he won't have it, then neither will I!
My mother prepares to open the door and let the men in, but I tell her to make them wait. Then I gather Piccolo up into my arms and carry him through the dark, silent living room. One of his arms falls limp, dangling like a listless plant-stem, and his head lolls back like a newborn's against my arm. His body feels so light, as if half of his body-weight was gone.
Of course. Every shell loses weight when the essence inside leaves.
'Cause I'm kissing you, ahh
I'm kissing you, love
The men are halfway out of the van when I pass through the door with Piccolo in my arms. They give me baffled looks, but go along with what I'm doing by bringing out the gurney so I can lay my beloved friend down.
Trying to stall as much as possible, I make a fuss about making sure his cape doesn't get bunched up beneath him. Now the men are getting impatient, and I almost smile when they can't close the body bag because of the shoulderpads. Good. Piccolo hates enclosed places, and I want him to be as comfortable as possible.
I keep my eyes on his face and help the two workers to cover him with a white sheet. Then I help them wheel him into the van to ensure nothing goes wrong. After the doors slam shut, I hear the engine start and watch as the black van drives away.
Silence settles, and I somehow find myself back in my room, lying on the bed where Piccolo had been. The bed smells like fresh water with a tinge of urine, probably from concealed accidents he may have had before the illness put him into a coma. If I know Piccolo as well as I think I do, I'm pretty sure he'd prefer being wet for awhile over embarrassing himself by asking to have his clothes changed.
My mother is with me again, but I don't remember her coming in. I feel her arms wrap around me, holding me close and protecting me. I am safe now. Safe from the death, from the pain and from the fear. In her arms, I lose all control and sob until sleep claims me.
Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
I awaken to find myself in a place unlike any other. The sky contains the entire universe. The ground I stand upon is as white as the moon. The sea far below is silver-white. But behind me, there is nothing but white fog and blankness. It is all so serene and beautiful.
Why is this place so familiar when I have never been here before?
A swish sounds behind me in the whiteness, but when I turn around I find nothing. Another swish sounds off behind me again. Seconds later, I'm sent sprawling onto the white ground by a strong kick. A foot presses my shoulder to the ground, pinning me there.
"You shouldn't have let your guard down, Gohan."
My eyes focus on the brown slipper-like shoe, travel up a sliver of green and up over a vast landscape of dark purple until my gaze rests on a pair of stern black onyx eyes. A smug smirk forces his lips to curl upwards, and a strange glow seems to emenate from his fluttering white cape.
He looks so strong here, strong in ways unlike any I've ever seen! So strong and alive!
'Cause I'm kissing you, ahh
I'm kissing you love
"Piccolo?" My voice quivers as it forces itself past the lump in my throat.
"Don't start to cry here. I couldn't stand it when you were little and I won't stand for it here either." Piccolo crosses his arms and steps back so I can get up. When I'm on my feet, he regards me with his usual seriousness, "I know what you were trying to say to me earlier. Goodbye is always the hardest word when it is forever." He turns his head until his dark eyes are level with mine, and the wind causes his cape to rustle, "Thing is, death isn't forever."
I force my tears down before they can surface, and I force down the impulse to embrace my mentor. If I hug him now, I'd never be able to let go. "But you're not with me anymore, Piccolo… When someone is dead and can't be wished back, they're gone! I can't spar with you, talk to you…listen to you…" I know how childish I sound, but I can't help it anymore. "I don't want to lose you again…"
To my surprise, it is Piccolo who makes the move to embrace. His cool hands rest on my shoulders and pull me closer until I find myself lost in his arms, pressed close to his muscular chest. I am too stunned to react. "You won't lose me, Gohan." He speaks directly over my shoulder, his voice a deep scratchy bass. "You know that place between dreaming and being awake?"
"Yeah…I think so." I say against his shoulderpad.
"Well, that's where I'll be hanging around." His hand comes up and guides my head to rest against his shoulder. "I'm going to be just fine, Gohan." I hear a sigh escape him. "I almost called you kid…hmph."
"You always used to before." I say with a small laugh, praying silently that Piccolo won't stop hugging me. "Why would you stop?" My head lifts as I search his eyes for an answer.
Piccolo smirks at me with an odd gleam in his eye, a gleam that seems to reflect the entire expanse of the sky above us. "Because you're a man now, Gohan."
I don't know what to say in response, so I stay silent. Piccolo guides my head to his shoulder again, and I do nothing to stop him. My eyes are suddenly too heavy to stay open, so I allow them to close.
And where are you now
Where are you now
Soft movement startles me, and I lift my head to find my mother's arms still wrapped around me, holding me, keeping me safe. Her eyes silently ask me if I am alright, and I reply with a nod, because I know now that Piccolo is going to be just fine.
My mother leaves to fix supper, and I follow her with my eyes until I spot my favorite picture on the wall. When I spot the stars, the white ocean and the cliff, I feel the need to move closer. Something is different in that picture, something that wasn't there before. When I see what it is, it makes me suck in a breath.
A tiny figure, adorned with a billowing white cape, is standing on the edge of the cliff and facing the white sea with outstretched arms.
'Cause I'm kissing you
I'm kissing you, love…