Authors note: yet again, another one-shot written during NM history. Was there ever a more boring subject? I think not. xD
Disclaimer: I don't own Roy, Maes, Riza, or any of the other FMA characters mentioned in here xDDD
Roy Mustang sat at his desk much as he did everyday. He had just gotten off the phone with Hughes who had gone on a squealing and cooing rampage about how wonderful his wife was, and how he had taken a camera-full of pictures of his adorable daughter.
Roy's eyebrow twitched as he stared at the phone he had slammed down seconds before. Left with nothing to do, the flame alchemist glanced around his office, his eyes landing on the bane of his existence.
A deceivingly innocent looking stack of white papers sat on the left of his desk. "Curse paperwork!" Roy thought vehemently, eyes still focused on the malevolent papers. Settling back in his chair, Roy picked up the phone again to use the usual alternative to facing this daily hindrance. "Hawkeye. I need you to come and pick up you know what."
"Sir, I'm about to leave on patrol. You're going to have to do your own paperwork today like everyone else in the military." Riza said matter-of-factly.
Before he could protest, he was greeted with the dial tone, signaling Riza had hung up. Grumbling, Roy flipped through his phone book and dialed Hughes' number. After explaining his situation, Hughes responded apologetically, "It's my day off and I'm taking my precious Elysia to the park!" he squealed in an un-manly manner.
Minutes and many phone calls later, Roy sat defeatedly wondering how Breda, Fallman, Fuery, and Havoc could all have been too busy to do his paperwork. Little did our favorite colonel know, the four men were sitting in the next room playing a rather competitive game of Clue.
Pointing dramatically to his stack of papers, Roy announced loudly, "I will not give in to you!"
Picking up the phone again, Roy dialed a number he pulled out of his drawer filled to the top with phone numbers of women he met in the streets, in restaurants, in clubs, and bars. "Hey babe, it's Roy."
"Hey Roy!" A gruff, gravelly voice growled over the phone. "I'm Hans, Hilda's boyfriend. You better say your prayers because if you call again, I'll hunt you down and castrate you."
Laughing nervously, Roy put the phone down, deciding not to test his luck with a different number. Rounding on the paperwork in front of him he announced, "This is all your fault!"
Deciding to shun the paperwork at fault, he spun around in his chair and faced a window. Holding to this resolution for a few minutes of silence, Roy propped his feet against the window and began plotting his domination of the military.
After coming back from the bathroom a few minutes later, satisfied that his nose bleed was finished, Roy returned to his desk to see the stack of papers sitting there accusingly.
Feeling slightly sorry for the stack of neglected papers, Roy reached out and took the top one and pulled the cap off of the nearest pen, since he had nothing better to do.
Later that day, Riza walked into the colonel's office only to be greeted with a very strange sight; Roy was asleep and drooling on the last sheet of paper he had been in the process of filling out. Shaking her head, she pulled the paper out from under his head, and careful as to not disturb him, she grabbed the stack of papers and went to deliver them to the records office.
AU: comments are nice : D